Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2009

I will, will you?

“The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were.”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

 

 

 

As you know I am prone to finding an excuse to create a new Daily now and then and when I do I just send out an old one. Well today I am going to send out a previous Daily but not because I am too lazy but because I reread it the other day and decided it applies today as much as it did when I wrote it in June of 2002. So here we go again, a look back 7 years.

~~~

If you are like I am you find the problems of the world today spread a cloud across so much of what we do and see that it makes coping with reality a real challenge.

  • We try to balance our search for security with our great love of personal freedom.
  • We fear for the future of the children while we bask in the joy they give us.
  • We search for security during insecure times.

Unfortunately many think we have only two choices, total self centered ignorance that allows one to ignore what’s going around them, or unbridled pessimism that drags them into the depth of despair. For most of us there is a middle ground. What follows is something that was sent to me that if we all do what it suggests we will make life better for ourselves as well as for others.

 

Today let us promise ourselves….

To be so strong that nothing can disturb our peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person we meet.

To make all our friends feel that there is something special in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make our optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as we are about our own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature we meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of our self that we have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of ourselves and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as we are true to the best that is in us.

~~~

The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.

William Somerset Maugham

~~~

In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.

"I can’t do that!" she said.  "The sweater is going to be a surprise!"

~~~

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn’t really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman? She’s way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom thinks about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

~~~

Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!

Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

~~~

Every time a new Pope is elected, there’s a whole lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well there’s one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope’s presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.

The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected. John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.

"My brother," the Holy Father whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people.  I have to ask you, what is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: "But we have no more idea than you do.  The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history."

The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret."

The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper.  As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it.

They both gasped with shock. It was the bill for the Last Supper.

~~~

TERRIBLE TWO’S: Having both kids at home all summer.

~~~

Family leaving Church after services:

Father; "That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I’ve ever heard."

Mother; "The choir was terrible.  I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key."

Little Tommy; "I don’t know, all in all it wasn’t bad show.  Three of us for a buck."

~~~

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

Ingrid Bergman

~~~

Eighty four year old Morris was hit by a car and lay bleeding on the sidewalk. A policeman arrived on the scene and, glancing at the victim, immediately called for a priest and an ambulance.

The priest arrived first, and bending over Morris, he asked, "Do you believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost?"

Morris lifted his head, opened his eyes wide and turned to the crowd that had gathered around him. "I am laying here dying and this schmendrick is asking me riddles!"

~~~

There’s one thing about baldness…..it’s neat.

~~~

On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?"

Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did."

The woman nodded. "Oh good. Then this is my row."

~~~

"So," Jane asked the detective she had hired.  "Did you trail my husband?"

"Yes ma’am.  I did.  I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment."

A big smile crossed Jane’s face.  "Aha!  I’ve got him!" she said gloating.  "Is there any doubt what he was doing?"

"No ma’am." replied the sleuth, "It’s pretty clear that he was following you."

~~~

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends whom we choose.

Hsieh Tehyi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Thanks Kevin!

How big can you dream? There’s no limit. I recently saw this quote:

"Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

Regina Brett

 

 

I was saddened not too long ago when I learned that a friend and Daily reader who lived in Florida had passed away. It was his son who I had never met who notified me of Jack’s passing. It turns out that his dad was frequently forwarding the Daily onto him. A few weeks later he asked to be put on the distribution which really pleased me as it provided me a way that to stay connected to his family.

Yesterday he rewarded me with the following gift. He wrote:

All the best and thank you for adding me to your list, it makes me feel better every time I read your daily.  Somehow my worries and problems do not seem to be so big and insurmountable after reading them.   

Kevin

He added:

This may have been around a few times but after my father passing I sure looked at it with a different perspective.  It was sent to me by my sister in Nashville.

The following is what he sent and after reading it I realized that what this lady had written could just as well have been a summary of the thoughts we have shared in the Daily over the last nine years. I wish I knew the author; she has to be a special lady.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a 0A relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in20a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift."

~~~

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

Sam Keen

~~~

I really do value my friends and their support, as an example Jane sent me this.

You and I are Friends…….

You Fight, I Fight……..

You Hurt, I Hurt……..

You Cry, I Cry………

You Jump Off a Bridge….

I’m Gonna Miss Your dumb ass…..

~~~

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.

~~~

For many years, it was believed that most injuries occur in the home. This is no longer true. 

Evidence from a recent study suggests that injuries are most likely to occur at social gatherings, right after somebody yells, "Hey, Y’all!  Watch this!"

~~~

Stan was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Stan answered.

"I’d like to talk to your mother or father," she said.

"Sorry, but they ain’t here."

"Stan!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?"

"Beats me," he replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had t’go bail her out again!"

~~~

"In order for you to profit from your mistakes, you have to get out and make some."

~~~

At the UPS cargo phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, "I need a baseball quote." I immediately answered with Yogi Berra’s famous, "It isn’t over ’til it’s over!"

There was a brief moment of silence before the woman asked, "What was that?"

"You asked me for a baseball quote and that was the first thing that came into my head."

"Oh, my husband told me to call and get a baseball quote."

"Uhhh, do you want to ship something?"

"Yes."

"Do you mean you want a ballpark estimate?"

~~~

The moment will arrive when you are comfortable with who you are, and what you are–bald or old or fat or poor, successful or struggling–when you don’t feel the need to apologize for anything or to deny anything. To be comfortable in your own skin is the beginning of strength.

Charles Handy

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Don’t Wait!

Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie

Which we ascribe to heaven.

William Shakespeare

 

 

 

I had breakfast with a new friend this morning. He is accomplished and has a history of business successes. He is currently in the process of planning and implementing a new future for himself. Wisely he is researching alternatives that are open to him as he explores possible lifetime vocational opportunities. One of the things I like the most about him is that he does not want to be limited to only living within the confines of a job as he also wants to find ways to help people. As an example he is implementing a program that will help some of today’s troubled youth.

What surprised me was the discovery that my accomplished friend does not seem to realize just how good he is and how great is his potential for the future. He is working on further self development as part of his preparation for his next big life move. As we talked I shared with him my feeling that he already has much to offer and that rather than spending time in the theoretical world he would be better served getting out and talking to others about what is going on in business and industry. He will be an asset to whatever organization he joins but he takes a chance of missing the best position if he waits to start looking where that might be.

So many people I meet don’t seem to realize how good they really are and I suspect it is because we take so many of the important things for granted while placing excess importance on things that have less personal value.

Here one of my favorite stories that will give you the idea of what I mean:

 

Seven Wonders Of The World

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids

2. Taj Mahal 

3. Grand Canyon

4. Panama Canal 

5. Empire State Building  

6. St. Peter’s Basilica  

7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little.  I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World’ are:

1. to see 

2. to hear

3. to touch 

4. to taste

5. to feel 

6. to laugh 

7. and to love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!  A gentle reminder — that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

~~~

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

Author Unknown

~~~

The Dentist’s Hymn:………….Crown Him with Many Crowns

The Weatherman’s Hymn:……….There Shall Be Showers of Blessings 

The Contractor’s Hymn:……….The Church’s One Foundation 

The Tailor’s Hymn:…………..Holy, Holy, Holy 

The Golfer’s Hymn:…………..There’s a Green Hill Far Away 

The Politician’s Hymn:……….Standing on the Promises 

The Optometrist’s Hymn:………Open My Eyes That I Might See 

The IRS Agent’s Hymn:………..I Surrender All 

The Gossip’s Hymn:…………..Pass It On 

The Electrician’s Hymn:………Send The Light

The Shopper’s Hymn:………….Sweet By and By

The Realtor’s Hymn:………….I’ve Got a Mansion, Just Over The Hilltop

The Massage Therapists Hymn:….He Touched Me

The Doctor’s Hymn:…………..The Great Physician

For those who speed on the highway – a few hymns: 

45mph………………..God Will Take Care of You 

55mph………………..Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah 

65mph………………..Nearer My God To Thee 

75mph………………..Nearer Still Nearer 

85mph………………..This World Is Not My Home 

95mph………………..Lord, I’m Coming Home 

Over100mph………Precious Memories

~~~

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~~~

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you. All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.

~~~

I don’t do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

~~~

Jamie asked his dad to explain the difference between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered, he asked, "Can I speak to Rolf, please?"

"No! There’s no one named Rolf here," replies the person who answered the phone.

The father hung up. "That, my boy, is irritation."

He picked up the phone again, dialed the same number, then asked for Rolf a second time. "No, there’s no one here called Rolf. Go away. If you call again I’m calling the cops," the person said.

The father hung up and said, "That’s aggravation."

"Then what’s frustration?" asked Jamie. The father picked up the phone and dialed the same number a third time.

"Hello, this is Rolf. Have I received any phone calls?"

~~~

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

Erin Majors

~~~

Donald Ogden Stewart, the writer, had a son away at prep school.  When the boy reached the age of fourteen, Stewart wrote him the following letter:

"Dear son, now that you have reached the magic age of fourteen, the time has come to tell you about the bees and flowers.  There is a male and a female bee, although I haven’t the slightest idea which is which. As for the flowers – we get ours from the Plaza Florist, Inc. 

Well, that takes care of that.

Write soon,

Affectionately,

Father

~~~

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Roderick Thorp

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Ready?

For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Steve Jobs

 

 

 

I have a lot more years on me than Steve Jobs but I strongly endorse his thought. Fortunately we all have the ability to move on when we are not happy with the way things are going. In my case I have made it somewhat automatic by asking myself weekly if I am on the right track.

As I mentioned to a friend yesterday, my Sundays sometimes are the first day of my week and other times the last day. Of course that required some explanation. For me it all depends on how things are going, if I have procrastinated and not got much done the previous seven days or if they were just not that memorable or rewarding then it is my last day and Monday is my new beginning and a fresh start for what can be a super week. But if my Sunday, with its freedom to do what ever I want to do since others are off doing there thing goes as well as it usually does then it is the first day of my week and I am off to a flying start.

In reality I can start again anytime just as we all can but if our days are filled with restart after restart we’ll just end up floundering around getting little done and slowly sinking into mental quick sand. By treating each period as having a beginning and end I reap all kinds of benefits. If things are going great I will be able to look back on the week pleased or maybe just relieved that I have had a series of successes. It is not that we need a lot of self approval but we truly benefit from some self satisfaction now and then.

I, like most folks also have bad days and sometimes more of them in a row than I can easily tolerate. It is during those times that having the end of my week in sight provides hope and anticipated relief for I know I can begin anew and that the first day of my new week will be full of opportunity to put the past behind me so I can begin again enjoying progress, adventure and comfortable times with friends.

The previous week, month and year have passed and are gone forever, there is absolutely no value in spending time dwelling on what was since all our time and energy is better spent on the days ahead.

~~~

Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.

Warren Buffett

~~~

A father said to his teenage daughter, "I want you home by 11:00 tonight." 

"But Daddy," she protested, "I’m not a little girl anymore." 

"You’re right." he answered. "Better make it 10:30!" 

~~~

As you know my grammar leaves much to be desired but I think I finally have got it right, so here goes:

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

16. Don’t use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And finally…

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out 

~~~

To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.

~~~

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let’s go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.

"Because I’m going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"

The pilot replied, "You mean you’re not the flight instructor?"

~~~

"He doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Of course, there are lots of other words he doesn’t know either."

San Diego Chargers coach Sid Gilman on one of his first year players.

~~~

An account executive at a stock-and-bond firm telephoned an elderly woman client who had purchased her first stock — one hundred shares of Proctor & Gamble.  He told her that he had just heard they were going to split.

"Oh!  What a shame."  she lamented.  "I’m so sorry to hear that. And, they’ve been together for so long too."

~~~

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Thank You!

“What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

 

 

Yesterday I was interviewed on a TV show that will be aired by a local station Monday. The moderator and I were touting the rewards that come to those who volunteer some of their time to serving others. In my mind service is not a gift we give others as much as a gift we get from having the opportunity to serve by doing something of value while building new friendships.

As our conversation went on I was asked how folks who would like to volunteer might start to do so. I gave all the traditional answers and ended saying “If you don’t know how to find a volunteer opportunity then find a friend who gives of their time and join them”. I was then asked what the person who does not have a friend that volunteers might do, my response was “if you want to help just let me know, I would love to be that friend”.

As I drove home I thought about all the years I have been publishing the daily and the many times that I asked myself why do I do it and then I realized that the Daily is a way we reach out to each other in friendship. What I realized was how gratifying the occasional feedback I get from readers is to me. This is especially true when they report that they have done something of value because of something they picked up from the Daily. So yesterday I revisited some of what you have said in the past and after reading a few of your notes I decided I should share some with you. So here is what some of my dearest friends, many who I have never met, have written.

  • I always enjoy your Dailies, Ray.  Would you believe I’ve saved them all since Oct 2002?  I enjoy your re-runs every bit as much as their first appearance.
  • Ray, you truly are such a blessing in my life.
  • The Daily on the Balanced Life was just what I needed.
  • Wise soul. Buddha like wisdom. Soft centre…kind and funny…takes time to know others and spread some good words…good to be connected. This was from a reader in the UK.
  • Right on. Good Blog and so relevant. If we don’t find a way to live in peace in this world, I’m afraid our planet will become like the others in our solar system. Cold and desolate.
  • I just had to share "I will be there" with my brother. That is our relationship with each other as we both suffer from depression and its many maladies. I feel for those people who have no one to share deep thoughts with. Everyone needs someone to listen to them and lighten their load at some point. We can be there to lighten someone else’s load; I want my friends to know I am there for them whenever needed… to listen.
  • I agree there is more to us as human beings than meets the eye. If only people would try to look beyond the surface. It appears you try. People get so boxed in by their imaginary limitations. Thanks for the thoughts and keep posting.
  • YOU ALWAYS POST SUCH GREAT WISDOM AND I DO ENJOY READING IT SO VERY MUCH…I CAN RELATE TO THIS POST SINCE YES AS MANY I HAVE LOST THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I WISH WERE STILL HERE.. BUT WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES WE JUST NEED TO LEARN FROM THEM AS HARD AS THAT MAYBE SOMETIMES TO DO… CAUSE SOME HOW WE MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN IN LIFE THAT WE KNOW WE SHOULDN’ BE DOING…
  • Few can do what you accomplish here, and reading your blogs has replaced my daily newspaper for a long, long, time. There is nothing more interesting to read, than the thoughts and perceptions of one who builds on their character, and the character of others, with hindsight, insight, and foresight, with wisdom. Thanks for being here & thank you so much for your support.
  • Yes, well, without you realizing this, you have helped me. … So my friend, all I want to do is say thank you and God bless! I am learning to have no worries!
  • You always manage to leave us with something, even when tired. I thank you for that!
  • I like where you write about focusing on the good things, my mind works like that for the most part. Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy.

The reason I wanted to share these with you was to let you know that I get much more back then I give through your letting me into your life for a few minutes now and then. My very best to you always, Ray.

~~~

“We are friends and I do like to pass the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn’t mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often.”

Jeanette Winterson

~~~

John and his wife Jill often take car trips from the U.S. to Canada.

One holiday season they were stopped at the border, where the guard asked John the value of any goods we would be taking back with us. John paused to think of the value of everything they had with them.

"Never mind," the guard said, "what’s the most expensive thing in your car?"

Without hesitation, John replied, "My wife."

~~~

Understanding human needs is half the job of meeting them.

ADLAI E. STEVENSON, JR.

~~~

A shaddchan (matchmaker) corners a yeshiva bochur (student) and says, "Do I have a girl for you!".

"Not interested", replies the bochur.

"But she’s beautiful!", says the shaddchan

"Yeah?" says the bochur.

"Yes. And she’s very rich too."

"Really?"

"And she has great yichus (ancestry)! From a very fine family."

"Sounds great." says the bochur. "But why would a girl like that want to marry me? She’d have to be crazy."

Replies the shaddchan "Well, you can’t have everything!"

~~~

Enemies are made, not born.

~~~

Memorial Day weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.

"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free."

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room.  He stood with his hands on

his hips and said. . . .

"I’m not free. I’m four."

~~~

A boy took home a library book whose cover read “How To Hug” only to discover that it was volume seven of an encyclopedia.

~~~

Linda, whose daughter had just given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby, showed up for a lunch date looking less cheerful than Jill expected.

"What’s wrong," Jill asked. "Are you depressed by the fact that you’re a grandmother?"

Linda responded with a barely perceptible smile. "No," she said. "It’s just that I’m not crazy about having to sleep with a grandfather."

~~~

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

What have you decided?

“This is my life. It is my one time to be me. I want to experience every good thing.”

Maya Angelou

 

 

 

It seems lately that more and more people are questioning their life decisions even to the point of blaming themselves for being caught in the turmoil of today’s economic upheaval. As you know the world is changing at an ever faster pace so most people can no longer find a niche and just stay in it for the rest of their life.

It seems to me we have two choices as we face today’s realities, we can sit back in agony and blame fate and other people for our problems or we can look at the challenges we face and readjust our lives by making midcourse corrections that will lead is to something even better than we had before.

It appears many have a hard time making necessary changes either from their fear of the unknown or their lack of belief in their ability to do what is needed to take full advantage of what life has to offer. When I am with people who face today’s challenges they often seem to be seeking someone who will tell them what to do to make things better, when all anyone can do is help them see that only they have the power to brighten their future. Fortunately almost everyone I work with gets to the point where they learn enough about themselves and what makes them happy that they move ahead finding their own answers.

Here are some suggestions that a smart lady named Liz Strauss offers on how we all can get more out of life:

 

Life — it’s what we do between the time we get here and when we go. We only get one, and despite what other folks might suppose, it’s ours to determine what to do with it. We don’t measure life in hours and minutes. We measure life in memories and moments.

What do you think of when you read this sentence? "It was the time of my life." We don’t say that often enough. Life either happens to us, or we take hold of life and live it. Here are 10 ways start living your life.

1. Give yourself permission to claim your life. You’re the only one who can decide you’re in charge of your life. Turn off the editors, the "shoulds, have tos, and musts", and the rules that didn’t come from you.

2. Define what living means to you. Picture yourself at the end of your life looking back. What words would you want to describe how you lived and who you are?

3. Stop living in the future. Every time you think "when I have time I will," stop. Ask yourself, "Why not now?" Choose your life every morning.

4. Surround yourself with people who enjoy living. They’ve obviously discovered how to live. Why not hang with the pros?

5. Lay down your pain and your anger. Carrying them around makes living harder and less fun. It doesn’t bring anything, and it steals a lot.

6. Let the other guy win. Don’t argue about things that you don’t care about. Unless there’s a threat, let folks prove what they need to prove. Why waste living time trying to fix what doesn’t matter?

7. Create energy. Jump to forgiveness and love, then figure things out. Most conclusions we imagine are both wrong and negative. Negative conclusions lead us to prepare a defense. Being defensive isn’t living. It’s hiding from life.

8. Learn the physical symptoms of when your head and heart become disconnected. We know when we’re behaving badly. Key into to how it feels physically. Know the symptoms, and you can stop the behavior. Living will feel safer because you won’t be shooting yourself in the foot.

9. Take small risks that push your boundaries in every way. When we stretch just a bit intellectually, physically, emotionally, we grow. Living is growing. Even our cells know that.

10. Value and protect the people and places you care about. Let the people you care about come first, and let everyone know that you do. Re-read numbers 1 and 2.

We come into life with whatever we’ve got. We’re in charge after that. It took me a while to figure that out — that my life isn’t what happens to me — I could take hold of it.

~~~

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

Golda Meir

~~~

More from the friendly skies:

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault…it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!"

~~~

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

~~~

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him.  "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port.  Good for the heart I’ve heard."

The reporter replied, "That’s ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic."

~~~

He is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

~~~

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, "My father’s dead, Miss."

"Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?"

"He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed."

~~~

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

~~~

David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

~~~

Life does not have to be regarded as a game in which scores are kept and somebody wins.

If you are too intent on winning, you will never enjoy playing.

THOMAS MERTON

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Chose the happiness path

My own experience has taught me this: If you wait for the perfect moment when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive. Mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved.

Maurice Chevalier

 

 

As many of you know I am often kept occupied working with people who are searching for enjoyment in their jobs and in their lives. I am richly rewarded by the new friends I make in the process, unfortunately however many people these days are looking for alternatives not just by choice but also by necessity due to the severe economic downturn. It is times like these that I get many opportunities to spend time with people who are searching for a new path to happiness. Today is one of those days where I have meetings scheduled all day long with people I care about. So I again find that I have no time for a new Daily so I will once again dip into the archives.

See you tomorrow.

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on June 3, 2004

I find that the value of patience is one of life’s great lessons. We seem to always be too busy to take advantage of little interruptions and turn them from a moment of inconvenience to one that allows us to stop and look around while providing us a little time for introspection.

I excerpted the following from an article written by Dan Johnston, Ph.D. that discusses the concept. 

 

How do you handle being inconvenienced? What happens when the grocery store checkout is slow, your important telephone call is placed on hold for the third time, or the traffic light catches you at the last moment before you can speed ahead?

We live in a world that values immediate gratification. We like fast food, 24 hour on-line shopping, and instant around the clock news.  Many of us have come to expect to have what we want when we want it, and we do not like delays because of the inconvenience they bring. In a life focused on seeking instantaneous satisfaction, being inconvenienced is seen as an obstacle to our happiness. We get upset over being inconvenienced "only" if we have acquired a belief that such a mundane thing should not happen to "us." If we believe that we are special people, it is upsetting and humbling to be inconvenienced and reminded that we are not.

Fortunately for us, the ordinary inconveniences of everyday life challenge this assumption of privilege, and if we are wise, we may come to see inconveniences for what they truly are: Reminders to lighten up and an opportunity to practice unlearning the negative habit of impatience. The next time that you are inconvenienced, try this. Just accept it as a fact of life. When the traffic light catches you or the airline loses your luggage, don’t rant and rave and blow the incidence out of proportion. Look around and you will notice that there are others in the same situation with you. Don’t take it personal and start looking for someone to blame. Just acknowledge that such things happen to all of us.

Use these moments of inconvenience to wake up to your common, shared humanity and let them serve as the occasion for making a deliberate choice to practice kindness and patience in the moment. Rather than quickly using your habit of anger and irritation, open yourself to a new response of serenity and compassion. Once you understand that inconvenience is an opportunity to lighten up, you may begin to actually welcome it into your life.

~~~

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

W. B. Prescott ~

~~~

Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy’s checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I’ve done it! I made it balance!"

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let’s see… mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?"

"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"

~~~

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good for a while, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

Mitch Hedberg

~~~

Yesterday I had breakfast with a friend and we talked about how childrens activities, soccer, basketball, and the like fill all available hours for many parents these days. Between driving to practices, going to games, attending tournaments and such things there is not much time left for anything else. I wonder sometimes what will life be like for those whose time is consumed by kids activities after the kids are gone.

~~~

A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, "Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street."

The young man said, "Just a minute."  Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you!"

~~~

This is certain, that a man that studies revenge keeps his wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

Two lawyers, Chuck and Larry, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench.

"Your Honor," said Chuck, "I objected because my distinguished colleague Larry, was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Larry. "I happen to know them by heart."

Chuck rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now? Well, Larry, I have a hundred dollars that says you can’t even tell me the first few words."

Larry smirked and accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag…"

"Darn," Chuck interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn’t think you’d know it."

~~~

Have you noticed that the gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.

~~~

Alternate Uses for Duct Tape

Hate finding your mailbox clogged with junk mail, advertising circulars and bills? Duct tape your mailbox shut.

Obliterate that blinking "12:00" on your VCR once and for all with a single strip of duct tape.

Gals – duct tape keeps the toilet seat down

Wrap sticky-side out around your hand to pick up fuzz, lint and pet hair from clothing and furniture also picks up small pets from clothing and furniture.

Duct tape hand held games to your car’s steering wheel for amusement during afternoon traffic jams. Also great on trips.

Broken wooden serving spoons? Repair with duct tape, instant mock-silver service.

~~~

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the heck was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

~~~

Remember, all the answers you need are inside of you;

you only have to become quiet enough to hear them.

Debbie Ford

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Live a balanced life, you’ll be glad you did!

“The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to life.”

Albert Einstein

 

 

 

I wish I could say I lived up to Einstein’s challenge all my life but I am afraid I missed the mark by a mile when I was younger. I was driven by ambition, materialism, and self gratification to the point that it was sometimes too easy to overlook the opportunity for better balance in my actions. I am sure there is still room for improvement but when my values started to change I learned how much gratification can come from keeping my life scale in balance. The amazing thing is that there is so much more reward to living a balanced existence then when the scale is overloaded on the material side or the altruistic side. Don’t get me wrong I am a big believer in altruism, just not to the point that we begin to think we are saintly and have the answers to everyone else’s problems.

So my friends pray and play, eat what you need and feed someone else. Make friends with yourself and with everyone else you meet along the way. Think a little less and risk a little more and if you are like me you will soon discover that your life is not a drab painting loaded with faded colors but one of brilliant hues filled with interesting scenes that will capture your eye and be imbedded forever in your memory.

 

Here is what Ralph Marston has to say about living with balance:

It’s nice to relax on a regular basis. Yet a life of nothing but relaxation would be unbearably miserable.

It is extremely fulfilling and energizing to put forth great effort and to make things happen. Yet if that’s all you ever do, your spirit will surely become worn away.

Life is best when it is balanced. Night and day, warm and cool, wet and dry, effort and rest all benefit from each other and from the natural balance that permeates all of life.

Are you plagued by frustrations, or weariness, anxiety, doubt, confusion or lack of motivation? Then the chances are very good that something in your life is out of balance.

Often, the best way to get something done is to stop working on it for a while. And the best way to fully enjoy the time when you’re not working is to practice discipline, diligence and commitment during the times when you are working.

Your life is blessed with many different aspects. Keep them all in balance, and they will all be of much greater value to you.

~~~

“Work, love and play are the great balance wheels of man’s being”

Orison Swett Marden

~~~

A young intern was making a morning visit in the maternity pre-partum ward at the local hospital. He stopped at the first bed and said: "What is the expected due date for your baby?"

"June 8th." she answered.

He went on to the next bed and repeated his question.

"June 8th." came the reply.

He asked the woman in the next bed the same question.

Again the response was "June 8th."

After getting the same answer seven times in a row, he found the next patient asleep.

He turned to the woman he had just questioned, and asked: "Does Mrs. W. here also expect her

baby to be born on June 8th?"

"I don’t know," was the reply. "You see, she didn’t go to our company’s Labor Day picnic."

~~~

"I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia.  Let them walk to school like I did."

Yogi Berra

~~~

Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired in this way: "My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other Grandfather was a Christian Scientist (deep silence); while my other Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence). But I must tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist through and through (loud cheers!) and I have always considered my aunt’s path to be the right one!"

~~~

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!"

Andy McIntyre

~~~

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand & she responds, "Don’t touch me."

"Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I’m dead."

The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together & talking to one another."

The wife says, "No, I’m definitely dead."

Her husband insists, "You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?"

His wife answers, "I know I’m dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"

~~~

Humility does not mean you think less of yourself. It means you think of yourself less.

Ken Blanchard

~~~

A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could. "Oh, my friends," he intoned, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!" At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?"

The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, "My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!"

~~~

My Dog Can Lick Anyone

~~~

A little girl from Minneapolis came home from Sunday school with a frown on her face. "I’m not going back there anymore," she announced with finality. "I don’t like the Bible they keep teaching us."

"Why not?" asked her astonished mother.

"Because," said the little girl, "that Bible is always talking about St. Paul, and it never once mentions Minneapolis."

~~~

Happiness:  The result of being too busy to be miserable.

~~~

A guy goes to the psychiatrist. "Doctor," says the guy, "I feel as if I’m two different people! Two totally different personalities. Do you think I need help? Can you help me? Am I doing the right thing seeing a psychiatrist?"

"Whoah! Whoah! Whoah!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time."

~~~

I must have told you a zillion times, don’t exaggerate!

~~~

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,

Give me the grace to see a joke,

To get some humor out of life

And pass it on to other folk

~~~

Our deeds still travel with us from afar,

and what we have been makes us what we are.

George Eliot

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

June is busting out all over!

It is the month of June, The month of leaves and roses,

When pleasant sights salute the eyes And pleasant scents the noses.

Nathaniel Parker Willis

 

 

 

It is hard to believe that it is June already. The trees are in full foliage, kids are out of school or soon will be, and now we begin the ramp up to what probably will be another torrid summer. For many in the work place activities slow down in anticipation of a fall ramp up. For others it is time for family vacations and this year possibly a little different than in the past as so many families are finding less expensive alternatives.

In my case I find that I sometimes miss the many learning experiences and civil activities that are in full swing in the non-summer months, on the other hand I often find that the reduced demands on my time allow me to visit farmers markets, enjoy some leisure, get some reading done and even on occasion spending some time learning more about our world and my place in it. Actually I am also given the opportunity to work with others as they plan the contributions they are going to make to our community in the future.

To kick things off I figured it was time to see what opportunities those of us who live in the US are given to keep us busy in June, so here goes. June is:

  • Turkey Lover’s Month – Yippee I don’t have to wait until Thanksgiving. I don’t know if eating the turkey is an act of love but I love eating turkey so I will pretend that it is.
  • National Accordion Awareness Month – Oh well, I can stand Lady of Spain one more time.
  • Fight the Filthy Fly Month – My problem is I cannot tell the difference between the filthy fly and the pure fly so I treat them all equally.
  • Fiction is Fun Month – For you who live on the wild side this does not apply to the fiction you use to explain the fun you had, rather this is about reading about doing the things you would never have the courage to do.
  • Fresh Fruits and Vegetables Month – Oh Boy, local food is here again, happy days.
  • National Drive Safe Month – I don’t care what they say I am going to try to drive safe all year, it is way too expensive not to do so.
  • Own Your Share of America Month – I own lots of shares, they use to be worth lots too, not so much anymore.
  • Vacation Month – I hope you enjoy yours, we are delaying ours, and it will be interesting to spend time seeing the sights in our own backyard.

Whatever you end up doing I hope it gives you all the enjoyment you deserve. Have fun.

~~~

“Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June.”

Al Bernstein

~~~

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:

"Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult – I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is."

"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her."

"You were perfectly right."

"You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room:

"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"

~~~

As long as I can remember, I’ve had amnesia.

~~~

While filling out an employment application, a man paused over this question:

"Person to notify in case of an accident."

Finally he wrote, "Anybody in sight."

~~~

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

Charles, Count Talleyrand

~~~

An Irish political prisoner escaped from jail by digging a tunnel that emerged to a school playground. As he emerged from the hole into the open air, he couldn’t help shouting over to a small girl.

"I’m free ! I’m free !!" 

"That’s nothing" she replied "I’m four!"

~~~

"I want to know what good is a web search engine that returns 324,909,188 ‘matches’ to my key word. That’s like saying, "Good news, we’ve located the product you’re looking for. It’s on Earth."

Bruce Cameron

~~~

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What’s your handicap?"

"Oh, I’m a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!

~~~

Anything preying on my mind would starve to death.

~~~

Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly.

"Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?"

"Without water."

~~~

"According to a brand new report, this year airline passengers have been subject to longer delays and ruder service than ever before. When asked about it, a spokesperson for the airlines said, ‘Shut up and get back in line!’"

Conan O’Brien

~~~

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I’m calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."

Secretary at high school answered, "I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"

"This is my mother."

~~~

"Ask me about my vow of silence."

~~~

I have a brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came on the public-address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the plane’s restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she finished cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."

~~~

What is one to say about June, the time of perfect young summer, the fulfillment of the promise of the earlier months, and with as yet no sign to remind one that its fresh young beauty will ever fade.

Gertrude Jekyll

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

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