Ray's musings and humor

Archive for November, 2008

A reader responds

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”



As I have often said in the past I get great comfort from the fact that we are all connected. It is especially so when I hear from one of our readers. Yesterday was especially meaningful for I got a response from a reader who I have never met, but thankfully he was willing to share and sent me a moving message. He had just read the Daily from a few days ago where I suggested that, “It is how we handle the challenges we face in life that determine to a large extent how well we will enjoy the years we have left”. Here is what he sent.


My son, in planning his funeral service, chose Garth Brooks, "The Dance", as the music to be played during family visiting and to be featured at the remembrance service. Though the quantity of his days were limited by AIDS the quality was 24 caret.

As ‘The Dance’ relates to the theme of your daily rant my days are filled with seeking ways to express my view of the meaning of life. Having enjoyed your writing for some time now I would like to share a sample of my writing.


He then aded a moving piece that he had written for his church bulletin. Unfortunately it is too long to add to the Daily since I would have to break my promise to hold each issue to just a couple of pages. His story reported on the result of personal prayer and how it resulted in an experience that became the foundation of his faith.

I have never met Jerry nor do I even know how he found the Daily but I am glad he did and I hope we will continue to be connected for he sounds like a man who takes what ever life offers and handles it with grace.


"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want."

Margaret Young


A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn’t budge.

The usher became impatient.  "Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man.  The two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.  Finally, they summoned the police.  The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked," All right buddy, what’s your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned "Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony."


My mother loved children—she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx


"What’s the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college boy delivered his pizza.

"Well," Jason replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great."

"Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here’s five dollars."

"Thanks," Jason said, "I’ll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?"  questioned the man.

Jason replied, "Reverse psychology…"


"A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable."

Billy Graham


A golfer who was well into his golden years had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California, the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out off the coast.

It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the water. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

One year he went out to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer. Before he hit it, however, a powerful voice from above said: WAIT … REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL. He complied, with  some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: WAIT … STEP BACK … TAKE A PRACTICE SWING. So he stepped back and took a practice swing. The voice boomed out again: TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING. He did. Silence followed. Then the voice spoke out again: PUT BACK THE OLD BALL.


A husband said to his wife, "No, I don’t hate your relatives.  In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."


An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn’t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation.  The doctor checks out his leg, but can’t find anything wrong.  So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can’t come up with any possible explanation for the pain.

The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I’m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there’s nothing I can do about it."

The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That’s impossible! That can’t be!

"The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I’m the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it’s NOT old age?"

The patient answers, "I’m no doctor but it doesn’t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong.  Clearly you’re mistaken.  After all my other leg feels just fine."

"So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"

"Well it doesn’t hurt a bit, and it’s the SAME AGE!"


"By the time we hit fifty, we have learned our hardest lessons. We have found out that only a few things are really important. We have learned to take life seriously, but never ourselves."

Marie Dressler


"It is said an eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him with the words, ‘And this, too, shall pass away.’ How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!

Abraham Lincoln


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Thanks, Kathy

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson



I have another full day today and I was not sure what I would write for our Daily when my Friend Kathy decided for me. She sent me the following and I think it really deserves our consideration. You know, it is really worth our while to invest in ourselves whenever we can. Here is the gift she sent:

Tips for Better Life – 2008 ( it’s not to late)

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows   and get more sleep .       

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’

5. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to pray. It provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is it will change.

30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will, stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) Hey I’m thinking of ya!

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.


May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more;

May nothing but happiness come through your door!


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one that would be big enough for her family reunion.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma’am, they’re dead."


“There can be no defense like elaborate courtesy.”

Edward V. Lucas


A doctor said to his patient, "You have a slight heart condition, but I wouldn’t worry about it."

"Really, doc?" the patient replied. "Well, if you had a slight heart condition, I wouldn’t worry about it either."


A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things: 1 – Women, 2 – Fractions


As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate. One night, I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another and after six games, we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.

"How old are you"? I typed.

"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you"?

Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."


Cry if you want to, I won’t tell you not to, I won’t try to cheer you, I’ll just be here if you want me to be.

C. Porter


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.  

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?"  

After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er…. Once?"  


Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.


I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, "Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to…"  

At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, "Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews! Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change?"  

The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang’s nephew…"  


When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;

When health is lost, something is lost;

When character is lost, all is lost!

German Proverb


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Enjoy the Race

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Henry David Thoreau



At a time when so many face big changes in their lives it becomes even more important that they deal with what comes without letting events take them down. It is how we handle the challenges we face in life that determine to a large extent how well we will enjoy the years we have left.

I spend a lot of time with people who have lost their jobs and sometimes even more. These good folks have to cope each day with slow progress, rejection, lack of income and more, it is never easy and yet most are able to sustain a positive outlook as they search for their next vocation.

All of us have and will face major changes and it is how well we adapt to reality that to a large extent determines how much we will get out of life. Sadly too many decide that happiness is dependent on then achieving some end rather than understanding that life is not either all good or all bad. We live in the journey not the destination. Each of our days is filled with small victories that we often overlook or take for granted. My unemployed friends are well served when they don’t feel they failed because they did not get the job today but rather that they did well as their day included laying another brick in the foundation they are building for their future.

When we are moving we are making progress it is only when we stop and stagnate that we plant the seeds of depression. The small wins we have daily are much more important to the quality of our lives than the medal that waits at the finish line and if the truth be known it is those who collect the small wins who get the gold at in the end.

When I sit down to write our daily it often a case of the chicken before the egg, today is no exception for it was as I was scanning my archives that I stumbled across this piece by Catherine Pulsifer. It got me thinking which resulted in today’s ramble.


Life is The Way It Is!

"Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is.

The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

Virginia Satir

How you cope with life is determined by your mental attitude. How you view any situation depends on your beliefs and your values.

How you cope with challenges can strengthen or weaken you. Some people have faced numerous challenges in their lives, yet maintained a positive outlook.

Reinforce your coping mechanisms by:

– viewing change as an opportunity, not as a threat,

– finding a positive benefit in your challenges,

– discussing the situation with a friend,

– taking action and not procrastinating,

– taking time to laugh, and above all,

– keeping things in perspective!


There is more to success than reaching goals. People have accumulated vast fortunes only to live their final years unfulfilled and spiritually poor. Success must also include a joyful appreciation of living — an authentic joy that pulls us toward the next episode of our life’s purpose.

Steve Brunkhorst


One day in third grade.

"Who would like to do the first problem, addition?" No one raises their hand. The teacher calls on Tommy and with some help, he finally gets it right.

"Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?" Students hide their faces. She calls on Mark, who gets the problem, but there is some suspicion his girlfriend, Lisa, may have whispered the answer to him.

"Who would like to do the third problem, division?" A low, collective groan can be heard as everyone looks at nothing in particular. The teacher calls on Suzy, who struggles, but eventually gets it right.

"Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?"

Johnny’s hand shoots up, surprising everyone in the room. The teacher finally gained her composure in the stunned silence. "Why the enthusiasm, Johnny?"

"The Bible says to go fourth and multiply!"


The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like and do what you’d rather not.

Mark Twain


Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss. And the bartender offered to buy them for us."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn’t you?"

"That’s right," he called back. "Two pints."


Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.

Grace Hansen  



* The rehearsal dinner is held at Hooters.

* Instead of "friends of the bride or friends of the groom?", ushers ask "Ford or Chevy?"

* Bridesmaids wear pink tube tops and the groomsmen wear Travis Tritt t-shirts.

* Phrase "I Do" is replaced by "I Heard That!"

* Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" is replaced by "Rocky Top" and performed by Boxcar Willie.

* When the minister asks, "Who Giveth This Woman To Be Married…" some guy in the back stands up and hollers "Earnhardt!"

* Reception conversation includes the phrase, "Been to Dollywood lately, Earl?"

* Snack trays and beverages at reception include vienna sausages (smoked, of course), nacho cheese Doritos and grandma’s own moonshine.

* Plans for the Honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show.

* The sign in front of the church reads: No Shirt…No Shoes…No Problem!


Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"


The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.


A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."  

"Quiet!" snapped the officer. "I’m going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back."  

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,"  

"And I said be quiet! You’re going to jail!"  

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you, the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back."  

"Don’t count on it," answered the guy in the cell. "I’m the groom."  


Success is waking up in the morning, whoever you are, wherever you are, however old or young, and bounding out of bed because there’s something out there you love to do, that you believe in, that you’re good at — something that’s bigger than you are, and you can hardly wait to get at it again today.

Whit Hobbs


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana


 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Art was right!

The best things in life aren’t things.

Art Buchwald



I think I am really starting to change and understand some of the things we have discussed in the Daily recently. Yesterday I had lunch with a couple of people who I think get it. Together they started a movement to help people find alternatives to conflict and confrontation. They have built an idea into something that has caught on in our schools and community and today hundreds of our cities school children are being given the opportunity to find the joy that comes from anger management and peaceful resolution of problems. What I liked about our conversations was the enthusiasm they both bring to the appreciation of life and especially placing value on what we have. It was a good lunch and a good beginning for what I hope will be a continued opportunity for me to benefit from their wisdom.

After I got I home I sat down with the remains of a number of trees; those gift catalogs we get in the mail from everywhere and the advertisements that fill our daily paper. Anyway I saw this really neat deal on an SLR Digital Camera that included a spiffy extra telephoto lens at a good price and then I thought I have a cheaper SLR now, it takes pictures adequate to my needs and it is good enough. Another flier included some gangbuster prices on flat screen HD TV’s and then I realized that the TV’s I have now do the job since I should be more interested in the value of the broadcast content than on how pretty the display I understood that what I have is enough; I also began to understand that I don’t want to become so visual that I miss the subtleties that exist in listening to what is being said. Then I looked through the catalog of one of my favorite holiday bakers, those of you that know me personally know I love food so I salivated as read about a cake that I could get for only $39 plus shipping and handling and then I asked myself if I really needed this cake, I use to bake so why not make my own or at least provide my own shipping and handling and buy one from the great baker that has the small shop just a few miles away.

Yep, yesterday was good for me. I have been preaching about the value of appreciating the simpler things but I had not measured what I already have against my desire to just go out and buy new neat stuff.

Later I looked around and told my things I am not going to take you for granted anymore and I am going to stop and appreciate the fact that I have you and you do a pretty good job of making my life more than satisfactory. So if I end up wanting less and stop spending time chasing unnecessary toys I’ll have more time to spend with people like the guys I lunched with yesterday and it just does not get much better than that.


It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.

Margaret Bonnano


The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I’m shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"


There are two theories on how to successfully argue with a Jewish mother.

Unfortunately, neither works.


A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors’ houses each month.

Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over. A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren’t going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive." He said, "Why don’t you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed."

She said, "No, I don’t want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison."

He then said, "I don’t think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time and it never has affected them."

After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced an diced them to get them ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ol’ Spot’s (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty.

Ol’ Spot didn’t slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn’t seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class.

After everyone had finished they all began to kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit.

About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Susie’s ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died."

With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "It’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there.

We will pump out everyone’s stomach and everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm."

It wasn’t long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter. One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, I think everything will be fine now, and he left.

They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol’ Spot never even stopped."


I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.


And the Churchgoer said:

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn’t belong.

If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has.

Every evening I turn my troubles over to God – He’s going to be up all night anyway.


Boxing great Jake LaMotta said of his old friend Gerry Cooney:  There’s nothing I won’t do for him, and there’s nothing he won’t do for me.  So we go through life doing nothing for each other.


There are some things I would never know if it wasn’t for Judy, for example she told me:

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra…

Hard to Find



Always lifts you up

Makes you look better

And Always Close To Your Heart!!! 


There must be more to life than having everything.

Maurice Sendak


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana


 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Make time for the important stuff

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.

Thomas Jefferson



The elections are over, I have said more than enough about how we may have to adjust to a changing world. Today I have a little bit of brain fatigue and have decided I am going to mostly coast. I only have an early Kiwanis Club meeting and a lunch meeting with a respected friend. So today I am going to nap and enjoy frivolous pursuits. As I was dipping into old Dailies that I had sent on this day over the years I found the one that follows. I was glad I did because I just had dinner with one of my older grandsons, he is a guy I really like and I am glad that he spends time with me on occasion. I wish I had not missed so many days with my own children I think far too often we get carried away with career and other self-imposed obligations that we lose sight of what is really important in life.


Ray’s Daily

November 6, 2002

One of my biggest disappointments has been that I did not spend much time with my children in their earlier years. I was always either traveling for weeks or even months at a time, or working long days and weekends. When I read the following story it really hit home. If you have a choice, please make the right one.

"Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

With a timid voice and idolizing eyes, the little boy greeted his father as he returned from work.

Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring look, the father said: "Look, son, not even your mother knows that.  Don’t bother me now, I’m tired."

"But Daddy, just tell me please!  How much do you make an hour?" the boy insisted.  The father, finally giving up, replied: "Twenty dollars per hour."

"Okay, Daddy.  Could you loan me ten dollars?" the boy asked.

Showing his restlessness and positively disturbed, the father yelled: "So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right?  Go to sleep and don’t bother me anymore!"

It was already dark and the father was meditating on what he said and was feeling guilty.  Maybe he thought, his son wanted to buy something. Finally, trying to ease his mind, the father went to his son’s room.

"Are you asleep, son?" asked the father.

"No, Daddy.  Why?" replied the boy, partially asleep.

"Here’s the money you asked for earlier," the father said.

"Thanks, Daddy!" rejoiced the son, while putting his hand under his pillow and removing some money.

"Now I have enough!  Now I have twenty dollars!" the boy said to his father, who was gazing at his son, confused at what his son had just said. "Daddy, could you sell me one hour of your time?"


The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.

Pearl S. Buck


The seven year old told her mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double billed the insurance company."


Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Patrick, Age 10


Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the evidence that I have been using company property for personal purposes, including circulating my resume and searching for more rewarding and satisfying work.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.

And help me to remember that when I’m having a really bad day, and it seems that people are working on my last Good Nerve, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.


I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.


A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.

The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom."


Two men meet on the street. One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"

The other replies: "I’m fine, thanks."

"And how’s your son? Is he still unemployed?"

"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."

"Meditating? What’s that?"

"I don’t know. But it’s better than sitting around and doing nothing!"


The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.


This nice old Jewish lady went decided to buy a parrot, so she went to the store and bought one. The parrot seemed fine and when Friday night came, she dressed the parrot up and went to temple. The parrot seemed fine but when the rabbi went to bless the congregation, the parrot screamed out, "It’s freakin’ cold in here!"

The woman,completely appalled, grabbed the parrot and ran out. Well, the parrot seemed fine for the next week so once again, on Friday she and the parrot got dressed up and went to temple. Like the previous week, the parrot was fine until the rabbi went to bless the congregation at which point the parrot, once again screamed out, "It’s freakin’ cold in here!"

Once again, the lady was appalled, grabbed the parrot and ran out of temple. She decided to confront the man at the pet store to see what was going on.

The clerk at the pet store said, "You gotta show the parrot who’s boss so here is what you do. The next time he does this, grab him by his legs and swing him around your head a few times. That should teach him a lesson."

That Friday night they once again got dressed up and went to temple. Like the previous two weeks, when the rabbi went to bless the congregation, the parrot screamed out, "It’s freakin’ cold in here!"

The lady, remembering what the clerk said, grabbed the parrot by its legs and swung it around her head a few times. When she was done, the parrot looked at her and screamed out, "And freakin’ windy, too!"


A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.

"Lady," one of them explained, "we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

"Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend."


The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands.

Robert M. Pirsig


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana


 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Invest in the future

“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.”

John M. Richardson, Jr.



The long and tedious election campaigns are finally over. No longer will the airwaves and the internet be filled with vitriol, half truths, and partisan rhetoric. Today we have a chance to put all of that behind us and look to find ways we can come together rather than investing in those things that pull us apart. We are about to embark on a journey into the future together. It will take patience, courage, a commitment to the “we” rather than only to the “me”, and our understanding of the problems we face.

I have been impressed with how many took this election so seriously. For years I have felt that too many of us have just ignored the issues and left it to the other guy to decide for us. This time people took an interest, many even worked for their beliefs. No matter if it went the way we wanted it to go or not we must believe that our democracy was well served. Young and old, male and female, people of all ethnic and national stripes participated and were heard. I am optimistic that they will not return to the old ways but rather will become part of the ongoing process. For we all will be needed as the world is changing and we need to understand and deal with those changes or we will find ourselves carried away by events that will take us where we really don’t want to go. Together we can do amazing things apart we have no voice or influence. It is time for us to look ahead and not back and to plan our actions.

Here is what one of our favorites, Ralph Marston offers for our consideration.

The future holds nothing. And it has room for everything. No crystal ball can accurately bring it into focus because there are just too many possibilities. Certainly you can get an idea of what is likely in the future. But the best thing about your future is that it’s up to you.

You are the most important participant in your future. All the micro-fads and mega-trends pale in comparison to the influence that you have right now on your own future.

What does success mean to you? How do you wish to live your life? What kind of a future would you like to see? Today you have an opportunity to answer those questions. More importantly, you have an opportunity to fashion those answers into reality.

The future is open, ready and waiting for your influence. Choose your future, and thrill to the challenge of making it happen.


 “As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupery


An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"

She says, "I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to make the call all over again."

He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party."

She says, "I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to place the call again."

He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up.

Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out."

He says, "Vy?"

They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you’d like to call up and apologize, we’ll leave the telephone here."

He says, "Vait a minute, vat’s da rush, vat’s da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator 28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?"

She says, "Yes?"

He says, "Vell, get ready — dey’re bringin’ it to ya!"


A young medical student was called to the dean’s office. "Son," he advised, "You’re doing pretty well here at school, but you must learn to write less clearly."


One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor’s wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy !  Am I ever tried.”

Her husband looked over at her & said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, & give a total of five sermons.  Why are you so tired?"

"Dearest," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."


"In a world where the big things have little difference — it’s the little things that make a big difference."

Peter Thomson


A doctor had been attending a rich old man, but it became apparent the old guy had not long to live.  So he asked if his affairs were in order.  The old gentleman replies, "Oh, yes.  And do you know what I’m going to do with all my money?  I’m going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."


I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.


A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, "Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!"

The young man waited and minute and replied, "You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, why even Jesus had long hair…."

To which his father replied…."Yes, and they WALKED every where they went!"


I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

-Rita Rudner-


Sunday school teacher Ms. Brown had a class of five-year-olds.

She began the lesson by saying, "Today we are going to study about Peter.  Can anybody tell me who Peter was?"

A little lad in the back of the group raised his hand.

"Oh, how nice," Ms. Brown said.  "Billy knows. Billy, please come up front and tell the class whoPeter was."

Billy quickly came to the front and said with great pride in his voice, "I fink he was a wabbit."


The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton


Answering Machine Messages

– Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

– Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

– This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you and I’ll think about returning your call.

– This is the refrigerator. The answering machine is busy right now, but if you leave a message, I will stick it to myself with a cow magnet.


The important thing is this: to be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Charles Du Bos


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Join Up

“When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.”



I believe today’s election in the U.S. marks the beginning of a new era. No matter who wins we will begin the development of a changed economic system. We will begin to make the hard choices necessary to adjust our energy policy in order to deal with the fact that traditional sources are not adequate to meet the rising global demand. It is a time when we must build a foundation for an educational system that will challenge, reward and open the minds of our children. We can no longer ignore the problems of the health care delivery system or the inability to rely on the current Social Security system to meet the needs of the elderly in the not too distant future. We must begin to reestablish a codependent foreign policy as we can not do it all ourselves, nor should we. We must do what is required to bring a balance between the use of power and the use of diplomacy. And we must make the tough decisions required to bring fiscal responsibility back into government, institutions and families.

Truly there is much to do and it will not be easy. We cannot afford to do all we would like to do nor can we risk missteps by trying to do what needs to be done all at once. The critical part of this for you and I is that we cannot depend on others to do it all. We have the choice of standing on the sidelines watching others put together the world we live in or to get involved and be part of the solution.

There is much we can do. First a democracy is dependent on the wisdom of a knowledgeable electorate, shame on us if we don’t take an interest in what is going on and stay abreast of the details. We will need to use energy and resources wisely and understand the value of conservation. We no longer can afford to live beyond our means by borrowing from the future. You get the idea.

We can criticize and complain that the world is no longer like it was not that long ago or we can get involved, enjoy the life we can make for ourselves, and maybe again find the value of spending time with family and friends. My recollection of the last days of the depression and the decades that followed was that we found our happiness in the people around us — neighbors, trades people, fellow students, fellow workers and each other.

The choice of what tomorrow will bring is up to people just like you and me. We are all in it together, if we and too many others abandon the call to help build a better life for those that follow we will have no one to blame but ourselves.

Me, I am looking forward to the days ahead, it is not often that we get the chance to do something great and even have fun in the process. I’ll look for you in the future; I hope to see you there.


“If you’re not actively involved in getting what you want, you don’t really want it.”

Peter McWilliams


It is important that people of my generation stay abreast of medical terminology so we can speak intelligently with our medical caregivers. As I service of our daily I have provided this helpful list of terms.

Artery………………….The study of paintings.

Benign………………….What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria………………..Back door to cafeteria.

Barium………………….What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section…………A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan…………………Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize……………….Made eye contact with her.

Colic…………………..A sheep dog.

Coma……………………A punctuation mark.

D&C…………………….Where Washington is.

Dilate………………….To live long.

Enema…………………..Not a friend.

Fester………………….Quicker than someone else.

Fibula………………….A small lie.

Genital…………………Non-Jewish person.

Hangnail………………..What you hang your coat on.

Impotent………………..Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain………………Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff……………A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid………………….A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates………………..Cheaper than day rates.

Node……………………I knew it.

Outpatient………………A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear……………….A fatherhood test.

Pelvis………………….Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative…………..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room……………Place to do upholstery.

Rectum………………….Pretty near killed him.

Secretion……………….Hiding something

Seizure…………………Roman emperor.

Tablet………………….A small table.

Terminal Illness…………Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor…………………..More than one.

Urine…………………..Opposite of you’re out

Varicose………………..Near by


The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.



Things NOT to tell your pregnant wife…

– "I finished the Oreos"

– "Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

– "I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!"

– "Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 26th is the Super Bowl"

– "Fred at the office passed a kidney stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt!"

– "I’m jealous! Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?

– "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

– "Get your own ice cream."

– "Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today!"

– "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

– "You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger……….."


During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How’d you do that?"

"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I’d have to kill you."

After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then… just tell my wife!"


Make the most of today. Translate your good intentions into actual deeds.

Grenville Kleiser


Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Do you read your Bible every day?"

She nodded her head, "Yes."

"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."

With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?"


Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.

Frank Tyger


Years ago a soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I’ll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That’s fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren’t you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.

"You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."


“The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.”

Thomas Merton


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana


 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.


Pleasent Journey

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Margaret Lee Runbeck



It has been an interesting day today. I met a new friend this morning who is a personal coach who sees the world in a way that I think we all should. She asked me a question just minutes after we met, the question was something like “What would you like out of life?” I hesitated and she wouldn’t let me go and repeated the question, I finally responded with “I would like each of my remaining years to be better than this year.” Fortunately that is the way my life has been going these days.

Right after this short encounter I spent time with a friend who is looking for a new job and wants to find something better than what she just left. That is when it again hit me that the operating word is better. I was honest when I had said earlier that each year has been better. But it has to a large extent been because I have redefined better. Too often we judge ourselves by the title we are given, the amount of our salary, medals and plaques, and the like. What I have learned that the greater rewards in life come from the quality of our existence. My days and weeks are filled with new knowledge, new friends, the appreciation of a new vistas and the opportunity to do things that help others.

Everyone I meet is special in some way; sadly too often they don’t put enough value on those things that make them special and try to find the secret to happiness elsewhere. I wish that everyone appreciated themselves as much as I appreciate them.

If you need help, try this, I don’t know who sent it to me it but I am glad they did.

Every Day Gets Better

Say this little rhyme to yourself three times, three times a day, (while looking in a mirror is best):

Every day, and in every way, I am getting better and better.

Emile Coue wrote this back in the early 1900’s. He says that if you follow the instructions that your life will dramatically change for the better. As he says, "Our subconscious is entirely reprogrammable by this simple positive sentence." It puts your imagination into gear and it starts your subconscious believing that things really will go better and then because you have this belief, your life just naturally does get better and better. There’s numerous testimonials that it does work. Give it a try, it’s easy to do and the words are easy to remember. The added benefit of doing this is it’ll put you in a good mood.


The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash.  Author Unknown


A gentleman was moving from one house to another, a couple streets away. Observing the care-free way in which the moving crew yanked his furniture about, he decided to move his prized grandfather’s clock himself. Taking the antique in his arms he started for the new house. But the clock was almost as tall as its owner, and he had to put it down every few feet and rest his arms. After half an hour of these exertions he was just about there, when one of the locals happened to walk out of the corner bar. Watching the man with the clock for a few moments he walked up to him and said in an unsteady voice, "Mister, can I ask you a question?" "What is it?" demanded the man.

"Why on earth don’t you carry a watch?"


Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.



A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."


Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.


A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium.

After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . ..

A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.

The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!


The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Samuel Johnson


"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

"One quarter." answered little Johnny

"You don’t know your arithmetic." said the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don’t know my father."


Managing to have a sense of humor makes it a lot easier to manage people.

Steve Wilson


Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he’d caught recently after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You’re lucky if it weighed 10 pounds!"

Doug replied, "Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."


My wife must think I’m an idiot! "Separate the white clothes from the colours." Ha! Whether I separate them left-to-right or top-to-bottom, the washing machine will mix them all together anyway!


A group of Florida senior citizens were sitting around talking about their  ailments.


"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee" said one.

"Yes, I know.  My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee" replied another.

"I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck" said a third to  which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy," …another went on.

"I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he  shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Well, it’s not that bad" said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can still drive!"


"Never ruin an apology with an excuse." Kimberly Johnson


Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine."

Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently."

"Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?"

"Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."


Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

e. e. cummings


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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