Ray's musings and humor

‘Tis the season…..

One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind.

Malayan Proverb

 

 

 

Here we are, the second day of Chanukah, the second day of winter and three days away from Christmas and all is well (I hope). In my hometown it is feezing, also everyone in the city was on the road trying to get into shopping centers as I was trying to get home from a lunch meeting and I have yet to figure out what I am going to take with me on my post Christmas trip. As usual I am up to my ears in the hectic holidays but while they can be a challenge I am fortunate that they are also filled with good fellowship and opportunities to share good will.

As an example if you visited my web page today at http://give.salvationarmyusa.org/site/TR?px=1116841&fr_id=1200&pg=personal you would have seen that I am less than 30% away from my goal. Even though my picture there may look grumpy I am really happy.

Another highlight of the day is a gift I got this morning from a friend. She produced a large Christmas bag that held one of my best gifts ever, a large container of homemade Stuffed Green Pepper soup. I love soup, I love stuffed peppers and I can hardly wait for dinner to sample this great gastronomical gift. I think mentally I had anticipated the gift since I was told I should shred some cheddar cheese on top of the soup; we never have cheddar cheese in the house except today as I bought some on impulse a couple of days ago. Like I often have told you I collect friends and this one is rapidly becoming a favorite.

There is a lot to do in the few days left before I’ll have to close down the daily for our annual plant holiday. Even though you won’t get a daily until mid-January I hope you know my thoughts will be with you while I am gone.

As I busy as I will be over the holidays I know I will stop and visit the memory of the time I spent so many of you over the years. We may not see each other anymore but I do relish recalling the moments we shared. I, like so many others, have had bad days and made more than my share of mistakes but all of that pales by comparison to the good times that were shared with others. My life has been filled with the gifts that come from just knowing and being with special people. I wish I had more to offer to each of you than just gratitude but maybe that is worth more than anything else I might have to give.

~~~

Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving,

Make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!

Amanda Bradley

~~~

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Here’s how some young folk completed lines to famous Christmas carols. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

"Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly …"

"We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar … "

"On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me …"

"Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire …"

"He’s makin a list, chicken and rice …"

"Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say …"

"Sleep in heavenly peas …"

"In the meadow we can build a snowman … Then pretend that he is sparse

and brown …"

"Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay …"

"Good tidings we bring to you and your kid …"

"Noel, noel … noel, noel … Barney’s the king of Israel …"

~~~

Two rules for success in life.

1. Don’t tell people everything you know.

2.                                                        

 

~~~

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in our "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

  1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

  2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated…doves are out;

  3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French things;

  4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

  5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

  6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;

  7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.  The function is primarily decorative. Shrimp ponds are on order. The current swans will be donated to county jails;

  8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.  The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

  9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

  10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While Leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we Expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

  11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of an out of date band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship by UPS in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the Bar Association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive.

Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize our Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs ..sleeping, sneezing, grumping, etc. are in line with our overall projections.

Your Management

~~~

When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.

Rabbi Harold Kushner

~~~

She told me why SANTA CLAUS must be a WOMAN!

Men don’t know how to pack a bag.

Most men wouldn’t be caught dead wearing red velvet.

Men don’t even think about selecting gifts until after lunch on Christmas Eve.

Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.

If Santa were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and Chia Pets, still in the bag from the mall.

If Santa were a man he would have no reindeer, because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped across the front of the sleigh. And Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. And if he did find some way to power the sleigh, he’d never get to everyone’s house because he would get lost up there in the snow and never stop to ask for directions.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened by having to be seen with all those elves.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."

Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up chicks.

And last but not least, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment!

~~~

"If we are to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year. Today should always be our most wonderful day."

Thomas Dreier

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

 Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

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