Ray's musings and humor

Archive for April, 2008

Here I go again!

Build early and build often.

Proprietary developer adage



It is new technology day at my house. My neighborhood is one of the first in the country to benefit from ATT’s new fiber optics offerings. Technicians will arrive in a few hours to provide me access to a new super high definition TV capability with more than 300 channels, digital video recording and more. They will also change my current internet service to one with much higher bandwidth. So I will be able to get instant misinformation and becoming dumber even faster. I plan on quit sleeping since I will be recording about 30 hours of video everyday.

Wait, I don’t want to do those things! I hereby swear to manage myself and my time, make my friends my priority and enjoy life versus let it overwhelm me.

Since I know that the installation will be flawless and trouble free there will be no reason for me not to return tomorrow unless of course terrorists sabotage the installation requiring a surge in technicians. So I plan on being back tomorrow but if I am not I’ll hideout until it is over.

Since there is little time for a new daily I am again relying on your poor memory to appreciate an old one.


Have you noticed how many people these days seem overly tired, frustrated, lethargic, and even grouchy? I often feel that we have become so centered on our jobs or other responsibilities that we don’t take care of ourselves. Often we don’t even notice the changes taking place in our productivity and sense of well being. I was with a friend not too long ago that had the good sense to recognize what was going on in her life. I suggested, as I often do that the best time to take a vacation is when you can’t.

In the same vein here are some thoughts I stole from a recent article by Denis Waitley, entitled Balance Your Workload with a Generous Number of Mini-Vacations for Maximum Productivity.

He said that by re-energizing and renewing yourself frequently, you will avoid burnout and become much more motivated and productive. He recommended that you don’t keep your nose to the grindstone for years and wait for retirement to travel. Balance and consistency are the keys. Enjoy the process, not just the result.

Many people today are concerned with quality time — time generally defined in part as that spent on recreation, personal pursuits, time with children, spouses and friends. While Waitley believes that quality time is important, one must also spend quantity time. The average father spends less than 30 minutes each week in direct one-on-one communication with each of his children. How can we possibly expect good family relationships with so little communication?

It’s not in the image of our big dreams that we run the risk of losing our focus and motivation. It’s the drudgery and routine of our daily lives that present the greatest danger to our hopes for achievement.

He also suggests that you sit down right now and plan to reward yourself with a three or four day vacation from any work activity, this can be done across a weekend, you don’t even have to travel. If you need a break take one, if you don’t the one you will be hurting the most is yourself. And by all means leave all your work at work.

OK, ready? Go to your calendar and lock in the dates, and if you have a fantasy to fulfill during the time off, write that down too, you will be glad you did.


All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was.  I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.  I was naïve.  I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer.  It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:  that I am nobody but myself.

Ralph Ellison


I live in my own little world, but it’s ok, they know me here.


A church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money for a special trip to Bethlehem.

They made a large sign that read: CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP. On the scheduled Saturday, business was very good. But, by two o’clock the sky clouded, the rain poured, and there were hardly any customers.

Finally, one of the soprano singers had an idea. She printed a very large poster with the words: WE WASH. GOD RINSES. (Next to the words was an arrow pointing skyward.) Business boomed!


"Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it."

Irene Peter


On his eightieth birthday party, the famous writer gave a small speech, he started "At such an age actually, a man has a lot of advantages" he paused. The pause lasted for a while, and then he added "Well I am just trying to remember what they are!"


"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Rich Jeni


Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned his doctor, waking him up.

"I’m really sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis."

Still half asleep, the doctor reminded him that he had removed hs wife’s inflamed appendix a couple of years before.

"Whoever heard of a second appendix?" the doctor asked.

"You may not have heard of a second appendix, doc," the man replied, "but surely you’ve heard of a second wife!"


I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

Arthur Rubenstein


A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.

"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.


The new employee is so bright the boss calls him son.


There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church. The pastor thought to himself, "Oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets – what would the members think of her." He told her that she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.

The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still wanted to be baptized. "I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to become a member."

Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he approached her and said, "I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?"

"Oh, yes," she said. "I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of your church."

"He did?" said the pastor.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "He said even He hasn’t been able to get into your church yet, and He’s been trying for years."


To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

e.e. cummings


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.


It’s been a good run!

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.  The order varies for any given year.

Paul Sweeney



My wife and I have been married 55 years today. And yes, I really was a young teen at the time and no we did not get married because we had to. As you would expect I have had to field that age old question for a number of days now as people ask me to tell them the secret of our long marriage and rather than give you one of my frivolous answers I’ll tell you my answer.

I honestly believe that rather than resist the changes in our lives we have enjoyed the evolution that has taken place. Neither has dug our feet in the ground demanding that the other stop growing as well. As the years have gone by our interests have continued to diverge but neither of us require the other to participate in our individual activities or even pursue the same interests. Our best days are one of companionship when we travel together. We work-share each feeling comfortable with the supporting role we play in the others life. We don’t spend a lot of time judging each other, rather we respect each others opinions and likes even when we differ.

While there is some co-dependence it is not the kind that places demands of each other but rather it is a level of comfort and understanding we have as our days pass by. We don’t run hand in hand through the daisies in slow motion, I don’t know we ever did, but we do go through life together enjoying the fact that someone is always close by to pick up the pieces on the bad days.


At this point I think it might be fun to see what I said in some of the past April 11th dailies. So let’s look.


I must admit, when I am sick my wife becomes a pretty good nurse. That is relevant since it is a big day today; it is our wedding anniversary. While I don’t remember when I wasn’t married I do know that I am required to remember when I was.

I was still in the Navy when we got married and left not long after on the aircraft carrier, USS Wasp ending up in the Far East at the tail end of the Korean War.


In honor of my wife’s and my anniversary today I offer the following.

Dave Barry on husband’s midlife crisis: If your husband is exhibiting signs of a midlife crisis, at first you should try to humor him.  If he wants to buy a ludicrously impractical sports car, tell him you think it’s a terrific idea.


People often ask me what has been the secret of out marriage lasting as long as it has. Instead of giving my usual answer the truth lies in what I wrote in the daily five years ago. I said my wife’ gifts to me were:

Being there during good times and bad.

Being there as we travel the world.

Being there as we raised infant children who became successful adults.

Being there to do things I couldn’t do.

Being there to share the enjoyment of watching our grandchildren mature.

Really just being there.

It is the little things that create the environment in which we live. It is the shared workloads, the shared worries, the shared joy, and the shared dreams that give life meaning. We have learned everything need not be shared, separate interests, separate hobbies, differing opinions, keep life interesting and it is the knowing that someone is there that helps makes life worthwhile.

Happy Anniversary Nancy!


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man.



The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn’t bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner


A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, “My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the bargains,” the hostess replied.

“Normally, yes,” the lady said.  “But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set.”


As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

Roseanne Barr


One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewilderedly and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I did all day?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”


A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.

Honore De Balzac


Love vs Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street   Marriage is holding arguments in the street

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant   Marriage is Chinese take-out

Love is cuddling on a sofa   Marriage is deciding on a sofa

Love is talking about having children   Marriage is talking about getting away from children

Love is going to bed early   Marriage is going to sleep early

Love is a romantic drive   Marriage is a long, hot ride

Love is losing your appetite   Marriage is losing your figure

Love is sweet nothings in the ear   Marriage is sweet nothings in the bank

Love is a flickering flame   Marriage is a flickering television

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws   Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?!”


A happy marriage perhaps represents the ideal of human relationship – a setting in which each partner, while acknowledging the need of the other, feels free to be what he or she by nature is: a relationship in which instinct as well as intellect can find expression; in which giving and taking are equal; in which each accepts the other, and I confronts Thou. 

Anthony Storr


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

What have you told yourself?

Real difficulties can be overcome.

It’s the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.

Theodore Vail



It seems like I am meeting more people everyday who have had their confidence shaken by recent events. It might be the economy, a recent job loss, a child struggling to achieve, or a relationship that is in trouble. The sad part is that the hurt is often made worse by the criticism we get from ourselves and others. In my experience most of the things others tell us that we must do to solve our problems is really not all that helpful. It is always easy for others who don’t feel our pain to tell us why we shouldn’t hurt. In truth the answer to our problems lie within ourselves. Rather than me rambling on let me share this piece written by Catherine Pratt (You can see more of her offerings at http://www.Life-With-Confidence.com). When you read what she has given us remember that often the negative voice is our own


Silencing the Negative Inner Voice

Usually somewhere along the way in our journey of life, we have come across someone who tells us that we’re not good at doing something. It could be writing, or singing, or dancing, or speaking. Anything. And, we believe them. The tragedy can come from not following our dreams because we always hear that one negative voice telling us that we’re no good. It doesn’t even matter how many other people we come across who will tell us yes we are good at doing something, we always remember that one negative voice. It’s time to move past the negative voice. Here’s how:

1. Do it anyway — do you love singing? Then sing. How about writing? If you love it, do it. That’s the only reason. It brings you joy, do it. Life is too short to not do the things we love because some misguided person told us not to do it. If we all listened to these negative people then some of the greatest life stories would never happened. Take this for example:

"Many years ago a young man mustered enough courage to ask a young woman to dance. After he danced with her for a few minutes, the woman told him he was a lousy dancer. She complained that he danced like a truck driver. To be sure, this bad experience would be enough for most people to quit dancing for good. Watching television or sitting around being bored would be more appealing than dancing again. Yet this man developed a passion for dancing and continued to dance for many decades.

In fact this man became known as one of the great dancers of modern times. By the early nineties, when he died, he had 500 dance schools named after him. At one time, he had been on television for eleven years straight, showing people from all walks of life – including truck drivers – how to dance."

Or did you know that George Lucas spent four years shipping the script for Star Wars around to the various studios and racking up numerous rejections in the process? If he’d let his negative inner voice get to him he would never have ended up having the highest grossing film of all time.

2. Brainstorm and Break Apart — Think of all the steps you will need to do to accomplish the one thing you really want to do above all else. Break the ultimate end goal into smaller tasks and then just start plugging away at them. It’s far easier to take one small step and to keep going than getting frustrated because you haven’t managed to fulfill the ultimate goal yet.

3. Take small steps — so you want to write the next great American novel but your English teacher told you that a three-year old could write better than you. Or maybe they told you not to waste your time doing something that you’ll never be able to make any money at. To get past this, take small steps. Instead of getting frustrated because you can’t write your novel, write a short story instead. Write articles. Write, write, and write some more. Each time you write you will be gaining confidence in your ability. You’ll soon be able to see that you are able to write because you have actual examples. Each step you take will also bring you into contact with new opportunities and new ideas and one step closer to your ultimate dream. Just keep doing whatever it is that you love doing. You will also find that you are happiest when you are doing whatever it is that you love doing. This will also encourage to keep going.

4. Remember the big picture — whenever you get bogged down by the day to day issues, think back to the big picture. What is it that you want to accomplish in the end? What is it that you really, really want to do? Think how great it will feel when it actually happens. Focus on that. Ignore the little things. They’ll soon be in the past.

5. Reflect — Think back on how far you’ve already come. You’ve taken great strides already. Think how great it felt when you were able to accomplish some of those small steps.

6. Focus on something else —whenever you hear that voice, tell it to “shut up” or think of putting up a Do Not Disturb sign for your inner critic and then think of something positive in your life. Think about a loved one, your dog, a funny joke, anything to get yourself back in a positive mind set. Also, instead of that inner critic create for yourself an Inner Supporter.

7. Go for a walk — sometimes just getting up and doing something physical gives us enough endorphins to actually feel better about ourselves. When we feel better about ourselves, it’s easier to accomplish our goals.

8. Listen to your heart — whatever it is that you really want to do with your life, it’s not going to go away. It will always be there. It will also kill you to see someone else doing that thing you really wanted to do with your life. The tragedy is when it turns into a regret that you never took the chance to even try.

9. Greatest Critic Becomes Greatest Supporter — remember when you finally do succeed that most negative person who said you could never do it, will probably be the loudest person to say, “I knew they could it”. It’s human nature. And if you have no idea where your 4th grade English teacher is now, just think what great revenge it is when you know they’re going to read your novel and just say, “Wow”. Maybe you could even send them a copy.

10. Have Faith — it’s your life not someone else’s. So, LIVE IT! You can never make someone else happy by living the way they want you to live. You’ll only end up making yourself miserable and that person will never be satisfied. You have to listen to your heart and do what is best for you.

I know that this is longer than I normally dump on you each day but I can think of nothing more important than you giving yourself permission to be you and then going out and becoming all that you can be. Of course few of us will write the great novel or become a world renowned singer but all of us can work at what we value and enjoying knowing we are spending time in an endeavor we have chosen for ourselves.


Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up.

They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.

Samuel Johnson


She said:

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with."

He said:

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."


Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.


The kid said:

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth–that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally–but I didn’t want to upset him.  –Age 10


"I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to."


After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?"

"You’ll know on Valentine’s Day." he said.

On Valentine’s Day, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled….

"The Meaning Of Dreams."


I don’t want to express an opinion … I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain (asked what he thought about the existence of heaven or hell.


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you       for legal advice when you’re out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don’t you think it’s worth the extra effort?


The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.

"My, you look tired," she said.  "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."


It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Agnes Repplier


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.



It does not have to be all there is!

The man who views the world at 50 the same way he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.

Mohammed Ali



I have become concerned lately with what many of my friends, both young and old, view as the reason for learning. One said recently that she felt guilty that she never finished college years ago, a young man expressed his distress at his not yet committing to a course of study that would assure a big income in the future, others share with me the need for them to continually study in order to survive in their professions. What disturbs me most is that almost all of these good people view learning as a burden and a chore. There is no doubt that in our rapidly changing world that lifetime learning will continue to be a vocational requirement but I want to offer that lifetime non-vocational learning is the key to lifetime of discovery, wonder, and a look at an often unseen view of the world.

Today we have so many different avenues to learn and grow that it can be difficult to efficiently find the point that allows us to put our toe in the discovery water that allows us to follow a path to learn more if we wish. What is it that you think you might like? Want to know more about Art? Do some research; take a course in your community? Go to an Art Museum and see what they have to offer. Want to try landscaping do the same. Music, philosophy, history, sport, photography, geography, people, humanity, the list is endless, the point is that all learning does not have to be for vocational reasons or even the result of what we think we should do. It can be the gift you give yourself to enrich the rest of your life. If you don’t get the greatest grades, so what, who cares, your not there for grades you’re there to discover something that may enhance your satisfaction of your world and your place in it.

Remember when Peggy Lee sang “Is this all there is”? Well the answer is that this may very well be all there is if you let it but it does not have to be. If an 80 year old can find a new hobby because of a course she took you and I can just as easily see the world a little more clearly because of something we learned and we can have fun doing it. Why not make a list of things you might find interesting today and then pick one and jump in to the web and see what is out there and where it takes you.

You can even be like one of my friends who went down to the community college, saw what they had to offer and then signed up for a course. If you do you’ll probably love the people you meet and I know you’ll find it more interesting than what is on television tonight.


“The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.”

B. B. King


"Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization:

Moses said the law is everything.

Jesus said love is everything.

Marx said capital is everything.

Freud said sex is everything.

Einstein said everything is relative."




Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!"


Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.

Oscar Wilde


In the personal ads:

Recently Widowed White Male, 47, large build, crew cut, seeks alibi for the night of February 3rd between 8pm and 11.30 p.m.  


"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"


We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and light bulbs.

"Don’t look up there!" my mother screamed. "It’s the one thing I was too tired to clean!"

"Don’t look where?" my brother asked.

"There!" my mother pointed. "It’s my own personal web sight!"


Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart.

Ruth Graham


Mrs. Jones called the doctor’s office and was met with this response by the secretary, "This is Dr. Whitman’s office. What would you like to talk about?"

Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically, "I want to order a hamburger with fries. For goodness sakes, why would I call a doctor if I didn’t feel sick? I’m very sick. I need to see the doctor."

"Fine," replied the secretary. "I can make an appointment for you. Let me see. Ah, yes, I have an appointment one week from next Friday."

"Great," said Mrs. Jones. "I’ll have my mortician drop me off then!"


When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.

Cecil Selig


According to my mother, she and my dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine my mom right then and there.

"Please disrobe," he told her.

"With him in the room?" she yelled, pointing to my father.

Turning to my dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem."


Insanity is making the same mistakes over and over and thinking you are going to get different results.


The husband didn’t want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of martial harmony. He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 300 yard down the middle of the fairway. When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine."

She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, he said, "That’s ok, dear, we’ll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green. Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is knock it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off the green and into a sand trap. The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there.

Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey — one over par — but that’s ok. I think we can do better on the next hole."

She snapped back at him, "Don’t bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5* shots were mine!"


Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.

Malcolm S. Forbes


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

I do care!

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."

Charles Caleb Colton



Oh, hi! Sorry but I just have a minute or two and then I have to run. I was at one hospital this morning getting my semiannual iron infusion and my first needle of the day when they inserted the IV port. I left there and went to another hospital for blood work and to set my blood-thinner dosage. In addition I just got back from lunch with a friend who has some county wide nutrition and wellness responsibility where we did a little brainstorming. And now I have to quickly get a few chores done after which I will accompany my wife to the theatre. So if it is OK I will just leave you something I put together in a Daily a few years ago. Anyway, sorry for the rush I wish we had more time, maybe tomorrow.


I like many people my age are often reminded that none of us live forever, as we go older we hear of more and more of our past acquaintances who have passed on. The sad part is that often they leave us without knowing how much we cared for them. We seem to take for granted the gifts we are given each day by others.

When I reflect back on my many friends and colleagues who are no longer with us, I can’t help but wish we would have talked more together, walked more together, laughed more together, and hugged once in awhile. It is a shame that life does not permit us to spend huge amounts of time with all the people we meet and know. Often we meet someone special only once or twice when fate or duty brings us together, yet in those few moments a spark that we share ignites the torch of friendship that is often too fleeting. In my case there are many of you who I have never even met and yet you provide me pleasure by allowing me a few moments of your time each day.

When you get down to it, we really don’t have to wait until the end of someone’s life to tell them how much they are appreciated. We really can do it often, in fact in small ways we can do it everyday. And you know what; we don’t have to limit showing our appreciation for others to only our friends. The tapestry of our lives is woven from the threads of all the people we encounter each day, they enrich our lives. Some are good, some are not, yet at the end of each day they all have made our day what it was. Each of these encounters provides us an opportunity to appreciate others and to show them we are glad they are there. If we make it a habit, maybe we will not have to feel as I do as I bid farewell to old friends, knowing that I did not let them know more often how much the gift of their friendship meant to me.


In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.

It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.

We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer


From The Original Hollywood Squares T.V. Show.

These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.

Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes…

Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A: Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?

A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can’t Get Enough"?

A: George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?

A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it’s sex?

A: Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Q: Do female frogs croak?

A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you detect light?

A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.


"Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us."

Jawaharlal Nehru


I sat there waiting for my doctor’s partner to make her way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history. After she finished all 17 pages, she looked at me and said, "You look better in person than you do on paper."


She said: Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.


A customer called the airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card.  The reservation specialist asked him,

"Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?"

The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."


There are no more hours in a bad day than in a good one!


Even though I was an engineering student, chemistry was a required course in my day. The Professor, on the first day of class, asked everyone to name the most outstanding contribution chemistry had made to society. When my turn came, I answered, "Blondes!"


You can stand tall without standing on someone.

You can be a victor without having victims.

Harriet Woods


My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy’s mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside and said, "Your father wants to know if you have any cute nurses." The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they’re absolutely gorgeous."


"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it."

Joan Rivers


If, instead of a gem or even a flower, we could cast the gift of a lovely thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give.

George Macdonald


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

What have you decided?

It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny.

Jean Nidetch



A friend and I discussed my “what should I do” quandary over coffee this morning. I told her that lately I have found it difficult to decide what I can do, want to do, should do, and will do. I admitted that I really miss being at the heart of the planning and development things that are going on all around me in our community. As many of you know I have had the good fortune to have spent much of my last 18 years participating in the implementation of some pretty amazing things both internationally and locally. To tell you the truth I always felt surprised and awestruck that I would be given these opportunities to learn and do so much.

It also has become obvious to me that astonishing things are be done when people work together to make positive changes in our world, especailly when they don’t waste time finding all the reasons why nothing can be done. It is exciting and fun to go “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead” without letting the bureaucrats, naysayers and pessimists stop you from even trying. But in order to have the best chance to get the job done everyone must play their part. And as you know lately I have been unable to keep up with all of my commitments so I have chosen to withdraw from some and take on a different role in others.

Many of you have counseled me not worry about it and to take care of myself first. I did not mean to leave the impression that I was that far down in the doldrums, I am not. It is that right now, as it happens so often to us all, I just have to make different choices. Fortunately there is so much to do and so much to learn out there that I now get to explore some unchartered territory while preparing myself to one day rejoin the “Society of Windmill Tilters,” those people who engage the world. I will of course sometimes be on the sidelines cheering the doers on and at other times helping in whatever way I can. I am confident that my choices will allow me to continue to make each year the best year of my life so far.

I am grateful that you are in my world and that we both can look forward to what is ahead, providing we make the right choices.


If we could raise one generation with unconditional love, there would be no Hitlers. We need to teach the next generation of children from Day One that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear.

Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


"Female Personals Ads"

40-ish……………… 48-50

Adventurer………….. Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic……………. Flat-chested

Average looking……… Ugly

Beautiful…………… Pathological liar

Educated……………. College dropout

Emotionally Secure…… Medicated with Prozac

Free spirit…………. Substance user

Friendship first…….. Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun………………… Annoying

Gentle……………… Comatose

Good Listener……….. Borderline Autistic

New-Age…………….. All body hair, all the time

Open-minded…………. Desperate

Outgoing……………. Loud

Passionate………….. Loud

Poet……………….. Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional………… Real Witch <charges by the minute>

Redhead…………….. Shops the Clairol section

Reubenesque…………. Grossly Fat

Romantic……………. Looks better by candle light

Voluptuous………….. Very Fat

Weight proportional to height………………Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate………. One step away from stalking

Widow………………. Nagged first husband to death

Young at heart………. Toothless crone


O Lord that lends me life. Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness.

William Shakespeare


Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.


A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."


"Foolproof systems do not take into account the ingenuity of fools."

Gene Brown


Ways to Tell If You Have PMS

* Everyone around you has an attitude problem.  

* You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.  

* The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.  

* Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.  

* You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How’s my driving- call 1-800-###-####.  

* Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.  

* Inanimate objects get on your nerves.  

* You’re counting down the days until menopause.  

* You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.  

* The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.  

* You dump the pretzels out of the bag, and eat the salt. While simultaneously eating a gallon of ice cream.  

* You cry at commercials one minute, and contemplate assault the next.  


Ideas are funny things. They don’t work unless you do.


The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"  

"Sadness," said the student.  

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.  

"Elation," said she.  

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"  

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."


You are the person who has to decide.

Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside;

You are the person who makes up your mind.

Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind.

Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar.

Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Edgar A. Guest


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

Success, do you know what it is?


Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.

David Frost



I planned on writing about my latest life discovery today but I can’t do it justice so you’ll just have to wait for another day. So instead what I would like to do is share John Folis’ definition of success. What she has written really hit home with me as I spend many hours each week with people who have been conditioned to accept other people’s advice as to how they can be a success or at least strive for something in the belief that when they get that title or that salary they will be happy. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately is does not work that way. Each of us has the opportunity to choose what it is we want in order to use our personal key to success. Here is what he chose for himself, what about you what is on your list?


What "Success" Is. To Me.

To have the ways, means, time and guts to choose and follow my own path.

To dissolve the line between who I am and what I "do."

To make decisions based not on fear, guilt, money or politics but rather what truly feels right.

To have much love, passion and fun in my life.

To be healthy in body, mind and spirit.

To have enthusiasm when I wake up, and peace of mind when I go to bed.

To use my unique gifts in a way that makes a positive difference in many peoples’ lives.

To inspire and motivate others.

To be able to make people laugh — including myself.

To know that I’m on the right path and not alone in my journey.

To live with the understanding that "getting there" isn’t half the fun, it’s most of it.

To make the most with what I’ve been given.

To take advantage of every opportunity and face every fear.

To live having true friends and die having no regrets.

To be able to experience death not as a "grim reaper", but rather as a welcomed sleep after a good, long day.

I hope this inspires you to define and achieve your own life success. Whatever that may be.

John Follis, President/Creative Director of Follis Advertising, LLC.


Success:  To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded!

Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Grandpa, grownups don’t pay any attention to me," said little Jimmy. Grandpa replied, "They don’t pay any attention to me too."

"Grandpa, sometimes grownups make fun of me. Do they make fun of you too?"

Grandpa said, "Yes, Son… me too."

"Grandpa, some days I get tired and have to rest in the afternoon."

"I know, Jimmy… I do too," said Grandpa.

"I love you, Grandpa," said little Jimmy.

"I love you too, Jimmy," said Grandpa.

"I wish more people told me that," said Jimmy.

"Me too," answered Grandpa.


Any married man should forget his mistakes; there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.


She said:

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding that was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. The Male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

8. The Female may change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

13. The Male is expected to be adept at mind reading.

14. The Female is ready when she is ready.

15. The Male must be ready at all times.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm to the Male.

17. The Male who doesn’t abide by THE RULES can’t take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp.

18. THE RULES are no joke.


"Osborne’s Law"

Variables won’t; constants aren’t.


Morris needs a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks out a law firm — Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz.

He calls up and says, "Is Mr. Schwartz in?"

The man says, "No, he’s out playing golf."

Morris says, "All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz."

"He’s not with the firm any more, he’s retired."

"Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz."

"He’s away in Boston, won’t be back for a month."

"Okay, then let me talk to the other Mr. Schwartz."

He says, "Speaking!"


Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.


The kid said don’t get me sick:

When you go home, you have to stay all alone.

You have to stay in bed and not get fed.

You miss out on all the fun that’s it, you’re done.

So when you sneeze cover your mouth please!!!

Madison F. age 9



Husband’s note to his wife…

"Doctor’s office called: Said Pabst beer is normal."


Success is more permanent when you achieve it without destroying your principles.

Walter Cronkite


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

Without it what are we?

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right.

These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

W. Clement Stone




I received a number of comments on yesterdays Daily when reported that I had fired myself for non-performance as a board member in an organization that I value. A former colleague who has been the Executive Director of at least two well know major not-for-profit national organizations wrote me and said that he wished more board members who would not or could not fulfill their responsibilities would resign their positions like I did.

Generally most everyone who commented were understanding or at least forgiving. For myself I am still feeling disappointment in my failure to do what I was asked and now regret that I had not admitted my inability sooner.

The reason I chose integrity today is that I again have been reminded that it entails not only purpose, principles and intentions but also realistic commitment. I don’t mean we should not offer to stretch ourselves but rather I mean we need to avoid putting ourselves in a position where there is a good chance we might fail when others are depending on us. For me it has always been hard to say no, especially when I am being asked to do something I believe in. What I must learn to do is to say no when there is someone else who can do it better than I can or at least let others know that I will not be able to guarantee success.

I really like the word integrity. It implies reliability and trust as well as principle. One of the definitions I also like is that it is often understood as a refusal to engage in behavior that evades responsibility. I am sure I’ll stumble again in the future I only hope it is not often and when I do that I only impact myself and not others.


“It’s not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.”

Francis Bacon


I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment.  

One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it.  

"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.  

Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said, "that’s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."  

There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.  


Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

Ogden Nash


A young man was applying for a job in a big company.  

"I’m sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is overstaffed; we have more employees now than we really need."  

"That’s all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged, "the little bit of work I do won’t be noticed anyway."  


No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.  

Fran Lebowitz  


** Top Ten Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer **

10. Yea, I could use a credit card,I just filed for bankruptcy.  

9. What are you wearing right now?  

8. I’m wearing….(Add Lib)  

7. How do you spell your name, your company name, any kids…etc  

6. Oh my God, I haven’t seen you since high school,    (Go on and on)  

5. (Screaming) Oh my God I have to go! and hang up…  

4. What? What????? I can’t hear you.  

3. Can you speak very slowly, I have to write it all down…  

2. Can you fax this to me, (Give a fake number)  

1. Hey, I’m under house arrest, could you bring me some beer?  


Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses.

Allophones Karr


When the waitress came to work the manager met her at the door.  

"Look," he said, "I want you to put on your cutest uniform, fix your hair lovely, see that your makeup is on neat and walk with that extra-sexy walk."  

"Something special on?" she asked.  

"No," he replied, "The beef is tough."  


You can find on the outside only what you possess on the inside.

Adolfo Montiel Ballesteros


He said: My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12-year-old son, Billy, and one of his friends burst through the door.  

"Hey Dad, announced Billy, "have you met the new neighbors?"  


"Come on Dad, you have to meet them."  

"Some other time; I’m busy."  

"Dad, you have to meet them now."  

From the urgency in Billy’s voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No one was there.  

"Where are they?" I asked.  

"Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven’t met them yet either, but our baseball is in their living room!"  


Home is where you can say anything you like ’cause nobody listens to you anyway.


A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son."  

"Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least our James has nothing standing in his way."


When a man says it’s a silly, childish game, it’s probably something his wife can beat him at.


Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.  

The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."  

The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"  

The first spaceman says, "I don’t think so…They have them aimed at themselves."  


"If there is light in the soul,

There will be beauty in the person.

If there is beauty in the person,

There will be harmony in the house.

If there is harmony in the house,

There will be order in the nation.

If there is order in the nation,

There will be peace in the world."

Chinese Proverb


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.


I got fired today!

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”

Josiah Charles Stamp



I hope you don’t mind my getting serious. While compared to most of the worlds people today was a good day, but in my eyes for me it was not. Unfortunately I have not bounced back from my health problems like I had hoped. Don’t get me wrong basically I am OK, it is just that I am running a little slow, need more rest than I should and am not keeping up with things I should do much less all I want to do.


So today I had to recognize that I have not been able to meet my obligations to an organization that I respect and support. I have been a member of their board for more than a year but have failed to attend meetings for months because of hospital stays and recovery periods. I also have not been able to sustain the effort required for me to fulfill and assignment that I was given. So I had no choice but to fire myself for non-performance. I should not fill a board slot if I am not able to contribute to the organizations effort. This was a tough decision for me as I strongly support the organizations goals and its potential to be an even greater contributor to our community in the future. It is also one of few times in my life where I feel I let people down.


I still believe that I’ll regain full speed capability soon but at the same time I cannot continue to fail others. Next week I get an infusion of iron at the hospital and the following week I’ll get some tests to see how my heart is doing and what lies in the future. Until everything settles into what ever the future may hold I am going to avoid making promises I may not be able to keep.


As an example I had offered to work at a congressional candidate’s phone bank tonight but I just got home after attending meetings since 6:30 this morning and I can barley stay awake. The future congressman deserves for me to be at my best if I am going to be of value so I am going to have to send my regrets.


Somehow this has got to stop for I feel pain when I let people down. So I am going to work within my current limits and concentrate on rebuilding my health. So my friends I may not be able to join you at the dance but I’ll stay in touch and I’ll be grateful for all you do.


Now you have heard my story I’ll excuse myself and send you a blast from the past. See you tomorrow.


March 8, 2001

As a member in good standing of the Society of Childlike Grownups, you are hereby entitled to:

Feel SCARED and sad and mad and Happy,

Give up worry, guilt and shame,

Stay Innocent,

Ask lots of questions,

Ride a bicycle,


"If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

Steven Wright


Stress Prayers

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details, beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. EST.

God, help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they are usually NOT my fault.

God, help me not to try to RUN everything, but if you need some help, please feel free to ASK ME!

Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY RIGHT.

God, help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

God, give me patience, and I mean NOW!

Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I write that correctly?)

God, help me to finish everything that I sta. . .

God, help me to keep my mind on one thi–Hey look at the bird!–ng at a time.

God, help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?

Lord, keep me open to others’ ideas, WRONG though they may be.

Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I’ll settle for just a few minutes.

Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthrougheverythingthatIdo.



Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.


Herbert A Millington

Chair – Search Committee

Whitson University

College Hill, MA 34109


Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.


Chris L. Jensen


The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.


A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing.  He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit. In due time, he received an acknowledgement. "Thanks for the vase," it read.  "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."


Half our live is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed though life trying to save.


In this busy, electronic, impersonal world in which we all live today…  If you ever feel like you need a break and want some warm personal human contact… Just call me… And be sure to leave a message after the tone…


"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

It’s April, let’s go!!

Spring is nature’s way of saying, "Let’s party!"

Robin Williams



What a day; spring is around the corner, it is a new month and all us fools have get recognized since it is April fools day. I was tempted to do some ridiculous April Fools jokes but we have some serious planning to do if we are to get everything done this month.

Let’s start with today beside it being April fools day here in the US it is also Intolerance Day, the day National Laugh Week Begins and it is One Cent Day. All I can say is I am totally intolerant of those who are intolerant other than that I am totally tolerant. As far as National Laugh week is concerned, I don’t think my health could stand more later than I usually get every day of the year but maybe if any of you are sourpusses you might try it now and then laugh for the rest of the year. I am at a loss about One Cent Day, I barely remember pennies I do seem to recall that many years ago I could buy a piece of candy, or flatten one on a streetcar or train track, pitch them against a curb in a game, use seven of them to get into the movies, but now?

Now for what is in store for us during the month. Did you know that it is:

Actors Appreciation and Alcohol Awareness Month – Buy an actor a drink and you kill two birds with one stone.

Dog Appreciation Month – all we have is a ceramic dog and he does nothing but just sit and watch us, I guess Ill buy him a porcelain bone.

Holy Humor Month – Did I ever tell you about the Priest and the Rabbi…..

Keep America Beautiful Month – I know a couple of plastic surgeons if that helps, if not try beer.

Knuckles Down Month – At last something for those of us whose knuckles drag on the ground

Listening Awareness Month – What???

National Ergonomics Month – Take a chair out for coffee

National Lawn and Garden Month – We have people who take care of our lawn and shrubs. It is a mercy thing; plants have a chance of survival as long as I don’t try to help.


First a howling blizzard woke us,

Then the rain came down to soak us,

And now before the eye can focus –


Lilja Rogers


Eye halve a spelling chequer,

it came with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue, miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word, and weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write, it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid, it nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite, its rarely ever rong.

Eye have run this poem threw it, I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect in it’s weigh, my chequer tolled me sew.


On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery.

There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.


A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


There aren’t any rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!

Thomas Edison


Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back.

Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.

Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.

Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do.

Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner. Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said;

"Why that’s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?"


Want the rainbow? Put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton


He said: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit.

One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

But, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, "You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."


I’m going to live forever, or die trying.


She said: At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married the longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’"

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "Yeah, she’s probably right."


Knowledge may have limits, but it’s not so with ignorance.


A group of foreign dignitaries are visiting Israel. At the end of the tour, they are taken to see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

They look at the tomb and read the following inscription:


BORN 5694

DIED 5733


The visitors are incredulous. They ask the guide, "How can this be an unknown soldier if the

grave has his name?"

Their host responds, "Sure, as a soldier he was unknown, but as a furrier — he was the best!"


“In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet, you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with.”

Brian Tracy


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

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