Ray's musings and humor

Archive for December, 2009

Why worry?

“One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

Unknown

 

 

It is the season where many will rededicate themselves to Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards men. It provides us the opportunity to rise above our differences and celebrate our common humanity. While we have every reason to focus on joy many will struggle to find even the smallest amount of happiness. While certainly many do carry heavy loads far too many others have let their perceived problems blind them to happiness that is within their reach. As you know I find my habit of frequently taking inventory of the good in my life provides little opportunity to see the bad much less spending time worrying about what probably will never happen.

My wish to all is that they take time out in the coming weeks to enjoy themselves. It is a time to reach out to others in friendship and have a little fun and even spending sometime helping someone else.

A month or so ago I signed up for life coach Maria Lesetz’s newsletter and in a recent issue she on how to worry less and enjoy life more. Here is what she suggests:

Here are my Top 5 Tips to Worry Less & Be Lovin Life more each day:

1)      Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen and start focusing on what you DO want. You have to train your brain to shift to the desire outcome of your situation instead of the exact thing you don’t want. Focusing on the situation at hand – the one that makes you all stressed & worried, is not the answer. Here’s a news flash — the universe mirrors your thoughts & feelings. So, if you are thinking negative thoughts and worrying all the time, you will get more things to worry about in your life. The universe doesn’t know whether what you are focusing on is good or bad, it just matches the nature of your thoughts. So, start converting your worries to wants and shift your focus! Yes, this takes practice but it CAN be done.  Many of my clients would attest to this and OH … what positive shifts they see in their lives!

2)      When you find yourself in a tizzy and on a worry rampage, take a breath. Really, take a few seconds out of your whirlwind of negative thoughts & BREATHE IN that ALL is WELL and BREATHE OUT all the thoughts & feelings that are not serving you at that moment. You will be amazed at the positive & calming impact a Breathing Break will have on keeping you more centered and grounded.

3)      Remind yourself in that moment of negativity that your gremlin thoughts are not going to bring you what you want. Catch yourself in the act of worrying. Awareness is the first step to change.

4)      View your "gremlins" as the old thought patterns you had – don’t resist them (what you resist … persists), just say to yourself "it is what it is" and Let it Go. "Easier said than done" you think, well you can release negative emotions!

5)      Visualize the positive outcome. Maybe you are thinking that you are not good at visualizing. Well, I beg to differ. Haven’t you visualized a worst-case scenario that could happen in your life before it even happened? I had a client once who said that her biggest fear and worry was that she could end up homeless (and believe me, she was FAR from that situation — she had a good job & lots of money in the bank). And this was the same client who told me that she is not good at visualizing. Hmmm, she could visualize but only on the negative side.  Build your positive visualization muscle.  Start daydreaming about the way you want it to be — how you want your situation to turn out instead of worrying about your specific situation and coming up with those worst-case scenarios!

"Close the door on all your worries. They have no purpose living in your ‘house’! Remember … worrying is a choice, not a personality trait!"

~~~

"Fear less, hope more;

Whine less, breathe more;

Talk less, say more;

Hate less, love more;

And all good things are yours."

Swedish Proverb

~~~

Infamous Quotes Of State Troopers

  • "So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
  • "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you yet another ticket."
  • "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
  • "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
  • "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
  • "Just how big were those ‘two beers’?"

~~~

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

~~~

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?"

"No," replied the trainee.

"It’s the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"

"No." replied the Managing Director indignantly.

"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

~~~

"I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people’s minds, which would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone bill."

Paul Wiley

~~~

Before And After Falling In Love…

 

  B – You take my breath away.  A – I feel like I’m suffocating.

  B – She says she loves the way I take control of the situation.  A – She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

  B – He makes me feel like a million dollars.  A – If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done…

  B – The Sound of Music.  A – The Sound of Silence.

  B – $60/dozen.  A – $1.50/stem.

  B – Ideal.  A – Idle.

  B – I love a woman with curves.  A- I never said you were fat.

  B – Time stood still.  A – This relationship is going nowhere.

  B – Croissant and cappuccino.  A – Bagel and instant.

  B – I can hardly believe we found each other.  A – I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you.

~~~

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

~~~

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails.  He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied.  "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

~~~

Why do they report power outages on TV?

~~~

On their 25th anniversary, a husband took his wife out to dinner. Their teenage daughters said they’d have dessert waiting for them when they returned.

After they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!"

"I suppose," the husband responded, "we could vacuum."

~~~

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.

And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.

Friedrich Nietzsche

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Mine was suoer, how was yours?

The smallest good deed is greater than the greatest good intention.

unknown

 

 

I hope your weekend was as rewarding as mine was. If you read last Thursday’s Daily you know that I was scheduled to answer phones at one of Indianapolis’ leading radio stations as they hosted the 15th annual Central Indiana Salvation Army Christmas Radiothon. I worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 5:30 AM until noon, although I had to leave at 11:30 on Sunday for another engagement I was able to work the shifts without any problems. There had been some concern by my caregivers that I had not recovered enough from my recent illness but fortunately they were wrong and the whole experience was exhilarating and probably therapeutic. I have been doing the Salvation Army Radiothon for some years now and always find it to be one of the highlights of my holiday season.

First the big news; the good people of my area with a huge boost from Wal Mart contributed over a quarter of a million dollars. As I am sure you know these are tough times for many of our fellow citizens as they struggle to just get by. The generosity of our contributors has made it possible for the Salvation Army and its hundreds of volunteers to be able to brighten children’s holidays, shelter the homeless, feed the hungry and provide nurture to the sick and the infirm.

I loved talking to the many callers who phoned in their donations. As an example I spoke to a widow of a former British RAF pilot who told me that her husband said to her many times over the years how much he appreciated all that the Salvation Army did for him during the second world war and that no matter how poor they became he wanted to make sure they contributed to the Salvation Army each Christmas. She told me she lived on a small pension and didn’t have much but she wanted us to take $10 a month out of her account for twelve months and in addition she was making a contribution of $50, money she had saved through the year: she touched my heart. I also had a casual caller reach me yesterday and donate $5000 which was by far the largest donation I received, naturally I was more than grateful, but it was not as heartwarming as the gift from an eightysome year old widow in the memory of her husband who had passed away years ago.

I also had the great pleasure of working with some old friends and many newly made friends. Three of my special friends volunteered to join us as well. I always get a great boost when I get to work with others who are doing what they can for the good of all. I have learned that joy is multiplied many times over when it is shared with others working for the benefit of others.

Yep, I passed my health and energy test with flying colors and received a huge infusion of human kindness helping folks from all walks of life to do something for someone else. Now if my brain scan on Wednesday turns out OK I may see if Santa Claus wants company on his Christmas journey.

~~~

“We can work together for a better world with men and women of goodwill, those who radiate the intrinsic goodness of humankind.”

Wangari Maathai

~~~

Speaking of ways to live our lives, here are some alternatives that you might want to consider.

Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

Each day enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever- the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is."

~~~

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Mohandas Gandhi

~~~

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store.  Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don’t think we can afford it."

The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment.  Then you don’t make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"

~~~

A word of advice – don’t give it.

~~~

A newly married man asks his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?"

"Darling," the woman replies sweetly, "I’d have married you no matter who left a you a fortune."

~~~

A lot of trouble in this world is caused by combining a narrow mind with a wide mouth.

~~~

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program."

~~~

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-young woman. "And what do you think is the best thing about 104?" the journalist asked.

"No peer pressure," she replied.

~~~

Differences Between You and Your Boss…

When you take a long time, you’re slow.

When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough…

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.

When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy…

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human…

When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.

When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative…

When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.

When your boss does it, he’s being firm…

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.

When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original…

When you please your boss, you’re apple polishing.

When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative…

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.

When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business…

When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.

When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill…

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked…

~~~

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.

~~~

A man goes to the track and sees a Priest blessing a horse before a race and quickly goes to the ticket window and bets. The horse wins. He watches the Priest carefully for the next four races, and continues to win, until he has quite a small fortune. He decides to bet it all on one last race.

Before the horse crosses the finish line however, it drops dead. The man rushes up to the Priest, confronts him with what he’s seen and demands an explanation.

The Priest just shakes his head sadly and says, "That’s one of the problems with you Protestants. You don’t know the difference between a blessing and the last rites."

~~~

An act of goodness is of itself an act of happiness.

No reward coming after the event can compare with the sweet reward that went with it.

Maurice Maeterlinck

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

A two day Daily for you today

The kindest way of helping yourself is to find a friend.

Ann Kaiser Stearns

 

 

 

Today’s daily will have to last two days as I’ll be working phones at a radio station for the next three days answering phone calls from folks making contributions to the Salvation Army Christmas campaign. I’ll be leaving about 5 AM each day so I am shutting down the presses until next Monday later today. I hope you enjoy your weekend, I know I will as I’ll be with a bunch of good people doing good work for others.

~~~

It’s late in the day so I have decided that it might be fun to see what my thoughts were on this day in years past rather than grasping for something new, I hope that is OK with you so here goes.

 

On December 19, 2002 I wrote:

I have always liked the word empathy and what it stands for. You know, the ability to identify with and understand another person’s feelings or difficulties. If you believe in the principle of doing unto others as you would have them do unto yourself, I think you will find that embracing empathy is the first step to embracing this, the Golden Rule. It is so easy these days to find fault first and understanding later, if at all. Maybe if we put understanding and empathy first before we looked for fault in others our lives would have more meaning and we would share more happiness.

~~~

I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

A year later, 2003, The Daily lead was:

I remember the days when this was the season of the greatest activity and often the most stress. End of the year closings, shop, clean up the years backlog, the kids Christmas stuff, the round of parties, on and on and on it went. It was always next year when things would be less hectic and I would be able to really enjoy the season, or so we hoped. In reality it is how we handle what is on our plate that counts. I wish I would have had the following advice when I needed it.

If you want to be more than "present" on the job or in life, you need three key energy building skills to give you a more balanced life.

    a.. You need to intentionally relax several times a day. Take breaks and recapture your energy.

    b.. You must develop a realistically optimistic attitude about your circumstances – no matter what they are. It keeps you positive.

    c.. And, you must remember that the reason you work so hard is to enjoy life; so don’t forget to do so. Put daily fun into your schedule.

Doing these three things will you make more present on the job and in life because you will be fully engaged in living.

Dan Johnston, Ph.D.

~~~

Then the Daily on December 10, 2004 led with:

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Is he right, or what? I think the best times in or lives are when we share experiences with friends and loved ones. Once I realized that almost everyone I meet is a potential friend, life got better. It may start with only a smile, a brief recognition of the value of something they are doing, or an expression of appreciation. I suppose some people would measure friendships by the depth of the relationship, but no matter the degree, friendship always comes from human interaction. It can run anywhere from a relationship where we exchange even our darkest secrets to just a wave of recognition across a room with someone you have seen but never really met.

Unfortunately many people are in our lives for only a brief period of time. I suspect if we thought that each day was the last day we ever would see a friend or acquaintance we might take more time to tell them how much they are appreciated.

I am luckier than most as I am often given the opportunity to renew friendships. Today as an example I will attend the Kiwanis International Christmas luncheon. My years of work at Kiwanis were some of the best years of my life, not just because we were doing so much for children, but also because I had a chance to work with so many good people. Once a year I am invited to join them in a brief celebration of Christmas, which is great in itself. The lunch always includes good food and good sprit. But what makes it special for me is the chance to again spend a few moments with people who meant so much to me for so many years.

~~~

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,

And one of the best things you can be.

Douglas Pagels

~~~

And then two years ago today I opened with:

I think the thing I like best about people I admire is how truthful they are to themselves. Have you noticed how the really smart people find it easy to admit they are wrong. To them truth is worth finding instead of closing their minds to alternatives. It is refreshing to enter into conversations with people who share their thoughts while keeping an open mind.

Unfortunately way too many people seem to feel that they must always be right. They are the ones who always know all of the answers, if we disagree with their belief they think there is something wrong with us. Frequently they use prejudice or hidden motives to color their thinking without realizing that their answers are based only on things that justify their beliefs and any fact that is in opposition is rejected since it must be wrong.

I have a hard time with people who know they are always right, especially when they are not. As you know the world looks different when you can see it clearly instead of looking at it through colored glasses. I prefer to just say thanks and goodbye than to listen to them justifying themselves. Bullheaded they may be but worth spending time with, I think not.

It is too bad that some people seem to feel they must provide rationalization for their behavior no matter what they do. How many times do you hear people give excuses not support a church or charity when in truth all they have to say is I just don’t want to give. I find that those who are self confident and open minded don’t offer excuses, they do what they think is right and if they find that they are wrong they willingly change.

Me, I would rather be found wrong and find out that I am so I can change instead of trying to convince others that I am right when I am not. And you know what? Being right all the time is not all that important. So if you are always right, I am glad but please don’t stop and tell me so, I’d rather spend time with people that make mistakes, they are far more interesting.

~~~

I was not surprised that the common element over the years has been people. And it is you the people who provide the friendship, texture, wisdom and zest to my life that makes it all worthwhile. I wish you the very best both for now and always.

Ray

~~~

More letters to God from children

Dear God, My brother told me about being born, but it doesn’t sound right.

Dear God, If you watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show you my new shoes. Mickey

Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea. Sincerely, Donna

Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. Charles

Dear God, I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Eugene

Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry

~~~

It’s not the fall that injures; it’s the sudden stop.

~~~

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can’t you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."

~~~

He who laughs, lasts.

MARY PETTIBONE POOLE

~~~

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.

She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is?  It’s so beautiful.  Did I really make it to heaven?"

To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven.  But,……….. You must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates.

"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.

"What word?" she asked.

"Any word," answered St. Peter.  "It’s your choice."

The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love.  L-o-v-e."

St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

"I’d be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?"

St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her, when low and behold, a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I was in an accident.  And now I am here.  Did I really make it to Heaven?"

To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."

"What word?" he asked.

The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."

~~~

"Filthy Stinking Rich — Well, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad"

~~~

A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.

As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl was worried that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.

Following the roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child’s school. Soon she saw her daughter walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each with the little girl stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling.

Finally, the mother called her over to the car and asked, "What are you doing?"

The child answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me."

~~~

"I Want It All and I Want It Delivered"

~~~

Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they’d have to move. "It’s no use." Robbie said, "She’s crawling good now and she’d probably just follow us."

~~~

"Real Men Don’t Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"

~~~

A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn’t give him long to live. He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen.

The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen."

The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen."

The clerk said, "I’ll get them for you, but I want to warn you…if you wear a fourteen you’ll gasp all day and yours eyes will bulge."

~~~

Pajama-clad tot calling out to family: "I’m going upstairs to say my prayers now. Anyone want anything?”

~~~

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position.

In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn’t agree with me."

~~~

Love is not a matter of what happens in life.

It’s a matter of what’s happening in your heart.

Ken Keyes

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

What every woman should…….

It’s the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it’s the little differences that make them interesting.

Todd Ruthman

~~~

 

 

 

I had my Iron infusion yesterday and boy do I feel great today. Either I am doing great or the difference from where I was is so big that I don’t know the difference. I am of course happy that I have made so much progress but I am also pleased that there is no reason to believe that I can’t fulfill all my obligations in the days ahead.

~~~

I was not sure what to write about in the Daily today so I was roaming through my file of saved articles looking for inspiration when I stumbled across this piece that a Daily reader sent me a few years back. I don’t know who sent it, but I think it is worth considering so I thought I would share it with you. By the way substituting “he” for “she” in most cases also works. I did decide though that my buying a Black Lace Bra for myself would have a negative impact on my domestic tranquility so I am not going to get one, nor am I going to put my life at risk by opting for one or two of the other suggestions.

I send it on to you in the same spirit that the original sender sent it to me, see her last sentance.

Ray 

 

Every Woman Should Have…

One old love she can imagine going back to, and one who reminds her how far she has come.

Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to and needs to.

Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

A youth she’s content to leave behind.

A past so juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age.

The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

One friend who always makes her laugh, and one who lets her cry.

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.

Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A resume that is not even slightest bit padded.

Every Woman Should Know…

How to fall in love without losing herself.

How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder, and when to walk away.

How to have a good time at a party she’d never choose to attend.

How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she’ll get it.

That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more.

How to live alone, even if she doesn’t like it.

Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.

Where to go, be it to her best friend’s kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing.

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.

If nothing else, know that you are truly loved and thought of by the friend who sent this to you and that she only wishes the best for you and your life because you are the one that counts.

~~~

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears.

Glenn Clark

~~~

These four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God…," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"

"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it’s 3 to 2."

~~~

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

~~~

A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test.

"How does this glass of water look to you?"

Person 1: It is half empty.

Student writes ‘pessimist’ in his report.

Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?"

Person 2: It is half full.

Student writes ‘optimist’ in his report.

Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?"

Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there.

The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor.

"Oh them!” the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality."

~~~

The way I see it, if you want to see the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton

~~~

She said: After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" I asked.

"He’s in the shower," she responded.

"Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up.

When he didn’t return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"You’re not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed.

"I know," he replied. "That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

~~~

Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

I’m feeling good!

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

 

 

 

As I said yesterday I decided to quit being sick for awhile, I did it mainly by following the advice in the Radmacher quote above. There is so much content in her suggestion that there is little time for feeling bad. Yesterday I got out for awhile with my wife, caught up on a few projects, caught a movie at home, and more. Even my cold seemed manageable and today is going to be even better. I see my blood doc and then get an infusion of iron to help recharge my body which will provide me even more energy. It has been awhile since I felt OK and I still have a way to go yet, but I am overjoyed with the progress, I honestly believe that I’ll be back to near full speed in just a day or two.

I have again learned that when you come out of a down period even a dreary day seems bright and something to appreciate. So for me it truly is the season to be jolly and I will be and I hope you will too. I believe more and more that the wellness feeling comes as much from the mind as from the body and so my friends let positive thoughts be part of your healing process and I know you’ll be glad you did.

~~~

We can choose to find strength in our weaknesses.

It’s a matter of choice

How we bare our crosses

A condition that is life changing

Life altering can break us

If we let it,

But if we choose

We can use that weakness

To find the true measure

Of strength

How we act or react

Is up to us

So what’s your choice?

Michelle R Kidwell

~~~

A doctor rushed out of his study room.  "Get me my bag!" he shouted.

"Why, what’s the matter?" inquired his pretty young wife.

"Some fellow just phoned and said he can’t live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat.

The young wife sighed.  "Just a moment," she said gently. "I think that call was for me."

~~~

The less management demands of engineers and scientists, the greater their productivity.

~~~

The Computer Widow

To My Darling Husband,

I’m sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you’ll be sure to read it.  Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what’s been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.

The children are doing well.  Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, Handsome boy.  He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project.  All the figures were good but yours was excellent!

The chair and back of your head are very realistic.  You would be proud of him.  Little Jennifer turned 3 in September.  She looks a lot like you did at that age.  She is an attractive child and quite smart.  She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday.  What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn’t mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster made you sneeze. The house is in good shape.  I had the living room painted last spring. I’m not sure if you noticed it.  I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn’t be disturbed.

Well dear, I must be going.  The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do.  I’ve hired a house-keeper to take care of things while we are away.  She’ll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it.

I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often.  Try to remember us while your disks are booting.

Love, Mary

~~~

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

~~~

An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade.

"I can’t stop!" she shrilled. "What should I do?"

"Brace yourself," advised her husband, "and try to hit something cheap."

~~~

A practical nurse is one who falls in love with a wealthy patient.

~~~

An English parachutist and an Irish parachutist were arguing about who was best at folding a parachute.

Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they decided to go up in a plane and judge by the midair performance of their parachutes.

The Irishman jumped first, pulled his cord, and started floating down towards the earth.

Then the Englishman jumped, pulled his cord and nothing happened; he pulled his safety cord — nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Irishman, plummeting like a stone.

"Oh," shouted the Irishman, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race, do ya?!"

~~~

If reality wants to reach me, it knows where I am.

~~~

Two gals were driving through Louisiana.  As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. 

As they stood at the counter, one asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?  Would you please pronounce where we are,…very slowly?"

The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

~~~

The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is, that you end up at work.

~~~

The Jackson police were searching for a man they suspected of a string of burglaries.  They had six photographs of the man, all taken in different locations and from different angles.  They sent fax copies of these pictures to police departments all over the country.

Several days later, Jackson received a fax report from the police chief in a small town in Nebraska.  The memo read, "We immediately went to work on those six pictures you sent. We’ve arrested five of the suspects, and we have the sixth under observation right now."

~~~

There are only two things that your child is absolutely willing to share: Communicable Diseases and their mother’s age.

~~~

"Conquer yourself not the world."

Descarte

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Up and at ’em!

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

Anthony J. D’Angelo

 

 

 

Another Monday and another week closer to our Christmas Holidays. Time is flying by with me missing a lot of what is going on. My recovery has kept me from parties, social events and performances of one type or another and I am ready to change all of that. With the exception of a short time spent helping my Kiwanis Club’s annual Clothe-a-Child event early Saturday I pretty much spent the weekend hibernating and that is enough of that. So I am working on making sure my body understands that it must stop telling me that I feel less than my best. I still have some medical shoes to fall but that is not enough to justify my laying around, especially this week as I will be working the telephones for the annual Salvation Army Radiothon on Friday, Saturday and Sunday from early in the morning until midday.

So up and at ‘em, I may go slow but at least I’ll go. I am invoking our old friend “Mind Over Matter.” I went back to see what some of my internet brain trust has to say about the subject and sure enough I found what Gretchen Ruben suggests.

Act the way I want to feel.

Although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. More than a century ago, philosopher and psychologist William James described this phenomenon: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.” By acting as if you feel a certain way, you induce that emotion in yourself.

I use this strategy on myself. If I feel shy, I act friendly. If I feel irritated, I act lovingly. This is much harder to do than it sounds, but it’s uncannily effective.

Lately, I’ve been feeling low. I had various justifications for my blue mood, but just last night it occurred to me – maybe it’s due to my persistent case of viral conjunctivitis (which has been on my mind a lot). As a consequence of the conjunctivitis, my eyes well up constantly, and I wipe tears off my face many times through the day. Maybe that’s contributing to my feelings of sadness.

It sounds far-fetched – that I feel sad because my eyes are watering as a result of eye inflammation – but I have indeed caught myself wondering, “Why am I feeling so emotional, why am I tearing up?” My mind was searching for an explanation that justified such a tearful response.

Actions, even involuntary actions, influence feelings. Studies show that an artificially induced smile can prompt happier emotions, and an experiment suggests that people who use Botox are less prone to anger, because they can’t make angry, frowning faces.

Usually, however, I invoke the act-the-way-I-want-to-feel principle not in the context of involuntary action, like tearful eyes, but in the context of self-regulation. When I’m feeling an unpleasant feeling, I counteract it by behaving the way I wish I felt — when I feel like yelling at my children, I make a joke; when I feel annoyed with a sales clerk, I start acting chatty.

It really works. When I can make myself do it.

~~~

Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same.

Francesca Reigler

~~~

Martha Stewart’s Holiday Calendar

December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7 Debug Windows 7

December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11 Lay Faberge egg.

December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13 Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15 Replace air in SUV tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17 Childproof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31 New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

~~~

My second favorite household chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Erma Bombeck

~~~

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "Hmm… How do you start a flood?" he asked.

~~~

Behind every successful woman…is a substantial amount of coffee.

Stephanie Piro

~~~

A worried Mrs. Melnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I’ve had such a bad day. The baby won’t eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven’t had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I’ve just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I’m supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I’ll be over in half an hour. I’ll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I’ll feed the baby and I’ll call a repairman I know who’ll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I’ll do everything. In fact, I’ll even call Morty at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."

"Morty?" said the housewife. "Who’s Morty?"

"Why, Morty! Your husband! ….Is this 555-1374?

"No, this is 555-1375."

"Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you’re not coming over?"

~~~

I’ve decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I’m having a party!

Betsy Cañas Garmon

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Your new day

"Every morning is a fresh beginning.

Every day is the world made new.

Today is a new day.

Today is my world made new."

Dan Custer

 

 

 

Yep, it is another day. I have always looked at each new day is a fresh adventure but lately my energy level is pretty low so I am in semi-hibernation mode. I worry sometimes that I may not be suffering as much from lack of energy as I am from lack of will. I find just asking myself the question is enough to take inventory to make sure that I don’t let my mental energy go down along with my physical energy. I have come to believe that if you think your down, you will be, if you think you’re weak, you are. If I think I am about to feel sorry for myself I quickly stop and concentrate on something else, often something frivolous. I also use naps as the demarcation line between ending and then starting, in other words the opportunity to start the rest of the day on a brighter note. It seems to me it is a case of mind over matter which requires our having a positive attitude. So I may be going a little slow these days but I am going and that is great. I hope your days are as dazzling as mine, if they are not maybe you can use the techniques offered by life coach Steve Brunkhorst to brighten your days. Here is what he offers:

 

A New Day’s Light

With each passing day we gain knowledge from life’s victories and defeats. We acquire the strength and endurance necessary to follow our chosen mission and seek our desired destiny. Yet the pathways through life are many, and not all of them are clearly marked. Some might lead us astray for a time. Others will simply provide detours needed for rest, rediscovery and renewal.

There will be times when it’s necessary to branch off in a different direction. New beginnings show us the way back to the main road – the path to our chosen destination. Each new day’s light brings countless seeds of miracles. It is our free will to begin anew with each sunrise, each breath. In this moment we can begin the rest of our lives with a rekindled faith and renewed spirit.

Here are seven questions that will help you remain aware of the many blessings and possibilities around you…

  • What is something that causes you to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead with enthusiasm?
  • What is one thing about your life that you want to celebrate?
  • What are the greatest gifts you bring to the world?
  • What motivates you when you are successful?
  • What enchanting or captivating moment would you like to experience today, and how would you describe that experience?
  • What special type of work or project do you see yourself completing today?
  • What would your life look like if you accepted the greatest good for yourself each day?

You can use your answers to trigger a productive and rewarding effort that will make your day something special and when you do you’ll be amazed at how great a day you had.

~~~

"Today, many will break through the barriers of the past by looking at the blessings of the present. Why not you?"

Steve Maraboli

~~~

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.

"Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus’ expedition. Now the Pope, as I’m sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to you find His original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have the lousy loan?

~~~

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

~~~

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

She replied, "Yes or No."

~~~

"The brain is a wonderful thing….it starts working the minute you get up and never quits until your boss asks you a question at work…

~~~

This old guy comes into a pub with a dog, and a cat which he placed on top of the piano. The dog climbed up on the piano seat and began to play the piano while the cat sang a number of popular songs.

The drinkers in the pub were amazed and the publican rewarded the old man with a double scotch and said, "That’s a great act.  Have you thought of taking them professional?"

"They are not as good as you think" confessed the old man. "The cat is tone deaf and can’t sing

a note. The dog is a ventriloquist."

~~~

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

~~~

He said: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit.

One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

But a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, "You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."

~~~

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

Marcel Proust

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Blessed are the compassionate

The value of compassion cannot be over emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate.

No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.

Arthur H. Stainback

 

 

The doctor yesterday warned me that the severe blood loss that I experienced probably has resulted in the return of my chronic anemia due to very low levels of iron. had a couple of tests then and have another today to determine my blood thinner requirementsYesterdays results will go to my hematologist and I probably will have to immediately start another series of Iron infusions. Having gotten so many IV’s over the years that does not bother me at all and if that hastens my return to normal energy levels I’m ready. Yesterday as an example I ran out of gas about 10 AM after which time I was useless and retreated to my nap room.

I hope you will forgive me for today using another of the Dailies written some years back, I have a meeting first thing this morning and then off to the hospital for tests and training on my new home blood monitor. At least I’m getting a lot more rest these days and since my brain mush is directly proportional to my energy level I am not getting too bored, just goofy.

Ray’s Daily first published on

December 3, 2001

 

My wife Nancy flew to Havana, Cuba yesterday as a member of a Youth Foundation’s humanitarian mission. My diet will not be affected since I always do the shopping and cooking anyway. The only thing I must remember is to make the bed and load the dishwasher before she gets back.

~~~

Last Saturday night Nancy and I, my kids (all over 40), and grand-kids, joined with three generations of two other families that were our neighbors many years ago. We had about 50 people ranging in age from a few months to more than seventy. The only reason I am sharing this is that I sat with one of my daughters’ old school friends that I had not seen in twenty years or so. She shared some positive memories of events that I had totally forgotten. I am beginning to believe that our legacy is the meaningful events that are remembered by others. So often we define ourselves by our own perceptions, or let others judge us, and then believe their criticism. In reality we are probably what others see in us even though they keep their thoughts to themselves. If this is the case it means that almost every human contact we make will add or detract from the legacy we leave behind.

~~~

The person who does things that count, doesn’t usually stop to count them.

~~~

Excerpts from some kids’ letters to God:

Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma

Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones you have now? Jane

Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan

Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil

Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce

Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

~~~

It’s a small world, once you’ve made the long trip to the airport.

~~~

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I’m a pilot!"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked, " What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he’s a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

~~~

The three major food groups are canned, frozen and takeout.

~~~

Here are some questions asked on forms with interesting answers:

 

Form: Length of Residence…

Answer: 73 feet

 

Form: Reason for requesting employment

Answer: Money

 

Form: Beneficiary

Answer: Wife

Form: Relationship

Answer: Strained

 

Form: Purpose of withdrawal

Answer: Get money to spend

 

Form: Person to notify in Case of Accident

Answer: Anyone in sight

 

Form: Number of employees in your office, broken down by sex

Answer: None that I know of, Liquor is a much larger problem

~~~

Monotony is the awful reward of the careful.

A.G. Buckham

~~~

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?"

"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"

"Yes, that’s right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

~~~

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

~~~

A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"

"How do I know?" the driver responds. "I’m not a lawyer!"

~~~

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh–at yourself.

ETHEL BARRYMORE

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

What Ray said in 2002

Cherishing children is the mark of a civilized society.

Joan Ganz Cooney

 

 

I am off to the doctor’s this morning for a review of my progress and some lab work. After that I have a meeting that was delayed two weeks because of my hospital stay and slow recovery, it will be a stamina test. Rather than miss or provide a poor daily I am again falling back on a previous issue. See you tomorrow.

Ray’s Daily first published

December 2, 2002

Each year on the two Fridays before Christmas I stand outside ringing bells for the Salvation Army. It is always a worthwhile experience for me as I get a true look at the humanity of others. I have often seen children who appear not to have much of their own contribute all of their pennies. Sometimes families will drive up in cars that have seen better days and dump the change they have been saving all year into the red kettle. Others, often obviously affluent, can’t be bothered. I honestly believe that it is those who have a concern for others are the ones who understand the true meaning of Christmas. In that spirit I give you the following.

 

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?"

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his handout of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. "How much is a dish of plain ice cream?" he inquired.

Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she said brusquely.

The little boy again counted the coins. "I’ll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies — her tip.

~~~

The course of human history is determined, not by what happens in the skies, but by what takes place in our hearts.

Sir Arthur Kent

~~~

"Your Honor, my wife is just being ridiculous. Most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry and I was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."

"Mr. Smith," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce. I cannot believe chivalry was your motivation while driving 65 mph."

~~~

"Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred."

~~~

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem.

After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out."

"I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it."

"I don’t understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor", says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."

~~~

"People who never get carried away should be."

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

"The Big IQ Test"

Pay close attention. Here is a very simple little test comprised of four easy questions to determine the level of your intellect. See if you have what it takes to be considered "smart." Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting of time. And no cheating!

On your mark, get set, go…

1: You are competing in a race and overtake the runner in second place.  In which position are you now?

Answer: If you answered that you’re now in first, you’re wrong!  You overtook the second runner and took his place, therefore you are now in second place.

For the next question try not to be so dim.

2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?

Answer: If you answered second to last, you are wrong once again. Think about it… How can you overtake the person who is last? If you’re behind him, he can’t be last. You would have been last. It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points.

Anyway, here’s another question to try. Don’t take any notes or use a calculator, and remember, your replies must be instantaneous.

3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000.  Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20.  Plus 1000. And plus 10.  What is the total?

Answer: Did you get 5000?

Well, wrong again!

The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a calculator.

Today is clearly not your day, although you should manage to get the last question right…

4: Marie’s father has five daughters:

  1. Chacha

  2. Cheche

  3. Chichi

  4. Chocho

  5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter’s name?

Think quickly… you’ll find the answer below..

Answer: Are you thinking ‘Chuchu’?

WRONG!

It’s obviously Marie!  Read the question properly. ‘Oy, what a day I’m having….’

~~~

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Karen Kaiser Clark

~~~

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They’re all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. "Well" said the man, " She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!"

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."

~~~

Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

December’s here

“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”

Dr. Seuss

 

 

 

Wow, December already, what a year this has been. In some ways I suppose I should be glad it has whizzed by so fast with all its economic and political turmoil. My medical events while memorable haven’t been that much fun either. Fortunately the momentary painful experiences always fade leaving the best to enjoy each day.

The New Year is but a few weeks away, my hope is that it will bring better times, maybe not prosperity but at least a better life for those in need wherever they may be. I have decided that I am going to avoid those of ill will this month and spend as much time as I can helping those of good will as they do what they can for others.

Of course as always my country designates each month with themes in order for each of us to focus in on those things someone thinks is important. Here are a few that I thought I should observe:

  • International Calendar Awareness Month – Unfortunately my health is keeping me in the U.S. this year and we will be skipping our traditional pre-New Year cruise so they only calendars I will see will be domestic.
  • Read A New Book Month – I have quite a few books in backlog, all new, that I planned on reading this month but now that I am limited to a book, I’ll have to choose one.
  • Safe Toys and Gifts Month – With all the new type toys and gifts that are out there these days I find it is way too expensive to have them all tested so I’ll just take my chances and let my wife do all the gift shopping.
  • Stress-Free Family Holidays Month – I am not sure that limiting my holidays to only stress free families would result in me seeing many people so all are welcome, just please leave your stress outside.
  • Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month – I really didn’t need the reminder, my recent minor colorectal surgery aftermath that turned into my loosing a couple of gallons of blood and the resultant plummeting of blood pressure will stay in my memory forever.
  • National Indigestion Season-Jewish Book Month – I have no idea why these two are combined. All I can tell you is that I love my kosher corned beef with the kosher dill pickle and that the indigestion that results is a small price to pay for something that tastes so good. If I have to read a Jewish book at the same time so be it.
  • Love Your Neighbor Month – Be careful with this one, some folks get offended if you go too far, especially spouses.
  • World AIDS Month – Let us all pray that the day will come when millions of children are no longer left as orphans because their parents died of this horrible disease.

And let us not forget that for millions around the world December is the month that Christians rededicate themselves to Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all. Just think what it would be like if everyone everywhere held hands and said enough is enough and we all came together to build a better world.

~~~

"God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December."

J. M. Barrie

~~~

During a recent publicity outing, Christy sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her.

"Will I be acquitted?"

~~~

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

~~~

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.  Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later.  His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn’t she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook…."

~~~

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

~~~

PROCRASTINATOR’S CREED

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.

8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever I will.

~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

Unknown

~~~

She said:

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man you would have preferred.

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage still confers one very special privilege – only a married person can get divorced.

Only a man would buy a $1500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

~~~

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are."

Marianne Williamson

~~~

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

~~~

The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.

Arthur H. Stainback

~~~

 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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