Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2007

Memories

History is a cyclic poem written by Time upon the memories of man.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

 

 

I just discovered that I miss the action of the past more than I realized. Today it was triggered by an article in Foreign Policy magazine that reported on how spending just a few dollars on micronutrient supplementation could improve the lives of millions of children. Of course I already knew that from the years I spent working with Kiwanis International and UNICEF on global iodine deficiency. Adding iodine, vitamin A, and Iron into the diet of children can make an unbelievable difference in their health and capabilities.

 

I miss my visits to Washington where we worked with congressional committees and the US Agency for International Development and others, as advocates for children. I miss the many friends at UNICEF from all over the globe who continue to help the children of the world and wish I was again with them. I miss interacting with the scientists and public health experts from the US Center for Disease Control, the World Health Organizations, private industry, and other worthwhile organizations. These friends and colleagues continue to do what needs to be done. They don’t need me anymore, I was never that important anyway. As many of you know I left the effort a number of years ago when I retired for the last time. I now realize how important what I was doing was to me and how rewarding it was to have an opportunity to do something of value. To this day I often think about my friends but seldom hear from them. When I learn what is left yet to do I end up wishing that I could again be a player.

 

Enough of that! For the past few days I have written about enriching our own lives. Mine is great. I am given many opportunities to help alleviate local problems, I travel, I learn, and I make new friends every day. I guess having a twinge of nostalgia for the past now and then is only because I was so lucky to be able to do as much as I did.

~~~

“Remember your humanity and forget the rest”

Albert Einstein

~~~

Extra, Extra Read All About It

Headlines from the past

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

~~~

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

~~~

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. He waved, jumped up and down, and stared at the stork a while longer.

Finally, turning to his father, he exclaimed, "Gee, Dad, he doesn’t recognize me."

~~~

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

~~~

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An English girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." she replies "

And, what happened to my present?" he asks.

"Which present?" she replied, forgetting about what they had said before she left.

"What I asked for: the English girl?!" he reminded her.

"Oh, that!" She said, suddenly remembering what they’d talked about "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!!"

~~~

One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

~~~

Jill wanted a divorce from Todd.  The judge asked, "What fault do you find with your husband?"

"Your Honor, he’s a liar, a brute, a thief and a brainless idiot."

"That’s very serious," exclaimed his Honor, "Can you prove all that?"

"Prove it? Why everybody knows it."

"If you knew all this, then why did you marry him?"

"I didn’t know it before I married him."

Todd shouted out, "She did too!"

~~~

Education gets you the only important thing in life. An assigned parking space.

~~~

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."

"Since we’re all professionals," another suggests, "why don’t we hear each other out right now?"

They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually over bill my patients as often as I can."

The second admits, "I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."

The third psychiatrist says, "I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret."

~~~

In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

~~~

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.  One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

~~~

The restaurant was so bad, the doggie bags had a warning: Not for consumption by real dogs.

~~~

There are only two things to worry about.

Either you are well or you are sick.

If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you are sick, there are only two things to worry about.

Either you will get well or you will die.

If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.

If you die, there are only two things to worry about.

Either you will go to heaven or hell.

If you go to heaven there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with friends you wouldn’t have time to worry!

~~~

“Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions.

You may have a heart of gold — but so does a hard-boiled egg.”

Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Do you have the symptoms?

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

 

 

Yesterday we talked about stress and non-medical stress relievers such as getting away and having fun. When you think about it our stress reliever tips can be used at other times. Times like, “I have had it up to here”, “I am bored to death” or “Talk about the blahs I have them big time.” It is times like these when we need to break out and kick our heels for awhile. The good news we really don’t have to wait until to we are so far down that that it has hard to get back up. Here are symptoms that were put together by author Suzanne Falter-Barns.

 

Sure Signs That You Need a Retreat

Do any of these sound familiar? If so, chances are you need a retreat soon or even, like … NOW. You be the judge. And remember – a retreat is actually just what most of us overscheduled souls actively need.

 

1. You snarl at family members a little too easily.

2. You keep fantasizing about mindless activities, like folding socks, just so you’ll have some down time.

3. You find yourself forgetting important details, getting lost, or mixed up over how to do things.

4. You are overwhelmed with tiredness.

5. Things that used to be fun seem more like a burden now.

6. You’re missing something in life, but you’re not sure what.

7. You need to make large changes but you’re not sure where to start.

8. You have a pressing need to be alone.

9. You’re having trouble meditating.

10. You craving natural beauty and fresh air.

11. Your life seems boring and somewhat hopeless.

12. You’ve lost touch with friends and have no idea how to make reconnection again.

13. You know you need to leave for a while, but you’re not sure how or why.

14. You feel a need to celebrate the onset of a new season, the equinox, or just plain life.

15. You want to make plans, set goals, and visualize your future, but you know you need to take a break to do it.

 

The bottom line is too recognize the symptoms as soon as possible. Early detection makes the cure less difficult. Falter-Barnes recommends a retreat; retreats are great if you have one you can get to. An alternative to a retreat is to get away for awhile. If you can’t do that pick a few things off yesterdays list and do them three times a day until you are back to your normal smiling, happy self. If you are not cured in a reasonable time, take two aspirins, and e-mail me in the morning and I’ll put you on my “better get better or else the bad guys will get you” list.

~~~

 “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Maria Robinson

~~~

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  • Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on "this" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "other side" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his "current" problems before adding "new" problems.
  • Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
  • George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
  • Donald Rumsfeld: Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
  • Anderson Cooper, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
  • John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am for it now and will remain against it.
  • Judge Judy: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
  • Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
  • Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
  • Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.
  • Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.
  • Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.
  • Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
  • John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
  • Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
  • Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The platform is much more stable and will never ever, ever reboot.
  • Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
  • Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
  • Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

~~~

"I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"  

Paul Merton

~~~

Scott and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant."

"How did you answer that last one?" asked Scott. "I thought it was tough at first … then I thought of Superintendent."

"I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."

~~~

"I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain

~~~

In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and a clock. I told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.

A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom clocks had not been reset. I asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, "It is exactly ten o’watch."

~~~

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.

Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Run away with me today

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.

Ovid

 

 

What is stress? Is it a state of mind, unfounded worry, fear, chemical imbalance or something else? Probably it is one or more of each of these. Many of us believe that stress is self imposed, but of course getting over it is easier said than done. Don’t you hate it when someone says to you to just chill out and get over it when you’re agonizing over something real or imagined. Of course manageable stress sometimes sharpens us for a difficult task, but most of the time we know it is just a useless waste of energy. In severe cases doctors will provide medication in pill form. I prefer the following as a much more pleasurable alternative treatment.

 

Watch a sunset             Go to the beach             Be positive

Sing a song                   Pet a dog                      Tell a joke

Listen to music              Blow bubbles                 Take a nap

Dance a jig                    Take a walk                   Write a letter

Have a cup of tea           Ask for help                   Smile

Take a break                 Do it now!                      Stretch

Keep a journal               Hum a tune                   Practice patience

Get up early                  Meditate                        Do Tai Chi

Play a drum                   Prioritize                       Give a hug

Throw a ball                   Play with a child                        See a movie

Plant a flower                 Say "No"                       Set Limits

Eat a snack                   Read a book                  Practice kindness

Light a candle                Laugh out loud               Lie in the sun

Walk in the rain             Run in the park              Talk to a friend

Take a bubble bath         Avoid negative people     Take a deep breath

Ask for what you need    Go to bed on time          Walk a labyrinth

Give a compliment         Clean a closet               Go barefoot

Give a blessing              Watch a sunrise                        Say a prayer

 

Take this medicine on a regular basis and people will no longer say “Are you OK, you look stressed out?” but they might say “You look great, what’s your secret”. You can tell them that you take regular doses of the good stuff and have little time for the bad stuff.

 

I have to run, I have a sunrise to watch, see ya.

~~~

The man who doesn’t relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

Common Sailing Terms…

  • Amidships – condition of being surrounded by boats.  
  • Anchor – a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times.  
  • Anchor Light – a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight.  
  • Beam Sea – A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort. The other three are ‘bow sea’ (waves striking from the front), ‘following sea’ (waves striking from the rear), and ‘quarter sea’ (waves striking from any other direction).  
  • Berth – a little addition to the crew.  
  • Boat ownership – Standing fully-clothed under a cold shower, tearing up 100-dollar bills  
  • Boom – sometimes the result of a surprise jibe. Called boom for the sound that’s made when it hits crew in the head on its way across the boat.  
  • Calm – Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beverage.  
  • Chart – a type of map which tells you exactly where you are aground.  
  • Clew – an indication from the skipper as to what he might do next.  
  • Course – The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language that results by not being able to.  
  • Crew – Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom.  
  • Dead Reckoning – a course leading directly to a reef.  
  • Dinghy – the sound of the ship’s bell.  
  • Displacement – when you dock your boat and can’t find it later.  
  • Estimated Position – a place you have marked on the chart where you are sure you are not.  
  • Flashlight – Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their disposal.  
  • Gybe – A common way to get unruly guests off your boat.  
  • Headway – what you are making if you can’t get the toilet to work.  
  • Jack Lines – "Hey baby, want to go sailing?"  
  • Landlubber – anyone on board who wishes he were not.  
  • Latitude – the number of degrees off course allowed a guest.  
  • Mast – religious ritual used before setting sail.  
  • Mizzen – an object you can’t find.  
  • Motor Sailer – A sailboat that alternates between sail/rigging problems and engine problems, and with some booze in the cabin.  
  • Ram – an intricate docking maneuver sometimes used by experienced skippers.  
  • Sailing – The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense.  
  • Shroud – equipment used in connection with a wake.  
  • Starboard – special board used by skippers for navigation (usually with "Port" on the opposite side.)  
  • Tack – A maneuver the skipper uses when telling the crew what they did wrong without getting them mad.  
  • Yawl – A sailboat from Texas, with some good bourbon stored down yonder in the cabin  
  • Zephyr – Warm, pleasant breeze. Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts.  

~~~

If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.

~~~

A couple of Rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge that was more than 1,000 feet above the river. Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the wind.  

"I don’t think I want to drive the car across this bridge," one said to the other.  

"What are you worried about?" the second replied. "It’s a rental.  

~~~

Recall it as often as you wish, a happy memory never wears out.

Libbie Fudim

~~~

"Wow, man," Timmy said. "God parted the Red Sea and let all His people through on dry ground!"

"Sorry," said the ‘biblical’ scholar. "But that wasn’t the Red Sea; it was the Reed Sea. And its water is only about one foot deep. No miracle was involved."

"Oh," said Timmy. Then, reading on a little more, he said, "Wow, man! What a miracle! God drowned all those Egyptians in one foot of water!"

~~~

Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B,

but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.

Douglas Pagels

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

May I introduce you to yourself?

Although men are accused of not knowing their own weakness, yet perhaps few know their own strength. It is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of gold which the owner knows not of.

Jonathan Swift

 

 

I have a question, if you steal writing from yourself is it plagiarism? I admit I copied the following from something I wrote sometime ago. I did it because it seems to apply to many of the people I spend time with as they lay the foundation for their future.

~~~

I have been surprised to find out how few of us know who we are. We talk about what we have done, the nature of our jobs, the schools we have attended, the size and nature of our families, but not many of us know who we really are. Too often we take for granted the very things that make us special. Things like our love of others, the joy we get from hard work, our eye for beauty, our perseverance, our loyalty, our intelligence, our wisdom, our sense of adventure, and on and on and on.

 

I spend many hours listening to people think through their lives and in almost every case we find a seed that was planted in their youth that has grown to the point that it has become their nature today. It might have been their innate friendliness, their curiosity, or some other behavior that has grown through the years and that has become so normal to them that they overlook how much it defines who they are. Of course we are the product of not just one thing but the aggregate of many things, all that add up to be who we are.

 

I honestly believe that self knowledge is the ultimate key to happiness. Unfortunately however, we think in such broad terms that we don’t see the important details. As an example, I like to travel. Cruising is travel, hiking is travel, seeing new sights is part of travel, and meeting new people is also part of the travel experience. For me I like to cruise, see new sights and meet new people, but hiking, forget it, it is not for me. It is the same for most things, we like people, who, all people? People who think the way we do? People who stimulate our interest? If I can define what I like, I can look for it.

 

One way to find out about yourself is to write down the year that you were 15 years old, and then write down the date of each year since. It might be 1955, 1956, 1957, ……., 2006, 2007. Once you have made the list spend time thinking back to that year. What were you doing? What did you like? What problems did you have? And anything else you can remember. Jot down a few notes and move on to the next year. When you are done I can almost guarantee you that you will find patterns, likes and dislikes, and more that will surprise you. It will detail who you are, and it also may very well tell you how to identify the things that give your life meaning. All you have to gain is a happier life ahead.

~~~

The most successful people are those who don’t have any illusions about who they are. They know themselves well and they can move in the direction of their best talents. They know the kind of culture they thrive in and how they can benefit from that culture. Unfortunately, most people don’t understand themselves. Most people don’t want to lose their illusions about themselves, although they say they want to take charge of their career.

Bud Bray

~~~

Little Johnny’s mother asked him what he would like for his birthday.  "I’d like a little brother," he replied.  

"Oh my, that’s such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"  

"Well," replied little Johnny, "there’s only so much I can blame on the dog."  

~~~

Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.

~~~

One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington’s Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile.  

We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents."

~~~

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic with an insomniac?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether there is a dog.

~~~

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee’s pay.

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month’s sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."

"I can’t help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."

~~~

I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

~~~

He said: My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect.  

My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?"  

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they want money!"

~~~

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Mae West

~~~

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow your own dope."

How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient.

Then I noticed the rest of her message … "Plant a man."

~~~

Sign on a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

~~~

A customer moves away from a Bank till, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. There’s nothing I can do about it now."

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you’d like to know you gave me ten dollars too much."

~~~

I just hate people who tell me what to do. What do you think I should do about them?

Lawrence

~~~

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed….

~~~

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.

Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Prepare for success

Why should we worry about what others think of us;

Do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do in our own?

Brigham Young

 

I use to define success in traditional terms. Things such as title, income, recognition, status, you know, all the usual materialistic measurement others put upon us. I don’t anymore, now I like to define success as happiness, tranquility, opportunity to do more and worry less, new friends and other things that people overlook when they critique others. It seems to me that those around us who are critics or cheerleaders are people who measure us only by their own belief systems. The sad part is that too often we succumb to their siren song. It is more important to them that we be like them than to be ourselves.

 

Sometime ago I decided that was not for me. I inventoried the things that gave me pleasure, the opportunities I had to do something meaningful, and how I could avoid the trap of being locked into a job because of salary or benefits. While I don’t think I would change anything in my life, I might have benefited even more if I had made these kinds of decisions earlier. As you have heard me say before, this is as good as I get, take me or leave me. I may miss the mark and not help as much as I might or slip-up but I promise I will continue to do my best.

 

I think I have used the following before but it is so meaningful that it is worth revisiting once in awhile.

 

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

Anonymous

~~~

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  • Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on "this" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "other side" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his "current" problems before adding "new" problems.
  • Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
  • George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
  • Donald Rumsfeld: Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
  • Anderson Cooper, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
  • John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am for it now and will remain against it.
  • Judge Judy: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
  • Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
  • Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
  • Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.
  • Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.
  • Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.
  • Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
  • John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
  • Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
  • Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The platform is much more stable and will never ever, ever reboot.
  • Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
  • Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
  • Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

~~~

I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’ make any difference.

Steven Wright

~~~

Jack hadn’t been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying,

"You look like Helen Brown."

"Well," the woman snapped back, "you don’t look so great in blue either!"

~~~

Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.

Antisthenes

~~~

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed….

~~~

Sign on a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

~~~

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow your own dope."

How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient.

Then I noticed the rest of her message … "Plant a man."

~~~

A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe, from "Faust"

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Go somewhere else!

“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”

Coretta Scott King

 

 

Open letter to the mean and spiteful:

 

I was sorry to find you on my last cruise, I had hoped that you would have avoided being with the good people that sailed with me. Sadly you came; I thought you were especially cruel when you swore at the handicapped lady who needed the reserved handicapped space that you refused to leave. It was awful to hear you tell the person that was trying to make a helpful suggestion to “go f**k yourself and mind your own business”. Don’t misunderstand the silence of your fellow passengers as being weakness, rather look at it as them resisting sinking to your level.

 

You continue to exhibit the same behavior you did in Nazi Germany in the thirties when you beat the weak and prayed upon the defenseless. You have made bullying an art form in Darfur, and everywhere else you can find those who are vulnerable. If what you do proved your worth you would not be so friendless. While you continue to blame others for your failures, you have not achieved because you don’t deserve to do so.

 

When you hate so much that there is no room in your small brain for facts it becomes easy to overlook the fact that all poor are not welfare cheaters, all immigrants are not illegal, all politicians are not crooks, and all the weak are not powerless. Strength comes from the heart and soul, not from the fist. Look at the fate of your fellow haters in Cambodia, the Balkans, and even in your own community.

 

So as the rest of us enjoy our lives, appreciate others, and live in peace and harmony you can continue to pay the price that comes from the isolation of those who serve the devil. We know how you started, you jumped in front of someone else in line, beat up the little kid, kicked the dog, and stole what you could. Please go about your business someplace else as you are not welcome here. And oh by the way, the elderly lady that you told to go f**k herself is having the day you will never have, she is happy.

~~~

“A true man hates no one.”

Napoleon Bonaparte

~~~

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock.

In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it.

‘Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?’ asked the taxi driver.

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.

‘No, sir, I have never seen you before.’

The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.

‘This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you’re a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.’

Doyle remarked, ‘This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes.’

‘There is one other thing,’ the driver said.

‘What is that?’

‘Your name is on the front of your suitcase.’

~~~

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

Beverly Sills

~~~

Funny Excerpts from Student Essays

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.  

 

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.  

 

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.  

 

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.  

 

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors.

 

In one of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.  

 

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.  

~~~

I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.

Unknown

~~~

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys standing there holding a long list.

"Excuse me," one of them explained, "we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

"Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend."

~~~

As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.

Marian Anderson

~~~

A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the blond jokes we knew; boy what a feast! Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey pal, I’m blond and I don’t like you telling all those blond jokes!"  

So I said, "Well, they’re not against you, pal, just against anyone blond."  

"My mother is blond!" He screams, and pulls out a razor.  

Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me, but luckily he couldn’t find a place to plug it in. 

~~~

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

Morrie Schwartz

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Let’s let someone else worry about it!

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”

Winston Churchill

 

One of the things that I am most grateful for is my ability to never worry until it is too late. Everyday I learn just how fortunate I am as I watch so many worry until there is no longer anything to worry about. This does not mean that I avoid defensive contingency planning if there is risk involved, but that is not the same as waiting for disaster to strike, rather it prepares one to make the best of adversity if it should happen to strike.

 

Over the years this trait has driven some people crazy. They misread lack of worry as lack of caring. One does not have to wail and moan about what might be if they face the future with the attitude that most things turn out well and those that don’t can be handled, especially if you have not wasted a lot of energy in worry. So my dear friends, do me a favor, don’t worry more than you must and then use the time you might have worried making yourself happy.

 

Don’t believe me? Then read what Ralph Marston, a pretty smart guy, has to say on the subject:

 

Most of the things you worry about are not worth the time and trouble you take to worry. And all that needless worry distracts you from other, more productive, creative and joyful things you could be doing. With every worry also comes the option to let it go.

 

You can feel the worry, see it for what it is, and then choose to immediately walk away from it. As soon as you do, your mind becomes vastly more clear and more focused. Your spirit experiences a glorious refreshment. When your mind is filled with worry, just imagine how wonderful it would be to have that heavy burden lifted clean away. Imagine it, and then choose the simple act of doing it.

 

Choose to walk away from worry, and lift that burden from yourself. In a moment, your worry can be gone. Breathe in the sweet, refreshing air of freedom, clarity and effectiveness. Walk away from worry, and walk forward with positive purpose.

~~~

“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.”

Harold Stephens

~~~

"MEMORABLE TOMBSTONES"

These are "reported" to be actual epitaphs on tombstones:

 

Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising. (Ruidoso, New Mexico)

 

Here lays Butch,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw. (Silver City, Nevada)

 

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna. (Ribbesford, England)

 

Margaret Daniels

She always said her feet were killing her

but nobody believed her. (Richmond, Virginia)

 

Anna Hopewell

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go. (Enosburg Falls, Vermont)

 

An anymous tombstone:

I was somebody.

Who, is no business

Of yours. (Stowe, Vermont)

~~~

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

~~~

I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, "Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to…"  

At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, "Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change?"  

The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang’s nephew…"

~~~

The best defense against logic is stupidity.

~~~

After several private tutorial meetings, the anthropology instructor invited the struggling student to his house to view his personal collection of artifacts.

As they entered his living room, the young woman began giggling. Pointing to an object on the mantel, she asked, "What’s That?"

"Actually," he explained, "it’s a phallic symbol used by the Australian aborigines in their fertility rites."

"Well, that’s a relief," she said. "I’d hate to tell you what it looks like."

~~~

The only lesson history has taught us is that man has not yet learned anything from history.

~~~

A man travelling on a train asked the ticket collector what time the train stopped at Victoria. "This train doesn’t stop at Victoria, its the express."

"You’re joking! I NEED to get off at Victoria!"

"Sorry sir, this train will not stop at Victoria."

"There must be something you can do."

"Well there is one thing…"

"What? Anything! I need to get off at Victoria!"

"Well, I’ll get the engineer to slow down and I’ll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"My goodness!" said the man, "Will that work?"

"It’s worth a try," replied the conductor.

The train approached the platform at 50 mph. The conductor hung the man out the door. The man started running in mid air. "Run faster!

Run faster!" the conductor shouted as he lowered the man down.

The man’s feet touched the platform, and smoke flew off his shoes. One of his heels came off; he was running for his life! Suddenly, the ticket collector let go, and the man was running at 30 mph. He has made it; he began to slow down. He was still running at 20 mph along side the train as the other passengers watched in amazement. As the last car went by, another hand grabbed the man by the shirt collar and lifted him back onto the train.

As he was being pulled into the observation car he heard a voice say, "Your lucky I was here to help you on, normally this train doesn’t even slow-down at Victoria!"

~~~

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”

Leo F. Buscaglia

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Imagine that!

“Limitations live only in our minds.

But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.”

Jamie Paolinetti

 

Here I am again sitting in front of my computer with too little time and an imagination that is filled with unintelligible possibilities. So I decided I better go back to the dailies I wrote on May 2, 2002 and 2005. Here is what I found.

 

May 2, 2002

I think they say that a little rain must fall in everyone’s life. I think we might have too many people in Central Indiana right now, since all their little rain has added up to more then we need. But then philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer tells us; “this pulling out of the imagination which I am recommending, will also forbid us to summon up the memory of past misfortune, to paint a dark picture of the injustice or harm that has been done us, the losses we have sustained, the insults, slights and annoyances to which we have been exposed, for to do that is to arouse fresh life into all those hateful passions long laid asleep — the anger and resentment which disturb and pollute our nature.” After all of that I guess a little rain never hurt anyone.

 

May 2, 2005

So, how was your weekend? Mine turned out to be pretty special. First I got this e-mail from the head of a major scientific laboratory:

Hello!  We have never met, but I think we share much in our outlook on life.   I’ve worked at CDC for 35 years.  Been married 40 years and just turned 60. I survived raising 4 sons and 1 daughter and now have 5 grandchildren I love to spoil. I went on your distribution list starting in January 2003.  I don’t think I have ever contacted you before, but for some reason today I just had to let know how much pleasure and inspiration your "daily" emails are to me … they are truly the highlight of each day.  Thanks for all your time and effort.  I don’t know how you do it.   I share many of your clips with friends and coworkers (somehow I don’t think you mind).  They often wonder where I get "all this stuff".  Keep on keeping on!  Please consider me a friend that you just haven’t met yet.

 

What is especially nice is that now he becomes more than just a name on my distribution list with a persona that only existed in my imagination. If that wasn’t enough, I also got a call from a Professor in Wisconsin who I have never met nor spoken to except via the daily, he too was no more than just a name and an imagined friend until we talked. There is more, I also got a call from a former colleague who I had not spoken to for 25 years or more, except of course through the daily. It was great to get reacquainted. Three contacts in one weekend, who could ask for anything more?

 

I know I don’t have to tell you guys know how I feel when I hear from you. Is the daily worth the effort? It sure is if it connects me to people like these, and of course you.

~~~

A half moon is better than no moon at all.

~~~

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day. He inquires of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds.  "Look, Michael, look what I’ve made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It’s a planet," replied God, "and I’ve put life on it.  I’m going to call it earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of the earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.  The Middle East over there will be a hot spot," God continued, pointing to different countries.  "This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered with ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass with oceans as it borders and said, "What’s that one?"

"Ah," said God, "that’s Florida, the most glorious place on earth.  There are beautiful beaches, rivers, lakes, and climate.  The people from Florida are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world.  They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high achieving people, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then exclaimed, "What about balance, God?  You said there would be balance!  Everyone and everything seems so totally perfect in this place you call Florida!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I’m sending down from the North every winter!"

~~~

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

~~~

She said, my husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice.  Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?"

"That’s up to you," I replied.  "There’s all kinds of food. Why don’t you pretend I’m not at home?"

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang.  I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey.  Uh..what should I feed Lily for lunch?"

~~~

People don’t injure their eyesight by looking at the bright side of things!!

~~~

Saul Epstein Was Taking An Oral Exam Applying For His Citizenship

Papers.

He Was Asked To Spell "Cultivate"

He Spelled It Correctly.

He Was Then Asked To Use The Word In A Sentence.

He Brightened Up And Said, "Last Vinter On A Very Cold Day, I Vas Vaiting For A Bus, But It Vas Too Cultivate, So I Took The Subvay Home."

~~~

The trouble with staying at home is you never find out just how good it is to get back.

~~~

Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them.

The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible."

The second guy says, "That’s nothing.  My wife thinks I’m God."

"She thinks you’re God?  What makes you say that?"

"Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."

~~~

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

~~~

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn’t seem very nice."

"Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 5000 hours of community service?"

~~~

I went to a restaurant that serves -breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright

~~~

Think About This!  

* Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper: It doesn’t permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.  

* Live as you wish your kids would.  

* Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.  

* Love is like a rose. You have to see past the thorns to appreciate its beauty.   

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.  

* Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.  

* No job is so simple that it can’t be messed up.  

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.  

* Support bacteria–they’re the only culture some people have.  

* The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip.  

* You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.  

~~~

Those who love deeply never grow old;

They may die of old age,

But they die young.

A.W. Pinero

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

It’s May Day

The world’s favorite season is the spring.

All things seem possible in May.

Edwin Way Teale

 

I don’t think there are any May poles left any more to provide us the excuse for song and dance in celebration of spring, but there should be. I sometimes think that our lives have become so complicated that we no longer have time for the pure pleasure of simply enjoying each other and that which is around us. Where I live there are flowers in bloom, trees in blossom and the sweet smell of spring in the air. The only thing that is missing are the children outside in play and adults leisurely basking in the warmth that has been offered us to share. At least you and I can enjoy it together; I just wish it was not limited to our imagination and that we could do it in person.

~~~

Now is the month of Maying,

When merry lads are playing.

Fa la la…

Each with his bonny lass,

upon the greeny grass.

Fa la la…

The Spring clad all in gladness,

Doth laugh at winter’s sadness.

Fa la la…

Thomas Morley

~~~

I guess it was not much different in 2002 since this is what I wrote in the daily on May Day.

Today is May Day, one of the oldest holidays on the calendar.

 

The ancient Romans celebrated it with a festival of thanksgiving to the flower goddess, Flora – they scattered flower petals in the streets. I tried that and got arrested for littering.

 

The Celts built bonfires to ward off evil spirits. Tried that too, got arrested for illegal burning.

 

In medieval England, whole villages would turn out to go "a-maying," paying homage to their local May Queen, and dancing around a maypole. I was going to try that but none of my wife’s dresses fit me.

~~~

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

Fred Astaire

~~~

Dentist: "Try to relax. I’ll pull that aching tooth in five minutes."

Patient: "How much will this cost?"

Dentist: "It’ll be $100."

Patient: "That much for just five minutes work?"

Dentist: "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."

~~~

The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~~~

Feeling Stressed?

Picture yourself near a stream …Birds are chirping softly in the crisp, cool mountain air … Nothing can bother you here … No one knows this secret place … You are in total seclusion from that place called The World … The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity … The water is clear … You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water …

There now … Feeling better?

~~~

Don’t cry because it’s over: smile because it happened.

~~~

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment – shave, manicure, haircut,etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

"I’m goin’ to buy a  tie to wear to the party," he said.

"I’ll be backin a few minutes."

When the boy’s haircut was done and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn’t my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’"

~~~

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.”

Joan Rivers

~~~

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet"?

"Two days ago."

"Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer."

"What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college"?

"At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what’s he taking in college"?

"He’s taking every penny I make."

"Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough"?

"He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all"?

"Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"

~~~

We may pass violets looking for roses.

We may pass contentment looking for victory.

Bern Williams

~~~

She said: After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" I asked confused.

"Umm, he’s in the shower," she responded.

"Would you please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and immediately hung up.

When he didn’t return the call, I angrily dialled again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"Like Hell you are!" I exclaimed. "You’re not my boyfriend!"

"Lady, I know that," he replied. "That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

~~~

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.

~~~

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Customer: "You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won’t boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside."

~~~

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

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