Ray's musings and humor

Those were the days!

After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.

John Pierce

 

 

Nap time so I must go way back again for a Daily today. I am always surprised when I discover how long I have been doing the Daily, this one is from 2001. It will be fresh to most of you since the majority of you were not getting the daily back then and those that did are probably like me, incapable of even remembering what I went to the refrigerator to get much less something I read six years ago.

~~~

Friday

August 31, 2001

 

The seminal Moore School lectures at the University of Pennsylvania ended on this day 55 years ago. At the time, most of the country’s leading computer scientists worked at the Moore School, including John Mauchly and Presper Eckert, who led the development of ENIAC, the first widely publicized electronic computer. The lectures, which continued for eight weeks, were instrumental in spreading the understanding of electronic computing to major universities in America and England. Eckert and Mauchly went on to form a company that produced the UNIVAC I and II. As time went by their company was acquired by Remington-Rand a forerunner of Sperry-Rand, and today’s UNISYS.

 

So who cares? I do, I joined Remington-Rand almost 50 years ago today and retired from UNISYS over 10 years ago. I even worked on the UNIVAC I, we called it the days of the iron men and wooden machines.

~~~

Andy Rooney tells us that he has learned:

  • That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
  • That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
  • That love, not time, heals all wounds.
  • That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
  • That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

~~~

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done already.

~~~

Things To Be Thankful For – Mother’s Perspective

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes — which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese — without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.

BEFORE CHILDREN:  I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.

AFTER CHILDREN:  I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watchers who let me strip down to pantyhose and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car, and trendy clothes.

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.

~~~

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

            Here lays Butch,

            We planted him raw.

            He was quick on the trigger,

            But slow on the draw.

~~~

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

~~~

One Sunday a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

~~~

If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.

~~~

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon.   "Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

~~~

A couple are lying in bed.

He said: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

She said: "I’m sure going to miss you!"

~~~

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly.  Another flash.  He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.  Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.   He planned to mention the problem to his supervisor when he got to work, but forgot.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

~~~

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either."

Dick Cavett

~~~

A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in my attic."

"Well," answered the Priest, "That’s no a sin."

"But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question."

"What is it son."

"Do I now have to tell him the war is over?"

~~~

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

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