Ray's musings and humor

Archive for August, 2007

Anyone seen Melville, Joyce, Faulkner or any of those other guys?

 

 

“Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.”

C.S. Lewis

I saw the movie Becoming Jane last Saturday. It was an enjoyable film that dramatizes Jane Austen’s earlier years. While I liked the movie I walked away with the discomforting realization that I have lost the ability or maybe the dedication that it takes to immerse ones self in great literature. I recalled how enjoyable it was in the past to see the world through the eyes of the great authors of the past as well as of the present and painfully realized what I have been missing.

It seems that I have become someone else through the introduction of technology and easy access to information, summaries, and sound bites. When you combine curiosity with unlimited access to information without discipline, overload follows. If you are like I am you tend to handle overload by increasing efficiency, you drift towards more hard data and less nuance. I now can do an internet search and find a few sentence synopsis of a great novel or someone’s easy interpretation of a major issue. I think I have been sucked into the science of life leaving little time for the art of life.

The sad part is that I know better. I have basked in the warmth of the great novels, been on the battlements during the French revolution, searched Africa for Livingston, eavesdropped on Romeo as he pledged his love to Juliet and I know that the stars are more than just objects in the sky. As we age we are often told to stop once in awhile and smell the roses and some of the most beautiful rose gardens are in the written word. I regret that I have let so much go by and I greave for all the young people of today that will never find the magic that exists in literature since they have little chance to discover what it has to offer. I would say more but I think I’ll read for bit.

~~~

“Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting”

Aldous Huxley

~~~

U.S. tourists in Israel, a man and his wife, were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. A salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the man responded. "She’s not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked.

"Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered, "I’ll give you 100 camels for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she’s not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

~~~

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

~~~

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, "Come and bury my wife."

"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.

"I got married again," the man sobbed.

"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

~~~

"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice.

For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."

Wendy Leibman

~~~

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

The man quickly answered. "Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack"

~~~

He said: My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

~~~

Dear Tide:

I’m writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse.

I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn’t come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people…

~~~

"If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will."

John Atkinson

~~~

"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"

"Well," she replied, "I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive."

~~~

Nonconformists are all alike.

~~~

A telephone repairman was working late in a big office building and became lost.

After a long search of the rambling first floor to find an exit, he spotted a woman at the end of a corridor.

"Excuse me, can you tell me how do I get outside?" he asked.

"Dial 9," she replied.

~~~

“The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

Do unto others…..

Life engenders life. Energy creates energy.

It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.

Sarah Bernhardt

 

 

Sorry Sarah, I spent all my energy today. I am out of gas. So here is the way I saw the world on a day when I had more. Ray

August 10, 2004

 

I don’t know many people, no matter what their religion, that don’t pay lip-service to the golden rule. Yet many of these same people will jump positions in line, enjoy benefiting from another’s mistake, or do everything in their power to take advantage of others. Have you noticed it is these same people who spend their lives complaining about others? You would think they would learn that when you forsake the golden rule others will often respond by treating you just as you treat them. They often have few real friends and miss out on so much in life. It is not a case of the meek inheriting the earth, but rather a case of good people caring for others and truly enjoying life. So I will continue to wait my turn in line, return the coins when someone gives me too much change, and do what I can to help those who need it. The alternative just does not provide any reward.

 

Here are some "Ethic of Reciprocity" passages from the religious texts of various religions:

·          Brahmanism: "This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you". Mahabharata, 5:1517

·          Buddhism:   Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful." Udana-Varga 5:18

·          Christianity:   "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." Matthew 7:12 

·          Confucianism:  "Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you" Analects 15:23

·          Hinduism:   "One should not behave towards others in a way which is disagreeable to oneself" Mencius Vii.A.4 

·          Islam: "None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself." Number 13 of Imam "Al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadiths." 6

·          Judaism:    "What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary." Talmud, Shabbat 31a.

·          Shinto:  "The heart of the person before you is a mirror. See there your own form"

·          Taoism:  "Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss." T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien. 

I am sure you follow the principle in your own life, but in case you are tempted to slip once in awhile, just stop and remember what you do to others may very well be done to you. But of greater importance is that what you do for others is reward in itself.

~~~

Look to be treated by others as you have treated others.

Publilius Syrus

~~~

A woman in my office, recently divorced after years of marriage, signed up for a refresher course in CPR. "Is it hard to learn?" asked someone.

"Not at all," my co-worker replied.  "All you’re asked to do is breathe life into a dummy.  I don’t expect to have any problems.  I did that for 32 years." 

~~~

There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know.

~~~

The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling.

CAREFULL!!!  CAREFULL!!!  MORE OIL!!!  TURN THEM!!!

TURN THEM NOW!!!  WE NEED MORE OIL!!!  THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFULL!!!  CAREFULL!!!  TURN THEM!!!

TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!!  ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!  THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!!  THE SALT!!!!"

The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don’t know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replied, "This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me…"

~~~

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."

Albert A. Grant

~~~

Scott and Glenn went on a fishing trip. They rented all the equipment: reels, rods, wading suits, rowboat, car, even a cabin in the woods. They spent a fortune.

The first day they went fishing and didn’t catch anything. The same thing happened on the second day and the third. It went on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Scott caught a fish. Driving home they were really depressed.

Scott turned to Glenn and said, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

Glenn replied, "Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!"

~~~

I had amnesia once — or twice.

~~~

A man was being proselytized by group of friends:

"Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind’s relationship to God."

"I’m married; I learned long ago that my opinions don’t matter."

"But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?"

"Wherever my wife tells me to."

~~~

"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"

"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

~~~

I really wish my supermarket had an aisle marked "unhealthy stuff", so the chore of shopping wouldn’t take so long.

~~~

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist’s lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years."

To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years."

~~~

When you win, say nothing.  When you lose, say less.

Paul Brown

~~~

A woman went to the bank and applied for a loan. "I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband."

"Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces" the manager says "We make loans for automobiles, businesses, home improvements…."

The woman interrupts and says "Well, this would certainly be a ‘Home Improvement.’

~~~

Stress is when your mouth says "No problem" while your body screams "NO WAY!"

~~~

"We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms’."

Elayne Boosler

~~~

It takes two things to be a consultant – gray hair and hemorrhoids. The gray hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.

~~~

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight.

Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster.

Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

Don’t end up hurting yourself

Eat a third and drink a third and leave the remaining third of your stomach empty.

Then, when you get angry, there will be sufficient room for your rage.

Babylonian Talmud

 

 

I can think of nothing more self destructive than uncontrolled anger, it does us no good and steals from us potential well being. While managing our anger is something we must deal with and I know most of you do. The problem is that often angry others will suck us into their misery. The good news is that does not have to happen, it only happens if we let it happen.

I recently stumbled across the following that was written by author Tom Russell. He offers us a technique that we can use avoid letting others draw us into their anger. Try it, stop and think for a minute before you react, you’ll be glad you did and at the same time you may save someone from stewing in their own anger.

 

Difficult people are on the hunt for a quarrel. It’s not personal, usually. It’s just that you happen to be the most convenient target. Difficult people are insecure. They want YOU think and live like THEY think and live. Misery indeed loves company. They feel better if you are tense and unhappy.

What can you do to instantly neutralize their negativity? You cannot stop them from being difficult and demanding. Heaven help you if you try! But you can control your own reactions through the amazing power of simple, healthy and truthful principles you voice to yourself silently, in the present moment. Speech is powerful! It is your connecting point back to your calm and intelligent center. Speech instantly reminds you of the wisdom and power you already possess. Here are 7 secret silent statements you say to yourself you can use when difficult people are on the prowl.

1. I am not an actor who must obey your script.

The difficult person has a script. In the script he writes that you get angry, that you fight with him, that you condemn him, that you get stressful and frustrated. Difficult people want opposition. That is their primary aim! You are never compelled to go along with their script. A silent refusal to take the bait sends a very powerful signal to the difficult person. They get it!

2. I just cannot afford you any more.

This NowFact reminds you that some relationships carry much too high a price. You have to let go. There is no feeling of superiority or hostility. You simply cannot afford the relationship any more. It cost too much. You have to move on because you know it is best for YOU and for the other person.

3. I see your rage as childish, not forceful.

Here is how you can heal your perceptions. Anger is weakness, not strength.

4. You don’t know it, but I remain at a safe inner distance from you.

Personal growth widens the gap between both your own inner negativities and those of others. You see anger from a higher place. Instead of being immersed in it, you’re above it now. You need never descend to a lower level to accommodate an immature adult.

5. I will not injure you by doing your work.

Difficult people are very sly in getting others to carry their load. They ARE difficult precisely because they have refused self-responsibility. We harm adults when we do things for them they must do for themselves. This is compassion in action. Truth is never clouded by sentimentality, which is nothing more than cruelty in disguise.

6. I sense a lot of violence in your gloom.

“I see your rage as childish, not forceful.” It is called “reframing.” Reframing teaches us to see things through an entirely different lens. It is an amazingly effective method for self-renewal.

Difficult people are often gloomy. How often have we tried to cheer one of them up and been bitten? It can be compassionate to say an encouraging word at times. But we have to be wise! Hardened and dedicated difficult people want your cheerful words, not to pick themselves up, but to pull you down with them! Sense the violence behind their mask of gloom and you empower yourself.

7. If you want a destructive fight you will have to fight all alone.

A destructive fight is what the difficult person is after. It’s what THEY want, not what YOU want. If you refuse to battle the difficult person on their own turf, what can they do about it? The only way they can control you is if you catch the negative ropes they toss. Anger, guilt, frustration — all these negative ropes fall to the ground, unclaimed by you, once you learn to leave the problem with the person who has it.

~~~

 “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

LOVE – When you’re only interested in doing things with your partner.  

LUST – When you’re only interested in doing things TO your partner.  

MARRIAGE – When you’re only interested in your golf score.  

~~~

You are suffering from what is technically known as an Electra Complex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde female patient. "In other words, you are in love with your father."  

The blonde breaks down into hysterical sobbing.  

"Now, now," comforts the shrink. "It’s not all that bad."  

"Yes..(snif)…yes, it is," the blonde gets out between sobs. "I have no chance at all…he’s a married man!"  

~~~

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

Mary Kelly

~~~

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice- chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied.a "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."

~~~

Some people hate getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it 3-4 times a day.

~~~

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" there was a long pause.

Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down yes."

~~~

If you can’t see the bright side of life, there’s nothing to do but keep polishing the dull side.

~~~

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case I’ll just look the other way," said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you’re one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don’t understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

~~~

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

How old do you think you are?

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love.

When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Sophia Loren

 

 

Every once in awhile someone asks “Where do you get all the stuff you use in the daily.” I usually get the things I don’t write myself from a collection of material people send me or that I run across in a publication or on line. The collection has grown quite large over time with many items sitting unread for years. So on those days that I have nothing special to offer I dip into the archives and pull out something that I think might interest you. Here is an example.

 

I know that most of you are still in your youth or at least you act that way. It is now up to you to preserve your youthfulness and continue to enjoy life. How you ask, just follow the tips below that someone sent me a few years ago,

 

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan’s and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice…loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

~~~

“Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.”

Samuel Ullman

~~~

She said: The autumn I was eight months pregnant with our first child, we moved into a new community. Soon after our arrival, a lady came to the door one day collecting for charity, as well as, looking for more canvassers. I told her to ask me again next year. A year later, the woman returned, but again I was eight months pregnant. With a chuckle, she promised to try another time.

Somehow, I missed her the following autumn and she came instead in February, canvassing for another charity and hoping to get more volunteers. She looked at my bulging form in disbelief and exclaimed, "Every time I come here, you’re pregnant!’

"I know," I agreed. "Please don’t come anymore!"

~~~

In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

~~~

Nathan is talking to his lawyer. "Here’s the deal, Abe. If you’re absolutely sure I’ll win the case, I’ll give you the business."

"OK," replies Abe, "but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts."

So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, "So now you’ve heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?"

"Well," replies Abe, "from what I’ve just heard, it’s clear to me that you will win. It’s rare to have such an open-and-shut case."

Nathan goes very white when he hears this.

"What’s the matter?" asks Abe.

"I told you my partner’s side of the case," replies Nathan.

~~~

Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

~~~

"Do you think I look better without a bra?" asked the wife, trying to look ever younger as she approached forty.

"Yes indeed you do sweetheart." replied her husband, putting down the paper. "It’s drawn all the wrinkles out of your face."

~~~

True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don’t believe that this condition is permanent.

Erwin T. Randall

~~~

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet – Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour. But," she says, "I am rechecking my answers."

~~~

Everybody at the FBI seems to be a special agent. Don’t they have any regular ones?

~~~

Safety was job one at my company. During a safety training course, the instructor asked our group, "Does your company have an evacuation plan in place?"

"Yes," said one employee, "and it works without a hitch!"

"Really?" said the instructor. "How’d you do that?"

"We practice every day at five o’clock."

~~~

I am self unemployed.

~~~

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was an idiot at counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your finance education?" he asked.

"Yale," replied the lad.

"And what’s your name?" barked the manager.

"Yim Yohnston," he replied.

~~~

Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty–they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.

Martin Buxbaum

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

It’s too darn hot!

Treat a man as he is, he will remain so.

Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.

Goethe

 

 

It is too hot in Indy today to think so I am going to see what I was saying in the cooler past. Yep, another dip into an old daily or two.

~~~

August 7, 2002

I was thinking about my recent hospital stay. I wondered why 16 days of what should have been a boring and unpleasant experience was really not bad at all. I think I figured it out. I made so many new friends on the staff, people who filled my days with conversation. I had a medical student who was assigned to one of my doctor’s, visit me everyday, she shared with me her past and her dreams. An intern came by even after he was transferred to a different service and told me what was in store for him in the months and years ahead. A nurse shared her pride in her 21 year old son’s overcoming adversity. Another nurse shared her pride in her husbands produce farm. It went on and on; good people doing really good things. But best of all I never heard one complaint, a couple of dozen people, and in more than two weeks not a bad word. They spent their time looking ahead while focusing on the good in their lives. Think of it, more than two weeks being around pleasant, caring, good people who had not one complaint. I wish every week was that way. I feel sorry for those who go through life looking at the dark side and love the people, like those I just met, who find joy in their day-to-day lives.

The medical student went on did her residency and is now in practice, we are friends to this day and meet when we can for coffee or lunch. Ray 8-7-2007

~~~

August 7, 2003

Not long ago I made mention of the depth of feeling contained in the novel Ulysses, by James Joyce It was on this day in 1934 that  the Supreme Court ruled that we Americans could read the book. I am glad they did.

Do all of you Prairie Home Companion fans know that there will be a hot time in Lake Wobegon tonight, it is Garrison Keillor’s birthday. I hope you all know about Keillor, undoubtedly America’s greatest living humorist. He has been called the Mark Twain of our day. If you have not heard him, then you are in for a treat. Listen to the Prairie Home Companion on your public radio station some Saturday night. It is probably the best two hours in radio today.

~~~

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Colette

~~~

A man went to his lawyer and said, "I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it."

The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."

The man looked somewhat upset and said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I would like to leave a little to my children too!"

~~~

"Some people grin and bear it.  Other people smile and change it."

~~~

When I was in high-school, Joel, a buddy of mine and I were discussing a girl from French class we had both befriended. Her family had recently relocated to the metro area from a farm way out in the sticks.  We both agreed that we’d never met a sweeter girl before, but she was too naive and trusting.

Joel said, "Listen, for her own good, and as her friends, we’ve got to teach her quickly what’s right & what’s wrong."

I replied, "Agreed!  You teach her what’s right."

~~~

All I want is a LITTLE more than I can spend!

~~~

Mrs. Crumps was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It’s a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Crumps, "I’ll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

~~~

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

~~~

She said:

As a single, never-married woman in my 40’s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives, and co-workers.  Over the years I’ve noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.

In my teens, friends would ask, "Whom are you going out with this weekend?"

In my 20’s, relatives would say, "Whom are you dating?"

In my 30’s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone?"

Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?"

~~~

Of all the people I’ve met you’re certainly one of them.

~~~

A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Marine First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career.  "I did 30 years in the Recon," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country’s wars." "Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade." "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire." "Finally, as a staff sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam.  We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire at night. In a firefight, we’d shoot until our arms ached and our rifles were empty,  then we’d charge the enemy with bayonets!"

Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, it figures… all shore duty."

~~~

"I don’t feel old – I don’t feel anything until noon. Then its time for my nap."

Bob Hope

~~~

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer."  "I don’t have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That’s our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma’s house, and she knows how to cook!

~~~

How many are the pains of those who hunger for revenge!

They have killed themselves even before they kill their enemies.

St. Catherine of Siena

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

Which Way?

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude.”

 

 

I am sure you have often heard that perception is reality. Of course that does not mean that everything we see, understand, or hear is real; it is only real to us. As we grow older we understand more and more the value of avoiding falling into the trap of impressions that appear to be certainties. The choice we have to make is to decide how deep we want to look or even if looking at all is worth it.

 

To a large extent what we chose to look for controls what our world looks like in our own minds. Many of us see much of our world filtered through our own prejudice and our failure to look beyond just our daily activity. That’s why I like a healthy curiosity so much, it opens the door to adventure and discovery. The problem as I see it is that there is never enough time to see all there is to see. I think that’s good, at least from the standpoint that I don’t have time to look too deeply into both the bad and good things in my life. So guess what, I chose to spend my time looking at all that is good in my life, fortunately that does not leave me much time to inventory the bad stuff.

 

Here is what Ralph Marston said about our choices.

It is just as easy to focus your thoughts on something positive in your life as it is to focus on something negative. It is just as easy to be sincerely thankful for your blessings as it is to be bitter and angry about your problems. Maintaining a positive outlook on life requires no more effort than it takes to go around with a negative attitude. And that positive approach will bring much more value, meaning and fulfillment to your life.

Staying positively focused requires no special skills or resources or position. All it takes is a choice. All it takes is the conscious choice to break away from the burdensome habit of negativity. It is a choice you can make right now, and in every moment that follows. Make that choice, and your limiting fears will be overwhelmed by purposeful determination. Make that choice, and your most difficult challenges will become your greatest opportunities.

Living with a positive focus is just as easy as spending your precious time immersed in negativity. And it’s a whole lot more enjoyable, too.

~~~

“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.

Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.”

Cherie Carter-Scott

~~~

Sadie bumps into her friend Rachel at the mall. "You’re looking very tired today, Rachel. Did you have a late night?"

"Yes," replies Rachel, "but it was all very strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a genie. He gave me a choice of two wishes."

"Wow, fantastic," says Sadie, "so what were the choices he gave you, Rachel?"

"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory or else he could make my Harry the best lover in the world."

"So tell me already, Rachel, what did you choose?"

"I can’t remember," replies Rachel.

~~~

Remember the good old days when people killed time by working instead of by taking coffee breaks?

~~~

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin’…perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.

Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the lock before the girl spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

~~~

A pleasure is not full grown until it is remembered.

C.S. Lewis

~~~

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I get away with it?"

~~~

"Economy" today means a large container of detergent or a small car.

~~~

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,    "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.

A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns.  This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."  "Wow!" the co-op man replies, "You must really be doing well!"

"Naw," said the man with a sigh, "I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

~~~

God invented mothers because he couldn’t be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

~~~

Some of the children at a day care center were talking about their siblings.

"My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one.

"My sister takes gymnastics," said another.

Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, "My sister takes antibiotics!"

~~~

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I said, "Where’s the car?"

She said, "In the lake."

Henny Youngman

~~~

Your attitude is an expression of your values, beliefs and expectations.

Brian Tracy

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

Tick…Tick…Tick…

You’re writing the story of your life one moment at a time.

 

 

I stumbled across the quote above this morning. It is one of those that are both truthful and challenging. In fact it is a little frightening when I realize it’s implication. It is accurate but at the same time a reminder of the potential embedded in all the moments we have left.

 

I don’t particularly like to reexamine all of my past moments that went by as I stood by and lazily watched others enrich their lives. I sure can remember many moments that I would prefer being left out of my life story when it would have been smarter to do something else.

 

When I was thinking about what I might put in the daily today I considered reporting about my recent days of leisure. With my temporary medical problems I run out of gas early in the day and once I do I either nap or relax while I do nothing at all. What went through my mind is that lately everyday seams like it is part of a traditional weekend, versus my normal mode of everyday seeming like it is a weekday filled with all kinds of things to do. I was laying the foundation for rationalizing my inactivity as being a perfectly fine period of rest and relaxation; that is until I read the damn quote. It reminded me again that each moment’s potential has no meaning if it is not used.

 

I, like many others look back and wish I had not waited as long as I did to do the things I do now. I generally feel good about what I am allowed to do and what I will again be doing shortly. I look forward to what I will do in a few weeks or maybe even in a few days. But unfortunately when I think in the present tense I realize that a moment just went by and…..another moment….another moment…and yet another. I won’t put pressure on myself or feel guilty that I did not use the missed moments in some productive pursuit. What I will do is stay aware that I can make the choice on how I use my time and realize that every moment that goes by while I think about the ones yet to come are moments that might be better spent actually doing something.

~~~

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

Carl Sandburg

~~~

Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check"

"Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you.

But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him! nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled,

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

~~~

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.

Danny Kaye

~~~

She said: Everybody’s a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice.

"I know the sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?"

"Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested.

~~~

The adult Sunday school class was discussing formal and informal prayer, when one man remarked, "I do some of my best praying while I’m driving."

From the back of the room, in a quiet voice, the man’s wife agreed, "I, too, do my best praying while you’re driving."

~~~

Husband’s note on refrigerator to his wife:

Someone from the Guyna College called. They said Pabst beer is normal.

~~~

A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for a holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzo ball soup."

On seeing the 2 large matzo balls in the soup, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man, "Just have a taste. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to finish it."

Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzo ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. Then, a "mmmm" sound of appreciation can be heard, and he quickly finished the soup.

"That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzo?"

~~~

It always amazes me the progress scientists are making in cancer research.

Every day they discover something else that causes it.

~~~

The rich, old, dying man called his lawyer to his bedside for the purpose of disposing of his worldly goods.

"How many children have you?" the lawyer asked.

"That, sir," said the old-timer, "will be decided by the courts when my will is contested."

~~~

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle

~~~

Science facts as reported by students……

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know they’re there.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

I’m not sure how clouds are formed, but clouds know how to do it, and that’s the important thing.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

It is so hot in some places that people have to live in other places.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

In some rocks, you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an aviator.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.

~~~

Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.

Jim Bishop

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

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