Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don’t realize what messages they are sending.
Far too many people I have met have grown up in a negative world. As an infant they constantly heard “NO, you know better than to do that” or “why don’t you pay attention” and similar criticisms. Often it continued into puberty and beyond with such things as “your lazy and just don’t try” or “so you got a B, why wasn’t it an A?” and on and on, never being told they had done well. Often these years of put downs result in an expectation of failure and the feeling that they are just not good enough. Many give up and quit trying for fear if they did try they would fail and the critics would pounce on them again with the “you’re a loser” comments.
These are people who always want you to tell them exactly what you want them to do, yep they are the task oriented folks who are so afraid of failure that they have lost confidence in their own abilities. What is tragic is that these criticism are often unfounded, made by those who have not found success themselves and so they put everyone else down feeling like that increases their own stature and anyway if they can’t be happy why should anyone else be. What is even worse is that those who have let others destroy their self confidence are most of the time much better then they think they are the result of letting criticism turn them into less than they can be.
Many are so debilitated that they seek professional help and spend hours and lots of money revisiting the past in order to correct and neutralize their negative view of themselves. Not everyone can afford the time nor the money to get traditional help so I have a way that might work for many. I suggested to a friend once that they cop a plea and plead guilty to their perceived failures, true or not, and get free of the past. Their punishment and rehabilitation has taken place during the time they already have served being unhappy. So with their new freedom they can now look forward and inventory the positive parts of their lives and take pride in who they are and what they are going to do. They don’t have to go out and be the best at everything, not even the best at any one thing; all they need to do is be the best at being the person they already are. One of the nice things about full release from the past is that there are no more probation officers; critics can be told to shove off or at least told to quit finding fault and if they won’t stop they sent on their way to do their dirty work elsewhere.
Find and listen to positive people and real friends who offer sound support and send the others on their way. Everyone can be happy if they learn to accept and like themselves.
"If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for."
Florence Scovel Shinn
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the person behind the wheel was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the driver yelled back, "SCARF."
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I wonder then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’."
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure
Every evening, a mother and her young son, knelt down beside his bed so he could say his prayers. One night, obviously bored with the same old prayer, the little boy said this: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake…… can I have breakfast with you in the morning?"
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
She sent me this:
I’m really not an addict,
There is no need to shout;
But talking with my puter friends,
Has turned my life about.
I still do the grocery shopping,
And make a bed or two;
But instead of staring at the television
I spend some time with you.
I go with friends or family,
To dinner or a show;
I take the time to hear my kids,
Or to watch a flower grow.
But yes, you’ll find me off and on,
Sitting on my puter chair;
And talking to my cyber friends,
Who always seem to care.
There are redeeming qualities,
And hear me if you will;
Since playing in this cyber world,
I’ve improved keyboarding skill.
In fact I feel at peace with life,
Things are going well;
The only thing it hasn’t done,
Is teach me how to spell!
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.
Ruth Ann Schabacker
Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the reenactment of a Civil War battle, my niece’s husband took the boy, Will, to the event. But the poor child was terrified by the booming cannons. During a lull, Will’s dad finally got him calmed down. That’s until the Confederate general yelled, "Fire at will!"
Each day we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What’s good tonight?"
Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn’t think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
"Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves".
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
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The editor is somewhat senile.
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