Ray's musings and humor

“We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lost sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.”

 

 

My friends soon the presses will be shut down at Ray’s Daily. Today will be the last edition until the third week in October. I will be on a special international assignment in the weeks ahead doing people-to-people visitations, that’s my cover story anyway. I will be disguised as a tourist sailing on one of the worlds newest ocean liners. Most of the time I will be investigating who is making the leaves in Canada and New England turn from green to yellow and even in some cases red. As you may have read it is thought be happening due to an international conspiracy undertaken by a network of foreign government sponsored botanists with the sole purpose of distracting our attention from the current economic crisis.

It is with regret that I will not be here to help you solve the current global financial disaster, secure peace in the Middle-East and restore civility to the political process, but someone has to check on this flora terror situation and I’ll do the best I can. In the meantime I am somewhat comforted knowing that when I return you will have set the world right and my retirement nest egg, my pensions and the value of my home will have been restored so that I like you will be able to spend the years ahead enjoying peace, prosperity and goodwill. Meanwhile please accept my deep appreciation for what you will do while I am away.

In the meantime I hope to occasionally retrieve critical e-mail but other than that I will not be able to get the news of the day so I can keep up with your progress. While missing the news is a sacrifice I think I will be able to live through it using the principle of what I don’t know won’t hurt me.

So thanks again for all you have done and will do. Keep it together and I’ll see you sometime in October.

Ray

Code Name

I can’t tell you that.

~~~

To care for anyone else enough to make their problems one’s own, is ever the beginning of one’s real ethical development.

Felix Adler:

~~~

SOME TEXAS WISDOM

1. Never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.

2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

3. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin’ it back in.

4. If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

5. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

7. There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.

8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

9. Don’t squat with your spurs on.

10. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

11. Always drink upstream from the herd.

12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it’s really hot.

~~~

"Of Course I Don’t Look Busy — I Did It Right the First Time."

~~~

She said, when I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I’ve even found her sitting in the wrong desk." "I don’t understand that," I replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?"

The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow."

~~~

"Practice Safe Food — Use Condiments."

~~~

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination.  He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep.

As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city’s major jogging routes.  No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window.  He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"

The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15".

The jogger said thanks and left.  The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and yet *another* jogger!

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left.  Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him.  To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying,

"I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME!"

Once again he settled back to sleep.  He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir?  I’ve got the time…..it’s 8:45!"

~~~

"I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: ‘This door is alarmed.’ I said to myself: ‘How do you think I feel?’"

Arnold Brown

~~~

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they promised they would take care of it, mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?"

After a moment, her five-year-old son replied quizzically, "Uh, once?"

~~~

Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to?

~~~

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I’d limp too."

~~~

Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions; could have, might have and should have.

Louis Boone

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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