Ray's musings and humor

Be Brave Be Yourself

“Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody’s looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.”

Charles Swindoll

 

 

 

It’s a special time in my hometown this weekend. We like everyone in the U.S. will have a three day holiday since Monday is our nation’s Memorial Day. Memorial Day is a day set aside to remember the veterans who have died in past and present wars as well as our loved ones who are no longer with us. It is not all solemn as stores will offer deep discounts this weekend and the weather will result in outdoor cookouts, picnics and just plain fun. Here in Indianapolis we will be hosting the annual 500 mile race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday. It has been called the greatest spectacle in racing and there will be about 300,000 fans in the stands. That’s right, there will be more people in attendance than live in the country of Iceland all sitting together as they watch the cars race at speeds of well over 200 miles per hour.

Since Ray’s Daily will be shutdown for the Monday holiday you won’t see us again until June 1st. June is going to be a busy month for the editor, especially since he is scheduled to make a quick trip out of the country on special assignment for a week or more so I thought I should get a jump on the June planning by listing some of our national themes for the month. They are:

 

Audiobook Month – I refuse to limit my listening to books to only June, I keep at least 6 unabridged books on my IPod at all times and listen to them in the car as I drive from hither and then on to yon. It makes the drives seem so much shorter even when I purposely choose long cuts instead of short cuts.

Drive Safe Month – My accidents have never been my fault, it has been the fault of the people I run into, if they would have stayed home nothing would have happened. That notwithstanding I will keep driving defensively attempting to avoid both fixed and moving objects.

Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month – This is one of my favorites, almost all the farmers markets will be open this weekend and then every weekend throughout the summer. Yippee fresh real food, don’t you love it!

People Skills Month – We all need this one, let’s all hate less and love more!

Rose Month – Rose worked for me many years ago, I did not know she had her own month. I wonder how she is doing.

Vision Research Month – If I can find my glasses I’ll start the research, if I can’t then sorry I’ll have to wait for the audio book.

~~~

Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.

Mary Anne Radmacher

~~~

Flying can be interesting; here are some flight announcements from the past.

         In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.

         Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

         "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

~~~

"You know that old saying, ‘Strike while the iron is hot?’ Well, I think that’s a pretty dumb saying, ’cause I’ll betcha a cold iron will hurt like hell, too."

Charlie Acord

~~~

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How’s my driving-call 1-800-***-."

6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.

7. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s male.

8. You can’t believe they don’t make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

~~~

"If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."

Jack Lemmon

~~~

A lady leaves Montreal on route 20 heading toward Quebec city, when she decided to stop at a comfort station. The first toilet stall was occupied, so she went into the second one. She was no sooner seated than she heard a voice from the next stall:

"Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, she wasn’t the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and she really don’t know quite what possessed her, but anyway, she answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."

The stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"

Talk about your dumb questions! She was really beginning to think this was too weird! So she said: "Well, just like you I am driving east?"

About then she heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I’ll call ya right back, there’s some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I’m asking you. Bye!"

~~~

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

Marty Feldman

~~~

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"

"I didn’t even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.

"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two."

"I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.

"Oh, for heaven’s sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson.  "A lot of good it does you to go to church."

~~~

"Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?"

~~~

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida.

In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver…"Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That’s wonderful!" said the tourist , "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

~~~

Contrary to popular belief, used-car salesmen are fairly honest with their customers.  It’s usually a condition of their parole.

~~~

Just being yourself is often the greatest act of courage of all.

Ray Mitchell

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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