Ray's musings and humor

Join Me?

It is essential to our well-being, and to our lives, that we play and enjoy life.

Every single day do something that makes your heart sing.

Marcia Wieder

 

 

OK everyone here is the deal, we have a weekend coming up and most of us get to choose how we will spend our time. Not only that, those of us who live in the U S have a short week since next Friday is Independence Day which means a three day weekend for most. So let’s see two days off followed by four days work followed by three days off. Two and three make five so we have five days off and only work four. If you think about it if we took Thursday off it would be a four day weekend and we could a long walking vacation, I know driving is out of the question with gas so high. So that means that we would be off six days and work only three, That seems silly to put three days in the middle of our time off, it would make more sense if we just told everyone today that we will see them a week from Monday. Those of us who are retired are busy seven days a week with no days off so it will be us on the sidelines waving to you as you walk by on your extended holiday.

Me; I’ll just do what I always do get up in the morning looking forward to all the day has to offer realizing how fortunate I am that I’ll be able to see the sun, flowers and if I am lucky some of you. I expect to enjoy everyday and when I don’t it is usually because I made a wrong choice and if I don’t because of something I have no control over I just let it pass and try not to let it interrupt my being prepared for the good stuff.

So my friends work if you have to but enjoy your world because you chose to do so. If you don’t enjoy much everyday maybe you need to change glasses because chances are you’re not seeing all that is around for you to enjoy. So here’s the deal; we are going to stay well, play well, and let ourselves be ourselves for the next ten days, while not getting caught having fun in the wrong places. I know you can do it if you really want to but if you choose to do what you always do and don’t have fun don’t come running to me I’ll be too busy to stop and listen to your complaints.

~~~

Enjoy the journey, enjoy ever moment, and quit worrying about winning and losing.

Matt Biondi

~~~

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy.

So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"

"Somebody else’s pants."

~~~

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.

Wilson Mizner

~~~

The decision to carry heart defibrillators on airplanes saved a passenger’s life on a Dallas flight.

Unfortunately, his HMO only covers coronaries on round trip flights, purchased 14 days in advance with a Saturday stay over.

~~~

Do not assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

~~~

There’s a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing a whistle, and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.

The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

~~~

"The person who would like to make his dreams come true must stay awake."

Richard Wheeler

~~~

A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.

When it was finally the wife’s turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon."

"Thank God, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"

~~~

Which came first? The woman or the department store?

~~~

TOP 7 SIGNS YOUR PASTOR NEEDS A VACATION

7. His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are "alright, listen up you heathens…"

6. He falls asleep during his own sermon.

5. He shows up for Sunday service wearing Bermuda shorts and a Tank Top

4. Every time his pager goes off, he shouts, "Why can’t they just leave me alone?!"

3. Announces baptismal services will be at the Grand Canyon

2. You go to his office for counseling and pour your heart out to him and he says, "Sounds like a personal problem to me."

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOUR PASTOR NEEDS A VACATION

1. For the past two months he has preached the same sermon every Sunday.

~~~

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

Two truck drivers, Ralph and Cletus, who drove as a team, were interviewing for a job at a new trucking company. Many questions were asked, and answered, with Ralph doing most of the talking as Cletus never had much to say.

The interview was coming to a close with one more question. "Ralph, you’re driving in the mountains in Colorado. You’re going down a very steep grade with a very sharp curve at the bottom. All of a sudden, your brakes quit. What do you do?"

Ralph scratched his chin for a bit, then said, "I’d wake up Cletus."

The interviewer was puzzled and asked "Why wake up Cletus?"

Ralph replied, "Because he ain’t never seen a wreck like we’re fixin to have!"

~~~

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

~~~

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.

"Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!"

~~~

Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life.

Foster C. McClellan

~~~

A certain executive had an inordinate fear of flying. He was to represent his company in a multi-million dollar deal that would take place in Tokyo. Alas, he was trapped. He would have to fly.

The person at the ticket counter noticed his nervousness and was very reassuring. "Just relax and have a good time."

"Just for the record," he asked, "What kind of plane will I be flying on?"

The answer of "DC-10" struck new terror into the man. He bravely approached the boarding area.

He finally made it into his seat before his shaking knees gave out. He sat in his seat for about 20 minutes, becoming more scared as the minutes ticked on. He summoned the stewardess. "What’s taking so long? We should have taken off 15 minutes ago."

"Part of the crew got held up in traffic, sir. We’ll be leaving in just a few minutes."

Sure enough, a few minutes later, he saw the gangplank recede into the side of the terminal, the doors shut, and felt the cabin pressure build slightly. The engines began to whine. The plane slowly backed out, rolled over to the runway and began to pick up speed. Just as they were about to leave the ground, the engines shut down. The plane taxied back to the gate they had just left. The gangplank came out and the engines shut off.

The man was nearly hysterical. "Stewardess, what’s wrong?"

"Not to worry, sir. As we approached takeoff speed, the pilot heard something in one of the engines that he didn’t like, so he brought us back here. We’re fixing the problem now."

"That’s great. I’m glad there is concern for our safety." Within, 3 minutes, the man saw the gangplank recede and heard the engines whine again. They taxied out and took off. "That was really fast! Did they fix the problem that easily?"

"No, sir, we switched pilots."

~~~

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Margaret Lee Runbeck

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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