Ray's musings and humor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

 

 

For those of us who live in the U.S. this is our Thanksgiving week. Thursday is a national holiday and most everyone will spend the day eating too much, watching sports, visiting with family, and some will even be planning their next day shopping as all the stores in America will have specials and huge discounts and our shopping areas will be mad houses.

If I had my way everyone would also take time to stop and identify all the reasons that they have to be thankful. In my case the list is long, not the least being my recent return to good health because of my successful heart operation. Let me give you a tip, if you don’t limit your stopping to realize the reasons you have to be thankful to one day a year your life will be much better. In my case I frequently take inventory of new and old friends, things that I am allowed to do, and generally all the good things in my life. I am even grateful for the adversity for in most cases I have found that I am able to overcome my problems and when there are some I can’t eliminate I am pleased that I have the capacity to accept them and move on.

Sadly many of us are surrounded by cynics who seem to take pleasure in telling us all the reasons why we should be unhappy. Just think how much better our world would be if the cynics expended their energy on trying to make things better rather than trying to make all of us as unhappy as they are. So let’s not wait, let’s count our blessings today and if we do a good job we will realize all the reasons we have to celebrate our Thanksgiving Day holiday.

While I am at it I would like to thank those of you who visited my website at:

http://give.salvationarmyusa.org/site/TR/RedKettleCampaigns/RedKettle?px=1116841&pg=personal&fr_id=1110&et=Og4Sdhm2_GL95jeiWCcW5A..&s_tafId=1162.

I am especially grateful to those of you who have helped me get the job done; I can promise you that good works will be the result. I am glad that I was asked to participate in this program as it is another way for me to express my thanks for all that I have received.

~~~

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.

Edward Sandford Martin

~~~

TOP TEN REASONS COLLEGE STUDENTS ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE THANKSGIVING BREAK

10. You’ll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball

09. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper

08. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green Jell-O

07. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper

06. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12×14 cell… OK, even if it is for only four days

05. To eat your meals the only trek you’ll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall…in below freezing weather

04. Instead of listening to "when I first started teaching here…" you can be entertained by "when your mother was your age…" and "during the Depression we weren’t lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!"

03. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave

02. You’ll know the hair in the shower drain is your own.

And the number one reason college students are looking forward to Thanksgiving… (drum roll, please)

01. You won’t be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!

~~~

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

~~~

The Lamaze class was in full swing. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!"

She then looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember. You’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room suddenly got very quiet as everyone absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes"? answered the instructor.

"I was just wondering, wouldn’t it be even more beneficial to her if she carried a golf bag while we walk"?

~~~

Thanksgiving dinner takes 18 hours to prepare. It is consumed in 12 minutes. Football half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.

Erma Bombeck

~~~

After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for several weeks, we stopped by his Home to visit him. My wife asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom Told her.  

"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can’t believe you would be eating anything Like that!"  

"Come to the kitchen and I’ll show you," Tom replied.  

Opening the refrigerator door, He waved his hand at a row of doggie bags from half of the restaurants in town.  

~~~

Optimists make the best of it when they get the worst of it.

~~~

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they’re getting divorced," she shouts, "I’ll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay," he says, "They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares.

~~~

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment.  

One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it.  

"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.  

Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said, "that’s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."  

There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.  

~~~

The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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