Ray's musings and humor

See how easy that was!

If that is as bad as it gets, things are pretty good.



The other day I talked about the problems created by our procrastination and how ever increasing backlogs make things even worse. I know that when I face the fact that there is more for me to do than there is time to do it my discomfort level shoots way up. I don’t remember if I included expediting as one of the solutions to backlog reduction, if I didn’t I should have. If I expedite and quickly handle a task I not only take something off my to do list, I also feel better. Let me give you an example.

Instead of a new Daily today read this one that I published five years ago.

See, I just expedited.


February 25, 2005

I got so distracted putting together yesterdays daily that I did not tell you about my Wednesday. I had an early morning blood test appointment and as I usually do, I hung out my clothes for the next morning the night before, everything from socks and underwear to suit and shoes. All proceeded as normal, underwear on, check; shirt on, check; I then took the freshly cleaned suit off the hook and low and behold, no pants, not a good thing. I went to a back up dress program and started my day.

All went well, I was to meet a good friend for lunch at 12:15, I waited outside the restaurant (it was pretty cold) for about a half hour before I learned that my friend was home sick with the flu, she had e-mailed me earlier but the message was missent so I didn’t get it, that was not a good thing either.

Since I now had time on my hands, I went to a nearby restaurant to get one of my favorite sandwiches, only to learn they don’t make them anymore. As you can tell things were not moving well at all. Since they did not have what I wanted I decided to go to a super-store and see if I could purchase something that my wife wanted, of course they did not have it. As I was pulling out of the parking lot I collided with another car ($1,200 damage on my car, more on hers), that was a bad thing.

We exchanged insurance information and I started off to go to my friend Terry’s viewing at the funeral home, I took a wrong turn and was able to turn a ten minute trip into a forty-five minute trip via a short cut that was probably 20 miles longer.

Later, on my way home from the body shop where I got my estimate I decided to stop at a deli that serves good New York hot Pastrami sandwiches, the sandwich was great and so my day was not all that bad after all.

Fortunately yesterday was much better. The highlight of the day was the funeral celebration of my friend Terry’s life. I thought of that old adage, you can learn much about someone by the friends he has. As I looked around the chapel I saw people from all over our nation in attendance, these are good people who shared Terry’s dedication to serving others. Terry is gone now but his memory will live forever.


Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.

Author Unknown


A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I’m so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don’t feel ashamed, Miss.  You don’t look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say "Moo!"


A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"


An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer.

"As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$75.’

If his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’

If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add ‘Each.’"


"Jack, will you still love me when my hair is grey?" asks Rachel.

"Of course," says Jack. "I’ve loved you through blonde, brunette, red and every other color. Why not grey?"


Irving walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates.

"$150 for three questions," replied the lawyer.

"Isn’t that awfully steep?" asked Morris.

"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"


Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quietest voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

Paulette Tuers


An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

She walked up to the group and with a big smile said : . . .  "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers asked why.

The worker yelled "His wife is here with his lunch".


Historians have found the first treaty the U.S. government ever signed with the Indians.  It states that the Indians can keep their lands "for as long as the river runs clear, the buffalo roam, the grass grows tall and the mountains stand proud – or ninety days – whichever comes first.


Life is a paradise for those who love many things with a passion.

Leo Buscaglia


"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara," exclaimed the Muslim.  "Suddenly, a fierce sandstorm appeared out of nowhere.  I truly thought my end had come as I lay next to my camel while we were being buried deeper and deeper under the sand.  But I didn’t lose my faith in Allah.  I prayed and prayed, and suddenly, for ten miles all around me, the storm stopped and I was able to get back to my village.

The Christian chimed in.  "One day while I was fishing in a little rowboat in the ocean, a giant storm came from nowhere. 50 foot waves!  I thought my end had truly come.  I prayed and prayed to God, and then, for ten miles around me, the storm ceased and I was able to row back to shore."

The Jew started.  "I was in the middle of New York City. Suddenly, a black bag on the ground appeared out of nowhere.  I put my hand inside and found that it was full of cash.  I truly thought my end had come as it was a Saturday and we’re not allowed to handle money on the Sabbath.

But I didn’t lose my faith.  I prayed and prayed, and suddenly, for ten miles around me, it was *Tuesday*!"


Men’s Rules

Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

All comments become null and void after seven days.

If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the highway exit, your saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.


Old Jacob Johnson, a raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis.  Mrs Johnson explained that his appendix is on the right.

"So, aha!  THAT’s why it hurts so much…." said Jacob.

"My appendix is on the wrong side!"


Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.

Irving Berlin


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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