Ray's musings and humor

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Doug Larson

 

 

Sorry gang it has been a full and tiring day, first an early medical test, then a couple of hours in a dental chair getting major work done and then some critical activities that had to be dealt with so before I retire for a long nap I am pulling another past daily for your review. See you tomorrow.

Ray

~~~

First published August 26th 2004.

 

One of the greatest things I have found in life is how great it is to begin again. No matter what our age we can find adventure, joy, and satisfaction in doing something new. I don’t think it is a case of starting over the same old ground, but rather a choice to begin anew and cover new ground. Every time we do we are provided the opportunity to offload burdens from our past. Of course we have to take advantage of the opportunity and not carry past burdens that limit our ability to carry new cargo. Actually we can even begin anew everyday, maybe not completely, but at least enough to stick our toe in the water and test what it has to offer. A guy by the name of Bill Greer wrote the following that provides us a plan.

One of the best things we can do in our lives is this: Begin again.

Begin to see yourself as you were when you were the happiest and strongest you’ve ever been.

Begin to remember what worked for you (and what worked against you), and try to capture the magic again.

Begin to remember how natural it was when you were a child — to live a lifetime each day.

Begin to forget the baggage you have carried with you For years: the problems that don’t matter anymore, the tears that cried themselves away, and the worries that are going to wash away on the shore of tomorrow’s new beginnings.

Tomorrow tells us it will be here every new day of our lives; and if we will be wise, we will turn away from the problems of the past and give the future — and ourselves — a chance to become the best of friends.

Sometimes all it takes is a wish in the heart to let yourself begin again.

~~~

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well-meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.)

Monday A.M.

Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control.

Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.

Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the frig. Hope you got back to sleep.

Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you about this. Dinner may be a little late. I’m doing your door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M.

Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris’s missing shoes? We’ve checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There’s some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M.

Doris: Don’t panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following:

1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. How do you turn off the milkman? 3. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 4. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy’s hand? 5. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don’t know what you’re having for lunch! Surprise me!

Friday A.M.

Hey: Don’t drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time.  ….. I called your mother. Have a great day.!!

~~~

Instead of taking your clothes to the cleaners and pay a bundle, donate them to goodwill or the Salvation Army. They clean them, you come back the next day and buy them for a dollar.

~~~

There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "I’m a former window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He replied, "Halfway down."

~~~

Ever wonder why we make vitamins in flavors so children will eat them, then child proof the regular flavored vitamins?

~~~

Ten Things You *Don’t* Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System……..

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airline’s new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o’clock….one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm….Sorry……(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)….uhhhhh….we have to go back ….we ..we ….uhhhhhh ….forgot something…..

7. I’m sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we’ll be flying much more efficiently now.

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).

9. This is your Captain speaking….these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I’m used to.. so you’ll have to give me some leeway…

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

~~~

Remember this next time you meet someone that looks very bright to you, the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.

~~~

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin’ fools. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later, the same Irishman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

"Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says "Yes," and he asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement.  The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, "If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

~~~

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

~~~

He said: When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?" "We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him. "Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted. "Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again," I quipped. "Okay," he said. "I’m riding with Mom."

~~~

Youth is the time for adventures of the body,

but age for the triumphs of the mind.

Logan Pearsall Smith

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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