Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2010

Go get ’em Tiger

“Enthusiasm is contagious. Be a carrier.”

Susan Rabin



The combination of morning slow-wittedness and a semi-busy schedule will again result in a return to a Ray’s Daily Classic. This one was first published on February 11, 2005.


I spend a lot of my time with friends who are looking for a job, answering a request for proposal and the like. We all have times in our lives when we do what we can to be chosen. It might be getting selected as the employee of choice, winning an order against competition, getting picked for a team, and all the other choices that are made by others as we go through life.

Often we don’t make the final cut, get skipped over, or miss out only because we did not stand out against the competition. Lets face it, we are great, but so are others. To get selected we have to have an edge, we must stand out against the crowd. This is not always easy, too many times all things seem equal and we depend on the roll of the dice or that the decision maker will like us better. My belief is that if everything truly is equal, you can still stand out. The secret is enthusiasm. If you honestly believe you are the right person for the job, or the best answer to their need, or for what ever reason that you are the right choice, you ought to be able to convince yourself that they need you. If you believe it, let them know, let your words, body language and optimism show through. Sure the others are good, but you are better since you not only can do what is needed, you are excited about the opportunity to do it. Too many of us tell our story and then stand back and wait for the decision maker to choose. Winners are often the ones who tell their story with enthusiasm. If you have the fire in your belly, let it show in your eyes and in your language, most people don’t, but those that do often win because they have the edge.


Charisma is the transference of enthusiasm.

~ Ralph Archbold ~


Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage.

*  In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square thing?"

*  Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?

*  Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.

*  Have you noticed her name tattooed on three or more local bikers?

*  Have you noticed three or more local bikers’ names tattooed on her?

*  Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend’s?

*  Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?

*  Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?

*  Has she ever used the word poo-poo?

*  If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?

*  Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma’s House of Painful Delights?

*  Does she insist that her pet snake sleep with you both ?

*  What part of NO does she not understand ?

*  Will her mother be paroled in time to attend the wedding?


Life is too short to proofread.


Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

"How could you do this?!"

"I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, ‘You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!’"

"Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, ‘Get behind me, Satan!’"

"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, ‘It looks fabulous from back here, too!’"


Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?


A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he’d like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you like to take when you attend college?" they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it."


The biggest seller is cookbooks, and the second is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.


A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."


Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?


I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.


"Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source."

Ron Nesen


I was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

After several days, I again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush.  The phone was now working fine…  except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!


Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.  As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.

Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.  It read:  "Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn’t last very long in our house."


Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?"

Customer (sadly):  "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."


Life-insurance salesman …

"Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?" the life-insurance salesman asked his client.

"What do you mean?" countered the woman.

"If you should lose your husband, what would you get?" asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, "Probably a poodle."


"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone:

Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."

Dorothy Parker


The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trucks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and he wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said to him, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."

"Impossible," said the embarrassed man. "You really know what I think?"

"Yes," the lady replied, "Right now, you are thinking that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom."


Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world.

It beats money, power and influence.

~ Henry Chester ~


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Don’t wait

“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow”



Yesterday I suggested that we all could benefit by simplifying our lives. It has been awhile since a Daily generated the amount of responses that this one did. As an example a School Nurse friend wrote saying that while her husband has retired and she could also if she wanted to she loved her job so much that she did not want to give it up. In addition she said that she wanted to enjoy life more and spend more time with her husband. She had been thinking about what she might do and then read yesterdays Daily which she said helped her decide to give up things that were taking time away that might be spent enjoying her husbands companionship. The result is she is going to turn over those things that are less important in her life to others and concentrate her time on those things that are important to her happiness. Reading what she wrote again reminded me that we can only hold so much in our hands and if we want to pick up more of something else we must drop some of what we have to make room for the new items, it is the same in life, we need to decide what it is we want and drop the things that keep us from what will make us happy. If we try to hold too much some will always spill and happiness will elude us.


I also got an e-mail from a highly regarded actor friend who said “I just added Simplify to my list of Creations.”

I asked him what his list was all about and he responded with “"Creations>System>Habit" a look see into my next 30 years- starting tomorrow.”

I replied “I have often found that tomorrow does not come, I have been working on that.”

He then said “I have lost many friends – death – this past year. But I have a hunch that is not what you mean. Tell me more. Pray tell.”

I then wrote "I do believe that we should not wait to where we are holding up the coffin lid hollering "Wait I’m not done." But what I meant was that I have often found that the day never ends and tomorrow never comes, or at least it seems that way. It is not always easy to walk away from today so you can get to tomorrow.”

What my friend reminded me of was the importance of not waiting, for every day we do is lost to us forever. So if our hands are too full to be able to pick up what is important to us we need to empty them of the excess today for if we wait we may find that what we wanted no longer exists.

I continue to believe that I am happier than most and plan on continuing to be so. But I also believe that I need to continuously adjust what I hold for if I don’t I’ll again be burdened with more than I can carry. I want to be like my nurse friend, I want to do things that have meaning and balance them with things that provide the enjoyment that allows me to do the meaningful stuff well.


“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ”tomorrow” on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday’s defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ”If I had my life to live over again. ”Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

Og Mandino


A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head.

With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked with all the innocence of a five year old. . ."Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"


“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith


Mr. Cohen loved his daughter very much and so when she got married he gave his son-in- law Chaim a 50% interest in the business.

"Chaim, what you’ll do is go into the factory for a few months and learn the business and work your way up."

"No, I don’t think so," said Chaim. "Factories are too noisy for me and I really don’t like dealing with the blue collar people who work in them."

"Okay then," said Mr. Cohen, "you’ll work in the office until you know everything.  My accountant for 35 years will help you and then you’ll be in charge of the office."

"I really don’t see myself as an office person. I can’t imagine myself spending the whole day behind a desk.  It’s really not a job for me."

"OK, I understand.  Then you’ll join the sales department and you will take care of the most important customers.  All travel expenses paid of course."

"I hate airplanes and hotel rooms are very uncomfortable.  Sorry, not for me."

"What do you mean!!!???" exploded Mr. Cohen.  Here I give you a 50% interest in a well established and profitable business and nothing is good enough for you.  What can I do with you?"

"Buy me out!" responded Chaim.


You pile up enough tomorrows and you’ll be left with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make today worth remembering.

Meredith Wilson


She said: Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver’s license.

"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.

"No," I replied.

"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house!"


You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.

Henry Ford


While watching a movie recently, I couldn’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," I said. "I can’t hear."

"I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation!"


If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


A person needs only two tools for any situation in life. WD-40 and duct tape.

If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40.

If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.


“Think of the long view of life, not just what’s going to happen today or tomorrow.

Don’t give up what you most want in life for something you think you want now.”

Richard G. Scott


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.


The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.

Hans Hofmann




As you probably guessed I have been in the process of simplifying my life. Part of the process is to really inventory not only what I do as well as the things I have or would have if I continue to buy more than I need. When I really examine what’s around me I see more useless clutter than I see the things I should cherish since they so often are hidden by everything else. It is the same with the things I do; I sometimes get so bogged down in routine, unnecessary obligations and things that are only habits which contain little reward that I miss some of the good things life offers.

It is as if I am bound to take the same road everyday, taking the ever increasing number of potholes in the road for granted when I should either take an alternate route or repair the road. I am learning that the better road can be found if we step outside of ourselves long enough to survey the terrain.

I don’t know if it was fate or serendipity but today I read the following article written by Robert Pagliarini that I think can be helpful if you would like to join me on the road to simplicity.


We’ve done the binge thing for awhile; now it’s time to do the purge thing. Most of us have a tremendous amount of excess. Too many expenses, too much stuff, too many commitments and responsibilities.  Do you dream of calm over chaos? Do you wish you could hit a button and be transformed to the tranquility of another era? You can create an oasis of peace for yourself and your family, but you’re going to have to relearn what it means to simplify.

Myth  – Simplifying means having and doing less. Wrong! Simplifying is not necessarily about less. It can be about more. More time. More enjoyment. More joy. More fulfillment. More of what enriches you.

If you do or have a lot of things that don’t bring you joy or support your long-term plan, then doing or having less of that kind of stuff makes sense. If you throw out, reduce, cut back, and cancel as much as you can, you’ll be left with a void. The purpose of simplifying — at least as I see it — is to chuck what’s not important and add what is. To understand what should be removed and what should be added, try thinking of activities and things as either assets or liabilities.


An asset is something that is valuable or that may be worth something. Obvious examples are stocks, bonds, buildings, raw land, gold, etc., but I want you to think of an asset a little more broadly. An asset is anything that:


•Increases in value

•Provides something valuable such as money, joy, security, happiness, etc.

•Strengthens and empowers you

•Moves you closer to your goals

•Provides positive stress and healthful excitement

•Relaxes and calms

•Increases health and vitality


Liabilities are obligations, debts, and things that cost more money than they produce or are worth, but again, let’s think more broadly. A liability is anything that:

•Takes from you

•Decreases in value

•Eliminates or reduces something valuable such as money, joy, security, happiness, etc.

•Weakens you

•Moves you farther from your goals

•Provides negative stress

•Creates anxiety or agitates

•Decreases health and vitality

Bottom line? Assets give. Liabilities take.

So how does this help you simplify? Create an inventory of everything in your life — from your friendships, projects, and commitments to your expenses, belongings, and goals. Since this is quite a task, make it easier by starting with just one area. For example, non-work commitments.

List all of your commitments, responsibilities, obligations, or whatever you call them. Take out your calendar and look back a few months and forward a few months to jog your memory. Make a big list. For example, your list may include a homeowner’s association meeting, mowing the lawn, paying bills, volunteering, being a greeter at church, driving the kids to school, planning a birthday party for a friend, etc.

Now, categorize each of these commitments as either an asset (A) or a liability (L). Does the activity or responsibility give or does it take? Does it get you closer to your goals or farther away? Does it create healthful excitement, or does it just stress you out?

The next step is determining if you can eliminate any of the Ls. You’ll never be able to eliminate all your liabilities, but your goal should be to get rid of as many as possible. The power of this exercise is becoming conscious of what gives and what takes, and then making some informed decisions about what A activities you can add and what L activities you can reduce or eliminate.

Again, simplifying is not about doing or having less. You can be running around from one project and commitment to another all day every day and be 100 percent content as long as you have filled your life with assets.

I know the article will result in a longer than usual Daily but the message is too important not to share with those who want to focus on the worthwhile and dump what isn’t as I do.


Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it.

Robert Brault


A family with seven children moved to a new city. They wanted to rent a townhouse until they could get a feel for the area and choose a home where their kids would be in good schools and they could be conveniently located.

They found plenty of rental townhouses that were large enough, but the landlords always objected to having a family of nine occupy the place.

In frustration, the husband asked his wife to take the four youngest children and go visit the local cemetery. She was puzzled by his request, but went along with it. He and the other three children headed off to investigate another townhouse they had found.

The place was perfect and the gentleman told the landlord he would take it. Then came the usual question, "I see you have children. How many are there in the family?"

He gave out with a deep sigh, then said, "Seven. But four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."

He got the townhouse.


I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.

Louisa May Alcott


Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.

I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job, but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked.

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.


"You’re only young once. After that it takes some other excuse for behaving like an idiot."

Sam Levenson


Out of Office E-mail Messages:

  • I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
  • You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
  • I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
  • Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
  • The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connect ion and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’
  • Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
  • I’ve run away to join a different circus.
  • I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Margaret’ instead of ‘Jay’.


Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.

It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.

E.F. Schumacher


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Home Again

Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need.

Sarah Ban Breathnach




It is a snow day for me here in Indianapolis. When I lived in Minnesota they would have called what we have, snow flurries, during my time in Chicago we would have called it a snow storm, where I am now it could just as well be called a snow blizzard. Fortunately being retired I don’t have to go out in it and I get warmth out of watching how beautiful the snow laden trees and the snow drifts look from inside my home. I am also pleased that the few things on my schedule today have been cancelled by others so my not showing up will not disclose my aversion to travel on slippery slopes. It is supposed to snow through the night adding to the large amount of snow dumped on our fair city a few days ago. But again luckily, the only thing scheduled for me tomorrow is a blood draw that I do at home, sending the results to a computer somewhere that interfaces with my docs.

I am really getting to enjoy my days here at home. I would have thought that I would have cabin fever by now, but I haven’t. I am getting some things done that needed to be done while even getting in some relaxation time. Maybe I am growing up and learning to get the balance I wrote about in the Daily yesterday, I sure hope so.

I almost forgot I learned another lesson, I can lay around out home with out the need to be snacking most of the time — I have now lost 14 pounds since I started the “New Ray” diet a few weeks ago.

As each day goes by I appreciate all I have even more, especially a comfortable home, an understanding family and enough to more than keep me occupied. It may not be Thoreau’s Walden Pond but for me it’s pretty close.

About a month ago Ralph Marston wrote “Letting it be” which describes where it is I am or at least want to be. Here is what he said:

Be at home where you are, wherever it might be. Be at peace with what is happening, no matter what it is.

By all means change things for the better. Remember though, to begin with where you are.

Instead of fighting against what is, put your energy into creating the best of what can be. Instead of denying or resenting what has been, put it to use in moving forward.

Put yourself in your most powerful state by fully accepting the circumstances you’re in. Join in the flow of life’s massive abundance by seeing what is and letting it be.

There is great goodness in this moment. Let go of judgment, let go of anxiety, and see that goodness.

The power to do anything is present in this moment, in this place. Let it be, as it is, and it will be yours.


Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.

John Howard Payne


Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restroom. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?’

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin’ just fine!’

And the other person says: ‘So what are you up to?’

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: ‘Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!’

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. ‘Can I come over?’

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ‘No..I’m a little busy right now!!!’

Then I hear the person say nervously… ‘Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions

The sure cure—don’t make cell phone calls from the restroom..


Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.


An interviewer says, "Tell me your choice. I can either ask you ten easy questions or one very difficult question. Think hard before you make up your mind."

"Ummm, I’d like one very difficult question."

"You have made your own choice. Good luck to you. Tell me which comes first: day or night?"

"The day, sir."

"And how did you reach that conclusion?"

"Sorry, sir. I can’t answer that. I said I would only answer one difficult question."


If you see a young man open the car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.


"Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13-year-old son."

"He’s suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for a full recovery."

"How can you say all of that without even meeting him?"

"Didn’t you say he was 13?"


"Ever heard Victoria’s REAL secret? Too much support hurts."

R. Stevens


Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, ‘I can’t be bothered to walk all the way home .’ ‘I know, me too but we’ve no money for a cab and we’ve missed the last bus home.’

‘We could steal a bus from the depot.’ replies his mate. They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a lookout.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, ‘What the are you doing? Have you not found one yet?’

‘I can’t find a No. 91’

‘Oh ye tick sod, just take the No. 14 and we’ll walk from the roundabout.


Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.



"How are things going with you?"

"So so. I left my job, because of illness and fatigue."

"Sorry to hear that. What happened?"

"My boss got sick and tired of me."


He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.


She said: I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice.

"I know the sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?"

"Put an ad in the personals column," he suggested.


Peace – that was the other name for home.

Kathleen Norris


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Ray’s Back

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”

Thomas Merton




I had a good week last week, I was able to reduce my ridiculous backlog and I rediscovered the value of uncluttered relaxation. Another thing I discovered was that I can miss meetings where I have no role to play and not feel guilty. For years I have had this compulsive need to read everything I buy, attend every meeting available to me, read every e-mail. I often felt overloaded when in truth I was only suffering from a lack of selective judgment. Last week I found that if I quit reading something because it was not interesting me nothing bad happened. I missed a lecture and a couple of meetings and only a few people noticed that I was not there and asked about it only because I have always been there and wondered if I was again ill, but in truth nothing happened other than my getting a little more rest.

I also suspect that I have been subconsciously bothered by the fact that I just can’t retain all the things I learn and all the things I read, in fact my age is starting to often make it difficult to remember a name or a face. So you know what? I have forgiven myself for not being able to do everything, learn everything and be everywhere and the result has been fantastic. Now I just need a little more discipline. I need to dump magazines that pile up waiting for me to be read. I will not let the two to three hundred e-mail I get everyday pile up, so if a batch gets too old they will go to the trash unread, so if you have something important for me please send it flagged important. I will always try to read your transmissions but if I miss one it doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore, it just means that it got lost in the shuffle.

So while I had a birthday last week I feel a little younger this week as I think I will now be able to carry the load by reducing the burden and that feels good. And of course it makes it easier to spend the time I do with my medical activities.


My suggestion to you is if there is too much on your plate take smaller portions don’t try to get a bigger plate.



I hope you enjoyed the dailies from the past last week I know I did. It is fun to go back and see what the world seemed to be through younger eyes. It also is enlightening to find that many things really have not changed that much.


A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

William Arthur Ward


Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."

"That’s an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."


If I’ve been consistently unsatisfactory, at least give me credit for being consistent.


Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson.

"That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let’s see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser.

The salesperson put the device around Morris’ neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" asked Morris.

"For $2.00 it doesn’t work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder."


Aim for the moon…even if you miss you’ll land amongst the stars.


A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" – Discuss.

After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer."

The student received an "A" on the exam.


Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.

Walter Lippmann


There’s this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying."

"No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.

I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife kissing the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . ."


The trouble with being punctual is that no one notices it when you are.


A man was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point – he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of cosmetics knocked on his door and asked to see his wife. The man told her that his wife wasn’t home.

"Well," replied the saleswoman, "could I please wait for her?"

The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours. The saleswoman was getting really worried, so she called out to the man and asked, "May I know where your wife is?"

"She went to the cemetery," he replied.

"And when is she returning?"

"I don’t really know," he said. "She’s been there eleven years now."


Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.

Ralph Charell


A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally, she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.

"Speak!" she said to the dog.

The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!"


The best things in life are free..plus tax, shipping and handling.


The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?" asked the officer.

"I’m going to a lecture."

"And who is going to give you a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife."


"Fools look to tomorrow; wise men use tonight."

Scottish Proverb


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I failed often but not always

“The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”





Ray is hibernating for a week so we are publishing past Dailies while he is gone. This one was first published on February 7th, 2005.


I listened to an audio essay on failure the other day that got me thinking about just what is failure. The more I thought about it the more I realized how many different types of failures I have had in my life. In fact part of my career in the computer industry consisted of failing, and then failing, and then failing, and then failing, and then not failing. I traveled for a few years as a computer trouble shooter. I often would be called in after others had failed to solve some problem. The process was to look here and then think, look there and then think, try this and then think, try that and then think, and finally, bingo, the solution. The more I thought about it the other day the more I realized that failure is often more a new beginning than an end. Over the years it has been the things that haven’t worked out that have created the opportunity for a fresh start. The secret is to not let failure take you down. Maybe it is tenacity, perseverance, or optimism, all I know is giving into failure steals from us some of the zest in our lives.

It has often been said that it is only those who are stagnant and do nothing that never make mistakes. In my experience that is right on, it is the dreamers, those that don’t let obstacles or pessimism get them down who accomplish the great things. I read recently that pessimists take less risks, possibly make less mistakes, but also get bogged down by not moving on when they hit a brick wall. So like the song says, “Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again.


I have always felt that although someone may defeat me, and I strike out in a ball game, the pitcher on the particular day was the best player. But I know when I see him again, I’m going to be ready for his curve ball. Failure is a part of success. There is no such thing as a bed of roses all your life. But failure will never stand in the way of success if you learn from it.

~ Hank Aaron ~


She said:

One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor’s office.

Before taking this dog’s leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?"

"Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She’s had five litters! How much ‘friendlier’ than that can she get?"


Q: Did you hear about the new auto insurance policy for Jewish mothers?

A: It is known as the "My Fault" policy.


Life in 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars is now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

Baby conceived naturally…scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.


Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.

Now we have a mathematical proof that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1:  Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2:  Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,


              ———- = Power


Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:


              ———– = Knowledge


          Solving for Money, we get:


              —————–  = Money


Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the amount of Work done.

Conclusion:  The Less you Know, the More you Make.

Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.


An American in Scotland asked one of the locals, "Why do you call it a kilt?"

The Scotsman replied, "Because we kilt the last bloke who called it a dress."


The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat And Overcoat."

Meyer did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his food. His pal, Moshe, kept on eating, without thought of his own coat on the hook.

Finally Moshe said, "You, dope…stop watching our overcoats."

"I’m only watching mine," replied Meyer. "Yours has been gone for over half an hour."


Scientists are working to develop something that will dissolve anything, but they don’t know what they would put it in.

Herb Shriner


A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life"?

A little girl in the back raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four animals."

The teacher asked "Really? And what four animals would that be"?

The little girl replied, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it." The teacher fainted.


The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.


Two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history, were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun to set.

The history professor said to the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"

To which the professor of psychology said, "Yes. I think they’re from the wicker chairs."


Worrying about something that may never happen is like paying interest on money you may never borrow.


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Here are mine, what are yours?

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.

They must be felt with the heart.”

Helen Keller





Ray is hibernating for a week so we are publishing past Dailies while he is gone. This one was first published on February 3rd, 2005.


If you are like I am you find it pretty easy to recognize and dwell on the unpleasant things we experience in our lives. It seems we find it easy to take the good things for granted and let the occasional bump in the road take us, sometimes completely, off-stride. What brought this to mind was a recent article I read that discussed happiness. One of the suggestions made in the article was to count our blessings by starting a "gratitude journal" in which you write down three to five things for which you are currently thankful–from the mundane (I had chocolate today) to the magnificent (a family member moved back to town).

While I don’t think I have the self discipline to start a journal and then keep it up to date daily, I can set aside a few moments each day to mentally note the good things in my life. I know you could too. In fact why not do it now.

Some of mine are:

That my children and grandchildren all live nearby and I can see them frequently.

The kindnesses others give to me.

A home I love.

Eating at a new restaurant.

Seeing a fun movie.

My friends near and far.

My new MP3 player and the books I get to listen to.

BBQ anything.


And on and on.

You know if we really think about it, over the long run we have more to be happy about than we realize and less to worry about than we do.


What’s the use of worrying?

It never was worth while, so pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag, and smile, smile, smile.

~ George Asaf ~


Murphy’s Laws of Genealogy

1.  The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him turned out to be his hanging.

2.  When at last after much hard work you have evolved the mystery that you have been working on for two years, your aunt says, "I could have told you that."

3.  You search ten years for your grandmother’s maiden name to eventually find it on a letter in a box in the attic.

4.  You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you weren’t interested in genealogy then.

5.  The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

6.  Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

7.  John, son of Thomas the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor, died on board ship at the age of 10.

8.  Your great grandfather’s newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

9.  Another genealogist has just insulted the keeper of the vital records you need.

10. The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

11. The only record you find for your great grandfather is that his property was sold at a sheriff’s sale of insolvency.

12. The one document that would supply the missing link in your dead end line has been lost due to fire, flood, or war.

13. The town clerk to whom you wrote for the information sends you a long handwritten letter which is totally illegible.

14. The spelling of your European ancestor’s name bears no relationship to its current spelling or pronunciation.

15. None of the pictures in your recently deceased grandmother’s photo album have names written on them.

16. No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued or was named in a will.

17. You learn that your great aunt’s executor just sold her life’s collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer "Somewhere in New York City."

18. Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

19. The 37 volume, 16,000 page history of your county of origin isn’t indexed.

20. You finally find your great grandparents’ wedding record and discover that the bride’s father was named John Smith.


My psychiatrist says I’m manic-depressive ……I have mixed feelings about that.


Joe, the Governor’s most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn’t take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe’s job. "They don’t even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor’s side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe’s place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you’d better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."


"Daddy. do all fairy tales begin with the words, "Once upon a time…"? the little girl asked. 

"No," he replied.  "A whole lot of them begin with, "If I’m elected, I promise…"


She said:

It’s every airplane passenger’s nightmare:  Getting stuck near a crying baby.

I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air.  As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he glanced up to the tot and rolled his eyes.

"Don’t worry," I said to him cheerfully.  "Chances are that baby won’t be on your flight."

Head shaking, he grimly replied, "Oh, I bet he will. That’s my son."


Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel to see if there was a gym.  The hotel operator’s sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it.  "We have over 300 guests at this facility.  Does this ‘Gym’ have a last name?"


You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

  Leo Aikman


The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.

Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy for directions to the post office.

After being told the way by the lad, the Reverend Graham thanked him, adding:

"If you’ll come to the Central Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven."

"No, I don’t think I’ll be there…" the boy said. "You don’t even know your way to the post office."


Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it?

That way, you will owe me ten, and I’ll owe you ten, and we’ll be even!


Two Jewish ladies who were neighbors in New York met unexpectedly in Miami one winter.

"Why Shirley" one of them said, "I had no idea you were here"

"So listen Ruthie" said Shirley "now that we met I just must tell you, I am having an affair!"

"How wonderful" said Ruthie, "who is doing the catering?"


Go out into the world today and love the people you meet.

Let your presence light new light in the hearts of people.

Mother Teresa


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Go Colts!

At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t.

The trouble is they are usually married to each other.

Ann Landers




Ray is hibernating for a week so we are publishing past Dailies while he is gone. This one was first published on February 3rd, 2006.


Well gang, here we go again, another Super Bowl weekend. I know that many of you will spend Sunday attending parties; some of you might even see the game. But what about Saturday, what have you planned? Just in case you have yet to make a commitment for the day here are something’s that you may have forgotten.

It is:

  • America Loves Its Kids Month, well try anyway.
  • Blah Buster Month, you may want to set up a neighborhood Blah watch committee so you can bust it when you find one.
  • Creative Romance Month, this one sounds dangerous I am not going to observe it again this year.
  • Human Relations Month, thank goodness, I have no interest whatsoever in animal relations.
  • International Twit Award Month, I want you all to know if nominated, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.
  • International Boost Your Self-Esteem Month, I find this one really easy since I have no esteem to boost.
  • Life Rhythms and Health Month, I am not sure about this one, I think it has something to do with birth control.
  • Love and Romance Month, you really don’t have to send me anything, your thoughts are enough.
  • World Understanding Month, this is really important, just this morning when I was talking to the world I let it know that I understood.
  • Condom Month, there may be a shortage this weekend since so many will be blown up and hung on walls at Super Bowl parties.

Whatever you decide to do, do it well, oh the hell with it, just have fun.


“The best way to behave is to misbehave.”

Mae West


U.S. tourists in Israel, a man and his wife, were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. A salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the man responded. "She’s not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked.

"Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered, "I’ll give you 100 camels for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she’s not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."


She’s discovered the secret of perpetual youth…she lies about her age.


By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime.. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

       And the Lord answered,  "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a  broken heart and she will do everything with only two hands."

       The angel was astounded at the requirements.  "Only two hands!?

No way! And that’s just on the standard model? That’s too much work for one day.  Wait until tomorrow to finish."

       But I won’t," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

       The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

       "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough.

You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

       "Will she be able to think?" asked the angel.

       The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

       The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman’s cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

       "That’s not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that’s a tear!"

        "What’s the tear for?" the angel asked.

       The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord.

You thought of everything!  Woman is truly amazing."

       And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men.  They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.  They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.  They fight for what they believe in.  They stand up to injustice.  They don’t take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.  They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.  They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.  They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.  They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.  They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.  Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.  The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.  They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals.  They give moral support to their family and friends.  Women have vital things to say and everything to give.



This is my first day out of mourning. My cousin died. He was a dyslexic policeman who had a heart attack. They found him by the phone trying to dial 119.

Joan Rivers


There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunken guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge.  The judge asked the man, ‘"Where do you work?’

The man said, ‘Here and there.’

The judge asked the man, ‘What do you do for a living?’

The man said, ‘This and that.’

The judge then said, ‘Take him away.’ The man said, ‘Wait, judge, when will I get out?’

The judge said to the man, ‘Sooner or later’


"Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don’t reach them till they’re in their 30s."  


A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. She went home and put it on, then showed her mother how she looked in it. She asked, "What do you think mom?" Her mother replied, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you’d be five years older!


My candle burns at both its ends;

It will not last the night;

But oh, my foes, and oh, my friends —

It gives a lovely light.

Edna St. Vincent Millay


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Shall we RE together?

“May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.”

Irish Blessing



Ray is hibernating for a week so we are publishing past Dailies while he is gone. This one was first published on February 2nd, 2006.


Not long ago I was thinking about words that trigger worthwhile actions, especially those that describe our rewards. Words like retire, reward, recover, relax, repair and all those other re’s. This all started when I thought about words that describe what I might do when I dropped out for a day or two.

As I thought about it I realized that I already have had plenty of experience retiring both from work and to a place of rest. I already rest more than once each day. I decided that it would be better thought of as the process of putting on a new set of tires for the days ahead. Of course I always like the idea of being able to reward myself by hiding out for an hour or two, especially when I can’t remember when I was ever warded. As far as recovering goes, I don’t think it is that big a deal, I recover myself every night, especially when it is cold. And as far as relaxing goes, my spouse tells me there is no need since I am already too lax. I do however especially like to repair, that does mean when we get together again as a pair doesn’t it?

I, like most people love the fact that we can regenerate, renew, and recreate when we let ourselves do it. When we do we often find that we like the rejuvenated us better than what we were.

So while words are funny and bring different images to different people they also provide us a way to describe how we reflect on, rejoice about, and revere the good things that are there for us all if we just decide to stop and see them. So how about you and I RE—– together for the rest of the week?


“The biggest reward for a thing well done is to have done it”



I once lived in Minnesota so this makes sense to me:


If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land ’til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up. I’m only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn’t bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.

You’re gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we’re going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying da Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn’t right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane’s navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we’ll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I’ll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen!


According to Redbook magazine, 1 in 4 adults say that honesty about money is more important than honesty about fidelity. The other 3 adults were women!


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff’s Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy’s expense…Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, "You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign .." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You still didn’t come to a complete stop.

License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What’s the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket." Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"


Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.

Landrum Bolling


I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, "Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to…"

At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, "Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change?"

The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang’s nephew…"


"I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, ‘We’re going to be taking off in a few… Whoa, here we go!’"


A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn’t care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common — they were both pathological liars.


Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.


According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there.  

"Please disrobe," he told her.  

"With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father.  

Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem."  


“There are those who give with joy,

and that joy is their reward.”

Kahlil Gibran


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I found the answer

“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”





Ray is hibernating for a week so we are publishing past Dailies while he is gone. This one was first published on February 1st, 2006.


I talked to two different people this week who wanted to know about making relationships work. I told them both that I knew the secret, or at least one of the secrets. I told them that I honestly believe that the best way to nurture a long term relationship is to help your partner to be what ever she or he wants to be and not what others want them to be. I feel that we each deserve the opportunity to find our own happiness and are dependent on each other not to interfere too much.

Real joy can come from watching someone you care about enjoy their lives and there is even more joy when they are willing to share their happiness with us. I am sure you have found that happiness is contagious, but unfortunately so is unhappiness. I would much rather do what I can to contribute to someone’s happiness than contributing to their unhappiness. I often wish I had been better at it when I was younger. Life is too short to spend it at odds with those close to us, if we can’t support them we should let them go so they can find someone who can help them find happiness.

Of course when you have been married as long as I have you learn that there are certain rules that must be understood. For example my wife often will tell me to choose where we will eat and all I have to do is keep making suggestions until I select the one she wants. I also have to make peace with the fact that I have no taste. I, like so many other husbands find that whatever I think looks good does not. It is that “you’re not going to go out wearing that shirt with those pants” syndrome. But of course when that happens I immediately change, since I am dedicated to helping her be what she wants, including her stepping out with someone who she thinks is presentable.


“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with”

Gillian Anderson


An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.

The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South.

Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, "Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over six miles above the earth!"

The controller answered in a calm voice, "Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747s collide!"


"When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself.  Failure to hit the bull’s eye is never the fault of the target.  To improve your aim — improve yourself."

Gilbert Garland


A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.  

"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"  


My mail is a little slow.  Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.


The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the ’03/04 season:

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day.  Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Uninvited Guests, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.

In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches.

The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Securities-Traders-in-a-Declining-Market.

Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.


Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.


There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs.

Idiots include anyone that drives slower than me, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than me.


A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"


To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

David J. Schwartz


My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.  

Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot!"  


I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar,

but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

Robert Brault


The guest lecturer to a famous Medical College stopped by the bulletin board on his way to the lecture room.

Listed for the day was the topic, "Surprises in Obstetrics." Scrawled under it in pencil were the words,

"Mary had a little lamb."


You should always learn, with life comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the courage to live your life selflessly. The more you learn about yourself and the experiences surrounding your life the more opportunities you have to make your life better and more fulfilling.  

Amy Candy


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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