“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Here we go again, a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year and a new decade. I have decided that I need to make some changes and do better than I have lately. I have let health events and other distractions provide me a rational to do less, eat more, become less active and not find as many rewarding activities as I enjoyed in the past. I am not going to be so foolhardy as to set my self up for disappointment so I plan on concentrating on a few changes each month rather that trying to reinvent myself all at once. It may help that many of my doctors will be providing me lifestyle advice and possible health improvement procedure recommendations this month. I will be especially interested in my brain doc’s suggestions as well as my heart guy’s thoughts.
To start I plan on going back to weight reduction. This time I’ll be on my own and my former weight loss challenger will not be there to monitor my progress so I am on my own. My success will lay the foundation for similar activity in other areas. So starting tomorrow it will be daily weigh in and more frugal eating habits.
Of course this does not mean that I will stop trying to meet the requirements established both Nationally and Internationally for me to participate in the proscribed activities. These are the ones I will work on in January.
- National Blood Donor Month – While I can’t give blood because of many of the medications I take, I can honor those that do. The transfusions I got in November saved my life, for that I am grateful, I hope you are too.
- National Soup Month – OK I’ll leave soup in my dietary plans, but only light soup.
- National Staying Healthy Month – I am planning on it carrying over to the whole year.
- National Thank You Month – OK, thanks!
- National California Dried Plum Digestive Month – Is this before or after it becomes a prune?
- National Celebration of Life Month – I do this everyday, I hope you do too.
- International Change your Stars Month – Sadly I seem to have lost mine so I guess I’ll get a new one, tell me which one is yours so I don’t take it too.
- International Creativity Month – I hope that those who foment chaos and the like do not participate. I think I’ll use it to create new friendships.
- International Wayfinding Month – Those of us who have lost our way now have another chance.
- National Be on Purpose Month – I think too many of us just go with the flow and let daily opportunity for purposeful change to pass us by. I am going to embrace this one, so if you see me you’ll know I am there on purpose.
- National Shape Up Month – OK I said I’ll weigh myself every day and diet, satisfied?
"Live out of your imagination instead of out of your memory."
Teacher to class: "Give me a sentence with a direct object."
Student: "Everybody thinks our teacher is beautiful."
Teacher: "Why, thank you. But what is the direct object?"
Student: "A good report card."
Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.
Best ‘Out of Office’ Automatic Email Replies:
1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over…)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Lucille’ instead of Steve.
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
"Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."
"Does that mean I’m cured?" he asked.
"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven’t stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."
"Well, that’s terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I’d like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it’s been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me."
"You’ve paid my fee," the doctor said. "That’s the only responsibility you have."
"I know," Chilton said. "But isn’t there some personal favor I could do for you?"
"Well," the doctor said, "I’ll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."
Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight a flight attendant announced, "We’d like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He’ll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."
The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant’s voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don’t forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best."
Right actions for the future are the best apologies for wrong ones in the past.
The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver’s name was Winston Churchill. Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill."
The driver simply said, "Yep. That’s my moniker."
The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter, said, "That’s a pretty famous name."
The driver responded with, "As well it should be too. I’ve been driving a cab here for over forty years!"
Time is too slow for those who wait; too swift for those who fear; too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice. But for those who live, time is eternity; hours fly, flowers die, new days, new ways pass by, Love stays.
Henry Van Dyke
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
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The editor is somewhat senile.
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