Ray's musings and humor

Have a fun weekend!

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Bill Watterson

 

 

 

I have a lot going on today and if the truth be known I also would like to take a little time off, so here is another of our past efforts. Fortunately we have so many new readers that this will be the first time they have seen it. Happily most of my contemporaries may enjoy it also since they won’t remember this edition‘s contents anyway, I didn’t.

Have a great weekend, forget you troubles and by all means smile!

See you Monday

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on June 19, 2002

Why don’t you and I decide to:

Be strong enough to face the world each day.

Be weak enough to know we cannot do everything alone,

Be generous to those who need or help,

Be frugal with what you need ourselves,

Be wise enough to know that we do not know everything,

Be foolish enough to believe in miracles,

Be willing to share our joys,

Be willing to share the sorrows of others,

Be a leader when we see a path others have missed,

Be a follower when we are shrouded in the midst of uncertainty,

Be the first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds,

Be the last to criticize a colleague who fails,

Be sure where our next step will fall, so that we will not stumble,

Be sure of our final destination, in case we are going the wrong way,

Be loving to those who love us,

Be loving to those who do not love us for they may change,

Above all, be ourselves!

~~~

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach.

 Anne Morrow Lindbergh

~~~

More headline news you may have missed:

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

~~~

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

Desmond: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

~~~

Signs that you are in the 21st Century

———————————-

-You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

-You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your neighbor yet this year.

-You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, What’s for dinner?

-Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

~~~

WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

~~~

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon."

How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me", the farther replied.

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

~~~

I love visiting my sister-in-law in Florida in the summertime; I have learned while there that:

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

~~~

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook."

~~~

Sam and Gilda Shapiro are having marriage problems. After counseling with their rabbi they decide to just end their union.  After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"

The husband says, "In the six weeks we’ve been back together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing."

The wife interjects, "Seven weeks, your honor!"

~~~

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

~~~

"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. And you can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn’t get back to sleep.

"I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought maybe you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."

The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"

~~~

"We are all faced with great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."

~~~

The demanding woman was busy giving the patient clerk a difficult time. Nothing the clerk produced was exactly what the woman wanted. In a fit of exasperation, the pernickety woman said in annoyance, "Isn’t there a smarter clerk to serve me?"

"No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you coming, he ran and hid!"

~~~

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try."

Beverly Sills

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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