Ray's musings and humor

Archive for April, 2010

Multitasking took me down

I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything.. at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.

Dan Millman




I see kids all the time texting or using a computer handheld at the same time they are listening to something of importance. I often have television going while I think I am effectively reading a newspaper or a book. I also see all kinds of folks in their cars driving and talking on the phone at the same time. These days we call it multitasking, and unfortunately too many of us think we do it well and that it improves our efficiency when test after test proves the opposite.

The other day I realized that a byproduct of my multitasking behavior has been difficulty in sustaining effective concentration. It is an almost Pavlovian response that when I am home these days with  many things I want to do I end up trying to do at least two simultaneously and that my friends is dumb. I am pretty sure the reason that I enjoy being very early for meetings is that I use the waiting time for quality contemplation and reading.


Here are excerpts from a recent article by JoAnne Ceccarelli-Egan that I feel are on target:

Could Multitasking be a hindrance to you?

In an effort to keep stress contained, you get busier and your body learns to function in 5th gear and finds it difficult to slow down, relax and even sleep. Studies have shown that multitasking actually diminishes the effectiveness of performing tasks, increasing stress and activating the fight/flight response. Constant multitasking has been found to actually diminish brain function and kills brain cells. (David Meyer, Univ. of Michigan Study).

Multitasking Solutions

Is Multitasking the reality of your life? Are you caught in a cycle that is hard to break? What can you do about it? My first suggestion would be to become aware of it! When you are rushing, begin to distinguish when your life is full because that is your reality or if you are filling it up to distract yourself. If you are caught in the frenzy of multitasking, a good solution is to become conscious of what is happening at the specific time. It is helpful to be open to your thoughts and feelings and try not to evaluate or judge them. Begin to identify and label what is occurring and how you are feeling. For example, "I am thinking", "I am worrying", "I am feeling overwhelmed". You might also ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I need to be doing this right now?

2. What could I postpone for a later date or not do at all?

3. What is the worst that would happen if I do not do it?

4. Do I want to do this now? If not, when?

5. How much time do I want to spend on it?

6. What motivates my behavior?

7. What would I be doing if I was not busy right now?

What do you do if the demands of life are real and you do have a great deal of expectations and responsibility? Have you ever considered making time to take a half an hour lunch break and go for a walk? Could you take a half day one weekend a month and spend it the way you wish? Is that too much time for "you"?

Does your mind race and have you forgotten how to relax? Are you conscious of what is happening in your day and your reaction to the situation? Are you honest with yourself?


"Most of the time multitasking is an illusion. You think you are multitasking, but in reality you’re actually wasting time switching from one task to another."

Boco Tjan – Professor at University of Southern California.


Young Morris asked his father, "Dad, was Adam Jewish?"

His father put down his newspaper and thought for a moment. He was an expert at Talmudic reasoning and in the art of making a point by an unanswerable question.

He replied, "If we can determine that Eve was Jewish, my son, we would at once see that Adam was Jewish, for who but a Jew could bring himself to marry a Jewish girl?" (Here he turned his head a bit nervously to make sure his wife wasn’t listening.)

"Therefore, we can drop the Adam problem and instead ask ourselves, "Was Eve Jewish?"

"To answer that, we have only to ask the question, "Would anyone but a Jewish girl say, ‘Here, have a piece of fruit’?"


If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?


Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each

"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.

"Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents."

"If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy.

"Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions. Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don’t want to buy the item…that’s our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it."


Some people hold the key to the situation, and then are too lazy to turn it.


A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?


Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.


An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90 year old man. When she returned to her daughters house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!!!"


She said: My Dad had a sure way to keep my Mom from buying an outfit…

When she tries it on, he says, "I love that middle-aged look it gives you."


Tommy was sitting at the kitchen table eating his after school snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I had any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

The boy’s mother replied, "That’s nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her that you were the only child in our family?"

"She just said, ‘Thank Goodness!’"


Ballerinas are always on their toes.  Why don’t they just get taller ballerinas?


My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run. After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.

"Everything’s fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items."


"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck…But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

Ellen Goodman


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.


I loved his music

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

Berthold Auerbach



Hi everybody, I am on the run this morning I just got back from an early morning meeting and have to leave shortly for the hospital to get my periodic Infed IV to build my blood back up to normal. You know the result, yep another reprint.


Ray’s Daily first published on April 20, 2004

One of my all time favorite jazz men, Lionel Hampton was born on this day in 1908. In 1930, Hampton was at a recording session with Louie Armstrong, and during a break walked over to a vibraphone and started to play. He ended up playing the vibes on one song. The song became a hit; Hampton had introduced a new voice to jazz and he became "King of the Vibes."

When Benny Goodman heard him he asked Hampton to record with him, Gene Krupa on drums and Teddy Wilson on piano. The Benny Goodman Quartet recorded the jazz classics "Dinah," "Moonglow," "My Last Affair," and "Exactly Like You." Hampton’s addition to the groups also marked the breaking of the color barrier; the Benny Goodman Quartet was the first racially integrated group of jazz musicians.

I think I first heard his music on recordings from Benny Goodman’s 1938 Carnage Hall jazz concert. The music of the Goodman Quartet is still some of the best ever recorded. Hampton went on to form his own band and it was one of the all time best. His style has always been unmistakable and if you listen closely to his recordings you will hear his voice moaning in the background as he works his magic. He lived a long and full life continuing to play the vibes until he passed away Saturday, August 31, 2002.

Probably most of you have not heard his music or possibly even heard a solo vibraphone, if so you have missed something special. Fortunately his music lives on in film and recordings for those of us who still are touched by the beauty of his work.


Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

Berthold Auerbach


After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family.

"But–where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him.

"Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard."

"But at least you keep the Sabbath?"

"Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath."

"But kosher food you still eat?"

"Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher."

The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me–you’re still circumcised?"


Those are my principles, if you don’t like them……I have others.

Groucho Marx


John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn’t take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved. The next year’s Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John’s yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."


I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.


When temperatures plunged to 26 degrees below zero Fahrenheit, the Rockford, Ill., Register Star asked its readers to finish the sentence, "It was so cold that…" Here are some of the responses:

…you could freeze an egg on the sidewalk.

…I had to go up and break the smoke off my chimney.

…we opened the refrigerator to heat the house.

…when police saw a bank-robbery suspect and said, "Freeze!" he did.

…I saw a 32nd-degree Mason, and he was down to 15.

…when I called home to Arizona, the message caused the cactus to frost over.

…I let my dog out, and I had to break him loose from the tree.


Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

Fred Astaire


Donald Ogden Stewart, the writer, had a son away at prep school.  When the boy reached the age of fourteen, Stewart wrote him the following letter:

"Dear son, now that you have reached the magic age of fourteen, the time has come to tell you about the bees and flowers.  There is a male and a female bee, although I haven’t the slightest idea which is which. As for the flowers – we get ours from the Plaza Florist, Inc.

Well, that takes care of that.

Write soon, Affectionately,



I made a mental note, but forgot where I put it.


Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"

The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"


"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."

William Arthur Ward


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I mean well!

Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way,

but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it.

Albert Schweitzer




I recently met with a friend that I had not seen for over a year and I expressed my concern that it had taken so long to again meet. To my surprise I discovered that I had made my friend uncomfortable through my interest and concern for her wellbeing. As many of you know I have spent years working with others as they plan their life strategies and the steps that will take them where they want to go. I refuse any compensation for my time in the process, even to the point of turning down a cup of coffee on occasion.

I should not have been too surprised at my friend’s reaction as for many years I have run into folks that have been suspicious of my motivation. I remember thirty or so years ago when I was on the mayors employment and training board working to find ways to improve the future for our young unemployed. After serving a couple of years a community leader told me that it had taken him and others that long to become confident that I had no ulterior motive other than helping others.

It seems that way too many people have had so many bad experiences that they have become so suspicious and cynical that they resist human interaction. I think it is tragic that so many believe that people only do things when there is some kind of payoff. There is a big payoff, they just don’t see that it comes from helping someone be happier and building new friendships.

I am glad that I am still naive enough to believe that the people I meet are good people and that they have to prove otherwise before I’ll walk away. And you know what? In my three quarters of a century of life almost everyone I have met were people I still like, just in some cases they needed to decide that they could be happier if they just quit being so grouchy.

My only recent regret was that I did not clear the air of any of my friends concerns months ago for the time cannot be recaptured. Fortunately others have kept me more than busy and of course I did drop out on a number of occasions to either recreate or rehabilitate.

Here is something Ralph Marston wrote ten years ago, all our lives would better if we followed his advice and lowered our shields more often.


Thoughts of self

Imagine how it would be to go through this entire day without ever thinking of yourself. Think of all the concerns that would suddenly drop away. You’d be free to speak and act without worrying about what others would think. Your courage would soar because you’d be completely immune to fear and rejection. There would be no time wasted in being angry or taking offense or worrying. The limitations you’ve placed on yourself would completely disappear.

Just think of how much you could accomplish. Just think of the possibilities you could fulfill. Just think of the clear and refreshing sense of freedom it would bring.

The fact is, you can do it today. You can indeed be free of your own limitations, free from useless anger, worry, and despair. Decide to expand your focus beyond those familiar old self concerns which hold you down. Lose yourself in your own positive possibilities, and see what great things you can make happen today.


Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

Henry Miller


My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently, he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."


A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs –jolted by every pebble in the road.

Henry Ward Beecher


A dog walks into a bar and says, "Hey, guess what! I’m a talking dog. Ever seen a talking dog before? I doubt it! So, how about a free drink for the talking dog?"

The bartender answers, "Sure, why not? The toilet’s right around the corner."


A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is the one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.

Sydney J. Harris


My teenage niece was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left here and don’t forget to let the people behind you know what you’re doing."

She turned to the students sitting in the back seat and announced, "I’m going left!"


What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?



1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,

I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls-they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside.


One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.


One evening, a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple and how devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?"

"I don’t know her well enough."


“I always prefer to believe the best of everybody-it saves so much trouble.”

Rudyard Kipling


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Let’s Play Today

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. 

Danny Kaye




Here we go another weekend and I hope you really enjoy it. What concerns me often are the folks who have given up on life and have lost their ability to enjoy the precious days ahead. What is especially sad is that it almost never has to be that way. As I was thinking about what people might do I did a search and came across the following advice. Not bad for being the collective wisdom of a few Wiki followers.

  1. Learn to be positive! If you keep moaning about your life, other people will only notice the bad aspects of your character and categorize you as a person who is ‘Boring’ – or worse! Who wants to spend time with a wet blanket! Go to places where people are positive and support you with positive thoughts.
  2. Be generous. A little generosity goes a long way. Give and people return the favor to you and you will be known as a generous person.
  3. Make a list of all the things you want to do and do them! If you’ve always wanted to audition for theater, then go ahead and do it! This will help to reduce ‘hanging around’ and wishing.
  4. Keep trying. One of the key things that you need to remember is to never be discouraged; failure is a part of life, and it happens naturally. If you are so disillusioned that you never want to try again, at least be comforted by the fact that you made an attempt.
  5. Stop doing things that you do not enjoy. Make a list of the things that you are doing that you don’t enjoy, and try to stop doing them. Naturally, this shouldn’t mean that you should drop out of school if you don’t like studying, but you might consider working for a new company if you are constantly stressed and pressured by your job. If it’s not possible to stop, try to see the positive side of those things and find ways to make them entertaining.
  6. Find a hobby. You might take up collecting stamps or coins, or you might learn more about photography or art. You don’t have to spend your entire life doing it; the whole purpose of the hobby is to vary your routine and do something worthwhile.
  7. Singing is a wonderful way to make life more enjoyable. Try to pick up some of your favorite songs and learn the lyrics by heart. When you feel bored, sing those songs and you would feel much better. Singing karaoke, taking some singing lessons or listening to music would make your life more interesting.
  8. Limit the amount of time you spend watching TV. Enjoyment in life comes from trying and doing things yourself, not watching other people do them. Watching people swim is not the same as swimming.
  9. Ask questions. It’s not bad to ask questions. Ask as many as you can no matter what people say or the relevance of them. Don’t doubt yourself because there’s a good chance somebody else is wondering the same thing.
  10. Enjoy feeling proud. If you’re proud of something be it: an essay, a new deck you built, a promotion, or a song you composed hold on to it for dear life because there’s nothing more important than your pride. Do not let anybody take it by demanding more.
  11. Stay healthy. Make part of your life eating right and exercising because it helps keep the body running at the top of its game.
  12. Be open to change. Changes in your job, friends, and the government. With practice you will be able to anticipate it.
  13. List the items you want to keep. This will help you realize what you have and you are so lucky to have it.

As you know I think enjoyment is about 45% choice, 45% attitude, 8% environment and 2% everything else. To paraphrase a comment from an old friend “if you think you won’t enjoy life, you won’t.” So have fun this weekend and enjoy it all and by all means feel free to do something silly, I do silly things all the time and some people even believe I do it on purpose.


Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.

Grandma Moses




A computer was something on TV

From a Science Fiction show of note

A window was something you hated to clean

And ram was the father of a goat.


Meg was the name of my girlfriend

And gig was a job for the nights

Now they all mean different things

And that really mega bytes.


An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano.

A Memory was something that you lost with age

A CD was a bank account

And if you had a 3-in. floppy

You hoped nobody found out


Compress was something you did to the garbage

Not something you did to a file

And if you unzipped anything in public

You’d be in jail for a while.


Log on was adding wood to the fire

Hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And a backup happened to your commode.


Cut you did with a pocket knife

Paste you did with glue

A web was a spider’s home

And a virus was the flu.


I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper

And the memory in my head.

I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash

But when it happens they wish they were dead


I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

Lady Nancy Astor


You may have heard the old joke about Shirley, the Jewish mother in NYC, who brought her 6 year old boy to the psychoanalyst, who diagnosed: "Nothing much wrong with your son, just a slight Oedipus complex.

Said Shirley the mom… "Oedipus, schmedipus, the important thing is that he loves his mother"


Love is blind and it’s not too bright, either.


Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.

My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.

"What are all these books?" he asked.

Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. 

"Really?" he said.  Someone printed out the whole thing?"

Jeffrey Labonte


Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told:  "I am with you kid.  Let’s go."

Maya Angelou


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.


The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as it was when you came in.

James Baldwin





I’m back after a busy and full day that was highlighted by a great Salvation Army volunteer appreciation dinner. As you have heard me say many times in the past I really feel the volunteers should be hosting an appreciation dinner for the organization, its members and its staff. The reason I feel that way is because the opportunities for service they provide to those of us who volunteer adds meaning to our lives that we would miss if the Salvation Army and other people serving organizations did not provide us opportunities to serve.

At the dinner my Kiwanis Club was honored for some of the things we have done to help, and while I am grateful that they appreciate my fellow members efforts I am not sure we deserve special recognition for doing the right thing. I personally have been more than rewarded by the friends that I have made while helping folks like you doing what they could for others. In this day and age it is great to be surrounded by good people who take action to help others instead of sitting on the sidelines complaining while shifting the responsibilities to help off to others. I just wish I had not spent so much of my lifetime doing things of less importance.


On a different subject I was disappointed in myself again recently when I learned that a respected friend’s talent has been recognized and that her and her family will be leaving Indianapolis to take on an important job in Washington. A mutual friend suggested we meet a few years ago and since that time we have met often to discuss life strategies and personal effectiveness. I have seen this smart attorney gain pose and confidence, watched as she demonstrated her ability to defuse problems and build coalitions beneficial to the citizens of our state. Recently we even spent time on what she might do in Washington and how she could contribute to the solution of some of our national problems.

It was not long after our last visit that she was called to Washington and offered her new position. My disappointment in myself surfaced when I found I was distressed by the news since we would no longer spend time together sharing philosophies and personal challenges. Shame on me! Thankfully I realized I should share in her happiness. So while we won’t meet over coffee any more we can still meet over the internet and I can take pleasure in her continued success.


First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.

Thomas a Kempis


Overheard at the day care center, or was it the senior center.

Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,

Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section" A:  The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?’ A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

Cullen Hightower


Esther had only recently got married and was having a chat with her best friend Becky.

Esther asks, "Tell me, Becky, I’ve forgotten the procedure. When one first gets married, how long should one wait before starting to point out to one’s husband what disgusting habits his friends have?"


Tonight’s Airline Menu

Scandinavian Airlines dinner:  Smoked salmon on hard doughnut-shaped rolls.

El Al dinner:  Lox on bagels.


"I’d like the number for Rachel Cohen in Brooklyn, New York." the young man said to the information operator.

"There are multiple listings for Rachel Cohen’s, in Brooklyn" the operator said. "Do you have a street name?"

The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me "Max."


A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son."

"Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least our James has nothing standing in his way."


The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate.

After the service a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!"

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don’t carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah right", she said, "That’s what they said the LAST time too!!!"


"The model for the Gerber baby on the jars turns 77 years old today. He’s back to eating Gerber baby food."

Conan O’Brien


She said: At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup.

I didn’t realize how long I’d been until someone slid a note under the door.

"You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot."


“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. If I can ease one life the aching, or cool one pain, or help one fainting robin unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.”

Emily Dickinson


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I did it again!

“Love is not blind; it is an extra eye, which shows us what is most worthy of regard.”

James Matthew Barrie




The day has gotten a little away from me. In the process of going to a breakfast meeting with a friend to discuss some community needs I found I had a headlight missing, so after the meeting I went to the dealer to get a replacement which took a big chunk out of my day and resulted in my missing a Great Decisions lecture. On top of that I will attend a Salvation Army volunteer appreciation dinner.

To tell you the truth I am brain dead and in need of a nap, I got home late last evening after attending a musical and got up too early. Recently a number of you provided me council as it relates to my periodic failure to create. Some said to cut the Daily back to three days a week, others have said the reprints are great since we have added so many readers over the last few years as well as saying that the memory fades with age so everything old is new again. Cutting back is not an option since it would make it too easy to skip my daily time for us. So I am offering you today the Daily I wrote on this day following my 50th wedding anniversary seven years ago. Take care and I’ll be with you again tomorrow.



Ray’s Daily published April 14, 2003


My family held a 50th Anniversary celebration on Saturday night. Family and friends came from as far away as South Africa. Our children, our grand-children, brother and sister, and friends from long ago brought back fond memories. My kids (kids? They are all in their forties) produced a video that had photos of our whole lives. It was hard to watch and keep from becoming over emotional.


Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal,

the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.

Louis K. Anspacher


Internet Axioms

1. Home is where you hang your @.

2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7. C: is the root of all directories.

8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.

9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

10. The modem is the message.

11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12. The geek shall inherit the earth.

13. A chat has nine lives.

14. Don’t byte off more than you can view.

15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

16. What boots up must come down.

17. Windows will never cease.

18. Virtual reality is its own reward.

19. Modulation in all things.

20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

21. There’s no place like home.com.

22. Know what to expect before you connect.

23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

24. Speed thrills.

25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.


What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?

No matter what, somebody’s fixin’ to lose a trailer.


My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.

"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mom said it was irreplaceable."


Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking.

J.C. Watts


A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I’d like to be romantic with a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.


A police lineup is the only place where a man hates to be introduced to his audience.


An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years.  The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…"After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal.

"Oh," she said, "I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was."




Boy are these true:

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

The crying baby on board is always seated next to you.

The best-looking woman/man on your flight is never seated next to you.

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.


When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do.

Think up something appropriate and do it.

Edgar Watson Howe.


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.


I love spring anywhere, but if I could choose I would always greet it in a garden.

Ruth Stout




Wow, the weather here has been great these last few weeks. In fact so far this is the warmest April on record. I am greeted as I drive through my city by a burst of vivid colors emanating from trees and bushes in bloom; it is as if I was surrounded by a rainbow. And beneath them all are spring flowers spreading a blanket of color framing the trees above. Somehow it takes the edge off of the troubles that surround us these days.

So my friends I am basking in the luxurious depths of spring fever, in fact I am putting all thinking aside today to let it all seep into my soul. I will rationalize deferring my obligations by understanding that I am recharging my batteries.

As my imagination wandered to a Renoir like world I decided to go back six years and see what this day was like in 2004 and what I found in the Daily could describe my day today. Here is what I found:

It is Spring, what we see is up to us.

Every moment is a miracle. Be still, look closely, and you can see it.

The simple, quiet moments, that are so commonplace you don’t easily remember them, are just as special as the glorious, unforgettable ones. Because those quiet, simple moments are the ones that shape who you are.

It’s easy to sense life’s many treasures in the rare moments of grandeur. Yet when you can also appreciate the value of the quiet, simple moments, then you’ve tapped into something truly magnificent.

The common moments matter because there are so many of them. When you live each one to the fullest, then life is full indeed.

The big, exciting moments give life its spice. The small, quiet ones provide the substance.

In every moment there is a special treasure. Give your best to them all.

Ralph Marston


One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe



Were you a kid in the Fifties or earlier? Everybody makes fun of our childhood! Comedians joke. Grandkids snicker. Twenty-something’s shudder and say "Eeeew!" But was our childhood really all that bad? Judge for yourself:

In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million… Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better… And that was good.

The average annual salary was under $3,000… Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life… And that was good

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents… But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one… And that was good.

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie… So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters… And that was good.

We didn’t have air-conditioning… So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike… And that was good.

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins… But not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan… And that was good.

The only hazardous material you knew about… was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner. And that was good.

You loved to climb into a fresh bed… Because sheets were dried on the clothesline… And that was good.

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives.. So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles… And that was good.

Parents were respected and their rules were law…. Children did not talk back….. and that was good.

TV was in black-and-white… But all outdoors was in glorious color….And that was certainly good.

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody’s carburetor.. And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs.. And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard… And chickens behind the garage… And that was definitely good.

And just when you were about to do something really bad. Chances were you’d run into your Dad’s high school coach… Or the nosy old lady from up the street… Or your little sister’s piano teacher… Or somebody from Church…. ALL of whom knew your parents’ phone number… And YOUR first name… And even THAT was good!


Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Sky King, Little Lulu comics, Brenda Starr, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing cowboy, playing hide and seek and kick-the-can and Simon Says, baseball games, amateur shows at the local theater before the Saturday matinee, bowling and visits to the pool…and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar, and wax lips and bubblegum cigars

Didn’t that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

And was it really that long ago?


"If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

Alice Roosevelt Longworth


The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.

Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, “A-a-a-men!”


"It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like."

Jackie Mason


A group of W.Va. friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

Where’s Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke! of some kind.

He’s a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!


"A woman’s dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view."

Sophia Loren


"It’s no use. Art doesn’t listen to me," said a little boy who was praying for a new bike.

"Art who?" asked the boy’s mother.

"Art in heaven," came the reply.


At the beginning of the grandparents’ class I teach, I ask participants if they would share the very first feelings they had when they learned they were going to be grandparents.

Most people say they were happy and excited. During one class, however, an expectant grandmother blurted, "I just hated it! I finally knew for certain that my daughter was having sex."


Nobody sees a flower – really – it is so small it takes time – we haven’t time – and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.

Georgia O’Keeffe


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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