The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there.
I have returned from my assignment and it is good to be back with you. I promised you when I left that I would fill you in with the details. I started by being picked up in a black SUV and driven to the airport to catch a plane to Detroit. Once I got to the gate they switched me to a flight to Philadelphia and then on to Baltimore. I told you that my instructions self destructed and my memory is so bad I could not remember what my assignment was, so I decided to just go with the flow. Once I landed in Baltimore I was whisked away to a safe house disguised as a Holiday Inn Express. The next morning I was taken to the docks to board a ship that was to take me out of the country, no expense had been spared as it was disguised as the Enchantment of the Seas, a large ocean liner.
We proceeded on to Portland Maine, St. Johns Island in New Brunswick, Canada, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Bar Harbor, Maine, Boston, Massachusetts and then a return to Baltimore. From there we bussed to the airport for our return to Indianapolis. If my assignment included anything more than good food, friendly fellow passengers, a few wins in the on-board casino and some sight seeing I am afraid I failed, if it was only to relax and recharge I did great.
There was a moment when I thought there might be more. Two of our table makes where dropped off at a remote location in St. Johns where fog rolled in and rain started to fall. As they were standing there in isolation wondering what to do next, a stranger with a German Shepherd came up to them and offered them a ride. They mustered all of their courage and got in his car and, your not going to believe this, he drove them safely back to town. I cannot tell you their names as they fear their children might find out and either have them locked up for reckless and irrational behavior or bar them from ever leaving Tennessee again.
While it was a great trip I am glad to be back, I just hope that I was not supposed to do something of importance. Now it is back to normal, if I can only remember what normal is. Oh well, on with the show. While I am somewhat disappointed that you did not solve all of the world’s problems while I was gone I sure am glad to see you.
A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.
Conversation between God and St. Francis of Assisi:
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. The go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. The begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the homeowners happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Earthlings must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It’s a real stupid movie about…..
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
Good Advice About Love:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." — Dick, age 7
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." — Lynnette, age 8
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" — Ricky, age 7
"Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love." — Erin, age 8
"Sensitivity don’t hurt." — Robbie, age 8
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." — Erin, age 8
"Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch." — Natalie, age 9
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.
A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten" said Murphy.
So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.
"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 left over!"
"Dat’s funny," said Murphy. "So did I."
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you’ve imagined.”
Henry David Thoreau
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
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The editor is somewhat senile.
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