"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
It’s a good news bad news day. The good news is that our Kiwanis volunteer appreciation luncheon on Saturday was a great event. It is not often that we get a chance to express our thanks to the good people who help make things better for people and communities like these fine folks do.
The other good news is that I got my Shingles vaccination this morning, the pain friends have gone through when they have suffered with the disease was a great motivator. Later this week I’ll go to the hospital to get my semi-annual infusion of Iron and then Friday my primary doc will get her chance to poke and probe as she gives me my annual physical.
OK, the bad news…..I think I ate the wrong thing as my body is letting me down this morning so you’ll just have to live with another old Daily.
Ray’s Daily April 27, 2004
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
Margaret Lee Runbeck
She said, I’m a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up.
After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card. It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.
The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent’s name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card.
“Pardon me,” he asked hesitantly, “but how do you pronounce your husband’s middle name?”
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
They say that a preacher’s wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon.
He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.
The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer time went quite well, but," he continued, "I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground."
The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"
One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.
Morris and Rachel are sweethearts. Morris lives in a small village out in the country and Rachel lives in town. One day, they go to see the Rabbi and set a date for their wedding. Before they leave, the Rabbi asks them whether they want a contemporary or traditional service. After a short discussion, they opt for the contemporary service.
Their day arrives but the weather is rotten and a storm forces Morris to take an alternate route to the synagogue. The village streets are flooded, so he rolls up his trouser legs to keep his trousers dry.
When at last he reaches the shul, his best man immediately rushes him up the aisle. As the ceremony starts, the Rabbi whispers to Morris, "Pull down your trousers."
"Rabbi, I’ve changed my mind," says Morris, "I think I prefer the traditional service."
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it !" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What’s that,’ he asked? "Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee."
Why is it called ‘after dark’, when it is really after light?
A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. "I’ll have a Jumbo Jet," he said. When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway.
He called his waiter over and asked, "Was that the Jumbo Jet?"
"Yeah," the waiter answered. "Went pretty fast, didn’t it?"
"You can have peace of mind only if you forgive rather than judge."
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.
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