Ray's musings and humor

"Live fully, have fun.

Be crazy, be weird, go out & screw up!

Don’t try to be perfect.

Just be an excellent example of being human.

Enjoy life."

 

 

I got the above quote from my friend Marci’s Yahoo 360 Blog. I think it is right on target, especially after the lunch I had today with a friend. She shared with me her intense and important activities that took place this past week, bottom-line was that she was professionally on stage doing work that was very important to her association every minute of every day. It had been a high energy effort that concentrated on a wide range of needs both to her organization and to our community. You could tell she was ready for a break.

 

Fortunately we have a three day holiday weekend coming up and then she is off to Paris midweek to visit family and friends. Her job requires perfection, or as close to perfection as possible, now hopefully she will wind down, throw her hat in the air and holler “screw perfection” I am going to have some fun.

 

Each of us needs to take the pressure off ourselves once in awhile and set aside time to just enjoy life and be who we are not. No rules, other than not hurting anyone. So who do you want to be? Pick somebody, be her or him for an evening, a day or even a weekend. I think if you do you will find drinking Champaign from a flute, with candles all around you in your sunken bathtub is really not bad, not bad at all.

 

One caution though, when you’re doing all of this don’t make too much noise, I really don’t like to be woken up from my naps.

~~~

"Fear less, hope more;

Whine less, breathe more;

Talk less, say more;

Hate less, love more;

And all good things are yours."

 

Swedish Proverb

~~~

One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

The next night the man and his wife were driving to a res- taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

~~~

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

~~~

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination.

Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

~~~

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Lao Tzu

~~~

It has been an interesting week in the Stock Market, I thought you could use this dictionary:

Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker – Poorer than you were in 2006.

P/E ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.

Standard & Poor – Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Stock split – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Call Option – Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.

Institutional Investor – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nut house.

Profit – Religious guy who talks to God.

~~~

Woman shopping for wallpaper to clerk: "Now we’re getting somewhere. 

That’s the exact opposite of what I’m looking for."

~~~

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She’s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We’re getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I’m awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don’t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He’s not really your father."

~~~

The reason 30+ year old women get carded is because the cashiers and bag-boys make bets on how OLD you really are and someone has to find out. They know you would lie if they asked you.

~~~

A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son."

"Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least our James has nothing standing in his way."

~~~

Slow down and enjoy life.

It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast

you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

Eddie Cantor

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
~~~
 

 

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