Ray's musings and humor

Yippee, we get to start over!

We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.

Edith Lovejoy Pierce

 

 

 

I don’t know where Ray and the rest of the staff have gone, probably to decorate for the New Year ’s Eve party. They have to do it early since they are so old they celebrate New Years about five o’clock. I am not going to hang around waiting for them to come back, so Happy New Year. After I send you a Daily from a previous New Year’s Eve I am going to turn off the lights and get out of here until Monday, the Daily is closed tomorrow since it will be New Years Day. Hope you have a great year.

Ray’s Computer

~~~

New Year’s Eve 2002

Since this is the last day of 2002 I could not help reflecting back on the year that will soon be behind us. Certainly it has been year filled with anxiety for most of us. The threat of terrorism and war has been with us constantly as we were inundated with the threat in our daily newspapers and the electronic media. For some of us the stock market decline, lower return on our CD’s and money market investments, coupled with runaway prescription costs has created a new set of concerns.

I suggest though that if you are like I am we have much to be thankful for as the year comes to an end. We made it through the year without another terrorist attack. We may have had to tighten our belts but we all know we are still better off than most. In my case I have been blessed with a family that is thriving. My grandchildren continue to mature and to give pleasure to us all. I have been extremely fortunate to be in the care of a variety of medical good guys and gals whose tenacity and skill prevented my having to undergo major heart surgery. Most recently my medical caregivers prescribed iron treatments that have brought back my energy and sense of well being. It has been a year filled with new friends and the rediscovery of old friends. It is a year where I continued to have the good fortune of knowing and working with so many of you in the interest of children in need. All in all, when the scale is balanced it has been a pretty good year, thank you all for helping it be that way.

~~~

Warm weather fosters growth: cold weather destroys it. Thus a man with an unsympathetic temperament has a scant joy: but a man with a warm and friendly heart overflowing blessings, and his beneficence will extend to posterity

Hung Tzu-Cheng

~~~

Speaking of my medical experience, here are some more medical terms I learned:

Post operative — letter carrier

Protein — favoring young people

Rectum — damn near killed ’em

Recovery room — place to do upholstery

Rheumatic — amorous

Secretion — hiding anything

Seizure — Roman emperor

Serology — study of knighthood

Terminal illness — sickness at airport

Tibia — country in North Africa

Tumour — an extra pair

Urine — opposite of you’re out

Varicose — located nearby

Vein — conceited

~~~

MOTHER’S DAY – Nine months after fathers day.

~~~

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.  So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke.  She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes.  I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said "I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N", she answered.

~~~

"I was high on life, but eventually I built up a tolerance."

Arj Barker

~~~

An elderly lady on a cruise ship wanders up to the bar and asks for a scotch with two drops of water.  As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I’m on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday, and it’s today."

The bartender says "Well, since it’s your birthday, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too."

The elderly matron says, "Why, thank you. Bartender, I would like a scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one as well."

The lady says, "Thank you.  Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water."

"Comin’ right up."  As he puts the drink down in front of her, he says, "Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The 80 year-old replies, "Sonny, when you’re my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

~~~

The word philanthropy has its roots in the Greek language meaning “love for mankind.” It was never meant to apply only to donors of thousands or millions of dollars.

Arthur C. Frantzreb

~~~

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I didn’t pinch that girl."

"Of course you didn’t," replied his wife, consolingly. "I did."

~~~

Q: What did the Jewish Mother ask her daughter when the daughter told her she had an affair?

A: Who catered it?

~~~

The obstetrician was used to seeing some unusual tattoos when he was working in labor and delivery.

One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," the doctor commented.

With a sad smile, she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."

~~~

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

~~~

My Dad has a sure way to keep my Mom from buying an outfit.

When she tries it on, he says, "I love that middle-aged look it gives you."

~~~

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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