Ray's musings and humor

We shall return

"Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers.

The mind can never break off from the journey."

Pat Conroy

 

 

Notice

The dailies staff, Managing Editor (Ray), Head Writer (Ray), Layout Designer (Ray) and Circulation Manager (Ray), is currently packing to leave for a couple of weeks on the high seas with a few stops in Western Europe. This afternoon will be spent cleaning the presses, forwarding the phones, arraigning for security, and taking care of other housekeeping items. The Daily will reappear in a few weeks, prepared by a revitalized staff.

~~~

Yep, I am packing up to go across the bounding main to visit Ireland, England, France, Belgium, ending up in the Netherlands. This will be my first time in Ireland and we will hang out in Cork. The balance of the trip will be to countries I have visited before, but this time I am skipping the big cities, no Paris, no London, and no Brussels. Rather I will be touring the country sides with some visits to smaller towns and villages.

 

All that will be rewarding but I expect the highlight of the trip will be the people I meet and the new friends I make. This will be my 25th cruise and I expect as always it will be the fond memories of the people I have met along the way that will linger. Of course days filled with rest, no demands, lots of reading, good food and entertainment, and big winnings at the ships casino make the trip even better.

 

So my friends, wherever you are in the world I expect you to:

·         Be kind

·         Smile a lot

·         Have fun

·         Do something you never have before

·         And only get into minor trouble

 

If you feel a warm glow during the day you’ll know it is just me giving mental hugs. See you when I get back. Ray

~~~

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain

~~~

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker’s technical support line for assistance…

Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?

Customer: There’s smoke coming from the power supply on my computer…

Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply…

Customer: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files…

Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it…

Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command…

For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician’s efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded…

Technician: I’m sorry. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there’s an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem…

Customer: I knew it!

Technician: Just add the line ‘LOAD NOSMOKE.DLL’ at the end of the CONFIG file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes…

About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer…

Customer: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking…

Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using?

Customer: Windows XP…

Technician: Well, that’s your problem. That version of Windows doesn’t include NOSMOKE. You’ll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out…

When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again…

Customer: I need a new power supply…

Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?

Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply…

Technician: What did he tell you?

Customer: He said my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE…

~~~

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Emo Philips

~~~

Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.  

Judge: And why is that?  

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case.  

Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant’s motion?  

Public Defender: I’m sorry, Your Honor, what did you say?  

~~~

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself."

Peter da Silva

~~~

Shirley:  They say that with age comes wisdom.

Mary:  Maybe; but since impotence and incontinence also come with age, it hardly seems like a fair trade-off.

~~~

The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.

Benjamin Disraeli

~~~

Reasons to Go to Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"  

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.  

3. "I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."  

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.  

5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.  

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.  

7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.  

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.  

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.  

10. No one steals your chair.  

11. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.  

~~~

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age." Robert Frost

~~~

A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.

"Speak!" she said to the dog.

The dog says, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!"

~~~

"If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home."

James Michener

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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