Ray's Daily

“If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.”

Nadine Stair

I get confused sometimes. For example the courts say that we cannot limit spending on political speech because that would be an infringement on free speech. So that means the more money I get the more free speech I can buy. If free speech cost money how can it be free? So if I can’t afford much free speech I guess I will have less chance of being heard. I guess that means that some of us are more fee to speak than others. Go figure.

And another thing, all my life they told me that April showers bring May flowers. Since there are flowers in bloom all over right now, is it really May? Is this one of those spring saving things where we were supposed to move the calendar forward a month? If it is I wish they would of told me and at what time and on what day to do it. I sometimes think life is getting too complicated.

Thank goodness that others can at least help me plan the next 30 days no matter what month it is, as this is:

Multicultural Communication Month – Talk to a young person learn about other cultures. Maybe if we knew more about theirs we would better understand whatever it is they are trying to say.

National Anxiety Month – I find it difficult sometimes to limit my anxiety to only one month a year and let me tell you that makes me real nervous.

National Fresh Celery Month – Does this mean they expect us to eat wilted celery the rest of the year, I’ll tell you right now I am not going to do that.

National Humor Month – This is serious, there is nothing funny about honoring humor.

National Occupational Therapy Month – Since I have no occupation you can have my appointment.

National Weight Loss Month – I would really appreciate it if you would not tell my wife about this one, she is on my case enough already.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month – I am not sure at my age if something like that happened if I should angry or grateful, in any case if it ever happened I think I would be aware. Other than that sexual assault is not funny at all and can destroy the victim for life, we owe it to everyone to keep our communities as safe as we can.

So my friends no matter what the calendar may say, this month is our month, let’s do some good, have some fun, and enjoy our lives. And like Nadine suggested let’s kick of our shoes and dance, I’ll meet you at the merry-go-round, I’ll be the guy with the bouquet of Daisies.

~~~

“Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

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Laws of Life

Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

~~~

A wise man once said, "If you want to watch the world passing you by, just try driving the speed limit."

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona.

"It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction.

"The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"

~~~

Sometimes being in the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

~~~

Ten Signs You Have Nothing To Do At Work

10. You have developed Repetitive Stress Disorder from playing Solitare.

9. You’ve actually figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.

8. People only come to your office to borrow pencils from the ceiling.

7. In an effort to exercise your creative side you knit a computer cozy.

6. You create an on-going email dialog with your computer at home.

5. No longer content with merely photo-copying your butt, you now scan it and enhance it using Photoshop.

4. After months of taking frequent breaks, you now only require a single can of coke to belch the names of all seven dwarves.

3. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.

2. The 18-hole 3 par mini-golf course in your office.

1. The 4th Division of Paper Clips has overrun the Push pin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish.

~~~

Failure seldom stops you; what stops you is the fear of failure.

Jack Lemmon

~~~

This scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg, South Africa and London, England. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air hostess.

"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."

The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in the First Class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy Class to sit in the First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone sooooo disgusting."

She turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class."

~~~

“No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.”

Amelia Earhart

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.