Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2008

I need your help!

Ray’s Daily
Special Edition
 
It is raining again in Indiana and heavy rains are expected to continue for the rest of the day.  We already have lakes where there were once fields of corn. We have had hundreds upon hundreds of families who have lost everything but the clothes on their backs, people who lived in areas where there had never been floods before. Thousands have lost everything in but a short period of time and since no flood insurance was even available to many they are now homeless and desperate. Many also have no place to work as businesses and farms have been totally destroyed. If there was ever time when yours and my help was needed it is now.  
 
Please join me in helping the Salvation Army do what you and I cannot  do, that is to be there feeding. clothing, counseling and taking care of people just like you and me. I am trying to raise at least $5000 in order for my Kiwanis Club to help the Salvation Army do what needs to be done. I need your help, won’t you please join with me to do what we can. Take a moment, right now if you can and go to http://salvationarmyindiana.org/kiwanis.html. Anything you can do will help. Even if you can only contribute a modest amount whatever you do will make a difference.
 
I am grateful for your help,
Ray
 

 

As a result of widespread flooding in 29 counties across the state, the Indiana Salvation Army has mobilized its largest disaster response since Hurricane Katrina. With thousands displaced due to the damage, The Salvation Army has responded by setting up operations in Shelby, Morgan, Bartholomew, Rush, Johnson, Owen, Green, and Clay Counties. The Salvation Army has 3 fixed feeding sites, 8 mobile feeding vehicles, and 1 shelter providing hydration, meals and snacks, clean-up kits, insect repellent and sun screen, and baby and hygiene products. To date, more than 5,000 meals have been served and nearly 10,000 bottles of water and Gatorade have been distributed.

This kind of response pushes Salvation Army resources to the limit. It is through the support of the community from individuals and businesses that we are able to continue “doing the most good” for those who need it most.

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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Let’s Dance

On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined;

No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet

To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.

Lord Byron

 

 

If there is anything I have learned in life it is to keep moving. If we stop we stagnate and if we run too fast we end up missing too much. Yep, life goes on, the secret is to go on with it. And when you do you will run into some really special people along the way. The secret is to stop once in awhile and let them know how glad you are that they are there.

Like the following short piece says, life can be a dance but you have to dance in order to enjoy it. If we never dance there will be partners we will never meet. Sure when we dance there’ll be times when we get it right and times we get it wrong. But let me tell you there is nothing like the feeling of joy that you get from just being there, especially when you find so many others to dance with.

~~~

Life Is a Dance

Eileen Bennett

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that life is a dance. Sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow. When you lead, you do it gently, firmly and clearly, and when you follow, do you so with trust. The amazing thing is that each one of us is involved in many dances at any one time – and we are the leader in some and the follower in others!

Some dances are slow and majestic and others are crazy and frenetic and still others are somewhere in between. Some last a lifetime – others are over almost as soon as they begin.

Most of the time we manage not to fall flat on our faces, which is even more amazing and requires some pretty fancy footwork. And sometimes we do trip up or our toes get squashed and we get hurt – but the important thing is to keep on dancing – no matter what. Just keep dancing!

Even if you can’t hear the music or you just don’t don’t feel like it or you have acquired two left feet, keep on dancing! Reminds me of the words of a Garth Brooks song: ‘our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.’

Eileen Bennett, from the beautiful country of Ireland. She also runs a popular website called Ask Mammy – a warm and safe place where everyone is welcome at her kitchen table.

~~~

You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart.

~~~

Louisiana Driving Rules:

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Louisiana driver never uses them. Use of them in New Orleans may be illegal.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow".

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. (Reason: no insurance)

~~~

"The only real limits a man or woman has are those of vision."

~~~

Tom and Darryl were doing construction on a house. As Darryl was nailing down siding he would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding.

Tom, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

Darryl explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed towards me, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding."

Tom was outraged. He yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed towards you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!"

~~~

Incredible as is seems, my life is based on a true story.

~~~

Billy Bob’s parents were thrilled and excited when he joined the Army; he was going to serve his country.

After Billy Bob had completed basic training, he invited his parents to come to the base and spend the day there. He said that special programs had been set up for all the parents, so that they could see the results of the training. His parents showed up, eager to see what Billy Bob had learned.

After all the parents had visited with their sons, the Drill Sergeant announced that the group would do an exhibition of marching, to show off the skills their sons had learned. The troops lined up in formation and marched by the group of parents. As they went by, Billy Bob’s mother said to his father, "I’m so proud of Billy Bob. Look at him. He’s out there marching, and do you notice, he’s the only one in step?"

~~~

The pen is mightier than the sword – so, in this dangerous world, I always carry a pen.

~~~

Cousin Elly is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready."

A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. "Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"

~~~

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."

Henny Youngman

~~~

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was mainly the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack.  You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."

~~~

"President Bush told reporters that he is monitoring the situation in North Korea very closely.

In fact, today the president spent the whole day watching reruns of "MASH.""

~~~

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person.  "However, if you’re over 65," he said,” the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, "Do you really think I’d give you that information for only 50 cents?"

~~~

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters

Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop.

W.H. Auden

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Find your rose

“A single rose can be my garden…a single friend, my world.”

Leo F. Buscaglia

 

 

Hi my friends, I am on the run with a full day so I again am going to have to repeat a Daily from a few years back. Sorry about that.

June 11, 2004

I have often thought we sometimes are our own worst enemies. Sometimes we don’t want to risk a run at happiness because of our fear that we won’t find it. It is the old story of not wanting to fall in love because if it doesn’t work we will fail. So who do we hurt? We hurt ourselves. We can’t have peaks without valleys; life would be dull if it did not have its ups and downs. If you are like I am you bank happy memories to be brought out when needed and spend the rest of the time open to let happiness in.

These thoughts were triggered by something Shirley Love sent to me awhile ago. She said:

Have you ever felt so good that you did not want the moment to end? But eventually it did end, and cleared the way for an even better experience later.

If the good times never ended, they would cease to be so good. Without change, without growth, without challenge, life would become stale and empty.

Are you afraid to let yourself be happy because you fear that the happiness won’t last? Rather than worrying about when it will end, live it fully and then take the best of it with you.

For when you fear losing your happiness, you’ll never have it in the first place. And so you really have nothing to lose.

Yet you have everything to gain by living every happiness with richness and joy. For once you do that, the essence of that happiness is always with you, no matter what turn of events may come.

Life is always changing, and what a blessing that is.

Let the happiness flow without restraint.

~~~

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.

Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

Denis Waitley ~

~~~

A man was being proselytized by group of friends:

"Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind’s relationship to God."

"I’m married; I learned long ago that my opinions don’t matter."

"But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?"

"Wherever my wife tells me to."

~~~

"Always remember that the future comes one day at a time."

Dean Acheson

~~~

"Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?"

"A little over three tons, ma’am," said Johnny promptly.

"Why, Johnny, that isn’t right," said the teacher.

"No, ma’am, I know it ain’t," said Johnny, "but they all do it."

~~~

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

~~~

Three blondes were applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So ya’ll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a filefolder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face!"

"You’re dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused, too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but….He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH ! ! ! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses!"

~~~

Give some women an inch, and they’ll rearrange or redecorate it

~~~

Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance about 35 feet from the earth’s surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs………………..The tallest ones, anyway.

~~~

Intellect has its limits, stupidity knows no bounds.

~~~

Aubrey Meek was brought before the court on the charge of refusing to obey a police officer.  "Why did you refuse to move on when asked to do so by the officer?" the judge inquired, obviously wondering what unexplained force could have given such a man strength to buck a strong minion of the law.

"It’s like this, your honor," explained Meek.  "My wife said I was to meet her at exactly twelve noon at that spot – and I was forced to choose between man’s law and wife’s law."

~~~

"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it."

Dudley Moore

~~~

An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back.  "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?"

The old man says, "Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since February."

~~~

He said: Father’s Day was both a joy and a worry as my kids were growing up.

I was always afraid they were going to give me a present that I couldn’t afford.

~~~

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today."

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

We’re needed now

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.

One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn

 

 

Torrential rains fell again in Indiana last night and again this morning. Areas of our state have seen the worst floods in over 100 years. Sadly far too many families and businesses have lost everything. Even worse is that probably most did not have flood insurance as what has happened is unprecedented. It is truly a sobering experience to see families torn apart, people who are hungry and homeless who but a few days ago where people just like you and me living comfortably and enjoying a well earned happy life. When I realize what I have and what they no longer have it makes me again realize how fortunate I am. Many of us complain about high prices, aging autos, and tougher times but that is compared to what? When I see these folks who have nothing left but the love of family and friends I truly understand that I have little right to complain about my life.

I am glad that so many of my friends are doing what they can. Some are Salvation Army volunteers, others are helping our local Red Cross and still others are helping with sandbags and the like. Of course what is being done is not nearly enough. Today I was able to stop at an outdoor Salvation Army tent where they were collecting for flood relief and I was told by a Salvation Army staff member acquaintance of mine that they were gearing up for some major post flood relief effort and they would be calling for volunteers. If you are local resident I hope you will do what you can. I am pleased that my Kiwanis club will be holding a fundraiser at our meeting this Thursday; we will quickly turn the proceeds over to the Salvation Army since the need is so great and the need is now.

I don’t know if the rapid rate of natural disasters is due to climate change, man made environmental neglect, or some other reason but I do know that we are all needed if we are to sustain reasonable living conditions for the world’s people. As I watch the plight of the flood victims I again realize that but for the grace of god there go I and it helps me to understand how grateful I would be if it was me and someone cared enough to help. Please remember that when we think of our fellow man we must realize that they are us and like us we need each other.

~~~

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.

Charlie Brown to Snoopy”

~~~

I have to run so here we go again another blast from the past

~~~

Reprint of the June 11, 2001 Daily

Ken reminds us that:

           There are moments in life when we miss someone so much that we just want to pick them from our dreams and hug them for real!

           When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one that has been opened for us.

~~~

"I was out on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding.

That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters."

Susie Loucks

~~~

She said:

  • If you don’t like my standards of cooking…lower your standards.
  • You may touch the dust in this house…but please don’t write in it!
  • Apology…Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.
  • A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and my kitchen is delirious.
  • If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

~~~

"With girls I don’t get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said ‘Are you Louise?’ She said, ‘Are you Rodney?’ I said, ‘Yeah.’ She said, ‘I’m not Louise.’"

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" 

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?" 

~~~

If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

~~~

The teacher was meeting her students coming into the classroom.  As one young boy came to the door, the teacher greeted him by saying, "Good morning, William. What did you have for breakfast this morning?"

"I et two eggs, Miss Law."

"Don’t you mean ate, William?"

"Well now, Miss Law, you ain’t never done learned me to count none too good, maybe it was eight that I et."

~~~

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.

Clint Eastwood

~~~

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick:

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door."

"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied: "We all looked — but your client didn’t!"

~~~

The majority of HMO plans I’ve seen can be likened to hospital gowns; you only think you’re covered.

~~~

The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt.  It contained a girl’s name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph.  How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.

Heart aflutter, he opened her response.  It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."

~~~

Middle age is when you have two temptations – and choose the one that will get you home earlier.

~~~

"New Rules To Clean Up NYC"

Fake Rolex salesmen must offer fake warranty information.

New rule for cabbies: driving naps should not exceed 12 minutes.

Only 7 Starbucks per block are allowed.

Change meaning of middle finger gesture to: "lookin’ good, neighbor."

All drive-by gunmen must carpool.  (Wait, isn’t this one for LA?)

If Yankees win the World Series again, they can clean up the ticker tape themselves.

Women’s Rights Groups have won a court action to rename the famous street "Broadway" to "His and Her Way."

~~~

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

If you try you’ll probably be surprised

 

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.

 

 

I am beginning to hate the use of the word probably. My traditional definition of the word is “most likely” or something similar, in other words far from “it won’t happen”. Unfortunately I find too many define it as “Highly Unlikely” or even “It will never happen.” Sadly I think for far more than it should it is a reflection of peoples waning self confidence. I am afraid that these folks find that they can use probably as their rationale for inaction. You’ll hear them say things like “He probably wouldn’t see me if I asked”, “I probably couldn’t do it if I tried”, “it would probably be only a waste of time” or some other probably phrase that excuses their inaction.

I suggest that whenever we start to fall into the probably trap that we ask ourselves what we are really saying. Am I really saying I give up and I just don’t want to try anymore, or might it be I just don’t feel up to it right now, or maybe it’s, I flat don’t want to do it now or ever. So often we semi-commit to doing things because we think we should but really don’t want to do whatever it is. If that is the case be honest with yourself and just don’t say you’ll do it or that’ll you’ll try to do it, just tell yourself and others that your not going to and move on.

But if it is in your best interest to do something then try and do it. I can promise you one thing you are bound to be right about it probably not happening if you never try and find out. I know in my case I have often been surprised and things did work when I was sure the chances were slim. And even when they didn’t work out I really lost nothing by trying.

~~~

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,

"I will try again tomorrow.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

~~~

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD – Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it goes…

I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…

BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack…

BUT FIRST I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops… there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook…

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away…

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and…

Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because… I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious… I’d get help…

BUT FIRST… I think I’ll check my e-mail.

~~~

An error doesn’t become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.

~~~

She said: Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now."

~~~

Last night I dreamt I had insomnia.

~~~

A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter.

He received the following reply:

"Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month, I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don’t like my way of doing business, I won’t even put your bills in the hat!"

~~~

When you take a risk and step out of the norm, you run the risk and sometimes you fail.

But you only fail if you give up.

J. Peterman

~~~

Three pastors went to the pastor convention and were all sharing one room.

The first pastor said, "Let’s confess our secret sins one to another.

I’ll start – my secret sin is I just love to gamble. When I go out of town, it’s cha-ching cha-ching, let the machines ring."

The second pastor said, "My secret sin is that I just hate working. I copy all my sermons from those given by other pastors."

The third pastor said, "My secret sin is gossiping and, oh boy, I just can’t wait to get out of this room!"

~~~

The road to success is marked with many tempting parking spaces.

~~~

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. "Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

~~~

Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

A West Virginia couple, both genuine rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision–why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

~~~

I wouldn’t touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.

~~~

No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice. "Find a girl just like your mother — then, she’s bound to like her." So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser:

"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like my mother; and just as you said, my mother liked her".

"So," asked the friend, "what happened?"

"Nothing," said the young man. "My father hates her."

~~~

“Try and fail, but don’t fail to try.”

Stephen Kaggwa

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Thanks Don, you’re helping to make the world a better place.

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”

 Carl Jung

 

 

Here we go again. I had another one of those days. I started very early this morning meeting with a friend that heads up a respected performing arts organization. My friend has had a career as a performer, producer, educator and more during a life dedicated to sharing the beauty of theatre, dance, and music. The organization that he heads has a great global reputation and has contributed to greater understanding between peoples through the tours that his performers have done in Europe, Asia, and other parts of the globe. While our leaders spar with leaders of other countries organizations like my friends are quietly building bridges between our people and others.

I am also excited about the intergenerational and cross cultural breakthroughs that are the result of his staff providing performing opportunities for kids from all walks of life, kids from middle school age through college. Equally important are the performances offered here in Indianapolis to people of all ages and economic condition.

I truly feel fortunate that I have been befriended by someone who is keeping music, history and culture alive for kids at a time when our educational system often provides little opportunity for young people to discover the neat things that can be found in our cultural heritage. We rationalize the elimination of the arts as being unaffordable due to shrinking financial support for public education and government mandated curricula and yet our failure to do so stands a chance of creating a generation that has lost a little of their humanity because we did not care enough.

The rest of my day has been running around doing errands and the like so you are going to have to suffer with content from the past.

~~~

“If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be.”

William Allen White

~~~~

Copied from the June 6, 2001 Daily

Today I can complain about my health, or I can celebrate being alive.

Today I can moan that it is raining, or be joyful at all that grows from the rain.

Today I can regret all I don’t have, or rejoice in everything I do.

Today I can mourn everything I have lost, or eagerly anticipate what’s to come.

Today I can complain that I have to work, or celebrate having a job to go to.

Today I can resent the mess the kids make, or give thanks that I have a family.

Today I can whine about the housework, or celebrate having a home.

Today I can cry over the people who don’t care for me, or be happy loving and being loved by those who do.

What about you?

~~~

The supermarket is where I spend 30 minutes hunting for instant coffee.

~~~

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."

Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.

No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

War was a card game.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.

Ice cream was considered a basic food group. 

~~~

The problem with the rat race is even if you win, you’re still a rat.

Lily Tomlin

~~~

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet, freezing, and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That’s right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."

"Sherry is your wife?" Asked the baker.

"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

~~~

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

Mark Twain

~~~

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good."

~~~

"There’s a mighty big difference between good sound reasons, and reasons that sound good."

Burton Hillis

~~~

A lonely girl who was very forward worked in a bookstore where one of the men that provided service for the store was kind of cute. During each service call, she made every effort to make sure she told him she was divorced and available.

One day she came out and ask him, "Are you married?"

He answered her and said, "Well actually, I’m involved with someone."

"Oh" she said disappointed, "seems like the good ones always are."

"Well", he said, "Actually I’m involved with a married woman."

"Oh really!" she said with a renewed interest.

"Yeah," he says, "but unfortunately she’s my wife."

~~~

“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.”

Buddha

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

I plead guilty

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities,

but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”

Josiah Charles Stamp

 

 

Yesterday I told you about my always being early and how one of the benefits was that others never had to wait for me. As often happens I should not have said anything. Today I had a meeting scheduled for 9:30 AM and as usual showed up more than a half-hour early. I read some and wrote a little, at about 9:30 I began to wonder about my usually prompt friend. I don’t know why but I glanced at my Palm Pilot to make sure I had nothing else to do later in the day and discovered that I was miles away from where we were supposed to meet. Yep, I went to the wrong place, of course I was semi-mortified for while I can tolerate my failings I have no right to expect others to do so as well.

So of course I gathered up my stuff drove at borderline legal speeds and arrived 15 minutes late for my meeting. Fortunately my friend knows me well enough not to expect too much so I was forgiven. Because of this I want to give you a special warning, don’t put too much stock in today’s daily as the chances are that I got something wrong.

Random Thoughts from Ray’s Notebook

If a politician told us the truth by telling us we cannot have our cake and eat it too would he or she have any chance of getting elected to anything these days? What if he said we must stop shifting the costs of what we get through borrowing from other nations and from future generations? What if she said we had to pay for what we buy and that we can’t increase healthcare benefits, pay down the 10 trillion dollar national debt, meet our social security and Medicare obligations with out raising taxes or cutting benefits? What if they did all that, do you think they would have any chance of getting elected?

It seems to me that the high cost of fuel, food and other commodities are due in large part to the devalued dollar which is the result of our lopsided balance of trade account and our huge federal deficit. We don’t like losing jobs to other nations but we love buying their low cost products. We don’t like high cost energy prices but we have driven more and more gas guzzlers as the years have gone by.

If we only elect people who pander to our desires to get more while paying less just who is responsible for the problems we face to day, it can’t be the politicians if they are just doing what we ask. You got it, if they are not guilty then it must be us for in the end we the people must take responsibility for the decisions we make via the ballot box.

~~~

“Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices.”

Alfred A. Montapert

~~~

Copied from Ray’s Daily June 5th, 2002

Well believe it or not it is National Pest Control Month in the U.S. I hope it works and that all of us are not bothered by those who normally pester us!

~~~

For every 60 seconds of anger, you lose one minute of happiness.

~~~

Many of us are dependent on our 401K’s to supplement our retirement income and ensure that our golden years are truly golden. At the same time it is important that we understand the market and know as much as possible about our investments. As a special service to our readers I have included this educational piece that includes key investment definitions.

Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market – A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E Ratio-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.

Broker – Poorer than we were in 1999.

"Buy, Buy" – A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

Standard & Poor – Our life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst – Idiot who just downgraded our stock.

Stock Split – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow – The movement our money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Call Option – Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.

Day Trader – Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.

Cisco – Sidekick of Pancho.

Yahoo – What we yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

Windows 2000 – What we jump out of when we’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.

Institutional Investor – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nut house.

Profit – Religious guy who talks to God.

Bill Gates – Where God goes for a loan.

Alan Greenspan – God

~~~

The best auto safety device is a rearview mirror with a police car in it.

~~~

A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother’s meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it’s just awful!  I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it’s the one you gave me. But it just didn’t come out right, and I’m so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf.  What could have gone wrong?"

Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let’s go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we’ll figure it out."

"OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, ‘ Take fifty cents worth of ground beef ‘…"

~~~

Understanding human needs is half the job of meeting them.

ADLAI E. STEVENSON, JR.

~~~

To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special ‘No Excuse Sunday.’

1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say,’Sunday is my only day to sleep in.’

2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, ‘The roof will cave in if I ever came to church.’

3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.

4. There will be hearing aids for those who say, ‘The pastor speaks too softly,’ and cotton for those who say, ‘He preaches too loudly.’

5 Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.

6. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.

7. There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner too.

8. Golf clubs will be available for practice swings for those who like to golf on Sunday.

So, now you’ll have no excuse for not attending church this coming Sunday.

~~~

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it."

Franklin P. Jones

~~~

Memorial Day weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.

"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free."

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room.  He stood with his hands on

his hips and said. . . .

"I’m not free. I’m four."

~~~

“To attain happiness in another world we need only to believe something,

while to secure it in this world we must do something.”

C.P. Gilman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Come think with me

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one’s head.”

Mark Twain

 

 

Over the last few days we have had tornadoes, floods, power losses and downed trees. Some people have been without power for days. Every time I started on today’s Daily the power would drop. I didn’t know if I should just sit in the dark or go see if I could find plans for an arc like Noah’s but remembering how inept I am at nailing and the like I figured I’d just wait for the electrons to flow again. If you get this it means I have survived the power is back and the floods have subsided.

Now to get down to business. I always carry a small note book and when I think of something that interests me I write it down, I also note things that I may later put in the daily. Being the procrastinator I am I ended up with about six small note books that I had never revisited. They were part of the backlog I told you about last week. I just opened them and started to save things written in a new folder called Random Thoughts. So my friends be warned, they will be showing up time to time in the daily. Often they are questions that I would like answered or statements written to provoke thought so don’t shoot the messenger when they trigger something negative.

Random Thoughts from Ray’s Notebook

People wonder why I am always very early for everything I do. If I am meeting someone I normally am there at least a half an hour early, it is the same for everything, a movie, class, play, everything. I am sure most people view it as compulsive behavior but what it is to me is private time. I always carry something to read, usually a magazine, book or monograph and it is during this time that I get to concentrate on things that interest me. The world is moving fast and if I don’t take the time to read about what is happening I’ll understand little and be deservedly left out of any chance to influence the future.

I think all of us need uninterrupted time to think, philosophize, write and meditate. It has become far too easy to fill every minute of our lives, often in just frivolous pursuits. If all of our time is occupied we need to step back once in awhile and see what we are missing. What might we learn if we studied just a small part of the time? What might we learn about ourselves if we just stopped to think about our world and our place in it now and again?

Yep I am always early. But I am early because the time is a gift I give to myself. And oh yes if I am a few minutes late I am still early and I am there when the person I am meeting arrives instead of them having to wait for me, after all they may not be like me and give them self the gift of time.

~~~

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”

Rabindranath Tagore

~~~

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.

"That’s the one!"

That’s great!" the manager cried, "I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me.

Why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."

~~~

He who laughs, lasts.

~~~

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark and they were warned not to keep saying, "Are we there yet?"

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up, "Is it dark yet?"

~~~

“Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.”

Phillips Brooks

~~~

Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied female obesity to a virus. One evening, my sister came home exhausted from a long day at work.

"Did you read the paper?" she asked. "I’m not going in to work tomorrow. I’m calling in fat!"

~~~

What if your mother really IS right….. about everything?

~~~

Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of her insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency.

During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies. What will I get?"

The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."

~~~

Most people say that as you get old you have to give up things.

I think you get old because you do give up things.

Theodore Green

~~~

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.

"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?"

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell intellectual?"

~~~

The trouble with opportunity is that it’s always more recognizable going than coming.

~~~

Dear Sir Royston,

I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say this with sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad news for you, although there is good news too. First the bad news. I am sorry to tell you that your favorite dog, Honey, is dead. The vet says that she died instantly and could have felt no pain. She was kicked in the head by your horse, Sherbert, though I’m sure that no blame can be attached to Sherbert, frightened as he was by the fire in the barn.

I’m afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other horses when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been called within a short time of the barn catching fire and would normally have been able to put the fire out. Had it had not been for the fact that the tender crashed into your Bentley in the lane. Your wife had taken it out for a spin with your brother. As it was, both the tender and your Bently were written off. No blame can be attached to your wife for the accident I’m sure.

The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in the back seat of the car with your brother. She managed to escape death, your brother, unfortunately, was killed. The doctors say that given time she will regain her sight but that she will never walk again. She has also lost her memory and cannot even remember you.

I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first place. You see a spark from the house blew over and set the roof alight. The fire started in the main hall of the house where, as you know, your Mattisse and your Picasso once hung. I say ‘once’ because they are not there now. Fortunately neither of these paintings were damaged in the conflagration as they were stolen beforehand by the burglar who started the fire.

Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in fact the bad news that I wrote of. Your wife and brother had been visiting your Insurance agent in prison where he is serving a three year sentence for fraud. I’m afraid that none of your insurance policies are valid.

As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire warmed your greenhouse and brought your flowers on.

~~~

The mind I love must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobody’s fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind.

Katherine Mansfield

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

So be happy!

“Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are.”

Henry Van Dyke

 

 

I got a question for you today, why is it so many people seem to feel that they either don’t have a right to be happy or are satisfied without happiness? Tick tock, tick tock, the clock keeps ticking and another minute is lost as they accept unhappiness as their plight. Just think how awful it must be, no wonder so many of them are sore heads and critics of the happiness of others. What I hate is when they go out of their way to try to make the rest of us unhappy.

Like I have said before no one can make us unhappy unless we let them. I would much rather leave them to their misery while they let me go on maximizing my opportunities to enjoy the life.

 

Most of us are not as happy as we could be fortunately all we have to do is go for it. Here are few tips to get you started:

How to Be Happy

1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.

2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.

3. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.

4. You can’t please everybody. Don’t let criticism worry you.

5. Don’t let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself.

6. Do the things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.

7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.

8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, enmity, grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.

9. Have many interests. If you can’t travel, read about new places.

10. Don’t hold postmortems. Don’t spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don’t be one who never gets over things.

11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.

~~~

Life leaps like a geyser for those willing to drill through the rock of inertia.

Unknown

~~~

HOSPITAL CHARTS

(Taken from actual hospital charts.)

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

~~~

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Satchel Paige

~~~

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out: "Hey, how’d you do that?"

"I could tell you, madam", the magician answered, "But then I’d have to kill you."

After a short pause, she yelled back, "Ok, then… Just tell my husband.

~~~

May God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway.

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

~~~

A good woman died and went to Heaven. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter offered to take her on a tour of the facilities. As they walked past the halo depository, she noticed a sort of fence off in the distance. Intrigued, she asked St. Peter if they could look at it. "What’s a fence doing up here?" she asked.

"Oh, that’s not exactly a fence," he replied. "It’s a balcony railing. You see, some folks arrive here and find that certain friends or loved ones aren’t here, and realize they must have gone to Hell. So we have an arrangement with the Adversary whereby our folks can stand at the railing and look down and find their loved ones."

So they approached the railing, and the woman looked down. She spotted a group of people wailing and tearing out their hair while demons poked them with pitchforks. "What’s the matter with that group?" she asked. St. Peter took a look. "Ah," he said. "Those are Southern Baptists who went to dances."

Then she noticed another group, screaming while they walked on red-hot coals. "What are they being punished for?" she asked the saint. He looked and replied, "Those are old-style Catholics who ate meat on Friday."

Another group caught her attention. They were being whipped with scorpion tails, and screaming. "And their sin?" she asked. St. Peter looked and said, "Oh, those are Episcopalians who used the wrong fork."

~~~

"It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor."

Seneca

~~~

On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rearview mirror made me realize that I’d been over the limit. I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration.

"I’m usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my wife handed me the paperwork.

The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said gruffly, "this is not your registration." It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South Carolina.

~~~

Someday is not a day of the week.

~~~

She said: The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of books, looking confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

~~~

The happiest people I know are those who have learned to live beyond their own special interests by discovering the rewards that come from giving of themselves.

Winfield C. Dunn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Bridge is right!

“When our eyes see our hands doing the work of our hearts, the circle of creation is completed inside us, the doors of our souls fly open, and love steps forth to heal everything in sight.”

Michael Bridge

 

 

When I was looking for a citation for today to use as the foundation of my report I discovered Bridge’s quotation shown above. I had intended to share with you that my week off allowed me to make some real progress. I had restructured my time to give me more freedom of action. I made a major dent in my backlog and with a little discipline I should be able to both cope with what I do and stay current with what I promise to do. I was pleased with my progress then Bridge got me thinking that there is more for me to do.

As you know it is easy to make surgical cuts in our activity and to eliminate this and that and some other stuff. What the quote helped me to again realize is that so much of what we do is an investment in the quality of our own lives. That means that I need to place more importance on the quality and meaning of what I do and less on the quantity of time required to do it. Fortunately I have reached a time in my life where I do not feel any need to prove myself to others; rather I feel a compelling need to prove myself to myself.

Each week I spend hours with others as they search their past, inventory their present and plan their futures. Often my friends will break through the life model they have been taught or the one that has been imposed on them as they listen to their hearts and free themselves for positive action. For most that have already gone beyond the moment of awareness life has exceeded the expectations they held but a short time ago.

I am glad that I have so much more yet to see and feel as I spent too many years ignoring my heart. Money isn’t everything but living a life that has meaning to you does; it is everything!

~~~

“The little that is completed vanishes from the sight of one who looks forward to what is still to do.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn’t show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him.

"I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I’m depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don’t know," he said. "Radio is broken."

~~~

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.

Franklin P. Jones

~~~

An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I’ll fix it for you."

About ten minutes later, she showed up at his door with the electrical cord in her right hand.

~~~

Some are born to greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them. Most of us just read about it.

~~~

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I’ll marry them for you."

~~~

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

C. S. Lewis

~~~

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room. "A football player," "A doctor," "An astronaut," "The president," "A fireman," "A teacher," "A race car driver."

Everyone that is, except Tommy. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "Possible" Tommy replied.

"Possible?" asked the teacher.

"Yes," Tommy said. "Mom is always telling me I’m impossible.

So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."

~~~

Doing nothing is tiring, ‘cuz you can’t take a break!

~~~

Benny had told all his friends about the delicious steak he’d eaten in the Delancey Street restaurant the day before. So they decided to go down there and see if it was really as large and delicious as he said. But much to their disappointment, the waiter brought them the tiniest steak they’d ever seen.

"See here, my good man," Benny barked. "I was in this restaurant yesterday and you served me a big juicy steak, and now today, when I’ve organized a party, you serve such a small one."

"Yes, sir," replied the waiter. "But yesterday you were sitting by the window."

~~~

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

M. Kathleen Casey

~~~

A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose and drive a dog team instead of a car.

"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife.

She replied, "You."

~~~

“I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you’ll be a person worthy of your own respects.”

Neil Simon

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

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