Ray's musings and humor

Have you had yours lately?

A hug is a handshake from the heart.

 

 

 

Here it is the middle of the afternoon and I am just starting to put together the Daily. It seems that I am brain dead, probably due in no small part to the fact I met very early with a fascinating friend that always challenges me mentally. And then if that wasn’t enough I lunched with a favorite and very smart old friend. So I went looking for something relevant from an old Daily and I found something that I firmly believe in and that is the value of the hug.

It is a practice that I have possibly over used especially with folks that I just met, but I must admit it is fun to see the panic in some people’s eyes as you move into the pre-hug position. But even though some are shocked I still persist in doing it because I think it not only has therapeutic value it is also provides me the opportunity to express how highly I regard the people I meet. So from the days of yesteryear I share with you what my good Chicago friend Judy sent me more than five years ago.

I’ve learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I’ve learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about.  I just did.  Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.

NOTE:  People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

~~~

Her ad: Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog
~~~

If…..

If ya can’t beat ’em…….RUN!

If you can read this you have a modem.

If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.

If you don’t like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

If you don’t think women are explosive, drop one!

If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!

~~~

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

~~~

These announcements were found in synagogue newsletters and bulletins.

·      Don’t let worry kill you.  Let your synagogue help.

·      Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.

·      For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

·      Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the rabbi in his private study.

·      The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.

~~~

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

About 30 pounds.

Cindy Garner

~~~

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the directions: "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom. For 95 points, tell me WHICH tire it was!"

~~~

I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

~~~

A husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.  His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You’re beautiful."

Flattered, she continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.  Later he woke up and said, "You’re cute." "What happened to ‘beautiful’?" she asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

~~~

"Then the insurance man told me that the accident policy covered falling off the roof but not hitting the ground."

Tommy Cooper

~~~

He said there are ten things that only a woman understands.

10. Cats’ facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

AND, the Number One thing only women understand: OTHER WOMEN

~~~

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

~~~

My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun. One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.  She said "…And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?’"

Then the teacher asked the class "And what do you think that man said?" and my friend’s son raised his hand and said "I know! I know!  He said ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!’"

~~~

Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.

Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the repairman’s day off.

~~~

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace.

The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs to look for:

* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

* A loss of interest in judging other people.

* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

* A loss of interest in conflict.

* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

* Frequent attacks of smiling.

* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

* An increased susceptibility to the love offered by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

~~~

The smallest good deed is better than the greatest intention.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

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