Ray's musings and humor

So Tired…..

“I wasn’t really asleep I was just meditating on unconsciousness.”



I spent most of the day today at the Indiana Heart Center getting a Cardiac Echo test, waiting for the results and then meeting with my heart doc. I have experienced unusual fatigue lately and Doctor Dave wanted to make sure my always leaking heart was not leaking too much. The results were good my “whatever” was within normal range, the “stuff” was functioning properly and my heart was not bleeding any more than it normally does. I forget the medical term for what was the final diagnosis; it was something like “you’re tired.”


I would try to get more naps but I already use up a big part of my day “meditating on unconsciousness.” So maybe it is just my chronic iron deficiency (in the old days we called it tired blood.) If that is the cause I will soon be cured as I go into the hospital next week for my periodic infusion of iron. It takes just a couple of hours and I usually feel real good afterwards, the only side effect being an unusual attraction to magnets.


I hope I am not banking energy only to have it all unleashed at once. I can barley stand myself at normal levels, I would be just awful if I exploded with unbridled enthusiasm.


When we sleep, sleep, sleep.

Are promises made that we always keep.

And imagined fears make it easy to weep.

And forbidden pleasures we dare not reap.

When we sleep, sleep, sleep…

Gregory Dent


A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.

As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee.

The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?"

The man says, "Two would be fine."

She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" She asks.

The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don’t think so!"


A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

John A. Shedd


Some Hollywood Squares quotes I don’t think I’ve seen before…

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?  

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.  

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.  

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes!  

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?  

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.  

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?  

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.  

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?  

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.  

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can’t Get Enough"?  

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.  

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?  

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries!  

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?  

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.  

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?  

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.  

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?  

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.  

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?  

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.  

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?  

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.   

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?  

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.  

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?  

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?  

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  

A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.  

Q. Jackie Gleason reported that he firmly believes in them and has already seen them on at least 2 occasions.  

A. Charley Weaver:  His feet.  


"I recently went to the 30th reunion of my preschool.

I didn’t want to go because I’ve put on, like, 100 pounds!"

Wendy Liebman


My colleagues and I recently received this email from the facilities department: "Due to construction, your office may be either cooler or warmer than usual on Tuesday. Please dress accordingly."  


Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.



From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot.  

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw pair a of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully step stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.  

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.  

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his sewn into his forehead.  


Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.



Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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