Ray's musings and humor

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”



Yesterday we talked about stress and non-medical stress relievers such as getting away and having fun. When you think about it our stress reliever tips can be used at other times. Times like, “I have had it up to here”, “I am bored to death” or “Talk about the blahs I have them big time.” It is times like these when we need to break out and kick our heels for awhile. The good news we really don’t have to wait until to we are so far down that that it has hard to get back up. Here are symptoms that were put together by author Suzanne Falter-Barns.


Sure Signs That You Need a Retreat

Do any of these sound familiar? If so, chances are you need a retreat soon or even, like … NOW. You be the judge. And remember – a retreat is actually just what most of us overscheduled souls actively need.


1. You snarl at family members a little too easily.

2. You keep fantasizing about mindless activities, like folding socks, just so you’ll have some down time.

3. You find yourself forgetting important details, getting lost, or mixed up over how to do things.

4. You are overwhelmed with tiredness.

5. Things that used to be fun seem more like a burden now.

6. You’re missing something in life, but you’re not sure what.

7. You need to make large changes but you’re not sure where to start.

8. You have a pressing need to be alone.

9. You’re having trouble meditating.

10. You craving natural beauty and fresh air.

11. Your life seems boring and somewhat hopeless.

12. You’ve lost touch with friends and have no idea how to make reconnection again.

13. You know you need to leave for a while, but you’re not sure how or why.

14. You feel a need to celebrate the onset of a new season, the equinox, or just plain life.

15. You want to make plans, set goals, and visualize your future, but you know you need to take a break to do it.


The bottom line is too recognize the symptoms as soon as possible. Early detection makes the cure less difficult. Falter-Barnes recommends a retreat; retreats are great if you have one you can get to. An alternative to a retreat is to get away for awhile. If you can’t do that pick a few things off yesterdays list and do them three times a day until you are back to your normal smiling, happy self. If you are not cured in a reasonable time, take two aspirins, and e-mail me in the morning and I’ll put you on my “better get better or else the bad guys will get you” list.


 “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Maria Robinson


Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  • Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on "this" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "other side" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his "current" problems before adding "new" problems.
  • Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
  • George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
  • Donald Rumsfeld: Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
  • Anderson Cooper, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
  • John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am for it now and will remain against it.
  • Judge Judy: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
  • Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
  • Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
  • Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.
  • Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.
  • Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.
  • Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
  • John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
  • Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
  • Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The platform is much more stable and will never ever, ever reboot.
  • Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
  • Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
  • Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?


"I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"  

Paul Merton


Scott and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant."

"How did you answer that last one?" asked Scott. "I thought it was tough at first … then I thought of Superintendent."

"I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."


"I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain


In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and a clock. I told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.

A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom clocks had not been reset. I asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, "It is exactly ten o’watch."


“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.

Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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