Ray's musings and humor

Joy to your world

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!

Hamilton Wright Mabie



As I am sure you understand I was pleased that yesterday was my last planned hospital visit in 2009. I spent the afternoon preparing for and then getting a brain scan to provide my brain docs pictures of my aneurysm to see if it has changed. Hopefully when I see my neurologist in January I’ll learn that it has stabilized and that I’ll be able to start traveling again. If the truth be known I am also hoping that I got all my medical adventures out of the way in 2009 and that 2010 will be uneventful medically, only requiring my normal maintenance.

In fact my plan right now is for you, me and all our friends to have a pretty good year starting the next week.


There are just a few days left until our long Christmas weekend is upon us. In fact I am letting my computer take Christmas Eve and Christmas day off in addition to the weekend. This way he’ll be able to let his drives, printers, monitor and his many applications to do what they wish during the holidays. Me, I’ll be attending our annual Christmas Eve dinner at a downtown club with our extended family and with friends that are dear to our hearts, folks that have been dining with us each Christmas Eve for more than 25 years. The young children have become adults with young children of their own; some in fact are not that young as they have gone on to college and beyond.

Christmas day as always will be a special time as our close family gathers for presents, food and relaxation. We are truly fortunate that all our children and all our grandchildren live nearby.

As a lark I decided to go back to the daily I wrote 10 years ago and see what it said. After reading it I decided that even though it was dusty and somewhat faded it is worth sharing. By the way my body worked a little better then as I was not yet 65 and was about to retire for the third and it turned out not my last time. Here is what we sent to what was but a small group of readers on December 22, 2000.



Polite people,


Smiling children,

It must be Christmas, lets hope the spirit lasts this time.


No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Here’s how some young folk completed lines to famous Christmas carols. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

"Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly …"

"We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar … "

"On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me …"

"Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire …"

"He’s makin a list, chicken and rice …"

"Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say …"

"Sleep in heavenly peas …"

"In the meadow we can build a snowman … Then pretend that he is sparse

and brown …"

"Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay …"

"Good tidings we bring to you and your kid …"

"Noel, noel … noel, noel … Barney’s the king of Israel …"


Two rules for success in life.

1. Don’t tell people everything you know.



Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in our "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

  1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

  2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated…doves are out;

  3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French things;

  4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

  5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

  6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;

  7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.  The function is primarily decorative. Shrimp ponds are on order. The current swans will be donated to county jails;

  8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.  The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

  9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

  10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While Leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we Expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

  11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of an out of date band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship by UPS in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the Bar Association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive.

Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize our Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs ..sleeping, sneezing, grumping, etc. are in line with our overall projections.

Your Management


And finally, what it’s all about:

We pray for the Children who sneak Popsicle’s before supper,

who erase holes in math workbooks,

who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,

who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,

who never "counted potatoes,"

who are born in places where we wouldn’t be caught dead,

who never go to the circus,

who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,

who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.

And we pray for those who never get dessert,

who have no safe blanket to drag behind,

who watch their parents watch them die,

who can’t find any bread to steal,

who don’t have any rooms to clean up,

whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,

whose monsters are real.

We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,

who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,

who like ghost stories,

who shove dirty clothes under the bed,

who never rinse out the tub,

who get visits from the tooth fairy,

who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,

who squirm in church and scream in the phone,

whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime,

who will eat anything,

who have never seen a dentist,

who aren’t spoiled by anybody,

who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,

who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must,

who we never give up on and for those who don’t get a second chance.

And for those we smother and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.


May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

Author Unknown


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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