Ray's musings and humor

I am sorry

“Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn’t music.”

William Stafford

 

 

First let me apologize, as you know I have been distracted this month. Here we are in the shortest month of the year with a week gone by and I failed to share our opportunities to participate in this months special activities. I’ll try to do better next month. But there is still time to take part so here is what we have.

It is:

America Loves Its Kids Month – After working with UNICEF over the years I have come to appreciate children more, although it is sometimes hard at restaurants during dinner with lots of noisy kids around, it is at times like that that I appreciate them more from afar than up close personal. Except of course my grand kids — they are perfect.

American Heart Month – My heart is on the mend I hope yours is as happy as mine is becoming.

Blah Buster Month – I have an idea, let’s all go out next Monday Blah hunting and when we find one we can Blast them good.

Creative Romance Month – Let me know what you come up with, my wife does not think me buying her a few lottery tickets is very romantic.

Human Relations Month – I would do more but I am only allowed to relate to some humans.

Sleep Safety Month – Take your seat belt to bed!

Snack Food Month – Oh sure, during lent, get behind me devil.

World Understanding Month – I’ll tell you what, why don’t we lobby to make every month World Understanding Month. May be we should listen more and push less.

~~~

You can learn many things from children.

How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones

~~~

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was.  

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants." 

~~~

Because of his ongoing ability to increase office productivity, the "employee of the month" award again goes to Mr. Coffee.

~~~

A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11 years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.  

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" the man asked.  

"Not very likely," his wife said.  

"It’s worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the shoe shop.  

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.   

With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these."  

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.  

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"  

"No kidding?" the customer called back. "That’s terrific! Who would have thought they’d still be here after all this time."  

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.  

"They’ll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.  

~~~

The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

Hollywood Squares

These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted like they are now. Or were they?  

 

*If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?  

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.  

*True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.  

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes…  

*You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?  

Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.  

*According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?  

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.  

*What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can’t Get Enough"?  

George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next apartment.  

*Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?  

Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!  

*In bowling, what’s a perfect score?  

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.  

*It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?  

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.  

*When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?  

Paul Lynde: Make him bark.  

*According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?  

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!  

*Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?  

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.  

*According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?  

Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.  

*Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?  

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?  

*When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  

Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.  

*James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?  

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.  

~~~

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

Stacia Tauscher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

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