Ray's musings and humor

There is always some specific moment when we realize our youth is gone;

But years after, we know it was much later.

Mignon McLaughlin



There is a lot of truth in the McLaughlin quote above. In fact I am not sure we ever believe that our youth is gone, at least I don’t. I never thought I would get to the point where I could say that someone was young when they were only in their sixties, but I have.


Some say that you are only as old as you feel. With my arthritis, challenging eyesight, and occasional infirmities; you would have to consider me pretty old if it was measured by how you sometimes feel. But I have come to believe that age is all mental. I look around and find all kinds of people whose open minds and positive attitudes radiate a youthfulness often missing in those of lesser age. Hanging out with them and the truly young spills over into my world and is the source of much pleasure.


Now I have to get personal. I like the senior discounts, I like getting to the point where I don’t worry too much what others think, and I like the freedom that comes with unchaining myself from work and other commitments. But if the truth be known I am also grateful for those who find it easy to forgive my failings because they think I am old. A recent example was this past week; the Nationalities Council of Indiana held a meeting where I was elected to their board of directors, it is kind of a big deal right? The problem was that I completely spaced out the meeting and did not go. As penance I have made arrangements to meet with the council president next week so that I can be duly chastised. I hate to occasionally exhibit some senility but at least now they will know not to expect too much.


I do worry some about how people’s names seem to fade more quickly from my memory. Possibly the reason that they do slip away is that my mind is continuously being loaded up with new things resulting in it’s being overloaded, after all I have been filling it for a long time. Everyone knows that when something overflows something has to go in order to make room for the new. That’s my story and I’ll stick to it. Since I can’t control what spills I now put Post-It notes everywhere, load a kitchen calendar with entries, and set my computer to provide me alerts every few hours for days before an event. I also am now faithfully carrying my Palm Pilot at all times. Now when I am too spacey I know it is due to global warming, tainted food or some witch doctor in Haiti putting pins in a doll; I know it can’t possibly be because I am getting older.


Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Mark Twain


Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

* To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."  

* If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.  

* To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.  


I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.

Stephen Leacock


These are from an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

"I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?" –Age 15

"It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen’s. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends." -Age 8

"For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out." -Age 6

"When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell." -Age 5

"If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started." -Age 15


The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.

Doug Larson


Two sisters spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans. No matter where they went, they were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After awhile, it started to irritate them.

One day, in Paris, one sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he could help her.

The sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was staring at her.

Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held high and left the shop.

As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read, "Dry Cleaners."


Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined.


Jill:  I had to take the bus the other day, and a gentleman asked his young son to give up his seat "for the lady" – ME!

Mary:  Well, that was just common courtesy, right?

Jill:  I don’t know.  The boy was sitting on his father’s lap!


Summer camps are places that are staffed by seventeen-year-old counselors, which is amusing since you wouldn’t trust them with your car, but with your kids it’s okay.


A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. "You see, Doc," the patient explained, "my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots."  

"Why, that’s no problem," answered the doctor. "I like shoes better than boots."  

The patient was thrilled, "That’s neat, Doc! How do you like them, fried or scrambled?"  


It’s more fun to color outside the lines.


While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.

Disappointed, the man remarked, "I don’t know. We’ve been sharing the same bed for 44 years." "Could you possibly put them close together?" the wife asked.

Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic."

Then the woman finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want to be able to punch him."


Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigour.  With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow’s hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life.

Charles Dickens


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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