Ray's musings and humor

Archive for July, 2008

She’s got the right idea

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain.

Helen Keller

 

 

It has been an interesting day today. I met with a friend who is about to embark on a new career and while she could focus all of her time and energy on what she is about to do she shared with me that she does not want to limit her life to only work and home. She plans on enriching the years ahead through volunteering to help others. Many of us talk about giving back to the community and the like but my friend sees more, she knows that she will get to make new friends, share in good works and find satisfaction that comes from meaningful accomplishment.

Later I had lunch with two of my favorite Salvation Army staff people. They are not part of the uniformed Army but they are responsible for building bridges to the community in order to garner support for what the Army does. The reason I enjoy them so much is how they with good spirit and enthusiasm make it possible for people like me to take advantage of the opportunities that the Salvation Army offers through their volunteer and fund raising efforts. These are special people who have given me the gift of their friendship and I am a better person because they have done so.

I worry often that too many of us become so focused on the material that the human spirit withers and one of the best anecdotes is to spend some time doing something for others.

Here is a piece from Ralph Marston that hits home for me and it might for you as well.

Are you so busy chasing pleasure that you leave no room for joy in your life? Are you so obsessed with proving how happy you are that you make yourself miserable?

Step back for a moment and remember who you are. Even if you reach them, the generic goals and aspirations you borrow from others will not bring you even a moment of real fulfillment.

Life does not gain meaning through the things you see advertised on television. If all you want is what the world tells you to want, you’ll find yourself in a perpetual state of lack, limitation and frustration.

Within you is a hunger for meaning. Within you is a burning desire to make a difference and to express a purpose that is special to you alone.

No one can give that purpose to you, for it is something you already have. Let go of the need to nourish your shallow ego, and you’ll begin to connect with the real, meaningful purpose that is woven through your whole life.

Free yourself from the off-the-shelf definition of success that is nothing more than an empty fantasy. Instead, find real success and joy by giving life to the purpose that has always been within you.

~~~

“If you have much, give of your wealth;

If you have little, give of your heart”

Arab Proverb

~~~

A small polar bear and his dad were walking along the ice cap when the son poked his dad and asked,

"Dad, are you a real polar bear?"

"Yes son, I’m a real polar bear."

They proceeded across the ice cap and before long the son again poked his dad and asked,

"Dad, I mean are you a real polar bear?"

His dad responded, "Yes! I’m a real polar bear!"

They again started across the ice cap and about 15 minutes later the small polar bear poked his dad and asked,

"Is Mom a real polar bear?"

His dad a bit puzzled answered, "Yes son, your mother’s a real polar bear!"

And again they began walking across the polar ice.

Well, after a short time the small bear again poked his dad once again and asked,

"Dad, are you sure Mom’s a real polar bear; I mean she doesn’t have any mixed bear in her, or anything?"

Dad, a bit aggravated said, "Your Mom is a real polar bear, and that’s it. Why do you keep asking me these questions about us being real polar bears?"

With that the small polar bear shyly looked up at his Dad and said, "Because I’m cold!"

~~~

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled."

Plutarch

~~~

Some Classic Lines from Dear Abby’s syndicated newspaper advice column…

           Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

           Dear Abby, my forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

           Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

           Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much on me I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his.

           Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?

           Dear Abby, I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it.   Any suggestions?

Signed, Sam – Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office.

           Dear Abby, I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. Signed, Rose – Dear Rose, So would I.

~~~

People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anybody who rested to death?

~~~

George Burns told a story about cheating on his wife once during their marriage.  He kept it to himself, but he felt so bad that he bought Gracie a beautiful diamond bracelet.  Finally, after several years had gone by, he confessed to Gracie about his indiscretion.

She said, "I know.  I was hoping you’d do it again.  I wanted a ring to match."

~~~

Before I can retaliate, does someone first have to taliate?

~~~

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity.

"I’m foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time."

The operator giggled, "That’s really funny," she said. "All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.

~~~

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.

Emily Kimbrough

~~~

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.

Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did you check to see whether the power was on?"

"Of course."

DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?"

"Of course."

DED: Then why are you calling me?"

"Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser.

"Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover."

~~~

The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent tolerance; to a friend your heart; to your child a good example; to a father deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself respect; and to all men charity.

Frances Balfour

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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Be Happy!!!!!

“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”

Tina Turner

 

 

One of the people I am working with these days is extremely unhappy. When we talk and try toi deal with it and find ways to make life better we never get there. Like too many6 others they need to spend all of our time together justifying their unhappiness. In fact on occasion I become the bad guy because I refuse to understand that it has to be that way. How sad it is for my friend, in her life it rains everyday and she never sees the sun. I wish I could break through her pain and let her know it does not have to stay that way. As I looked for something that might help I found an article I copied a year or so ago

One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.  

While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.

1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.

2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.

3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things.  Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.

4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.

5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go. 

6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.

7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.

8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.

9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.

10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.

Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.

On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures.

By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness. 

~~~

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”

Wayne Dyer

~~~

An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."

The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."

~~~

The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

~~~

Judy was complaining to Barbie that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said Barbie, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, ‘Is that you, Jim?’ And that cured him."

"Cured him!" asked Judy, "but his name is Andy?"

~~~

“Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.”

David Star Jordan

~~~

Working as a secretary in an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day, security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room.

After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there and don’t you come out until you’re told!"

The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.

~~~

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.

Richard Bach

~~~

The first grade teacher was reading the story of "The Three Little Pigs" to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "…and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me, sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’"

The teacher paused and then asked the class, "And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said, ‘Wow! A talking pig!’"

~~~

Whatever your cross is, whatever your pain may be, there will always be sunshine after the rain.

~~~

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods doing some hunting one day, when suddenly one of them falls to the ground. Not breathing and his eyes rolled back in his head, his buddy whips out his cell phone and dails 911. He immediately gasps to the operator, "It’s my friend Earl, I think he’s dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "all right, take it easy. I can help. First thing, make sure he’s dead."

There’s silence for a few seconds, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line and says, "OK, What’s next??"

~~~

“Life is a precious gift.

Don’t waste it being unhappy, dissatisfied, or anything else you can be.”

Author unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Isn’t there a better way to check my tonsils?

Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.

Eliza Tabor

 

 

It is another of those busy, where did the time go, days. Meetings, barber, ATT U-verse techs, and a grandsons play leave little time for you and I to converse so back to the reprints. While I have your attention I should tell you about next week, I will have one of those ever popular Colonoscopies on Tuesday. The procedure itself is not all that bad since you are sedated and the hospital stay is usually only a half day or so, that is the good news. The bad news in that there is a day of preparation before the procedure, so Monday I can have no food nor dairy at all, water clear broth, and the like coupled with dreaded pills and large bottle awful stuff that cleans out your system over many hours. They only good thing is I get a lot of exercise running to the bathroom. So my friends you may or may not get a daily on Monday and you definitely will not get one on Tuesday. I know one thing; Wednesday will be much better even if it is bad.

~~~

Ray’s Daily July 11, 2006

~~~

Out of the same substances one stomach will extract nutriment, another poison; and so the same disappointments in life will chasten and refine one man’s spirit, and embitter another’s.

William Matthews

~~~

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a Seminole Indian on one of the local Florida reservation tours.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator’s teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," She said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Well no, not really" he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

~~~

We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.

Talmud

~~~

I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars. I chose a treadmill in the corner so I’d be inconspicuous.

However, as I exercised, my worst fears came true. At least a dozen people turned to stare at me periodically. I thought it might be my imagination, but then one woman even squinted to get a better look.

Mortified, I stepped off the machine to leave. When I turned around, I realized that the gym’s only wall clock had been hanging just inches above my head.

~~~

Hlade’s Law: "If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person — they will find an easier way to do it."

~~~

Ways To Rush Your Spouse In Walmart

-Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.

-Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 2 minute intervals.

-Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the restrooms.

-Walk up to an employee and tell them, in an official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in Housewares" and see what happens.

-Move "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" signs to carpeted areas.

-While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if they know where the anti-depressants are.

-Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

-In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look using different size funnels.

-Hide in the clothing rack, and when people browse through say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

-When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It’s those voices again!"

-Go into the fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!"

~~~

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don’t need to take a laxative.

~~~

He said: Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from.  

"Trinidad," I said.  

"Is that in Arabia?"  

"The Caribbean."  

She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."  

~~~

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

~~~

A story concerns itself with a wholesaler in New York who sent a letter to the postmaster of a small mid-western town. He asked for the name of a honest lawyer who would take a collection case against a local debtor who had refused to pay for a shipment of the wholesaler’s goods. He got this reply:

"Dear Sir:

I am the postmaster of this village and received your letter. I am also an honest lawyer and ordinarily would be pleased to accept a case against a local debtor. In this case, however, I also happen to be the person you sold those crummy goods to. I received your demand to pay and refused to honor it. I am also the banker you sent the draft to draw on the merchant, and I sent that back with a note stating that the merchant had refused to pay. And if I were not, for the time being, substituting for the pastor of our local church, I would tell you just what I thought of your claim."

~~~

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

~~~

He said: When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning "Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter people from using it.  

One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem: "Wet paint."  

~~~

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

~~~

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I’ll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin’, sir." "Fishin’, eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

~~~

Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age, and to imagine right up to the brink of death that life is only beginning. I think that is the only way to keep adding to one’s talent, and one’s inner happiness.

George Sand

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Would you believe it?

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”

Denis Waitley

 

 

I was going to tell you that I was attacked today by a pack of tigers and fought them tooth and nail to get away which thankfully I did. Everything probably would have been alright after that except that I had to save a number of young children from a burning building before I even had a chance to run the 25 miles that I do everyday to keep in shape.

Since I was pretty sure you would never believe me if I told you all of that maybe it is better if I just admitted I had a full morning ate lunch and took a nap and soon will have to leave to go to a funeral home. So not knowing if I had time to come up with anything better I just dipped into my book of random thoughts and chose these Three.

 

I love Indianapolis. For me it is a great area. I don’t have lots of money but I have more than enough. My kids are thriving, I have plenty to do and I have a number of friends that I care for. Yes for me Indy is great.

For the guy who lives in the rundown neighborhood where crime is sometimes rampant and where neighbors are sometimes murdered things are not good by any measure. The guy may work two minimum wage jobs just to keep his families head above water and yet he has little to show for it. For him Indianapolis sucks and for him he is right.

We both live here and yet we live worlds apart. What we need is more understanding and to recognize that when communities are fragmented and with many suffering through no fault of their own that we all lose.

 

Does our indifference excuse us from responsibility for the problems of our community and makes us guilty in part for the lack of a solution?

 

If we don’t communicate our concerns to the younger generation will we reduce the chance that they will take an interest in finding solutions to the problems that will face our generation?

~~~

“People don’t understand that not only can they make a difference, it’s their responsibility to do so”

Florence Robinson

~~~

Ten Reasons Adam Was the Luckiest Man

1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.

2. He had no in-laws to drop in.

3. There were no Jones for him to keep up with.

4. There were no credit cards OR shopping centers.

5. He never had his dinner interrupted by telephone salesmen.

6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.

7. He never had to shovel snow!

8. If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn’t normal.

9. There was no "standard weight and height" tables – and the word FAT meant good.

10. When God asked "Adam, where are you?"  He replied, "The woman you gave me was reading the map."

~~~

Kindness makes a fellow feel good, whether it’s being done to him or by him.

Frank A. Clark

~~~

Keys to Business Success

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria.  People with the newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss–and you will get caught–your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You’re not a loafer, you’re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned.  That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace.  To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice mail.  Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing–they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM.  That’s the way to live.  Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn’t involve you.

The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it."  If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"–a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

~~~

Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

~~~

The History of Medicine:

Year 0 – Here, eat this root.

1000 – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2008 – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

~~~

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.

~~~

Tips from Martha Stewart That Didn’t Work-

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~~~

I always wanted to be a procrastinator… never got around to it.

~~~

Look what she has on her T-shirts this summer:

So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me

God Made Us Sisters – Prozac Made Us Friends

At My Age, I’ve Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All . . .  I Just Can’t Remember It All

What If the Hokey Pokey Really IS What It’s All About?

Don’t Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen

Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It’ll Be a Great Trade.

~~~

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.

Mark Twain

~~~

Two old ladies sat on a bench talking. One said to the other, "Good heavns! Who did your hair? It looks like a wig!" The second lady replied, "It is a wig." "Really?" exclaimed the first lady, "You could never tell!"

~~~

I wonder why it is that we are not all kinder to each other than we are.

How much the world needs it! How easily it is done!

Henry Drummond

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Better stay out of my way today

 “No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap.”

Carrie P. Snow

 

 

I may have mentioned before the fact that we can’t have mountains without valleys, well today has been a valley day so far. I had an early meeting at a Starbucks scheduled and waited an hour and the appointment never showed up, I got home and my wife was upset since we were having major problems with our video service and my computer ended up with a major error. I did what I could but had to leave to get to my barber before 10 AM only to find out she wasn’t coming in until much later in the day so I went to the store to buy some clear Jello since that is all I am allowed to eat Monday before going into the hospital for tests. I bought a number of things but did not realize until later that I did not buy the Jello I went in for. So all in all I have the good fortune of knowing everything is uphill from here, but just in the interest of my fellow man I have decided to stay in for the rest of the day in fear that if I drove somewhere I could be dangerous to the public. So rather than me demonstrating my breakdown through the Daily I am going to reprint some of the recent comments from readers and go take a nap.

 

Ray’s Daily: I’m moving on, join me?

I agree that “Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

In the real life, all dichotomies—light and dark, good and bad, male and female, up and down, happy and sad —are resolved, and all apparent imperfections are revealed as part of the whole.

This amazing fact, it’s "That is perfect. This is perfect. From the perfect springs the perfect. If the perfect is taken from the perfect, the perfect remains." Our culture’s obsession with excellence keeps us toiling under the tyranny of perfectionism. Yet perfection itself is not the tyrant—it’s our notions about it that rule us.

Today, I realize that all the parts of my life an "imperfect" realizing that they are part of what makes my life special, unique, and beautiful. I myself an imperfect but awareness that up and down in life makes me perfect

Meniek — Jakarta Indonesia

~~~

Ray’s Daily: Take it Easy

So true and I know I am caught up in the need to constantly perform because of all the responsibilities I allow myself to have! Excellent… I’ll read this several times… and start to have more productive laziness in my life…

Sandy – St Petersburg Florida

~~~

Ray’s Daily: What have you told yourself?

So many times we tend to believe what others tell us as gospel

Many times I have found those are the same people who are the one’s that are afraid to try, or have failed and have given up.

I now look at adversity as an opportunity to turn a negative in to a positive.

You are so right about the answer to our problems lies within ourselves.

Keep up the great work

Barb – Mankato Minnesota US

~~~

To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed — That can make life a garden.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

~~~

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish this courtyard."

"So what’s the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.

The guide replied simply, "One."

~~~

Ohgreat,nowthedernspacebarwon’twork!

~~~

She told me that one day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble.  "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has! fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

~~~

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

~~~

A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don’t you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

"Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you’re bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh…what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma’am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

~~~

Psychiatrist:  You’ll never make any progress until you get over these phobias.

Patient:  I was afraid you’d say that.

~~~

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . . ?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you’d be eating alone."

~~~

"During your life, everything you do and everyone you meet rubs off in some way. Some bit of everything you experience stays with everyone you’ve ever known, and nothing is lost. That’s what’s eternal, these little specks of experience in a great, enormous river of life that has no end."

Harriet Doerr

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Take it easy!

“You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’.”

Wayne Dyer

 

Lately a few of our readers have told me how hard it is to walk away from the burdens they carry. I wonder sometimes if we just are conditioned to feel like every minute must be filled with duty, responsibility and reflection. I also find that many of the people I spend time with are locked into their world and just don’t know how to break out of it, unfortunately many of these good people are unhappy and if the truth be known are lonely as well. Well today I have some good news I found the following piece written by Scott Young a university student who writes about productivity, habits and self-improvement. He reminds us that it is perfectly alright to devote some of our time to what he suggests are unproductive pursuits. I don’t totally agree with the unproductive label for I think what he is offering to us is the opportunity to devote some vital time to our effort to recharge and enjoy life. Here is what he wrote:

 

The Art of Laziness – How to Be Happily Unproductive

1.         Get a Hobby – Pick up a creative activity that doesn’t have any goals attached. This is something that you enjoy doing, but doesn’t have the looming deadlines, schedule or to-do lists that is common to your workplace. I know corporate executives that manage to squeeze twenty minutes a day into their hobby and love it.

2.         Learn a Skill – Learning can be incredibly enjoyable when there is no GPA, performance evaluations or letter grades. Try learning a new language, take up martial arts or learn public speaking.

3.         Store Opportunities – How often do you see a flyer for an event or activity, but dismiss it because you don’t have the time? My suggestion is to save those interesting activities so that you can apply them when you do have time. Prepare opportunities for your time off in advance.

4.         Write Your Book – I’ve heard statistics that say 8 out of 10 people would like to write a book in their lifetime. Perhaps now is the time to start working on the first draft. I’ve found personal projects like these can be an enjoyable diversion from the externally imposed goals of work or school.

5.         Exercise – If you don’t like running or going to the gym, don’t force yourself. But there are many different interesting sports and activities that can move your body. Exercising can releases hormones in your brain which improve your mood.

6.         Always Have a Book – Unsatisfied with channel flipping? Having a book (not just reading blogs) requires you to use your brain. Light reading can be a great way to stay engaged without burning yourself out.

7.         Use Your Social Circle – Conversing with friends is actually a fairly complex mental task, requiring you to read signals and body language, think fast and respond to comments.

8.         Games – Games have been around long before Nintendo came around. The prevalence of games in most cultures is probably because playing games is a challenging mental task that produces a state of flow. Learning and playing a game can provide an engaging environment without the stress.

9.         Create Something – Creativity is often seen as having good ideas. But if you look at the root word of creativity, create, then creativity can be seen as simply building something new. Pick something small, but meaningful, to create. Spending an hour or two working building something can be incredibly rewarding and enjoyable.

10.        Appreciate – I’m sure I’m not alone in that I like listening to music to relax. Improving upon this would be trying to go deeper into the music you are listening or the art you are looking at. Try to appreciate how different elements work together and build on each other. This can be a more engaging experience than simply building off your first impression.

11.        Be in the Now – Focus on whatever you are experiencing in the moment. This sounds trivial at first, but it is actually incredibly difficult to sustain. Being in the now is what Eckhart Tolle believes to be the secret to happiness. Concentrating on your muscles, senses or the environment around you takes mental effort when buffeted by distracting thoughts.

12.        Work on Yourself – I’m sure few of us can claim that 100% of our time is used exactly how we would like it to be. Commitments with work, family and school can mean that a sizable portion of your time is working on goals that aren’t entirely your own. Spending your free time working on yourself, your habits, your goals and your projects can take more energy but can ultimately make your free time more rewarding.

~~~

 “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”

Alan Cohen

~~~

A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma" or, "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma" and so on.

Eventually, a bewildered shopper who had heard all this, finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!"

~~~

"People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves, they have the first secret of success."

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly, she began to shout, "Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!"

"Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?!"

"Nothing. She’s just having contractions."

~~~

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

~~~

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse.

"Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the Doc asked.

"No," replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. "I could only do about 15 minutes!"

~~~

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

Carol Burnett

~~~

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench.  "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges."  

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.  

Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."  

~~~

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.

~~~

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it, so she could attach it directly to her belt.

A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them.

"Don’t look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this stupid clip!"

~~~

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.

J.B. Priestly

~~~

 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

I’m Moving on, join me?

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.

It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

 

 

The other day I suggested we keep moving for if we slow down or stop no matter how old we are we stand a chance of stagnating and beginning the withering process. Over the years we all collect experiences, friends, memories and more. As I move forward I find that I can’t carry all of them forward so I have chosen to leave behind my mistakes, regrets, pains and conflicts, but I will always carry with me my joys, my memories of the people who have given me so much along the way, my pleasant experiences and especially the things others have taught me.

If I haven’t said it already I’d like to let you know that I am sorry if I have ever let you down and I’m extremely grateful to those of you who have enriched my life. It has not always been easy but it has never been better.

Unfortunately it seems that far too many of us have nailed our pain to our shoulders. We agonize over the years trying to find out who to blame and then rightly or wrongly we are perpetually angry for what we think someone or something did to us. I’ll never understand why some of us don’t realize that it is we ourselves who have chosen anger leaving no time for much else. Until the anchor that has tied you to your unhappiness is lifted you’ll never get a chance to find the joy that very well may exist right over the horizon.

I decided I would see what the wise Ralph Marston had to say on the subject and here is what I found:

 

Have you ever carried a grudge for a long time, and then finally let it go? What a sense of relief it can bring when you decide to forgive.

There is a cleansing and refreshing freedom which comes from forgiveness. When you’ve been hurt, does it make sense to perpetuate the hurt? No, of course not. No one would want to do that. And yet we are often so reluctant to forgive.

Forgiving someone does not mean you must trust them or allow them into a position where they can hurt you again. Forgiveness means simply moving on. Forgiveness does not have to make you any less vigilant or any more vulnerable. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was acceptable. It means that you’ve chosen to no longer let it hold you back.

There is no real continuing benefit which comes from being a victim. Practice forgiveness and you’ll free your spirit to live positively each day, unburdened by the past mistakes of others.

~~~

“Even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we’re not all still friends.”

Unknown

~~~

There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.

They politely say to each other: "You may choose first."

"No, you may choose first."

And this goes on for a while.

Then the first person says: "OK, I’ll take first."

And he takes the BIG piece of fish.

The second person: "Why did you take the big piece? That’s not polite!"

The first person says: "Which piece would *you* have taken?"

The second person replies: "Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course."

The first person says: "Well, that’s what you have now!"

~~~

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic’s terrible.

Jeff Taylor

~~~

The class was studying state capitals. The teacher asked one of her pupils, "What’s the nation’s capital?"

Little Johnny replied, "Washington DC"

She then asked, "What does the ‘DC’ stand for?"

Little Johnny added, "Oh, I know that!  Dot com."

~~~

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries have a ‘use by’ date?

~~~

How To Tell If You’re In New York……..

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian, and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

~~~

What do people in China call their good plates?

~~~

Ten Things a Mom Doesn’t Want to Hear

 1. I swallowed a goldfish.

 2. Your lipstick works better than crayons.

 3. Does grape juice leave a stain?

 4. The principal called…

 5. But DAD says that word all the time.

 6. What’s it cost to fix a window?

 7. Has anyone seen my earthworms?

 8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?

 9. The dog doesn’t like dressing up in your clothes.

10. I’m moving out.

~~~

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.

~~~

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department.

The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "but a man is sitting on the well."

~~~

The greatest discovery is that a person can change their future by merely changing their attitude.

~~~

Myron Cohen said his mother was very resourceful.  For instance, he recalled that when their table cloth became frayed she would cut it up into smaller pieces and make napkins.  When they became frayed she cut them up into handkerchiefs.  And when they became frayed, she sewed them all together and made another tablecloth.

~~~

There is not a shred of evidence exists that life is serious.

~~~

Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"

One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they’re just friends, but there could be something else going on there."

~~~

I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail and not drift, nor lie at anchor.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Happy 4th!

Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed – else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

 

The good news is that my financial plan worked, between the casino and the horse races I was able to increase my net worth, unfortunately it was not enough for a European vacation but it was enough to cover the cost of a sandwich at a fast food restaurant. For me winning anything is a welcome change.

The bad news is that I did not get home until late and my first meeting was at 6:30 this morning and it was followed by three other meetings so I did not get home until mid-afternoon, as I am sure you already guessed we will return days of yesteryear and provide a daily about the way things were then. And if my non-U.S. readers will forgive me there will be no Daily tomorrow as those in my country will be taking the day off to celebrate our Independence Day.

~~~

July 3, 2002

Tomorrow is Independence Day in the US. It is the anniversary of the US Declaration of Independence that was adopted in 1776. The declaration included the statement, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.”

During this time of great national concern I hope that we can keep a balance between our need for national security and our hard won personal freedoms.

~~~

"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."

John Stuart Mill

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees.

~~~

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

~~~

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child… pick your favorite.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: "We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways."

~~~

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

~~~

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill’s wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What’s the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."

Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."

"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must’ve been terrible!"

"It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again…"

~~~

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

~~~

As I was checking on my shrinking 401 K accounts I learned the following:

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you’re supposed to be listening to your manager’s presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir?" "Hahaha, well, I’m a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

~~~

Her mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty…

They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

~~~

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

"I’m afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left."

"Oh, that’s terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine…"

~~~

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.

William Faulkner

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

No Daily tomorrow, I’ll be away picking up money!

“May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light.

May good luck pursue you each morning and night.”

Irish Blessing

 

 

I did it! After the latest drop on Wall Street and the new inflation figures I figured the responsible thing to do was to revisit our investments and our future financial review. After an objective review it became obvious that we needed to diversify of investments and develop an innovative strategy so we will do that tomorrow. I will shut down the daily for one day and travel to an Indiana Casino and Thoroughbred Race Track to win lots of money. I will promise you that I will not let my winnings go to my head, I will keep the daily going, I’ll stay in Indianapolis close to my kids and grandkids and forgo the villa in Monaco. So my friends I’ll send you another daily on Thursday and remember while you are enjoying your day tomorrow I’ll be about the serious business of increasing the return on my investments.

~~~

I almost forgot it is the first of the month and we better decide what we are going to do in July. If you are in the U.S. I hope you remember that it is:

Baked Beans, Hot Dog and Ice Cream Month – This is going to be a problem for me since this morning my diet progress was a 20 pound weight loss and even though I love beans, dogs and cream I’ll just have some celery thank you.

Anti-Boredom Month – OK I think I’ll let my self go and do something wild and crazy, maybe even stay up past 9 PM.

Eye Exam Month – OK, OK get off my case I made an appointment I will see my eye doc next week.

Peach Month – I have four fresh peaches ripening in my kitchen now all I have to do is remember they are there and eat them before it’s too late.

Purposeful Parenting Month – It is too late for me, my kids are grown and long gone. I guess I might as well own up to the fact that when I was parenting sometimes I did it not on purpose, I am sorry.

Recreation and Parks Month – I try to do this in one fell swoop I will spend a morning doing recreational parking, I probably won’t do it as long this year since gasoline is over $4 a gallon, but I will do my part.

If I have forgotten anything please don’t remind me, I got worn out just thinking about the stuff that is already on the list.

~~~

“Live and work but do not forget to play, to have fun in life and really enjoy it.”

Eileen Caddy

~~~

Laws you should know

"The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell" When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Common Sense" Never accept a drink from a urologist.

"The Law of Reality" Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"The Law of Motivation" Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

"Boob’s Law" You always find something in the last place you look.

"Weiler’s Law" Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal" Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor" People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway’s Law" In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution" Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology" There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkedness" You can’t fall off the floor.

"Heller’s Law" The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne’s Law" Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

"Main’s Law" For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

"Weinberg’s Second Law" If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

~~~

We the people have much to enjoy, share, love, ponder, appreciate, learn, celebrate, anticipate, admire and contribute. Gets you to wondering why we squander so much time and energy on fighting, cheating, killing, envying, hating, torturing and killing each other.

~~~

She said: I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral.  At the chapel, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  "Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?" she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me.  He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral.  "It’s good to see you again, Rabbi," I said.  "Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances."

The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away.  A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother. "Imagine," she whispered, "after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your first wedding!"

~~~

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails

Pioneer Girls Leaders’ Handbook

~~~

He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, ”Let’s go!”

The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. ”Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, ”and make several low-level passes.”

”Why?” asked the nervous pilot.

”Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. ”I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.” The pilot replied, ”You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

~~~

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun when he goes on business trips as his wife thinks he does.

~~~

A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf clubs he had just bought.

"Doctor’s orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs."

"What did you buy your wife?" the friend asked.

The man said, "A new lawn mower."

~~~

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10. sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older person friendly" policies.

One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him in the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes. I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Arm Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, "Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, Sir?"

~~~

“I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.”

Charles R. Swindoll

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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