Ray's musings and humor

Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen.

James Russel Lowell

 

 

 

This is a week I have been waiting for. I get to meet my new urologist; my former went and died on me sometime ago. He had wanted to keep chasing an elusive stone and do a cut here and a nip there in an effort to reduce the foundation of my exercise program – frequent use of the facilities. I am doing as well as can be expected so I don’t think I will have to do more than provide a sample and do the annual goodbye until next time trick.

The biggie is that I get another brain scan on Wednesday to see if my aneurism has quit growing or if my super head guy wants to take action. I was staying close to the Doctors recently in case it acted up but I have decided it is not worth doing that so unless he discovers something new I am going to stay active, travel when I can, do what I can, communicate with you when I can and have as much fun as I can. After all life is to be enjoyed not lived filled with worry. I have always been glad that I seldom worried until it was too late, for that freed me from being anchored down by thousands of concerns about what might happen that never do. So I am going on, confident that all will be well, and if not I will still have had additional worry free days.

I like what Ralph Marston said a few weeks ago when he wrote:

 

If you’re able to worry, you’re also able to be confident. Because from a functional standpoint, worry and confidence are pretty much the same thing.

Worry is the expectation that something negative will happen. Confidence is the expectation that something positive will happen.

How do you create confidence about something that hasn’t happened yet? You use the exact same process you would use to create worry. The big difference between worry and confidence is the expected outcome. And the powerful fact is, you can expect whatever outcome you choose.

There’s another way that worry and confidence are quite similar. They both tend to be self-fulfilling prophesies. So instead of destroying your effectiveness with worry, you can vastly enhance your effectiveness with confidence. It takes nothing more than a simple yet powerful change in your expectations.

~~~

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Mark Twain

~~~

Tips from the kids:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.– Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.– Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.  Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead.  The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.– Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife.  I don’t want to be all grossed out.– Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need someone to clean up after them.– Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?– Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. — Ricky, age 10

~~~

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

~~~

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. What’ll it be?"

The first priest says, "I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I’ve always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them, He asks.?"

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."  "Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

~~~

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

James Matthew Barrie

~~~

One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market.  They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour.  The ad said:

We’re looking for five men in peak physical condition.  Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese.  Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports.

The day after the ad appeared, a heavy man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club.  "I’m here about the ad," he said.

The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite.  "Do you speak Spanish or French?" he asked.

"Nope," the old man said.

"Chinese? Japanese?"

"No, both times."

"Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?"

"Only that I wouldn’t be caught dead with either one."

"How about sports?"

"I’ve never played anything more taxing than checkers."

"I see," the young man said.  "Tell me something.  Why did you come here?"

"To tell you to count me out."

~~~

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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