Ray's musings and humor

Thanks for telling me

“If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.”

Mitsugi Saotome

 

 

I could not resist using Saotome’s quote today since I feel so strongly about our recognizing how important we are to each other. It is not only the pleasure of sharing something we hold dear with another it is also how we compliment each other and benefit from the interaction. In fact if the truth be told we need each other.

As an example an Engineer and I were talking this morning about how we and others handle criticism and correction. We both agreed that it does us no good at all to defend our beliefs without hearing why someone else thinks we are wrong. In fact I said I like being wrong, I don’t mean I jump for joy when I am mistaken, what I mean is that when someone offers me information that shows I am in wrong I will have learned something and not continue to misinform. We all know people who continue along fat dumb and happy without stopping to verify their chosen truths, I would much rather stop and listen and make corrections and move on based on what I learned.

Have you noticed that the misguided are misguided, I mean you never know where they are going to end up and when they get there they wonder what happened. So my friends I want you to know that I am the guy who stops and asks for directions, not because I am so smart but rather because I realize I really don’t have all the answers. You can do me a favor though, when you point out that said something stupid, be kind, after all I am the resident old guy!

~~~

“We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”

~~~

Immutable Facts

When one wishes to unlock a door but has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von Fumbles Law)

A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)

When one’s hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)

Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law)

When things seem to be going well, you’ve probably forgotten to do something. (Cheney’s Second Corollary)

When things seem easy to do, it’s because you haven’t followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it’s probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem. (Law of Gravitas)

Most problems are not created or solved; they only change appearances. (Einstein’s Law of Persistence)

You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)

Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call you’ve been waiting for all day will arrive. (Principle of Bellsouth)

If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of Wasteland)

~~~

"My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire department."

Harry Hill

~~~

Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.

After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.

"You say you have experience selling books?"

"Lots of it," replies Jim.

"And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?"

"Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study."

"Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in the firm."

While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.

Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"

~~~

She asked: My husband has suggested a candlelight dinner at home for our anniversary. Is he being romantic or just cheap?

~~~

When the heir to the Rothschild fortune visited a poor Jewish village near Budapest, the locals poured out to greet him. With all due ceremony, he was given a small parade, met with the mayor, and awarded a key to the city.

At the local inn, he ordered some roast chicken for brunch. When he finished, he received a bill larger than the most expensive bottle of wine his family sold.

"This is outrageous!" Rothschild shouted at the innkeeper. "Never in my life have I been charged so much for a roast chicken! Are chickens that rare around here?"

"Not at all," said the innkeeper reassuringly. "But millionaires — ah, they are a rarity!"

~~~

I am always doing things I can’t do, that’s how I get to do them.

Pablo Picasso

~~~

Billy’s dad was away on a business trip. So he wanted to sleep with his mother. The first night she refused. The second night she refused again. On the third night she decided to let him lay there for a while and take him to bed when he fell asleep.

So Billy put on his pajamas and jumped into bed on his father’s side. With both his hands behind his head, he said to his mother just before she fell asleep: "With Christmas approaching, don’t you think it would be a good idea if we buy Billy a bicycle?"

~~~

When you walk with wise men, you will become wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed.

Proverbs 13:20

~~~

My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume, which she planned to submit to a local fast food restaurant. I agreed.

A few days later, she called and asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her why, she replied, "The manager wants me to come in for an interview and she told me to bring my references."

~~~

The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast

~~~

A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I’m here to fix the leaky pipe," he announced.

"I didn’t call a plumber," said the lady.

"What?" huffed the plumber. "Aren’t you Mrs. Snyder?"

The Snyders moved out of this house over a year ago," explained the lady.

"How do you like that?" grunted the plumber. "They call you up and tell you it’s an emergency and then they move away!"

~~~

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.

He can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.

Epictetus

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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