Ray's musings and humor

Archive for April, 2009

The secret — One day at a time

Footprints on the sands of time are not made by sitting down.

 

 

Last Saturday a friend and I talked about how the burden to achieve a happy life is really on ourselves. It can be frightening when we realize that there are no magic answers nor can we expect others to do it for us. The problem, I believe is that too many of us get frightened by the challenge and end up resigning ourselves to the belief that nothing can be done. After thinking about our discussion I realized that more often than not our fear is based on the belief that we must do everything at once and so we set our sight on almost instant change, in other words we have unrealistic expectations.

In truth, just like everything else big changes don’t happen overnight and we are better off concentrating on making changes one step at a time. If we want more friends all we have to do is make one new one, and then later another, and then yet another and after time goes by we find our lonesomeness has disappeared. It is the same with almost everything else we may want; it is a process that requires us to begin at the starting line and not at the finish line. If we measure progress by our small steps we win almost everyday instead of being frustrated by the race and the time it takes to reach the goal. In truth life is lived in the process and not at the finish line and if we make good use of what we are given each day we won’t have time to agonize over what we have yet to achieve.

The first step for most of us is to decide what it is we want or at least think we want. If we don’t know where we want to go we not only won’t get there we won’t even know where to start. Here is something that may help.

If It Is To Be, It Is Up To Me!

What are 10 two letter words that make up one of the most powerful lessons one can learn in this lifetime? It goes along with the saying, “If you want something done right, do it yourself!” The 10 two letter words are: If it is to be, it is up to me! What a simple but profound concept on can learn from such simple words.

If it is to be….if what is to be? That is the great part, you can fill in the blank here. If _____ is to be then you have chosen for it to be and will then bring it into existence. The blank, the “it” is the part of this statement which allows you to become a creator. It allows you to bring into existence, or in your life, that which has not been there before. This is where you dreams become realities and your goals become achievable. If success is to be, it is up to me!

I always speak of a 97% and a 3%. The 97% of the worlds population believe in a different saying than this one. Even though most may agree with this 10 two letter word phrase, they don’t really believe it or apply it. The 97% really believe in a phrase that goes something like this: If it is to be, who is going to give it to me…or….If it is to be, the government will provide it for me….or….If it is to be, it is free! I could go on and on.

Now the other 3% know the true meaning to this phrase and apply it. If there is anything that happens in their lives, it is because they made it happen. They thought it up, they set some goals, and they took consistent action in making sure that it happened. Do they quit when the road gets a little rough? No! Do they listen to the nay-sayers and the wanna-bes? No! Are they deterred by the masses opinions or the bandwagoners? No!

David Allred

~~~

The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal.

The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

Benjamin Mays

~~~

In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries.  Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression…

In America we call it golf.

~~~

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate.

Lady Nancy Astor

~~~

My friend’s husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn’t live here."

The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila."

~~~

"My grandfather’s a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day he took me aside and left me there."

Ron Richards

~~~

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat.  But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That’s right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Bernice."

"Bernice is your wife?" Asked the baker.

"Of course she’s my wife!  Do you think my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

~~~

When asked what she wanted for her birthday, little Sarah said, "One of everything, please!"

~~~

She said, always remember these important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.

2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.

3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.

4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn’t have a peel-back cover.

5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.

6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you’d better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt."

~~~

When you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to worry about.

~~~

You may have heard the old joke about Shirley, the Jewish mother in NYC, who brought her 6 year old boy to the psychoanalyst, who diagnosed: "Nothing much wrong with your son, just a slight Oedipus complex.

Said Shirley the mom… "Oedipus, schmedipus, the important thing is that he loves his mother"

~~~

Love is blind and it’s not too bright, either.

~~~

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.

My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.

"What are all these books?" he asked.

Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. 

"Really?" he said.  Someone printed out the whole thing?"

Jeffrey Labonte

~~~

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,

anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

Anonymous

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Want to brighten your life?

You may not have saved a lot of money in your life, but if you have saved a lot of heartaches for other folks, you are a pretty rich man.

Seth Parker

 

 

 

Tomorrow I will be taping a Radio Show for the Salvation Army and I plan on talking about the value of volunteerism. Mainly I plan on focusing in on what the act of volunteering does for those who do it. We all know that there are hundreds of thousands of unselfish examples of people helping people everyday in our country. People like you and me are giving of there time to help the sick, the young, the people faced with the results of natural disaster, those struggling to rehabilitate themselves after years of substance abuse, the homeless and so many more. These good folks clean up dirty neighborhoods, clear streams, tutor children, build homes for the homeless, cook meals for the hungry, visit the sick, in other words they make the world a better place than it would have been if not for them.

But for me the miracle is what the volunteer gets in return. The act of volunteering adds a dimension to life that is almost indescribable. I am not talking about a feeling of pride or sanctimonious superiority or the fulfillment of an obligation; rather the enrichment of heart and soul, the chance to break out of our daily grinds and take the time to do things that provide a measurable benefit and ends with that feeling that comes from a job well done. I find that some of the best things in life come from meeting new people and working with them to do something for others.

No one has to know about what we do, we know that we took a few hours out of our day and did something worthwhile and that is enough. Fortunately for me many of those who were strangers have become lasting friends through the time spent together volunteering. And those of you who have volunteered to join with me on May the 8th at the Central Indiana Special Olympics you will see that the joy we share with these challenged athletes will spill over into our heats and make that Saturday special for us all.

I especially want to thank those of you who have offered to help on the 9th, I know you’ll be glad you did. If you have would like to see how spending a few hours on a Saturday can brighten your life, just e-mail me at ray@iquest.net or reply to today’s daily and I’ll fill you in.

As you know I am a big fan of Ralph Marston and I am glad he also sees the value of volunteerism the the quality of life. Here is one of the examples he has offered.

Ways to Improve Your Life Right Now

As soon as you change your attitude, you change your life. There’s no need to wait for something to take effect. It kicks in right away. Too often we get stuck in negative thought patterns that bring a self-defeating attitude. When that happens, what’s needed is an attitude "jump start" to get back on the road. Here are some ideas:

1. Do something new or do something in a completely different way. Go somewhere new for lunch or take another route to the office. Buy and read a magazine from a field that you know nothing about. Try a new kind of soft drink. Listen to a different radio station. Imagine what you would do in your business if your suppliers became your customers. Look for opportunities to open your mind.

2. Do something for someone with absolutely no expectation of return. Look for opportunities to do this. They’re all around. Help someone who looks lost — go beyond what you would normally do out of politeness and really make sure they know how to find what they’re looking for. Volunteer to help at your child’s school, at your church, at a community center. Again, go beyond just doing it out of a sense of obligation. Do it cheerfully and excitedly.

3. Call an old friend you haven’t talked to for years. Not to sell them anything or tell them about your latest opportunity, but just to find out what they’re doing. Take an interest in how their life has been since you last saw them. Ask about their family, their job, their interests and activities. Try to ask and listen to them three or four times as much as you talk about yourself.

4. Get some exercise. Move your body and enjoy the feeling of your muscles working. Enjoy movement and physical effort. Get your heart pumping and work up a sweat.

~~~

The world is hugged by the faithful arms of volunteers.

Everett Mámor

~~~

The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job.

"We make parts for microscopes.  You’ll be required to work with lenses that are ten-thousandths of an inch thick."

"I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."

~~~

A perfectionist is one who takes great pains, and gives them to everyone else.

~~~

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I’d gotten the know you sooner!"

~~~

Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for me, so I continued.

At last, she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandpa, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

~~~

Volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they just have the heart.

Elizabeth Andrew

~~~

Miss Smith and Little Johnny’s father were having a parent teacher conference.

Miss Smith said to Little Johnny’s father, "Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son."

Little Johnny’s father asked, "What’s that?"

"With grades like these, he couldn’t possibly be cheating."

~~~

I’ve seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives.

Tracy Chapman

~~~

Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman’s, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?"

"That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman.

"Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein’s Bargain Store downtown!"

"But Madam," said the salesman, "You’ll find that the dress at Klein’s is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool."

"Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?"

~~~

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

~~~

A wife and her husband attended a very important business party thrown by her boss, where the husband may have had one or two more than he should have. On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and totally irresistible to all women you are?"

"Why no," said the husband, deeply flattered.

"Then what gave you the idea you are at the party?" she yelled.

~~~

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world.

For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

MARGARET MEAD

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Has anyone seen me today?

 

There’s lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven’t the time to enjoy it.

Josh Billings

 

 

 

Has anyone seen me today? I have been so busy with meetings, Doctor and x-ray appointments I have not been able to catch up with myself and I have no reason to believe I’ll find me later. Since I don’t want to take the risk of missing another daily I am sending you this one instead and including an update.

 

Ray’s Daily April 14, 2004

I had a great day yesterday. My CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) machine kept me from stopping breathing through the night, so my Sleep Apnea was not a problem. My Pacemaker and my two heart medicines kept my heart in rhythm. My Thyroid medicine has my Thyroid nearly normal. My blood pressure medicine kept my blood pressure at acceptable levels. My lung pills kept my lungs clear. I am so lucky to have such good health, or at least the wherewithal to be able to acquire and pay for what it takes to get it. I pity all those who are without healthcare or who do not have the means to buy what they need to sustain a decent lifestyle. Sure my medications are costly, and sure I wish they cost less, but at least I have them, the alternative would be catastrophic.

Fortunately my two heart operations and curative successes have resulted in my heart staying in rhythm most of the time allowing me to give up some of my nastier medications. I also have overcome my thyroid problems. The way things are going I’ll be so healthy in a few years that I’ll be able to do some amazing things. April 2009

~~~

If I had my way I’d make health catching instead of disease.

Robert Ingersoll

~~~

Jane says that there are 7 degrees of blondeness

1st Degree:

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don’t know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear’."

2nd Degree:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it’s me!"

3rd Degree:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you’re next!"

4th Degree:

A blonde brags about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that’s easy -‘W’."

5th Degree:

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

6th Degree:

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. "Wow!" the trooper gasped.

"Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma’am?" "Why, yes, officer, I’m just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was…." "Uh, ma’am," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."

7th Degree:

Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

I don’t know if Jane is a blond these days or not, I would guess not. Ray

~~~

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation…  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~~~

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you’re 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

~~~

I think the nice thing about being senile is I can hide my own Easter eggs.

~~~

Walter and Maury were good friends and neighbors. Walter was Christian, Maury was Jewish, but they liked and respected each other very much.  (Which is as it should be.)  The neighborhood in which they were next door neighbors included many Jewish and Christian families.

One day, Maury and Walter were both trimming their yards.  Walter called over the yard to Maury, "Hey, Maury!  Why do you and so many of our Jewish friends often answer a question with a question?"

Maury replied, "Why shouldn’t we?"

~~~

If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

~~~

Timmy was roughhousing with his dog.

His mother said to him, "Now, Timmy, I know you love Grover, but you’re loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn’t breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I’d feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Donna was here!"

~~~

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:     "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

~~~

Can you believe that this came from Wendy?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Thought you’d might like to see what happened to me last week.

I went downtown the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It’s important at my age.

~~~

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty.  Empty what’s full.  Scratch where it itches.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

~~~

 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Please join me if you can

Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses.

Allophones Karr

 

 

 

I have a couple of opportunities to share with you before we get started today. I hope you don’t mind but every once in awhile a reader will ask if there is someway they can help with something I have going on; well today there is.

First, if you live in Central Indiana and would like to join me on Saturday May 9th, I think you’ll be glad you did. For on that day many of my friends and I will be at the Special Olympics games handling the awards ceremony and we sure could use your help. If you think you might be interested drop me a note at ray@iquest.net and I’ll tell you more about it.

Second you can help my Kiwanis Club support our participation in the annual Cystic Fibrosis walk by making a sponsorship donation at http://www.cff.org/great_strides/NorthwestKiwanisIndianapolis. Even a modest donation will be appreciated.

 

This is the first time I have ever included an opportunity for us to do some good together in the Daily, I hope you don’t mind.

~~~

I was with a friend the other day talking about happiness and we ended up thinking that too often we seem to feel we must be gloriously happy for if we are not then something must be missing. In reality we get to chose to place value on even modest happiness by appreciating even the little things and we don’t really need it all to find enjoyment. The ever smart Gretchen Rubin shared some of her happiness tips with her readers recently and I liked what she said enough to think it is worth sharing with you. Here is what she wrote:

These aren’t necessarily the most essential tips for being happy — I tried to include strategies that might not otherwise occur to people. So, for example, "helping other people" isn’t listed, even though it’s one of the best ways of boosting your happiness.

1. Don’t start with profundities.

When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this up; these two factors have a big impact on happiness.

2. Do let the sun go down on anger.

I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.

3. Fake it till you feel it.

Feelings follow actions. If I’m feeling low, I deliberately act cheery, and I find myself actually feeling happier. If I’m feeling angry at someone, I do something thoughtful for her and my feelings toward her soften. This strategy is uncannily effective.

4. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly.

Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction. People who do new things — learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places — are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well. I often remind myself to “Enjoy the fun of failure” and tackle some daunting goal.

5. Don’t treat the blues with a “treat.” Often the things I choose as “treats” aren’t good for me. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt and loss of control and other negative consequences deepen the lousiness of the day. While it’s easy to think, I’ll feel good after I have a few glasses of wine…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans, it’s worth pausing to ask whether this will truly make things better.

6. Buy some happiness.

Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do and having a sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help. I’ve learned to look for ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my health; to work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict; to support important causes; and to have enlarging experiences. For example, when my sister got married, I splurged on a better digital camera. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness bang for the buck.

7. Don’t insist on the best.

There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a decision once their criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

8. Exercise to boost energy.

I knew, intellectually, that this worked, but how often have I told myself, “I’m just too tired to go to the gym”? Exercise is one of the most dependable mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can brighten my outlook

9. Stop nagging.

I knew my nagging wasn’t working particularly well, but I figured that if I stopped, my husband would never do a thing around the house. Wrong. If anything, more work got done. Plus, I got a surprisingly big happiness boost from quitting nagging. I hadn’t realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of speaking like that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools: wordless hints (for example, leaving a new lightbulb on the counter); using just one word (saying “Milk!” instead of talking on and on); not insisting that something be done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task myself. Why did I get to set the assignments? I found it hard to give up nagging—in fact, I came up with 19 strategies to try to cure myself of the nagging habit.

10. Take action.

Some people assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You’re born an Eeyore or a Tigger, and that’s that. Although it’s true that genetics play a big role, about 40 percent of your happiness level is within your control. Taking time to reflect, and conscious steps to make your life happier, really does work.

~~~

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us daily. ”

Sally Koch,

~~~

She said: When my daughter was about 10-years-old, I became pregnant. Of course, she wanted to know how it happened, so I gave her what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process.

She asked, "Did you do that to get me?"

I said yes and she responded, "And you did it a second time?"

~~~

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

~~~

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was no where in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do.

The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory"! I preached, and I preached, like I’d never preached before from Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain’t never seen anything like that before And I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

~~~

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

~~~

He said: When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was "comfortable underwear."

Worried I’d make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know which ones to pick?"

"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered. "If you smile, put them back."

~~~

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life,

that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

I hope things are as good for you as they are for me!

"GRATITUDE unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Melody Beattie

 

 

 

It is Easter weekend for most of the world’s Christians and for us in the Northern Hemisphere it signals a new beginning as our flowers start their journey towards full bloom, food crop seeds germinate and life’s bounties will soon again be visible to those who are willing to see and appreciate what we have. Unfortunately there are those who don’t see the gifts they have received and unfortunately many others who don’t have access to what we see.

I doubt that there are any of our readers who don’t have reasons to be grateful for what they have. Sure many of us have had to do with less because of the global economy but that what we call less is so much more than what almost anyone else in the world has that we have every reason to be extremely grateful. No matter our religion or our station in life I feel we are obligated to do periodic self assessments and inventory what we have, friends, family, shelter, food on our table and so much more. Once we have reviewed what we have we will know why we should be grateful for the benefits we receive.

My hope is that most will not limit their expression of gratitude to only thanking their god or their lucky stars but rather showing their gratitude by doing something for someone less fortunate. In my experience the gift we give to others soon becomes so important to us that it nears the top of our gratitude list as we realize that our ability to give is truly a treasure life provides to all who wishe to receive it.

~~~

Let me arise and open the gate,

to breathe the wild warm air of the heath,

And to let in Love, and to let out Hate,

And anger at living and scorn of Fate,

To let in Life, and to let out Death.

Violet Fane

~~~

The heart is the happiest when it beats for others.

~~~

A road sign from my youth:

DROVE TOO LONG

DRIVER SNOOZING

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

IS NOT AMUSING

***Burma Shave***

~~~

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;

they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Marcel Proust

~~

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID #)#(*(*^*&% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…….

That’s how many.

~~~

"The best is yet to be."

Robert Browning

~~~

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."

"What’s wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn’t started eating yet."

~~~

I’ve learned the great value of the three F’s:

forgive, forget and forge ahead.

~~~

She said I am a very nervous flyer.  During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems.  Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant.  "I’ll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out.  Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don’t ask about the engines."

~~~

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look at the stars.

Henry Van Dyke

~~~

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out.

All from the same person.

~~~

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.

  Chinese proverb

~~~

Grandma Levy, always a regular synagogue member had finally talked her cousin, a woman who had lived a riotous, free life, into joining the Temple.

"Tell me Rabbi," the old lady asked, "Do you feel that my cousin will have her sins forgiven after all those years?"

"Yes I do. I’m positive of it. You must remember that the greater the number of sins, the greater the glory."

"Really Rabbi?", the old lady replied thoughtfully. "I sure do wish I’d known that fifty years ago."

~~~

The comfortable and comforting people are those who look upon the bright side of life; gathering its roses and sunshine and making the most that happens seem the best.

Dorothy Dix

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Are you connected?

We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.

Ray Bradbury

 

 

 

The older I get the more I believe that true happiness in life comes from the quality of the connections we make with others. I often run into folks who want for little from the material world and yet live a lonesome existence because they have isolated themselves emotionally from others. I breakfasted today with one of my heroes, a gal who is super successful because she lets her heart and her honesty surface in everything she does. She truly likes people and it shows in her encounters with everyone she meets. It is not only that she concentrates on what she can do for others but it is her overwhelming capacity see the good in people.

She like all the rest of us has had bad days and felt real pain. She too has experienced disappointment and even unfairness in her dealings but she has not let a few reversals prevent her from always being ready for new friends and new opportunities. I suppose if I asked her she would say “I’ll be damned if I am going to let others take away my zest for life.” I always get the feeling that she starts each day with a shout saying “Get ready world, here I come and let’s make today our best ever”.

Most of the unhappy people I meet have lost the ability to positively connect with others, but they don’t have to loose it forever. Here is some wisdom offered by life strategies coach Steve Brunkhorst that shows some of the ways to win back a life surrounded by caring others.

Enhancing Human Connections

The quality of our connections with others determines, in many ways, our overall success, joy, and satisfaction with life. Enhancing these connections begins with our personal attitude and values.

We first need to remain connected with our values consciously each day. Through a firm connection with our values, we maintain focus on our actions and goals, stay on purpose, overcome temporary defeats, develop self-discipline, and strengthen resolve.

Once we grasp the importance of a connection to our values, we also realize a vital and necessary connection with other people. In this world, we cannot accomplish very much alone. People develop trust and respect for one another when they seek and find common ground, working together for the common well-being of all.

Abraham Maslow spoke of this connection with others when he wrote, "Self-actualizing people have a deep feeling of identification, sympathy, and affection for human beings in general. They feel kinship and connection, as if all people were members of a single family."

We have within us a deeper connection to an even greater power, the power of love. It is a connection realized through a connection with our human family, a connection that can bring about a commitment to peace for all mankind.

Allow this ultimate connection of value to enhance all of your human connections. Ask yourself, "How strongly am I committed to the things I truly value, and how is that connection manifesting itself in my relationships?" May your connections with others remain strong today and throughout the years ahead!

~~~

“A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the change.”

~~~

Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize.

"Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?"

"What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that’s what I’m making, poison."

Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I’m not coming home."

~~~

How can you add one to infinity?

~~~

There was a knock at the door.  It was a small boy, about five years old.  Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole.

"How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow!  I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

~~~

Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

~~~

Dear Cats and Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note – placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything larger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit trough the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s or cat’s behind. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Thank you.

"Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later." Mary Bly

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

~~~

I didn’t believe in reincarnation the last time, either.

~~~

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small hick Texas town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went.

He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said.

The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled  and told the man, "Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"

~~~

If you really want the last word in an argument, try saying, "I guess you’re right."

~~~

She said: We’ve been letting our six-year-old go to sleep listening to the radio, and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a good idea. Last night he said his prayers and wound up with: And God bless Mommy and Daddy and Sister. Amen and FM!

~~~

I don’t have a solution but I really admire the problem.

~~~

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.

Patricia Neal

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

I’m glad that’s done

 

The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose.

William Simon

 

 

Hi all, it has been another one of those days, an early blood draw at the hospital then a meeting with a colleague followed by a seminar on Pakistan and Afghanistan and if that wasn’t enough I just finished spending a couple hours finishing my State and Federal Taxes. So since I am worn down I am going to send you a Daily for April 8th from a few years ago, I am sure I had more energy then.

Ray’s Daily

August 8, 2005

 “My property taxes are too high,” “My boss is a jerk,” “It is too damn hot,” “Gasoline cost’s way too much,” “Somebody is getting more than their fair share, medical costs are way too high,” we hear these kind of complaints every day, I know I have made many myself. Fortunately we are in a country where we can complain without consequence other than the fact that others walk away when we become to much of a pain. In a democracy we have a right to our opinions and are expected to express them at the ballot box.

Too many others either don’t have the opportunity to complain or really have things to complain about. Last week I had the good fortune to be invited to join a small group to meet and listen to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. She is the leading candidate for the presidency of Liberia (Note: she did win and is the current president. Ray 4-8-2009). She has watched her country go through years of civil war, governments that where led by corrupt dictatorships, and a deteriorating society. She had to go into exile as it became too hostile for her to stay home. Fortunately for her country she continued to spend her time devoted to people both as undersecretary general of the Untied Nations and as an advisor to a number of public and private humanitarian organizations.

Today she is leading the Liberian unity movement that is working to bring her country back together and to eventually be able to sustain peace without dependence on UN Peacekeepers. The small audience in attendance last week were primarily Liberian and African experts as well as community leaders, and of course myself, who is neither. The dialogue outlined the difficulty attendant with first winning a free election and then solving her nation’s problems. Problems such as:

  • 85% unemployment.
  • Refugees returning to their villages only to find that they no longer exist.
  • 100,000 disarmed children and young people who were made to kill, often having no other choice.
  • A broken and often corrupt civil service.
  • Operating sweetheart contracts signed by a dictatorship that sold his country for kickbacks.
  • An infrastructure that has broken down to the point that often something as basic as water supply is unreliable at best.

So why am I reporting all of this to you? It is because I walked away realizing that all those things that we complain about pale by comparison. I don’t mean that we should stop doing what we can as citizens to make things better, what I do mean is that we are fortunate to only have the problems we have. When I think of life and how we became part of it I cannot help thinking that if it were not for my good fortune at birth I might have been one of those who are truly suffering, rather than one that is merely inconvenienced.

~~~

Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity.

Nancy Astor

~~~

She said, when my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand your genealogy.

I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night,

"Grandma, where did I come from?"

I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home,

"Well, honey, the stork brought you."

"Where did Mom come from then?"

"The stork brought her, too."

"OK, then…. where did you come from?"

"The stork brought me too, dear."

"Okay, thanks, Grandma."

I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann’s room and read the first sentence of her paper. . .

"For three generations there have been no natural births in our family."

~~~

Talk is Cheap – until you hire a lawyer.

~~~

Mary:  Were your parents upset when you got a divorce?

Jill:  Well, you know how parents are.  My mother said, "SO!  Is this how it’s going to be?  Just one man after another for the rest of your life?"

Mary:  Typical!  What did you tell her?

Jill:  I said, "Gee, I hope so!"

~~~

When you are looking for obstacles, you can’t find opportunities.

J. C. Bell

~~~

A husband was with his wife when she decided to buy something for their daughter-in-law at an exclusive lingerie shop. Inside, the husband was feeling very out of place when a beautiful clerk asked if she could help him. In a cocky manner, he asked, "Where are all the men’s clothes?"

In a demure voice the clerk replied, "All of these clothes *are* for men, sir."

~~~

It is what we think we know already that often prevents us from learning.

Claude Bernard

~~~

A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.

"Shucks, I’d sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer.

"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you’d look riding around on a cow."

"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as I’d look trying to milk a bicycle!"

~~~

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun when he goes on business trips as his wife thinks he does.

~~~

Three people were trying to get into heaven. Peter asked the first, "Who’s there?" "It’s me, Albert Jones," the voice replied. St. Peter let him in.

Then St. Peter asked the second one the second same question, "Who’s there?" "It’s me, Charlie Jones." And St. Peter let him in.

Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, "Who’s there?" "It is I, Verla Chapman," answered the third.

"Oh, great," muttered St. Peter. "Another one of those English teachers."

~~~

To care for anyone else enough to make their problems one’s own,

is ever the beginning of one’s real ethical development.

Felix Adler

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Let the sun shine in!

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

Anthony J. D’Angelo

 

 

It is not easy these days as so many struggles to deal with problems created by a world in economic turmoil. Many have fallen into depression waiting for something good to happen while they wallow in self pity. Fortunately most of the people I know who have suffered have realized that they don’t have to let the world take them down. These good folks sustain an attitude of positive expectation rising above their material difficulties. These are not people who ignore their problems rather they are people who understand that material belongings are not the most important things in our lives. I recently ran across an article written by Barbara Giamanco, the CEO of Talent Builders that is worth reading, here in part is what she wrote: 

In Corporate America, we see people suffering from a severe affliction that I like to call the "corporate coma." People aren’t walking through their work lives with joy and ease or a sense that they are valued for who they are and what they contribute. Instead, a type of malaise has settled over employees in companies everywhere. Today’s economic fears and negativity, encouraged all too frequently by the media, only adds the proliferation of "what’s the use" attitudes. The result is an apathetic, largely checked out workforce who up to go through the motions in order to take home the paycheck.

Those of us working outside those corporate halls are not immune to feeling invisible, unappreciated for our gifts and talents, or feeling just plain beaten down by the constant demands of business and life. The constant barrage of negative information coming at us can erode our confidence, if we let it.

Big change is sorely needed in our world, and it starts with each one of us. What’s happening nationally doesn’t have to be our world locally. We have all heard it said that we are what we think about. I’d like to take that a step further and say that we are also what we "talk about." What we say — the words we use — largely determines our success or failure.

What are you saying right now? Are you complaining about what you don’t have or what you do have? Are you blaming the economy or others for what’s not working in your life right now? If you are, that’s an attitude that will get you nowhere and it never will. James Arthur Ray in his book "Harmonic Wealth" says, "Energy flows where attention goes." Whether you realize it or not, our words are powerful, energetic forces that have the power to harm or heal. They can either empower or disappoint. They can lift up or drag down. Choose your words carefully. Ask yourself if they help you or harm you. Banish words that keep you and others rooted in mediocrity. Commit to yourself that you will not be one of those people who use "the economy" as an excuse for not accomplishing your goals. Have a positive mental attitude, plan what you want to accomplish, develop your skills, use positive words, and stay focused on the action you need to take to achieve the success you desire.

Finally, remember to maintain an "attitude of gratitude." If you find yourself sinking into feelings of fear and worry, I encourage you to stop for a minute to take stock of all the gifts you have in your life right now, because I’m betting there are plenty of them if you just take a minute to look around. Create a gratitude list and refer to it often. Remaining grateful for what we have is a surefire way to keep us on a positive track. And remember to say "thank you" to others around you for a job well done, a business connection made, or a helping hand offered.

A positive mental attitude backed up by positive and inspiring language is one of the single biggest determinants of success. So shut out the noise. Ignore the negativity. Stay focused on your goals, speak positively to yourself and others, and watch your success soar!

~~~

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

Helpful hints from the hostess with the mostess:

1. When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all come from the same fast-food restaurant.

2. Entertaining in your backyard? The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who’s muscular and shirtless.

3. My favorite party game is "Pin the Cleanup on the Guests."

4. Nothing in the world is quite so entertaining as pouring old milk into new containers before having guests over.

5. A good host must always be a STICKLER for attractive food presentation! I always take the foil COMPLETELY OFF the TV dinner before serving.

6. Getting your home in tiptop shape for a party can be fun if you think of it as kicking dust bunnies!

7. Take short cuts! I used to offer my guests instant coffee. They kept whining for hot water to go with it.

8. The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum foil tent over your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to prepare for relatives is to pitch a tent in the backyard and stay there until they leave.

9. When decorating for a party, be creative with regular household items. Some people might just see a moldy shower curtain with torn eyelets. What do I see? A new tablecloth.

10. The better you cook, the more likely your guests will return. Which is why I’m not usually too hot in the kitchen.

~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

Stephen Wright

~~~

She said: I myself have become quite a frivolous old gal since I wrote you last. As a matter of fact, I’m seeing five different gentleman everyday.

When I get up in the morning, Will Power gets me out of bed. Then I immediately go see John.  A few minutes later, Charley Horse comes along. When he leaves, Arthur-itis shows up and finally I’m so tired, I go to bed with Ben Gay.

~~~

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

~~~

Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

"No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date."

"So what’s with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor.

"Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."

~~~

Don’t frown; you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

~~~

A woman phones up her husband at work, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you dear"

"I’m sorry honey," he says, "I’m up to my neck in work today and I’m totally stressed, so just give me the good news, OK?"

"Well," she says, "the air bags work… "

~~~

She said: I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

~~~

Unhappy at the state of Junior’s room, his mother came up with a new rule:

Each time she had to pick something up off the floor of his room, Junior would have to pay her a dime. At the end of the week, she added up the chores and demanded ninety cents.

Junior paid her and said, "Thanks, Mom. Keep up the good work!"

~~~

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.

Rabindranath Tagore

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Back home in Indiana

“There’s nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”

Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

 

 

 

It is always nice to come back home and it is especially so this time. While my cruise was good the first 7 days, I spent the rest of the voyage pretty much cabin bound with the Cruiser Flu. I am still moving slow but getting better. But even if it had gone well I would be glad to be back since there is so much going on here, there is a raft of birthdays, my wife’s and my forever anniversary and I just learned that a favorite friend got engaged over the weekend. So I’m back in action, not at the speed I hoped, but it will come.

I spent this morning trying to lay out my schedule for April when I realized I hadn’t even checked out the months options, so since I had to do it I thought I better share what I found with you. Here in the US it is:

Actors Appreciation Month – If they keep cutting back performances the only place I’ll find them is at a restaurant when they wait on my table and that would be tragic.

Keep America Beautiful Month – My wife tells me that is why she visits the beauty parlor every Friday.

Listening Awareness Month – You know I always try to be aware when I am listening but sometimes I listen and I think I am thinking, go figure.

Multicultural Communication Month – This is right up my alley we have so much to appreciate about each other if only would stop long enough to do so.

National Anxiety Month – I worry about this one but not anxiously.

National Humor Month – If you can tell me when local humor, regional humor, international humor and intergalactic humor months are I will try to adjust the Daily accordingly.

National Weight Loss Month – I gained five pounds the first few days of my cruise but gave it all back in the bathrooms aboard ship.

Worldwide Innovation Month – Let’s all innovate together, there has to be a better way.

~~~

It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.

Author Unknown

~~~

Mary:  I’ll tell you one thing!  I’m never going out with my friend Shirley again!

Jill:  Why on earth not?  You two are best friends!

Mary:  Yeah, well, last night a good-looking man walked up to our table at the bar, said hello, and told us his name.  I told him that my name is Mary, and introduced my friend Shirley.  He said, "Wow!  On a one to ten scale, you two ladies make a twenty!"

I said, "Really?"

He said, "Yeah!  Your friend Shirley here is definitely a 15!"

~~~

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life.  I think he was right.  I’ve only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.

~~~

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, "You know why I’m going to win this election? Because of my personal touch.’ For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."

"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

~~~

Three old guys out walking.

First one says. "Windy isn’t it?”

Second one says, "No its Thursday"!!

Third one says. "So am I. Lets go get a beer".

~~~

A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor’s.

~~~

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with the Chihuahua, "Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The Chihuahua guy replies, "We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us."

"Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman puts on dark glasses, then walks in.

The maitre d’ stops him, "Excuse me sir, but there are no pets allowed."

The Doberman guy explains, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The maitre d’ questions, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

"Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good and offer great protection."

The maitre d’ seems satisfied and lets him in.

The Chihuahua guy figures, "What the heck," so he puts on his dark glasses and starts to walk in.

"I am very sorry but we do not allow pets."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The maitre d’ asks suspiciously, "A Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"

"You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?!"

~~~

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or starts to leak.

~~~

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today."

"Seven hearts?" asks the friend.  "How did you do that?"

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages."

The friend looks at him quizzically.  "Seven?" he asks.  "I could understand six, but…"

"What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"

~~~

Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.

~~~

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.  Everybody but one girl laughed uproariously. 

"What’s the matter?" grumbled the boss.  "Haven’t you got a sense of humor?" 

"I don’t have to laugh," she said.  "I’m leaving Friday."

~~~

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

William Ralph Inge

~~~

John came home from the office and found Jill sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled John. "Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it’s lucky you have," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."

~~~

"If you have not often felt the joy of doing a kind act, you have neglected much, and most of all yourself."

A. Neilen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

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