“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
As you know I don’t believe people make you angry, I think we get angry because we let people get under our skin. Unfortunately those who respond angrily often sink to the level of the source of their anger. I have been especially disheartened by how so many people seem to have lost their civility. Lately I have felt debating those who behave badly is a waste of my time and energy. There are far too many good people in the world for me to spend precious time with those who are mean spirited and who spend their time criticizing and justifying their criticism of others through a false sense of superiority. I honestly believe that society will wither not as much from outside threats as much as what we lose through fighting among ourselves.
I had decided to double my effort to behave civilly and to reinforce those I met who respond with reason and understanding. I don’t mean that I will limit my encounters only to people who agree with my point of view, we all have our differences and need to hear other points of view. What I mean is that we can differ and often find areas of agreement if we do so without threats and polarizing argument.
Here are some edited suggestions written by life coach Maria Lesitz to consider when we face unpleasant encounters.
Energy Vampires: What to do with those Toxic People!
You know the people I am talking about … the people that are always SO negative or the ones that drain your energy when you are around them. Here are just a few ways to know that you are around a person that is toxic to your overall health and well-being:
1. You don’t look forward to seeing them (yeah, that’s a clue!)
2. You get all stressed out before and after you are around them
3. They always point out to you the negative in a situation and have the ability to go on a negative rampage, sharing all the “bad stuff” about everything and everyone.
4. They make you feel like what you have to say is not relevant … it’s all about them.
5. They treat you poorly … yell at you, make you feel bad about you, abuse you emotionally or physically.
How you choose to deal with the people in your life can have a HUGE impact on how you physically and emotionally feel – which as you know will impact what you attract more of into your life.
Do people frustrate you? Do you ever argue with someone and then find that you physically don’t feel too good or that you are exhausted from all that negative energy you exerted?
There are many studies out there that prove that stress has a negative impact on our overall health — so why do we choose to get so upset when someone is rude to us? If I choose to get upset or bent out of shape because of that person, it sure is NOT going to change how that person is going to continue to behave.
I am a firm believer in treating people the way I would want to be treated — and yes, that still applies to the people that are "nasty", “negative” or “rude”.
Now as a Law of Attraction Coach, I need to tell you that what you think of a person and what you expect from them will 100% impact what you get in return. So, sometimes, it is important to start to look for the positives in a person (especially if it is someone close to you that you see or talk to on a daily basis). Because what you focus on, you will get more of. So, if there are some people in your family that you may deem as “toxic”, you may want to start focusing on their positive qualities (come on, there has to be at least one!).
I also remind myself with strangers who may be rude or nasty that "you never know what other peoples’ baggage is". We simply just don’t know why people act the way they do… but one thing I do know is that YOU have a choice on how you respond, behave and act with people. You are in control of your actions. So, the next time that someone "pisses you off", take the high road… and add a few years to your life by responding in a neutral way.
I learned the following equation from a seminar leader… E + R = O
E= Event (which is always neutral — an event that occurs is neither positive or negative — we put that judgment on it)
R= Our response to the event (Negative or Positive) – which is our choice at all times!
O = Outcome (which is all based on our response since the event is actually neutral)
For example, let’s say it rains on your golf day. The event is "it’s raining on your golf day". You can choose to respond by getting all upset and being annoyed that you can’t golf that day (negative response) OR you can choose to say " oh well, maybe I will go out with my friends today and grab a bite to eat, instead" or "maybe I will read that book I have been wanting to read and curl up with that warm comfy blanket".
EVERYTHING impacts your overall health and well-being – YES, even how you relate to the people in your life (both strangers and loved ones). If you let those “toxic people” spread their toxicity to you, then it may very well just suck the energy right out of you. But the good news is YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF HOW YOU RESPOND to everyone in your life.
Do yourself a favor, the next time you encounter a “nasty” or “toxic” person or have an event happen to you that you perceive as "negative", ask yourself the question "how could I respond to this differently that would make me FEEL better?"
“When you argue with a fool, chances are he is doing just the same”
Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says, "You know, my son graduated first in his class from Stanford. He’s now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Chicago." The second woman says, "You know my son graduated first in his class from Harvard. He’s now a lawyer, making half a million dollars a year and lives in Los Angeles."
The last woman says, "You know my son; he never did too well in school. He never went to any university, but he now makes one million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman."
The other two women ask, "What is a sports repairman?"
The woman then replies, "Oh, he fixes games… you know, hockey games, football games, baseball games…."
Craig said that on the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
Paddy was in America. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he’d allow the traffic to pass. He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
"Say, Jim," Steve said to his pal, "how do you like your new job?"
"It’s the worst job I ever had."
"How long have you been there?"
"About three months."
"Why don’t you quit?"
"No way. This is the first time in 20 years that I’ve looked forward to going home."
It doesn’t get any better than this, that’s what I’m afraid of.
A very elderly gentleman, well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower on his lapel, smelling slightly of after-shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
To his delight, seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her, and says, "So, tell me, do I come here often?"
“Two men in a burning house must not stop to argue”
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
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