Ray's musings and humor

Can it really be 8-1?

“Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself, "Here is an opportunity for you to celebrate like never before, my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary.”

Anthony Robbins

 

 

Wow, August already, did I sleep through part of the last few months or is time going twice as fast as it use to? Anyway here we are in August and it is time to lay out the plan. I have put together the guide below that maybe helpful to our US readers, those of you who live in other parts of the world may join in if you wish or add your own activities from your country. As I am sure you know August is:

American Artists Appreciation Month – Better be prepared for this one, who knows you might run into an artist but you may not want to surprise them with a big kiss, especially if they are the same sex as you. A handshake and thanks is enough.

Architecture Month – OK here is another one I struggle with, the best I have come up with so far is to pick a day and stand in front of a building and look at it. The tough part is the public sometimes wonders why you are stalking a building and they call the cops.

Breastfeeding Month – No thanks, I quit that when I was a kid.

Fall of Empires Month – Oh jeez, not another one, I hope it does not fall on me.

Foot Health Month – Take a foot to a gym.

Psychic Month – Join me for a telepathic lunch next Thursday? Let me know if you can make it since I really hate explaining to the waitress why I am talking to an empty chair unless someone is mentally there.

Ray’s Wife’s Birthday Month – This is probably the most important annual event that I damn well better not ever forget.

~~~

“Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!”

Amanda Bradley

~~~

She said:

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup…… I want to be a bear!

~~~

Being defeated is often a temporary condition.

Giving up is what makes it permanent.

~~~

20 Worst Things To Hear At A Nuclear Power Plant

Fission shmission, relax, I’ll increase the water level after my coffee break.

Was that "Open valve A and close valve B" or was it the other way round?

This whole plant will be running under Windows tomorrow.

HEY! Is smoke coming out of the core normal?

Who forgot to pay the water bill?

We got 12 seconds to WHAT????

Meet your new plan superintendent: Bozo the clown.

A leak? Can’t you fix it with duct tape or something?

Oh yeah! 50 bucks says I can make it blow.

It’s Russian technology.

Move over Three Mile Island – here we come!!!

Sniff, sniff…. you smell that?

I used to work at Chernobyl.

All the way to the RIGHT, not LEFT you dummy!

It’s your turn to wax the core.

How come all the big shots are leaving?

Is that a 60 minute film crew out there?

Is this part really necessary?

OF COURSE I went to high school. Didn’t finish it, though.

Look at the good news: we are going to find out whether people actually glow in the dark.

~~~

Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but moments.

Rose Kennedy

~~~

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

~~~

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say,

"Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it’s morning."

~~~

"I’m not sure I want popular opinion on my side

I’ve noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts."

Bethania McKenstry

~~~

She said: Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of show and tell that day had been parents’ occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.

When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn’t sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."

~~~

A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

~~~

Tom, Glenn, and Scott were working on a high rise building project. Glenn fell off and was instantly killed

As the ambulance took the body away, Scott said, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Tom says, "OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it."

Two hours later, Tom came back carrying a 6-pack. Scott asked, "Where did you get that, Tom?"

"Glenn’s wife gave it to me."

"That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

Tom said, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Glenn’s widow.’"

She said, "’No, I’m not a widow."

And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

~~~

Forget mistakes. Forget failures.

Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.

Today is your lucky day.

Will Durant

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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