Ray's musings and humor

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity.”

Viktor Frankl

 

 

Here it is Friday and almost the end of the day and I am just getting to the Daily. I had a 7 AM meeting at a near downtown restaurant, an EKG at a far North side doctors office, a blood draw at a lab, and then a late lunch with a state government friend. Also I don’t remember if I told you or not but I have to leave on a one week special assignment, and yes sorry but the Daily will be powered down all next week while I am gone. Fortunately this is a non-medical event but rather an out of state activity. So there is no health worry so far it looks like everything is OK and the meds are not taking me down.

I hope you will understand that I have yet to start my pre-trip countdown and am running late for everything so I will send you a classic Daily today and hope it will hold you for a week.

What I would like you to do while I am gone is to keep the pace, smile at everyone you can, and if you are in the Northern hemisphere enjoy the first breath of spring and if you are South of the equator enjoy the first vestiges of autumn. I’ll soon be back but please don’t wait for me, enjoy yourself while I am gone.

~~~

March 21, 2002

Those of us who live in Indiana are often accused of being behind the times. But when we are behind the seasons I really start to worry, yesterday was the first day of Spring and there is freezing temperatures and possible snow in our forecast. Did I miss something?

~~~

The following words were written on the tomb of an Anglican bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey:

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realize if I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.

~~~

"Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have."

Doris Mortman

~~~

Golf thoughts

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

~~~

Life may have no meaning — or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

~~~

Jake and Saul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.

One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Saul opens the morning paper and turns to the Obits page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query or info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database, premature and erroneous..

It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up. "Jake, are you up yet?"

Jake sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I’m only now starting my coffee."

"Jake. open the newspaper to page 31."

"Why, what’s in the paper?"

"Jake, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!"

"Ok, Ok, I’ve got the paper here, so what’s in page 31?"

"Jake, open the paper to page 31 already!"

"All right, don’t be such a pain in the butt so early in the morning already. So, what’s on page 31 that’s so important?"

"Jake, look at the bottom of column 4."

"Why? What’s that story on?"

"Jake, read the story on the bottom of the column already!"

"OK, OK, I’ll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!"

The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues. Finally, Jake comes on the line quietly and fearfully, "So Saul, where are you calling me from right now?"

~~~

She said, men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s a woman’s job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with."

~~~

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice, Jewish girl?"

~~~

Every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.

~~~

Seen On The Church Marquee

"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."

"Under same management for over 2000 years."

"Soul food served here."

"Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!"

"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!"

"Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church."

"Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case."

"Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What’s yours?"

"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due."

"Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place!"

"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary."

"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible."

"It’s hard to stumble when you’re down on your knees."

"What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don’t you understand?"

"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow."

"The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday."

"Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive."

"Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings."

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

"Christians, keep the faith – but not from others!"

"Satan subtracts and divides. God multiplies and multiplies."

"If you don’t want to reap the fruits of sin, stay out of the devil’s orchard."

"To belittle is to be little."

"Don’t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you."

"God answers kneemail."

"Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back."

~~~

Today is the tomorrow you looked forward to yesterday.

~~~

In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.  One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe nonlinear waterfowl issue."  Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don’t have all their ducks in a row."

~~~

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years."

Mark Twain

~~~

"Character isn’t inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains."

Helen Douglas

~~~

 

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