"Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day."
I, like most people have days that I am glad when they are over. In actuality my bad days are mostly self-induced. Fortunately I am often able to stop long enough to ask if what’s bothering me is all that important and as I’m sure you know it seldom is. The world doesn’t end if I am a little late, people won’t hate me if I failed to accomplish a task — it is all a matter of perspective. Unfortunately too many of us get eaten up by stress, in fact some seem to be stressed out all the time. I’ll let you in on a secret; the way to stay stressed is to let stress feed on itself. When we are stressed we often strike out in anger, exhibit depression and are no fun to be with. Happily nothing is really that important that we should let ourselves become people we would not like to be with and I know of no better way to feed stress than facing the world alone.
I really like the idea that there is something good in everyday for it motivates me to look for what it is so I can use it as an anecdote for the negative feelings generated by something that I am letting get me down. Anyway, I don’t know about you but I have better things to do than to let things stress me out.
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who complained about the current prices compared to the low prices in the good old days.
"Just act surprised and tell them you didn’t think that they were old enough to remember them."
Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?"
The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!"
All I want is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.
An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place … 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location … it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." "Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin." "With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I’m sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries." The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue.
When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct. "Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe."
SHE SAID: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
HE SAID: Don’t you ever want to improve?
Heavily laden with groceries, my aunt asked a young clerk at the grocery store to accompany her to her car. Arriving there, she unlocked and opened the doors and, without thinking, sat down in the back seat to check off her list of errands.
A moment later, the perplexed clerk walked around the car to my aunt.
"Lady," he said firmly, "I don’t mind helping you load your groceries, but I really gotta draw the line at driving you home."
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
Proof that Vodka is good for your brain:
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300C.
When confronted with the same problem, the Russians used a pencil.
I’ve got it all together and now I’ve forgotten where I put it.
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what’s sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub-topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.
Her father finally asks, "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…"
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s birthday.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered the customer. "She’s expecting a cruise."
They say that hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
The man, trying to start up a conversation with another man said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?"
The second man said, "Why, that’s my wife!"
Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the first man said, "No, not her, the other one!"
The second man said, "That’s my daughter!"
Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.
A lawyer asked a pregnant witness, "Do you know how far along in your pregnancy you are now?"
"It’ll be three months on April 12," she replied.
"Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12?"
"And what were you doing at that time?"
"Uh, Your Honor, do I have to answer that question?"
Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.
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