Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2009

I wish I hadn’t waited so long!

Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

Carl Sandburg

 

 

 

I just realized that spring is right around the corner. I cannot believe how fast time is going by these days. It seems like minutes are but instants and weeks are more like days. I know the world is not spinning any faster although sometimes I wonder if it might be but each day is still 24 hours long and yet my life has never moved faster. I wondered at first if this was not a phenomenon of the aging process and then I realized that compared to most of my life every moment of each day is now filled. When I am not meeting someone, attending a lecture, or fulfilling some promise I am reading and learning something new. I am sure I was always curious but most of the time I was distracted by job, convention and obligations. Now I get to fill my time with what ever interests me at the moment and it is a wonderful experience.

I wonder if others are like me and wish they had freed themselves sooner in life so that they could take the time to savor all life has to offer. But that is the past and fortunately I now find each moment provides a precious opportunity to explore and discover new thoughts and ideas. You know, now that I think about it I wonder if much of my life was somewhat wasted by spending my time trying to conform to what others thought I should think or do. Maybe too many of us are knocked off stride by our effort to do the accepted thing trying to please others that we lost sight of how we might have better spent our time. Now that I am free to let life take me to where it might each day I can ride opportunity to both the corners of my world and beyond to the corners of my mind.

Here is something that I ran across that might have helped me see more, earlier in life.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Our lives are made up of a million moments, spent in a million different ways. Some are spent searching for love, peace, and harmony. Others are spent surviving day by day.

But there is no greater moment than when we find that life, with all it’s joys and sorrows, is meant to be lived one day at a time. It’s in this knowledge that we discover the most wonderful truth of all.

Whether we live in a forty-room mansion, surrounded by servants and wealth, or find it a struggle to manage the rent month to month, we have it within our power to be fully satisfied and live a life with true meaning.

One day at a time – we have that ability, through cherishing each moment and rejoicing in each dream. We can experience each day anew, and with this fresh start we have what it takes to make all our dreams come true. Each day is new, and living one day at a time enables us to truly enjoy life and live it to the fullest.

Author Unknown

~~~

Time is like the wind, it lifts the light and leaves the heavy.

Doménico Cieri Estrada

~~~

There really is a difference

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

 

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

~~~

"Don’t ya just hate it when you see one of those road signs that says ‘Draw Bridge Ahead’ and you don’t have a pencil."

~~~

David was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife.  He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.

"David!!  David!!  Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today.  What do you suggest?"

David put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, "How about two minutes of silence?"

~~~

Doesn’t "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

~~~

Chet: How does Wilma like being pregnant, Bert?

Bert: She’s not "pregnant." She’s "expecting."

Chet: Oh!

Bert: She’s expecting me to do more housework. She’s expecting me to cook dinner. She’s expecting me to rub her feet, etc.

~~~

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway

~~~

Taking up painting, an asylum inmate worked for weeks on his masterpiece.  When he finally showed it to asylum doctors, they were stunned.  The canvas was entirely blank.

"Ummmm, yeah, it’s lovely," said one psychiatrist, "but, er…what is it?"

"Why," the inmate proudly replied, "it is a painting of the exodus from Egypt."

"I see," said another doctor.  "Actually, what I don’t see is the Red Sea."

"Ah," said the inmate, "it’s been parted…driven back, as it says in the Old Testament."

"And the Israelites?"

"They have already passed through."

"And what of the Egyptians?" demanded another.

"Are you blind?"  said the artist, growing indignant. "They haven’t arrived yet!"

~~~

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

~~~

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That’s right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn’t have any change for a reward."

~~~

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do NOT care who gets the credit."

Harry S. Truman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Is it working for you?

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.”

Denis Waitley

 

 

 

There are two things that concern me about many of us today. One is that some of us seem prone to spend so much time preparing to get started we never start or if we do we find we waited too long. The other is that many of us let things we encounter along the way help us to rationalize putting off starting; unfortunately many of these folks often never do start.

I have a few friends that have gotten so enamored with the prestart research and preparation that it seems to fulfill them. They think if they learn a new fact, buy a new tool, add a new plan, buy the sign, and a thousand other things that they are making progress. If the truth be known progress must be measured in more than theoretical terms, it must also be measured in practical terms. If I am looking for a job I need to ask myself if what I am doing is really moving me forward or is it just filling time. Far too many people go poor while planning to get rich. Don’t get me wrong I am a firm believer in preparation, planning, and more, but none of it makes much difference without implementation. Every day has successes in it if you can see how what was really done has some benefit. People need to feel great about each step forward, they just should not think that running in place will get them where they want to go.

Those who fall in love with not starting to go after what they think they want probably would benefit from changing their target. Sometimes I feel these folks are sending themselves subliminal messages that are trying to tell them that they don’t really want to do what they say they want to do. In point of fact the message can be a god send, for if it channels someone into a happier life they will have been given a great gift. In my experience it is the people happy in their jobs that make the most money, do the most good and enjoy life twenty-four hours a day.

So my friends if you are like so many of us and get bogged down and maybe even depressed stop and ask yourself if you are really doing what you should be doing. Will this really help you get someplace and is that place somewhere you really want to go.

 

Here is a piece I copied by Ralph Marston that I think is worth heeding.

Get on with life

Some people are not going to like you no matter what you do or what you say. Get over it and get on with life.

Some of your efforts are not going to bring the results you were after. Accept it and find another approach.

Occasionally you’ll be distracted and knocked off course for a while. On a regular basis, life will have its disappointments.

Those disappointments and distractions do not have to stop you. In fact, you can choose to let them inspire you and to push you forward.

No matter what has just happened, you are free in this moment to act with positive purpose. Whether the past has worked in your favor or not, the future is yours to create as you wish.

Life is too important to waste it feeling sorry for yourself or beating yourself up. Get up and get on with life, and make it match your highest expectations.

~~~

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”

Albert Einstein

~~~

Officer Patrick McGuire of the New York City Police Department answers a call on his radio and reports to the scene of a car accident in the Queens-Midtown Tunnel. Officer McGuire notes that a new Buick had its front end merged with the rear end of a Chrysler. The driver of the Buick was Father Francis O’Boyle; the driver of the Chrysler was Rabbi Isaac Goldstein.

After Officer McGuire verifies that Rabbi Goldstein has suffered no physical injuries in the accident, he walks back to survey the damages to each vehicle.

Then, Officer McGuire walks over to Father O’Boyle and asks him: "Tell me, Father, just how fast was that Rabbi going when he backed into you?"

~~~

There is not one shred of evidence to support the notion that life is serious.

~~~

80 years after Little Big Horn, an East Coast journalist began research on George Armstrong Custer. A friend told him that an Indian that lived through that experience was still living and furthermore remembered EVERY event of his long life.

The journalist visited Chief Big Eagle, who now lived in a small town in Pennsylvania. When he arrived and stated his purpose, the Chief agreed to answer his questions.  "On what day of the week did the event take place? " 

"Wednesday" 

"What was Custer wearing?"  Black uniform.. ceremony sword.. old hat" 

"What did Custer eat for breakfast?"

"Eggs"  The journalist was skeptical and figured anyone could make up these answers. He left, and never published his article. 

Ten years later, the journalist was by coincidence driving through the same small town, and decided to see if the old Chief was still living. To his surprise, he was. As the journalist walked in he raised his hand in the air and said, "How!" "Over easy, with potatoes on the side," said the chief.

~~~

My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

~~~

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.

"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms really really hard."

So Mickey climbed up on the window sill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.

Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the heck happened?!?"

Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him."

~~~

"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."

Max Eastman

~~~

Science Ideas that Deserve More Recognition:

  • If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.
  • Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
  • Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.
  • The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater’s rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
  • Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.
  • The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it’s easier to go faster when you’re always going downhill.
  • The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

~~~

Some people are making such thorough preparations for rainy days that they aren’t enjoying today’s sunshine.

William Feather

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Ready? Let’s go!

“You must get involved to have an impact. No one is impressed with the won-lost record of the referee.”

Napoleon Hill

 

 

 

As you guys know, I am a wild and crazy guy so I don’t care if this is National Procrastinators Week I am not going to wait to plan my month. After all March is the bridge to April and you know what that means….. So my friends who live here in the US here is what the month holds in store for us. For those of you in other countries please feel free to join us. It is:

National Furniture Refinishing Month…Since the economy took all our savings we better refinish, maybe even more than furniture.

Woman’s History month…. Please don’t use this as the excuse to tell us who you should have married.

Civilized and Polite Behavior Among Citizens Month in China…..Damn I was hoping it was worldwide, we all could benefit with more civility.

International Hamburger & Pickle Month……If it is OK with you I am going to wait for International hamburger, mustard, onions and relish month.

Music in our Schools Month…..Seriously folks, let’s bring music back into the lives of our school kids.

National Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month…..I am a little to run down to join in this effort.

National Feminine Empowerment Month…..Oh, man! Not the whips and chains again.

National Pothole Month…..Here in Indianapolis we didn’t wait until this month, however I did see a stretch of road that had about ten feet of pavement without any but I am sure the pot hole crews will be digging a few up there before the month is out.

National Talk with Your Teen about Sex Month……Better be careful, I tried this and learned more than I needed to know.

~~~

“When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.”

Author Unknown

~~~

SLACKERS RULES

I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable, regardless of the amount of time given.

I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.

I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.

~~~

"If advertising encourages people to live beyond their means, so does matrimony."

Bruce Barton

~~~

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn’t care what you think.

If an older woman doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it’s usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

An older woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she wants in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny dependent lover.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.

A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. An older woman couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido’s stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she’s lived long enough to know how to please a lover in ways her younger cousin could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

ANDY ROONEY

~~~

Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it is wisest and best to fix our attention on the beautiful and the good, and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false.

Richard Cecil

~~~

Sam is shouting at his wife, Becky.

"Oh no, not another new dress and accessories. Just where do you think I am going to get the money to pay for it all?"

Becky replies, "I may be a lot of different things to many people, but I’m certainly not inquisitive!"

~~~

Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

~~~

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she’d never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."  The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.

The little old lady’s face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh… all by myself?"

~~~

Remember happiness doesn’t depend on who you are or what you have: it depends solely upon what you think.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

It’s too soon to stop!

It takes a long time to become young.

Pablo Picasso

 

 

 

You have often heard me say that I think each year of my life has been better than the last. I am sure that to some extent my belief is the result of my inability to remember the bad stuff while remembering just the good stuff. It seems that my mind has the ability to put mostly fond events in my memory scarp book. But the greater reason is my ability to do what I do and not worry about the little stuff. They keep telling me that I am getting older but I think they are wrong, in a lot of ways I think I am getting younger. In that vein I thought I would share something an old radio friend sent me yesterday, pay attention and learn.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. 

Oh, not my body!  I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.  And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.  As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. 

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.   How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But

broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and Compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their Hair could turn silver. 

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.  I don’t question myself anymore.  I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.  I like the person I have become.  I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

~~~

The trick is growing up without growing old.

Casey Stengel

~~~

"Grandpa, grownups don’t pay any attention to me," said little Jimmy. Grandpa replied, "They don’t pay any attention to me too."

"Grandpa, sometimes grownups make fun of me. Do they make fun of you too?"

Grandpa said, "Yes, Son… me too."

"Grandpa, some days I get tired and have to rest in the afternoon."

"I know, Jimmy… I do too," said Grandpa.

"I love you, Grandpa," said little Jimmy.

"I love you too, Jimmy," said Grandpa.

"I wish more people told me that," said Jimmy.

"Me too," answered Grandpa.

~~~

Any married man should forget his mistakes; there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

~~~

She said:

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding that was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. The Male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

8. The Female may change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

13. The Male is expected to be adept at mind reading.

14. The Female is ready when she is ready.

15. The Male must be ready at all times.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm to the Male.

17. The Male who doesn’t abide by THE RULES can’t take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp.

18. THE RULES are no joke.

He said: Yes Mam

~~~

"Osborne’s Law"

Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

~~~

I’m so proud of my son, he’s decided on a career and he studies constantly. How much does a Gameboy Master make?

~~~

Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about?

It just makes me feel glad to be alive–it’s such an interesting world.

Lucy Montgomery

~~~

An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."

From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?

~~~

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Oscar Wilde

~~~

Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife’s better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I’m home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It’s after seven o’clock!"

~~~

Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigor.  With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow’s hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life.

Charles Dickens

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

It’s too soon to stop!

It takes a long time to become young.

Pablo Picasso

 

 

 

You have often heard me say that I think each year of my life has been better than the last. I am sure that to some extent my belief is the result of my inability to remember the bad stuff while remembering just the good stuff. It seems that my mind has the ability to put mostly fond events in my memory scarp book. But the greater reason is my ability to do what I do and not worry about the little stuff. They keep telling me that I am getting older but I think they are wrong, in a lot of ways I think I am getting younger. In that vein I thought I would share something an old radio friend sent me yesterday, pay attention and learn.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. 

Oh, not my body!  I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.  And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.  As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. 

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.   How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But

broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and Compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their Hair could turn silver. 

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.  I don’t question myself anymore.  I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.  I like the person I have become.  I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

~~~

The trick is growing up without growing old.

Casey Stengel

~~~

"Grandpa, grownups don’t pay any attention to me," said little Jimmy. Grandpa replied, "They don’t pay any attention to me too."

"Grandpa, sometimes grownups make fun of me. Do they make fun of you too?"

Grandpa said, "Yes, Son… me too."

"Grandpa, some days I get tired and have to rest in the afternoon."

"I know, Jimmy… I do too," said Grandpa.

"I love you, Grandpa," said little Jimmy.

"I love you too, Jimmy," said Grandpa.

"I wish more people told me that," said Jimmy.

"Me too," answered Grandpa.

~~~

Any married man should forget his mistakes; there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

~~~

She said:

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding that was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. The Male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

8. The Female may change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

13. The Male is expected to be adept at mind reading.

14. The Female is ready when she is ready.

15. The Male must be ready at all times.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm to the Male.

17. The Male who doesn’t abide by THE RULES can’t take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp.

18. THE RULES are no joke.

He said: Yes Mam

~~~

"Osborne’s Law"

Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

~~~

I’m so proud of my son, he’s decided on a career and he studies constantly. How much does a Gameboy Master make?

~~~

Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about?

It just makes me feel glad to be alive–it’s such an interesting world.

Lucy Montgomery

~~~

An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."

From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?

~~~

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Oscar Wilde

~~~

Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife’s better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I’m home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It’s after seven o’clock!"

~~~

Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigor.  With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow’s hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life.

Charles Dickens

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

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