Ray's musings and humor

Come laugh with me!

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Victor Borge



Just a quick note: I am more than willing to testify anyplace at anytime without hesitation. That is as long as you don’t make me promise to tell the truth.


We have been too serious lately. It has gotten to the point where we need to remind ourselves of the medicinal purpose of the daily. You know, using humor and laughter as an antidote to all the negative stuff people and things lay upon us each day. If we all laugh hard enough we will probably be able to blow away the storm clouds and enjoy more sunshine in our lives.


Here are some thoughts on the subject from author Robert Holden.


How wonderful it is to laugh! Instinctively, we know that there is something magical, nourishing and uplifting about laughter, particularly the warm, whole-hearted laughter that arises spontaneously between friends, loved ones and even occasionally a stranger.


Physicians, philosophers and priests of all cultures have forever acknowledged the healing properties of laughter, a happy frame of mind and a joyful heart. In the Bible, for instance, it is written, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22). I like the words, in particular of Jonathan Swift who wrote, "The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman".


Two thoughts: 1) "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed, 2) "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they will never cease to be amused". The greatest happiness of all is to know that happiness needs no reason. Indeed, "Laughter needs no reason. A smile needs no reason. Love needs no reason. Kindness needs no reason. They are gifts for free – life’s true treasures."


Children are often happy without reason – it is a part of their charm. Often you can catch a child laughing for the fun of laughing, smiling for the sake of smiling, playing happily with happiness. It both amuses and saddens me to think that, when a child laughs for no reason at all we think it wonderful, but when an adult laughs for no reason at all we immediately fear for his or her health! The point is, who ever said happiness needs a reason?


Give up all thoughts that happiness needs a reason. Practice "unreasonable happiness." Laugh for no reason – it will entertain everyone! Smile for no reason – smiling always triggers curiosity.


What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.

Yiddish Proverb


Rules for Driving in New York City

* When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.  

* Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.  

* The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.  

* Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.  

* Always look both ways when running a red light.  

* Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in. (Truest of All)  

* Making eye contact revokes your right of way.  

* Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.  


The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject.

Marcus Aurelius


"I hope I don’t sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: ‘How can I get in on that?’"

Dave Barry


After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check. In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.  

"Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?"  

"Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap." 


"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

Mark Twain


A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."

When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."

Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"


Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Anne Frank


The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball.

"I can’t play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.

"Why not?" the doctor asked.

"Because," she replied, "He can’t throw, duh."


A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

William A. Ward


He said: As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed into a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.

"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.


No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.


The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.  

"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.  

"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. It’s always for you."  


"If we can learn to laugh unconditionally,

our happiness too will become unconditional."

Dr. Madan Kataria


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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