Ray's musings and humor

Here comes spring!

When the world says, "Give up,"

Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

 

 

It is almost dinner time and I am just getting home to the business of the day. It is catch up and wind down time in anticipation of shutting off the power to the presses tomorrow. In fact I think tomorrow is the first day of spring as well so I am going to see what today was like seven years ago, send you that day’s Daily and then prepare for spring.

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on March 19, 2002

Well today is the day that the Swallows return to the Mission of San Juan Capistrano, California. Oh well I’ll miss it again this year. I did go there years ago, I am just not sure I saw any swallows.

~~~

"Hope is the thing with feathers,

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without words,

And never stops at all."

Emily Dickinson

~~~

What we said in The 50s

1. "I’ll tell you one thing. If things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."

2 "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."

3. "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

4. "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

5. "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it’s going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."

6. "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

7. "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage."

8. "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

9. "Not only that, but their music drives me wild. That `Rock Around The Clock` thing is nothing but racket."

10. "I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying ‘damn’ in ‘Gone With The Wind,’ it seems every movie has a ‘hell’ or ‘damn in it."

11."Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore."

12. "Pretty soon you won’t be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."

13. "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

14. "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President."

15. "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?"

16. "I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

17. "It’s too bad that things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

18. "It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

19. "Marriage doesn’t mean a thing anymore, Those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

20. " I’ll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me like that, they won’t be able to sit down for a week."

~~~

Overheard at Shlemiel’s Shoe Shoppe – "How much are your four dollar shoes?"

"Two dollars a foot."

~~~

He said: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn’t, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic."

~~~

A manager has to take on some sport by his doctor so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing.  "It’s going fine", the manager says, "When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!”

"Really? What happens then?” the girl asks enthusiastic.

"Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!"

~~~

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

~~~

Remember Gracie Allen? She said:

Appliance salesman: You’ll like this range. For instance, you put in a roast, you set the oven control, then you go out all day. When you come home at night, the roast is done.

Gracie: Haven’t you got one where I don’t have to go out?

 

In the next life, I’d like to come back as an oyster. Then I’d only have to be good from September to April.

 

George: Gracie, what do you think of television?

Gracie: Oh I think it’s wonderful, I hardly ever watch radio anymore.

~~~

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . . ?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you’d be eating alone."

~~~

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Groucho Marx

~~~

Taxing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned round and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained.

"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.

"Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to get a new pilot here."

~~~

We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.

~~~

My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection.  As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn’t like mean."

"Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog. Then, one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn’t kidding.

As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.

~~~

One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time.

~~~

The young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door.

"We don’t allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?"

"Why-er-why, yes.  I’m his sister," said the lady.

"Oh, I’m so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I’m his mother!"

~~~

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

Walter Bagehot

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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