Ray's musings and humor

THANKS!!!

 

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”

Voltaire

 

 

I have another one of those full days. I had a breakfast meeting, I still have to do a major lengthy upgrade to my GPS system and on and on; I won’t bore you with it all. I did not want to again just do a reprint from the past as I have been prone to do lately because I just got a flood update from the Salvation Army that included appreciation for our financial contributions. If you were one of our online contributors, thank you; you have helped make a difference in the lives of some pretty desperate people. If you wanted to make a contribution and did not get around to it we still could use your help, you can make a donation today at http://salvationarmyindiana.org/kiwanis.html. 

Since appreciation is today’s theme I want to let you know how much I appreciate our connection. Many of you have become more than readers, you have become friends. I am especially grateful to those of you who share your wisdom and offer your counsel. I also find it awesome how many of you are doing so much for others, you are truly a band of heroes.

~~~

A random thought from Ray’s notebook.

Does it seem to you that we have become a people that need someone to blame for all of our problems? Some tell us everything is due to the NAFTA treaty, for others it is the immigrants, and for still others it is our religious differences. Sadly we seldom think it is us. Both our government and our people have spent money we don’t have and we have seen the dollar plummet in value. Oil and food cost shoot up as the dollar weakens and we view our consumption of a quarter of the world’s resources as our right. Yet we take little responsibility for our plight. We go to war but are not asked to make any personal sacrifices; it is only the people we send and their families who pay a terrible price. By most measures we no longer can consider ourselves superior to other nations and yet we don’t shore up our educational delivery systems, we don’t take action to slow the academic decline and if the truth be known too many of our decision makers have become questionable role models for the future generations.

~~~

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

~~~

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds – and girth – was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership.

When the salesman’s pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?"

Looking at the Jeep’s high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a crowbar."

~~~

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

Peg Bracken

~~~

A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken. It arrived complete with potatoes and a few sundries, and the diner looked at it without much favor. He said to the waiter, "Don’t I get a green vegetable?"

And the waiter said, "And what color is the pickle? Purple?"

~~~

He who hesitates is probably right.

~~~

She said:

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.

"NO!  NO!  NO!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," her mother scolded.  "That’s not polite behavior."

At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU!  NO, THANK YOU!"

~~~

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

~~~

As she was about to leave the house for her new job, she thought it would be fun if he picked her up at work and they could go out to dinner. She put a note on their dining room table that said, "For a good time, call…" and she put her new work number.

When her husband failed to call, she took the bus home.

"Where were you?" she asked. "Didn’t you get my note?"

"Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn’t sure who wrote it."

~~~

“Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who has a low opinion of himself.”

Anthony Trollope

~~~

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.

At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.

As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

~~~

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternatives.

Maurice Chevalier ~

~~~

A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons.

A passerby asks her how old the boys are.

"The doctor is three" the mother answers, "and the lawyer is two."

~~~

"Looking through the want ads last week, I came across a job that required a college degree or the equivalent. Finally, I thought, my eight years of high school are paying off."  

Buzz Nutley

~~~

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many guys at these parties that she’d date.

"Oh, I have a 3.8, so I’m much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What’s your G. P. A.?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway."

~~~

Forgive all who have offended you. Not for them, but for yourself.

~~~

A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. "What happened, honey?" the man asks.

"Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is…"

"Wait! Back up a minute," The man says. "My agent called?"

~~~

Science is true. Don’t be misled by fact. 

~~~

A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

"I’ll say he is, Daddy," responded the girl. "Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with."

~~~

Don’t confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.

~~~

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden.  "I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I’ll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer’s hand, "I’ll pick it up in about a week."

~~~

"Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" isn’t the falling down, but the staying down."

Mary Pickford

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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