Ray's musings and humor

Archive for November, 2006

Let’s shake hands

The single clenched fist lifted and ready,

Or the open asking hand held out and waiting.

Choose:

For we meet by one or the other.

Carl Sandburg

 

 

How sad it is that so many of us miss the person who is at the end of the hand ready to be held. Either we drive them away with a fist held in anger or we wait forever for them to grab our hand and make contact. I had lunch with a friend today and we talked about all the wonderful people we have met, many who have become friends, and the interesting ways we first me them and in most cases it happened because we offered our hand.

 

In her case she recently lectured at a University about life choices and a student stopped her later to let her know how meaningful what she had said was to him. It happened because she reached out by her offering her wisdom to others. My new friend from China has some difficulty with English and is too shy to physically reach out yet she does so all the time by offering a flashing smile.

 

I often think that those who are always ready to reach out will find a way to do so and that they will reap the rewards that life has to offer us all. I know how fortunate I am that I have met so many truly special people who have added luster to my life. I know I appreciate how so many of you offered your hand to me, many only via the magic of electronics, others by our staying close and still other by the things we do together. But in all cases we connected and that began something more.

 

I never want to withhold my hand again for fear that I might miss someone who would enrich my life. If things go wrong I can live with that, but if things go wrong because I withheld my hand I would have trouble living with that.

~~~

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.

It’s not.

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Bill: How do you like my poetry?

Phil: It could be worse!

Bill: That’s a heck of a thing to say!

Phil: Okay, okay — it couldn’t be worse!

~~~

She said: I’m so out of shape that whenever I go to the beach, all the men dress me with their eyes.

~~~

"Tips For Working Hard"

–from George Costanza & Kramer

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss – and you *will* get caught – your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there – it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn’t involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it". If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" – a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George Costanza of ‘Seinfeld’, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.9:35pm, 7:05am, etc…) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed

8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc… You can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

* MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

~~~

Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made.

Otto von Bismarck

~~~

"Ahhhh, Sean," said Micheal McStain, "how’d ye be comin’ by that glorious black eye, me lad?"

Sean O’Malley shook his head and replied, "’Tis the damndest thing. I was over at Molly’s house, dancin’ with the lovely lass, when her father walked in."

"An’ old Master Callahan is thinkin’ that dancin’ is an evil thing, cured by a black eye, is that it?"

"Na, na, Micheal. The old man’s deaf, an’ couldn’t hear th’ music."

~~~

Knowing what’s right from wrong can be difficult, but here’s a foolproof way to tell.

If the thought "could I get caught" runs though your mind . . . its wrong!

~~~

She said: Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won’t hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit.  

Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?"  

Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville."  

~~~

Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

What did he say?

“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”

Richard Moss

 

 

I had the good fortune to hear an old acquaintance speak about luck at a meeting I attended this morning. He made many points about how we can improve our “luck.” His point that struck me the most was — pay attention and you might become lucky enough to recognize opportunity when you see it.

 

I could especially relate to how we are often so committed to what we want to say to someone that we look for the opportunity to interrupt and say what we want him to hear, too busy too even hear what is being said to us. While hopefully none of us drop out quite that far I would suspect too many of us are so concerned about our ability to impress or sell that we miss hearing something that would bring us together. Is it really luck that some find success more often than others or is it due in part to the winners paying attention? In my case I have found feeding back to the speaker my understanding of what they said does three things:

  1. The speaker can correct me if I got what was said wrong.
  2. If I often miss what is being said I can work to become more attentive.
  3. And probably most important of all when we agree on what was said we can move forward together to what might be unsaid otherwise.

 

Another of his points was to get out of our ruts. We can drive home via a different route on occasion, we can do things we have never done before and understand the value of keeping our mind open to alternatives. We will never break new ground if we never move out of our comfort zone. And I would add – don’t hibernate. Too many of us get so comfortable in the status quo that the world passes us by without our even noticing. When that happens, more often than not, we wonder why others are so much luckier than we are.

 

His last lesson was telling us not to get hung up on fairness. While we should always be fair we need to understand that the world often isn’t. Too many of us waste time complaining about our bad luck that was the result of being treated unfairly. We can spend time agonizing about it or even striking out, but while we are the “lucky” ones will have picked themselves up brushed themselves off and moved on. Bottom line, if you want to be lucky you can be, if you want an excuse for failure you can chalk it up to bad luck, but trust me few will lend a sympathetic ear.

~~~

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

Seneca

~~~

Andy Rooney’s tips for telemarketers

Three Little Words That Work !!

(1) The three little words are: "Hold On, Please…"

Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company’s "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it’s time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!

(3) Junk Mail Help:

When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before! the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

~~~

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

~~~

Speaking of luck, she said: I was shopping with my husband at a local supermarket and suddenly couldn’t find him. "I’ve lost my husband!" I muttered slightly louder than was necessary.

Then I heard a woman’s voice from the next aisle: "Some people have all the luck."

~~~

In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands

~~~

He said: A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup’s head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn’t know they had to be baptized."

~~~

You know you’re growing older when … You begin to realize that your parents were right, after all!

~~~

I’m in a hurry today. I have to answer the email I got from Mrs. Moobooro Nambito, who is the wife of a prominent politician in some African country. She just so happens to need help funneling tens of millions of dollars that her husband gave her to hide–right before the populace tore him to shreds because he stole all their money and resources.  

Anyway, she needs help embezzling the funds to the States and is willing to pay handsomely anyone who lets her use their bank account. This is going to be the easiest money I ever made!  

~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~

The other day, I had to make a call to the telephone company. Something was wrong with my bill. I dialed the number listed, and was astonished. I got the strangest recording. It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."

~~~

Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.

R.E. Shay

~~~

When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a Prague ophthalmologist. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ.  

"Can you read that?" the doctor asked.  

"Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his sister."  

~~~

Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

You are today’s VIP

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

Josh Billings

 

 

Sleep, pain pills, sleep, and more sleep and now I am recovering fast from what the docs think may have been a pinched nerve. I don’t want you to think that just because my computer did the daily for me yesterday that my day was wasted. Besides moaning and groaning I did a little thinking and I am glad I did. Here is what I learned:

 

A few weeks ago I told the president of an organization that I belong to that I did not want to take on any responsibility where I was important. I have changed my mind I want to do important work I just do not want to take on anything were I am critical to the success of others. I am concerned that my frequent travels and occasional bouts of ill health make me an unreliable partner. What got me thinking about this was the presumption that there was anything I could do that would make me more important than anyone else. When you get down to it almost everything people do is important.

 

I know I would lose something if we were not friends and that makes you important to me. The lady who checked me out at the grocery store and bagged my groceries the other day did me an important service. Some of us concentrate so much on what we believe to be our own importance that we overlook just how important the work of others is to our well being.

 

One of the most important persons I know is my trash hauler, I would hate to have to collect my trash, load it in my car and drive it to a dump. I am fortunate that an efficient good man comes by once a week and does that for me. Some may think it is no big deal because if he didn’t do it someone else would, but the truth is they don’t do it, he does. And it is pretty presumptuous to believe that one person’s job is more important than another’s, just think what the world would be like if everyone stopped doing what they were doing. I am awe struck by the great thinkers of our time, but I am dependent on my druggist, mailman, the clerks who serve me and many others. If the truth be known they do a lot more for me than I do for them. And then of course there are the most important people, those we love and care about, they enrich our lives, can anyone be more important than they are? So, yes I want to be important, but important only because of what I do for others not because I am anything special.

~~~

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.

Frederick Buechner

~~~

Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"  

1st customer: "I’ll have tea."  

2nd customer: "Me, too.  And be sure the glass is clean!"  

(Waiter exits, returns)  

Waiter: Two teas.  "Which one asked for the clean glass?"  

~~~

If you think things improve with age you have never attended a class reunion.

~~~

A man, exiting a grocery store, was very surprised when a rather good-looking and perky young lady greeted him cheerfully by saying, "Good evening!" Her face was beaming. At least she was smiling until he gave her that "Who are you?" look. He couldn’t remember having ever seen her before.

Then, she obviously realized that a mistake had been made and apologized. She explained, "Oh, I’m so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the father of one of my children." She walked on her way into the store.

The man was left staring dumbfounded after her. More than a bit puzzled, he thought to himself, "What is the world coming to, an attractive woman who doesn’t even keep track of what the father of her children look like. "However, he was also a bit flattered that he might resemble one of her former suitors. But, also hoped that nobody overheard her saying that she mistook him for being the father of one of her children. A bit panicked, he then thought, "Could I possibly have forgotten a relationship?" "Could it be that I really fathered a child?"

Still stunned, he walked to his car.

He did not know, of course, that she was a fifth-grade teacher at a local elementary school.

~~~

"It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through."

Zig Ziglar

~~~

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter’s swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turned red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor turns around and faces the window and silently watches the horizon.

The mother becomes enraged and screams, "Doctor, would you please quit looking out the window! Aren’t you paying *any* attention to me at all?"

"Yes, of course I’m paying attention, ma’am. It’s just that… the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they’d show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Umm, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?"

She yells at the top of her lungs, "No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

At the top of his lungs, he responds, "What do you mean $200?"

~~~

Which of my enemies told you I was paranoid?

~~~

When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it’s my boss’s idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

~~~

If you want the last word in an argument, say, "You’re right."

~~~

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

~~~

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Oh, Oh – Ray’s away today.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

Maurice Chevalier

 

 

MEMO: Ray is having some minor medical problems today so please excuse him for not writing a new daily. I have taken the liberty of sending you one he wrote a few years ago.

Sincerely,

Ray’s Computer

PS His problem appears to be orthopedic (old bones) but I would appreciate it if you would keep that to yourself, I would prefer he did not know I told you.

 

First published on

November 9, 2004

 

It was on this day in 1965 that New Yorkers rediscovered romance. It was the night that the Great Northeast Blackout began at the height of rush hour, delaying millions of commuters, trapping 800,000 people in New York’s subways, and stranding thousands more in office buildings, elevators, and trains. Altogether, 30 million people in eight U.S. states and the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Quebec were affected by the blackout. During the night, power was gradually restored to the blacked-out areas, and by morning power had been restored throughout the Northeast. Rumor has it that there were record births nine months later.

~~~

I am not sure that I need further reminders off just how fast time flies, but it is had to believe that 15 years ago today German citizens began to demolish the Berlin Wall, which had separated East Germany from West Germany since 1961.

It really hits home when the events of my childhood are looked on as ancient history by so many. Nostalgia has its place; I just prefer it when dates are not attached to some of my memories. The good thing for me is that I seem to have selective memory; I remember the good stuff but can’t remember the other stuff. My life could not possibly be that good.

~~~

The "good old times" — all times when old are good.

~ Lord Byron ~

~~~

It’s the Law!

In Oblong, Illinois, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you — or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown — if they’re nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you’re safe from the law!)

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it’s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

It’s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren’t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio — a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn’t!"

~~~

No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.

Calvin Coolidge

~~~

Three blondes had just bought a can of Pepsi One and were anxious to try it for the first time.

So the first blonde opened the can and then the second blonde poured it into three glasses.

The third blonde eyed the three glasses suspiciously and said, "I wonder which one has the calorie?"

~~~

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."

~~  Mother Teresa of Calcutta  ~~

~~~

Ways to Deal With Stress

When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.

Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.

~~~

You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance.

~~~

Soon after marriage, Terri’s  husband, Colby stopped wearing his wedding ring.  Terri asked, "Why don’t you ever wear your wedding band?"

Colby replied, "It cuts off my circulation."

Terri answered back, "It’s supposed to!"

~~~

Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to?

~~~

Laws Of Slow People

1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don’t know each other.

2. They drive side by side, too.  If they can’t find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.

3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.

4. Slow people drift sideways, so they will block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people, or vehicles, are trying to get around the slow people at the same time,  the slow people drift into the path of the one who is moving  at the highest speed.

5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you’ll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

~~~

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

~~~

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey…."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn’t fit, you must ! acquit!"

10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there??????"

~~~

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

~~~

I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy.  Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn’t speak.  The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don’t worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it’s not a dangerous procedure."

"You’re right. I’m being silly," I said, "Please continue."

"Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"

~~~

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

I hope…..

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

Albert Einstein

 

 

The elections in the US are over at last. The results are in and we will soon embark on a new era built on our return to divided government. It is now time to make a choice, to continue to govern on the basis of acrimonious animosity or to establish a civil government that works together for the benefit of all. While many of our elected officials may wish to continue to behave as they have in the past, my hope is that they will have heard the people as they expressed there displeasure with the way things have been.

 

I hope we can work together to build a better world for all. I hope that we will do all that is needed to nurture our children so that they can do a better job than we have. I hope that we learn to see people as people and not as strangers to be avoided. I hope that we can find a way for the innocent in all lands to find peace. I hope that you and yours will prosper in a society built on mutual cooperation and success. And I hope that you will be able to enjoy a worry free future, in good health, with a wealth of friends and a dearth of enemies.

~~~

Hope abides; therefore I abide.

Countless frustrations have not cowed me.

I am still alive, vibrant with life.

The black cloud will disappear,

The morning sun will appear once again

In all its supernal glory.

 

Sri Chinmoy

~~~

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed  the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.  

"Hello."  

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.  

"Yes," whispered the small voice.  

"May I talk with him?"  

The child whispered, "No." Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"  

"Yes."  

"May I talk with her?"  

Again the small voice whispered, "No."  

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"  

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."  

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"  

"No, he’s busy", whispered the child.  

"Busy doing what?"  

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.  

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is  that noise?"  

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.  

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.  

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."  

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"  

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME!"  

~~~

If you want to build a ship, don’t herd people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

~~~

Also known as ‘women’s intuition,’ this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than they do. Why is this?

In the early 80’s researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnected pieces. That, and they go through your stuff while you’re in the shower.

~~~

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son’s room, Jill finally laid down the law:

Each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. By the end of the week, he owed her $9.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50 cent tip and a note that read, "Thanks, Mom – Keep up the good work!"

~~~

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

Mohandas K. Gandhi

~~~

One day a co-worker told my friend, Steve, that she was going home early because she didn’t feel well. Since Steve was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn’t something he had given her.

A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."

~~~

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.

Anne Lamott

~~~

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"  

"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"  

"Oh, that’s okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don’t mind answering the question."  

"I object!" the defense said again.  

"No, really," said the blonde. "I’ll answer."  

The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."  

So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"  

The blonde replied brightly, "I don’t know!"  

~~~

We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

~~~

Good News

  • The parachute company says you’ll get a full refund.
  • They say the house didn’t float very far at all.
  • The "National Enquirer" just loved those pictures of you at work.
  • Jerry Springer wants to surprise you on his show.
  • The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.
  • The insurance pays the full book value ($312) for your 1956 T Bird.
  • The thieves left the push lawn mower and hedge trimmers.
  • Those Grand Juries always over-react.  Don’t worry about it.

~~~

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

Dorothy Thompson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

We let it get this way!

“Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.”

Franklin Pierce Adams

 

 

I opened the door a little while ago and was surprised by the unpredicted gale winds. It was then that I realized it was not the wind but rather the combined sigh of relief from so many of my neighbors that the US Elections would soon be over. In a way it is sad that the very cornerstone of our democracy, our ability to elect those who will represent us, has deteriorated into a process that has angered so many. My friends and neighbors complain bitterly about the vitriolic partisanship displayed by what seems to be the extremes of our society in their campaign ads. I am hoping that the anger will result in sustained interest by the engaged middle.

 

There is far too much at stake in the years ahead for us to allow our future to be determined by extremists who value power over the welfare of the people. Sadly the campaign season will begin anew tomorrow with our congressional candidates beginning to raise funds in order to inundate us again in two years with slurs, innuendos, half-truths and outright lies. That is, they will if we continue to tolerate the status quo. Let the middle rise up and say loudly that enough is enough. It is time for the people to recapture the process and to release our representatives from a system that requires them to prostitute themselves in order to survive. It is time that we demand statesmanship and then to reward the statesmen.

 

I heard on the radio today that a recent poll said that almost forty percent of our citizens have doubts that their ballot will be counted fairly. What has happened to us? It seems to me that we can no longer sit idly by and let things continue the way they are. We need to work at the polls and not turn over the responsibility to others. We need to take an interest in what our elected representatives do all the time, not just once every two years. We need to work to eliminate gerrymandering. We need to get involved in those primary elections that allow the few to elect our officials in order to protect incumbent seniority.

 

When we look away we have no right to expect anything more than what we get. Let us hope that today marks a new beginning, a day when people like you and me decided that there is something we can do, and that we will no longer leave ours and our children’s destiny to those who place their own welfare over that of the people. I hope you voted if you are in the US, but only if you knew who you were voting for and why.

~~~

“People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote – a very different thing.”

Walter H. Judd

~~~

Grandma Levy, always a regular synagogue member had finally talked her cousin, a woman who had lived a riotous, free life, into joining the Temple. "Tell me Rabbi," the old lady asked, "Do you feel that my cousin will have her sins forgiven after all those years?"

"Yes I do. I’m positive of it. You must remember that the greater the number of sins, the greater the glory."

"Really Rabbi?" the old lady replied thoughtfully. "I sure do wish I’d known that fifty years ago."

~~~

He said: At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."

~~~

There was a major sale at Victoria’s Secret and the guy wanted to get his girl some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with women for this big sale and before he knew it, he was pushed and shoved by frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise. He remained calm for as long as he could, then bowed his head and pushed hard and effectively and plowed through the crowd of women.

"Hey you!" an angry female voice yelled out at him, "Try acting like a gentleman!"

"That’s what I have been doing," He retorted, "But since that isn’t working out for me, I’m gonna now act like you ladies!"

~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

~~~

Beware of Companies With These Hiring Slogans:

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You’ll be six months behind on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some each night and some each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control

~~~

For the man sound of body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood do but make it pulse more vigorously.

George Robert Gissing

~~~

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

~~~

The difference between gossip and news is whether you hear it or tell it.

~~~

I couldn’t help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone.

"I know it’s something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don’t think tattoos are a good idea.  And the same goes for body piercing.  As long as you’re living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes."

I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness.

Then came the ‘coup de grace’: "Besides, Mom, you’re 75 years old!  You don’t NEED a tattoo!"

~~~

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Thomas Edison

~~~

Things to say to telemarketers

  • The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn’t released the body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?
  • What’s that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I’m afraid we’re just not communicating.
  • I’m gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don’t go away.
  • Oh, it’s you again. I was hoping you’d call back. The better business people said I need more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and telephone number…

~~~

“The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it comes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is fascism – ownership of government by an individual, by a group,”

Franklin D. Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Look who I found.

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”

Fydor Dostoevsky

 

 

I probably have told you before that I think most of what is good in life is what we find in other people. Someone asked me last week which of the fifty or so places I have visited did I like best. As I thought about it I again realized it was not the mountains, beaches, museums, or sights that left me with the fondest of memories, it was the people I met along the way. Sometimes it was shared experiences with a friend or loved one, other times it was strangers that offered their smile, hand or interest. Best of all have been strangers that have become friends.

 

As the years have gone by I learned that you don’t have to travel far to enjoy life, especially these days when beautiful people are but a few key strokes away. I feel fortunate that I have been able to add so many of the readers of the Daily to my mental album of special people. They share with me the sun that shines wherever they are and many make me part of their lives as well.

 

Of course the people we meet everyday are often special if only we stop to see that they are. Like the diamond miner, you will only find diamonds if you look for them, I think it is the same with people, potential friends abound, all you have to do is be ready to find them.

 

This past weekend was especially fruitful as I had the opportunity to work with some really neat people as I volunteered at our cities annual International Festival. I had the good fortune of sitting for an hour or so with a quiet, dignified, Norwegian lady who radiated warmth and humor. I even collected a super new friend, a college student from Southwestern China. She is a junior and will spend at least one more year here and I look forward to seeing her often. She has a quick smile, great sense of humor and a vivacious vibrancy. She told me that she often feels out of place here and fears that her accent and English limitations turn people off. That is sad if true, not only for her sake but for those who miss seeing in her what I saw. Their loss is my gain as we will meet for coffee soon and I look forward to her friendship as we span continents and generations as our friendship grows. I know for me her enthusiasm will by like a drink from the fountain of youth. Lucky me!

~~~

“There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say,

"Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."”

Frederick L. Collins

~~~

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”

~~~

I got this from one of my Jewish friends:

CBS has announced it’s working on a new reality series called "Jewish Survivor."

Here’s the premise: 16 Jewish people are put  in a two-bedroom co-op on the Upper West Side of New York. Each week they vote out one member, until there is final survivor who gets $1 million (but placed into a trust that does not vest until age 59).

The Rules:

1. No cleaning lady.

2. No use of ATM’s or credit cards.

3. No food from take-out or delivery which specifically includes Chinese food.

4. All purchases must be at full retail prices.

5. Women may not call their mother, men may not call their office.

6. Outside trips must be by foot, bus or subway. No limos, Town Cars or cabs.

7. All workouts and exercise must be done in there apartment with no workout machines.

8. Zabars is off limits.

9. No playing of Jewish geography.

10. No NY Times or Wall Street Journal is allowed for reading. Only the NY Post and NY Daily News are acceptable.

11. No reading Neiman Marcus, Sak’s Fifth Avenue or Bloomingdale’s catalogs.

12. Only one phone line for all 16 members. No call can last more than 3 minutes. No cell  phones.

13. Maintenance problems must be resolved by the members, without help from the Super or any other gentile.

14. All therapy sessions must be suspended.

15. No consulting with attorneys.

16. No whitefish, lox, or bagels.

17. No antacids of any kind.

The results? Well, the casting director has reported having some difficulties because so far, there have been no applicants…

~~~

She said: There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again.

~~~

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."  

By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car." 

~~~

"It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about."  

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.  

When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe  belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead."  

Mary replied, "He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry."  

~~~

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."

Isaac Asimov

~~~

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 p.m. for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which, I’d accumulated a fortune of $9.80." "Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars."

~~~

May you live to be a hundred years,

With one extra year to repent!

Irish blessing

~~~

One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor’s office. Before taking this dog’s leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?"

"Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She’s had five litters! How much ‘friendlier’ than that can she get?"

~~~

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

I’ve had it!

If you have integrity, nothing else matters.

If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.

Alan Simpson

 

 

Those of us who live in the United States are in the midst of our national legislative elections as probably everyone knows. We are being inundated with TV campaign ads, radio ads, mail, phone calls and even personal visits. Sadly it seems we are hitting a new low in negativism. It seems like we have become a nation who believes that the best way to win is by making sure the other guy loses. No smear seems to be off limits, quotes are taken out of context, facts are distorted and even outright falsehoods are used to influence the voter. Sound bites use whatever media trick available to distort photos, show the opponent in black and grey photos while showing the candidate in glowing color, and more.

 

What worries me the most is that if this keeps up we will see the survival of the unfittest. Must good people have to walk away from their belief in farness and objective campaigning to win? If so how many good people won’t run because they refuse to play in the mud?

 

Sadly it appears that the people who are at fault are people like you and me. If the biggest mud slingers win it is because they got us to give them our vote. And if the mud slingers win do we really want them to represent us, I think not. The bottom line is that the only people who can clean up the mess are those of us who vote. If there ever was a time to shout “I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore” it is now, especially as we have seen how power has corrupted even those who have run as protectors of moral values.

 

I think one of the reasons that our Senator, Dick Luger is running unopposed is because he has never used the kind of techniques so prevalent today, and that has made him unbeatable. The opposition out of both realistic appraisal and respect have chosen not to run an opposing candidate

 

I will listen to the issues, I will read position papers, but I’ll be dammed if I will vote for someone who has demonstrated that they embrace polarization or who seems to believe that the ends always justify the means. Those who I vote for may not win, but at least I’ll know I did what I could to try to make sure they didn’t slip into the mud.

~~~

Character is much easier kept than recovered.

Thomas Paine

~~~

  • If you are a parent you probably remember these:
  • Waiting for a red light is restful; so is lying back in the dentist’s chair.
  • You relinquish your car keys, eyeglasses, remote control, and cordless phone to your toddler in exchange for a few minutes of peace.
  • You want to kiss, crown, or tip a stranger who’s managed to entertain your cranky child while on the checkout line at the supermarket.
  • On a rare solo trip to the bookstore, you indulge in reading children’s books.
  • When you gossip with your partner about friends or relatives, you spell out names, even if the kids are asleep.
  • Every new roll of film you get developed seems like the most amazing roll yet.
  • You routinely mix up your children’s names and finally forgive your parents for doing the same when you were growing up.
  • You barely notice that your pocketbook is filled with action figures, toy cars, stickers, and crushed Cheerios.
  • You do a mental safety-proofing everywhere you go (even when a child isn’t with you).
  • You’ve hurled a musical toy down your basement steps, or torn out its batteries and considered beheading the gift giver.

~~~

One does evil enough when one does nothing good.

German Proverb

~~~

The teacher said: When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger.

~~~

Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing."

~~~

I’m sure if the customer had taken two seconds, he probably would have come up with the answer to his question on his own. But instead he called information.  

"I’m looking for the number of a business," he said when I picked up his call.  

"What’s the name of the business?" I asked.  

"1-800-FLOWERS."  

~~~

Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.

~~~

Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.  

Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.  

"I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked.  

"Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."  

~~~

The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.

William Safire

~~~

A father found his small son looking very unhappy. "What’s wrong?" he asked.  

The boy said, "I can’t get along with your wife."  

~~~

She said: Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don’t you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move if he’s not on it."

~~~

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

Martin Luther King JR

~~~

A Jewish kid informs his father that he’s decided to join the army rather than go into business. His father inquires, "What kind of job could you have in the army?"  

The young man replies, "Well, I start out as a private, but I could get to corporal or sergeant."  

"Corporal…sergeant…." the father says, "that’s no business."  

"I could become a lieutenant or maybe captain," the young man responded.  

"Lieutenant…captain….that’s no business!" father said.  

"OK dad", he replied. "How about getting promoted to major, or colonel, or general?"  

"Still no business," the father insisted. "Where could you go after general?"  

The son answered, "I could become field marshal."  

The old man says, "Field marshal… that’s no business. Marshall Fields, now that’s a business."

~~~

I hope that my achievements in life shall be these – that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, and that I will have given help to those who were in need that I will have left the earth a better place for what I’ve done and who I’ve been.

C. Hoppe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world

I had a great day!

“Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.”

Ryunosuke Satoro

 

 

I helped man the African booth at the annual Indianapolis International Festival today. I even wore the African shirt my friend Christiana gave me when she recently returned from Ghana. Today was one of two days where middle school students and high school students from Central Indiana come to learn a little more about our world. There are exhibits from countries from every part of the world. There was food and entertainment from many cultures as well. I will be there again Saturday when the public will attend. If you will be there I will be at the Nationalities Council booth until 2 PM.

 

Today I was heartened by the interest of some of kids and the awareness the interest shown by almost all. Each student had been provided a “Passport” that included questions about that could be answered by information provided by visiting the various country exhibits. The questions were simple and the answers easy to find but you had to visit the booth to get your passport stamped in order to make it official.

 

Being in the African booth was a great experience for me. Like many of you I find Africa today to be one of the greatest tragedies in human history. Mass starvation, genocide, war, ever worsening drought all have taken their toll. If that was not enough they whole populations are being decimated by aids. Life expectancy is plummeting, in some nations people born today can expect to live only into their thirties resulting in thousands of children being orphaned each day. Just imagine a 13 or 14 year old who becomes the head of the household due to the death of their parents. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for someone that age who must try to find a way to feed their younger siblings.

 

I am hoping that the kids I saw today will do a better job than we have. They are our future and the future of our world, just as that young child in Africa is their sisters and brothers only hope.

 

For me it was a good day, a day where I was fortunate enough to spend time with people who care. I also found that the young people’s enthusiasm, intelligence, and unspoiled outlook spilled over onto the adults present, especially me. The kids are bright and capable; I just hope that we don’t destroy what they have to offer. It is time, in my mind, to redefine winning, instead of measuring salary, title, and toys we should measure success by the number of lives we touch. It is worthwhile every now and then to remember that except for the grace of god it might be us who lives without hope. The woman that died of starvation today is the sister I never had; I would have been her brother if I had been born there instead of here.

~~~

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.

Pearl S. Buck

~~~

Waiting for an elevator at our hospital, I stood next to a maintenance man holding a bicycle pump.  Noticing my curious stares, he looked at me and remarked with a grin, "It’s the new HMO oxygen program."

~~~

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

~~~

Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.

~~~

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the ‘birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

~~~

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Ghandi

~~~

Out-Of-The-Office eMail

I don’t know about you, but I find those Out-Of-The-Office eMail Auto-Replies so ordinary and tedious. Here are some alternatives.

…. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

… Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. Your message is valuable to me.

… In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Boss’s home phone number here).

…. The email server is unable to deliver your message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

… Please reply to this email so I will know that you got this message saying I am not here.

~~~

The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.

~~~

My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I’ll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don’t you name the boat?"  

Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."  

~~~

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

Edward Abbey

~~~

Concluding his exam, the doctor said to his patient,

"Mr. Franklin, I find very little wrong with you. You are in surprisingly good health despite being quite overweight? My advice to you is this: If you want to stay healthy, give up those intimate little dinners for two unless you have someone to share them with."

~~~

There are two secrets for success:

1. Don’t reveal all your secrets

~~~

One morning the door-bell rang. The weather was very bad.  It was raining cats and dogs. I opened the door and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah’s Witness, soaking wet.

I felt sorry for her and asked her in the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off a little.

As we were drinking our coffee, I asked what her "happy message" was.

I thought we might discuss some difference of belief but, she stuttered and said…. "I’m not sure….I never got this far before…!"

~~~

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

Og Mandino

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Are you ready for November?

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer”

Albert Camus

 

 

Here we are, November and winter is just over the horizon. It is a time when warmth comes from what is generated by the people we meet and from what we give to others. I hope you have noticed how warmth is reflected more in the winter than at any other time of year. We radiate warmth and other people respond in kind. Maybe that is a joy we often overlook in the colder climes, so I think this winter I will view the time I spend with you the same way I do an hour in the sun.

 

For me it seems like the beginning of the US holiday season. I was reminded of that when I got my first holiday gift wish list from one of my grandsons. Like any smart grandfather I immediately turned it over to super-shopper, my wife. If it all works out I will be as surprised as he is when he opens his gifts from us.

 

Of course we are not off the hook; you and I are expected to participate in some of this months unique activities. Here are a few we can all do. If you are not a US resident you can still consider doing the ones you like, that way we will have another shared experience.

 

It is:

British Appreciation Month – I don’t think they are talking about the food, I think they mean the people.

Good Nutrition Month – I hate this one, there is way too much good to eat out there, some of it is even nutritious.

Home Education Awareness Month – I am aware, my wife often says “I wish you would learn to…..”

National Accordion Month! – Lady of Spain ……

National Alzheimer’s Disease Month – I’ll remember this one, the way my memory is going I may not be able to next year.

National Raisin Bread – I have a loaf in the freezer – time again for some raisin toast. I think I may get a little wild and crazy and even have some next month.

Peanut Butter Lover’s Month – Here is a little tip for you, I have found that the best time to hang out in the peanut butter aisle at the grocery store is Friday after work. Just a word of caution however, avoid opening with “Hey baby, want to make love.”

Real Jewelry Month – Thank goodness this is in November and not in December when we are buying gifts.

Religion and Philosophy Month – I knew it, they expect us to think too, why do they always save the hard part till last?

~~~

“The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and no night; all tragedies, all ennui, vanish, – all duties even”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

A saleswoman from a major condom company was required to travel cross-country to meet a prospective buyer. Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her.

As she was running late for her flight, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase.  The cab ride to the airport was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to throw her ticket at the counter and run onto the plane.

As she jumped into the airplane, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and crew.

They all stared amazed at the display and then looked to the woman who said sheepishly, "I’m meeting a new client."

~~~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength

While loving someone deeply gives you courage

Lao Tzu

~~~

Modern Definitions

ASSMOSIS – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

BLAMESTORMING – Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who is responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

SALMON DAY – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT – An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM – Career Limiting Move – Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a huge CLM.

ADMINISPHERE – The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

DILBERTED – To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

FLIGHT RISK – Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404 – Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: "Don’t bother asking him …he’s 404, man."

GENERICA – Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."

OHNO-SECOND – That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE – The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

UMFRIEND – A relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Bridget, my … um …friend."

BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the Couch Potato.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

~~~

Science may never come up with a better office communications system than the office break – Earl Wilson

~~~

There was the hillbilly woman who came to the hospital to have her first child. A year later she was back for a second child. The next year, almost like clockwork, she was back for her third child. The hospital staff naturally began to expect her, and she was there, just like clockwork.

In the twelfth year – she didn’t show, and the staff wondered what happened…A couple of years later she shows up, but she’s not pregnant.

The hospital staff wonder what happened – did her husband die, or what?  When asked why she hadn’t been there having a baby the past couple of years, she replied "No, no more. Found out what was causin’ it."

~~~

It takes two things to be a consultant – gray hair and hemorrhoids.

The gray hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.

~~~

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched … but are felt in the heart.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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