Ray's musings and humor

A toast!

I’ve had the same, full-time assistant and typist for eight or nine years now. She’s read everything I’ve written, she types everything and does a good job, translates it and makes comments.

Kevin J. Anderson



I have noticed as time has gone by just how important anyone is who has assistant attached to their title, you know, they are the assistant waiters, assistant managers, assistant-to-the-presidents, teacher assistants, doctor’s assistants, and the hundreds of other kinds of assistants out there. They are everywhere and thank god that they are for it is they who do much of the good work that benefits us all. As an example, I cruise often and will again next week and if you have cruised you know it is the assistant-waiter that gives you personal service, has your favorite drink ready before you sit down and is always ready to do whatever needs to be done. I could give hundreds of other stories about these good people, the assistants but since I know each of you can find your own example I won’t. Sadly, as often as not the assistant is still the assistant because she or he is too valuable to promote to something else of course some just love their jobs for they get to do something important.


Over the years I have had many so called assistants but they were so much more than that. They have been my friends, colleagues, partnesr, and also sometimes a few were surrogate mothers making sure that I was where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to do, at the time I was supposed to be there. These special people were as responsible for any contributions I made as I was. Some have remained friends for decades and I love them all, yes, even the guys.


If the truth be known many of the assistants don’t even have the title of assistant, they just stay behind the scenes and do the work. I’ll let you in on a secret, go back there and spend some time with them, they are a lot more fun, appreciate you more, and are a lot less stuffy than most of the people they assist.


So join me as I raise a New Year’s glass and toast the assistants of the world for it is they who make it work. And next time you get a chance thank them for what they do since sadly far too many of us never pay any attention to them +and are too quick to thank someone else for the results of their work.


“The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.”

Helen Keller


She said:

People don’t like to look dumpy in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow’s-feet, lop off the love handles.

So I wasn’t surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take 30 pounds off me?" until she added, "And put it on my sister?"


Bill once told me that his marriage was secure. "My wife would never file for divorce from me. She’d never do anything to make me that happy!"


For new fathers, or anyone thinking about becoming a father, you must learn these WORDS OF WISDOM:

Don´t ask me, ask your mother.

Close the door. Were you raised in a barn?

Who said life was supposed to be fair.

This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

You call that noise "music"?

No, we´re not there yet.

As long as you live under my roof, you´ll live by my rules.

Because I said so. That´s why.

Do what I say, not what I do.

So you think you´re smart, do you?

If I´ve told you once, I´ve told you a thousand times.

You want something to do? I´ll give you something to do.

I´m not just talking to hear my own voice!

What do you think I am, a bank?

I don´t care what other people are doing! I´m not everybody else´s father!

Enough is enough!

Don´t make me stop the car!


I’d like to go to an assertiveness training class.  First I need to check with my wife.

Adam Christing


Retirement Center Pickup Lines

"What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like…where exactly are we again?"

"Yes, I’m 92… but I have the body of a 78-year-old."

"Your beautiful blue eyes are like limpid sapphire pools. Your blue hair, too."

"Hey babe, looking for a good time? How’s about coming home with me and…Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z."


"Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow."

Douglas Pagels


In the Admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms.

An elderly woman, obviously not sure of where she should be, hesitatingly entered my cubicle.  She had completed the admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards.  I typed the necessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital.

"I’m here to just visit a friend," she said, "but all this has taken so long, I’m not sure I have the time now!"


The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.


The officer pulled me over for speeding.  I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.

But rather than letting me off, he wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said, "Congratulations.  The first year is paper, right?"


The only people to get even with are those who have helped you.


On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.


Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?

A. Because…. A lot of men are stupid, but very few are blind


May your walls know joy;

May every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility.

Maryanne Radmacher-Hershey


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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