Ray's musings and humor

He left again

NOTICE

Ray has left on a special assignment and will not return until Saturday. I thought before I shut down I would send you an old Daily, he forgot to tell me what he wanted me to do but who cares. I will have to shut down this afternoon so no Daily tomorrow. I am pretty sure he’ll be ready to write again Monday, who knows he might even find something today or tomorrow to write about while he doing whatever he is doing.

Ray’s Computer

~~~

June 19, 2002

Be strong enough to face the world each day.

Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone,

Be generous to those who need you help,

Be frugal with what you need yourself,

Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything,

Be foolish enough to believe in miracles,

Be willing to share you joys,

Be willing to share you sorrows of others,

Be a leader when you see a path others have missed,

Be a follower when you are shrouded in the midst of uncertainty,

Be the first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds,

Be the last to criticize a colleague who fails,

Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not stumble,

Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way,

Be loving to those who love you,

Be loving to those who do not love you, and they may change,

Above all, be yourself!

~~~

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

~~~

More headline news you may have missed:

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

~~~

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

Desmond: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

~~~

Signs that you are in the 21st Century

-You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

-You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your neighbor yet this year.

-You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, What’s for dinner?

-Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

~~~

WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

~~~

He had been experiencing chronic problems with back pain, so he visited his doctor.

The good doctor, after giving him a thorough examination, said grimly, "I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well again you would have to lose a foot."

"What!" I exclaimed. "You mean my foot has to be amputated?"

"Oh, no, no!" replied the good doctor, vociferously. "I mean you have to lose a foot from around your waistline!"

~~~

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me", the farther replied.

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

~~~

I love visiting my sister-in-law in Florida in the summertime; while there I have learned that:

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

~~~

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook."

~~~

Sam and Gilda Shapiro are having marriage problems. After counseling with their rabbi they decide to just end their union. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"

The husband says, "In the six weeks we’ve been back together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing."

The wife interjects, "Seven weeks, your honor!"

~~~

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

~~~

Parents of a young boy went into his room and found him crying. When asked why he responded by saying, "I ate a penny and now it is gone."

The father thought quickly and reached into his pocked and pulled out a penny; he then "pulled the penny out of the boy’s ear."

The boy laughed took the penny and swallowed it and said, "Do it again!"

~~~

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application.

~~~

"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. And you can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn’t get back to sleep.

"I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought maybe you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."

The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"

~~~

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try."

Beverly Sills

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: