Ray's musings and humor

Ready? Let’s go!

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

Sydney J. Harris



I have used the Harris quote in the past and am again because I so strongly believe that we need to give our brain a mental vacation more often than most of us do. For many of us this has been an especially trying week as we have seen our country and others in the world struggle with the global financial crisis. Usually people like you and me are not so directly affected but this time many of us are. I have talked to people this week that fear they will loose their uninsured savings, their jobs, their nest eggs and some even have talked about delaying retirement. Fortunately most of their fears are unfounded but that does not keep them from worrying.

In my case I have been lucky enough to get to a point in life where I don’t worry too much, I just wait for things to play out and then adjust if I have to. I am disappointed this time however that we all sat back and let our government and our citizens borrow much more than we could afford and it all came crashing down around us. I am also disappointed that financial organizations who have had years of record profits are transferring their insurmountable problems to our government where the only source of income is from taxes paid by you and me. That means more liability for each of us, huge interest payments on an already staggering national debt and ultimately it will us, our children and even our grandchildren who will have to pay the debt.

But I digress, forget everything I just said and join me for a few days of mental vacation. Let’s avoid the news, avoid negative conversations, review what’s good and ignore what’s bad, let’s have some fun. One of the things I am doing is catching a frivolous movie this morning. Later I plan to dip into my humor archives and pull together some stuff for future dailies. Tomorrow I am breakfasting with a favored friend who is always smiling and Sunday I am brunching with most of my very favorite people, my children and grandchildren. And as to a world in turmoil with shouting heads throwing blame at everyone but themselves, I don’t know what your talking about, I can’t see them, I can’t hear them and I don’t want to either, that is until I return Monday I am away on a mental vacation.

OK, I know for some what I suggest is easier said than done. If you are having a problem dropping out for a few days you might try these techniques that I copied from a relaxation web site.

Exercise is one of the best ways to manage stress. Walking is a great way to get started.

Write. It can help to write about the things that are bothering you.

Let your feelings out. Talk, laugh, cry, and express anger when you need to.

Do something you enjoy. A hobby can help you relax. Volunteer work or work that helps others can be a great stress reliever.

Learn ways to relax your body. This can include breathing exercises, muscle relaxation exercises, massage, aromatherapy, yoga, or relaxing exercises like tai chi and qi gong.

Focus on the present. Try meditation, imagery exercises, or self-hypnosis. Listen to relaxing music. Try to look for the humor in life. Laughter really can be the best medicine.


"Sing away sorrow, cast away care."



Did you know that:

Karaoke is a Japanese word meaning "tone deaf".

"Normal" is a setting on a washing machine.

Sleep is that fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

A cynic is someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.

The answer is what everybody is still looking for.


I’m not aging, I just need re-potting.


After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong.  Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"


Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.


A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there and found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. On the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop." Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks.

Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide, "The drums have stopped, what happens now?"

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, "bass solo."


"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said."


After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!"


"Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one."

Mark Twain


A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is anyone interested in a little wager?" he said, flashing some large bills around. "I’ve got $500.00 here that says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards …right down the middle…every time!"

Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, "I gotta see this!" he said. "You know, what? I’ll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee."

When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest.

Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -6 inches from the cup.

The pro was astonished. "That’s incredible!" he exclaimed. "How did you train him to hit the ball like that! There’s no need for me to tee off. I couldn’t beat him with a stick. Here’s your money."

As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said "Oh, by the way, how does he putt?"

The trainer responded, "Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time."


Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold.  But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.

Douglas Pagels


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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