Ray's musings and humor

A word from the wise

Life is the only real counselor; wisdom unfiltered through personal experience does not become a part of the moral tissue.

Edith Wharton:

 

A wise person sent me the following; there is nothing more I can add.

~~~

Time gets better with age

Age 5 – I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings "Silent Night".

Age 9 – I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

Age 14 – I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

Age 15 – I’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, I’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 24 – I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.

Age 26 – I’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.

Age 30 – I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 42 – I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.

Age 44 – I’ve learned that you can make some one’s day by simply sending them a little note.

Age 46 – I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.

Age 47 – I’ve learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

Age 48 – I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

Age 49 – I’ve learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.

Age 51 – I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Age 52 – I’ve learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

Age 53 – I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 58 – I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

Age 61 – I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.

Age 62 – I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 64 – I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

Age 65 – I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

Age 66 – I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Age 82 – I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

Age 90 – I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

Age 92 – I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

~~~

When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.

Abraham Joshua Heschel

~~~

She said: Concerned about fitness in my 50’s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor…

"I’m here to do my postnatal exercises," I told the instructor.

She gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"

"Twenty-three," I replied.

~~~

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Yogi Berra

~~~

After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses – I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.  

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping. The receipt included $45 in makeup.  

I said, "Wait a minute I’ve given up beer and you haven’t given up anything!"  

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."  

I told her, "Hell, that’s what the beer was for!"  

I don’t think she’ll be back.

~~~

He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself.

George Herbert

~~~

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. We used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso to allow for storage in a carrying case.

As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked, "Are you all right?"

He then put his ear over the mannequin’s mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can’t feel her legs!"

~~~

"Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers?

Men don’t like flowers. I’ve been wearing a great scent. It’s called New Car Interior."

Rita Rudner

~~~

In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today — Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, "Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years."

But even in death, he couldn’t escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, "Why, that’s Amazing!"

~~~

"Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation."

Cheers, George

~~~

I was flying between Maui and Oahu.  It’s only a 30 minute flight and so, to save money, I flew with a small airline in a little, twin-engine plane. About eight minutes into the flight the pilot announced that we were going to have to turn back due to some engine trouble.

The nervous passenger I was seated next to turned to me and said, "Oh-h-h m-m-my G-g-god.  If we l-l-loose an engine, how f-f-far d-d-do you think the other o-o-one will t-t-take us?"

I told him, "One engine?  Oh, I’m sure it’ll take us all the way to the scene of the crash.  Hell, we’ll probably make good time too.  I bet we beat the paramedics there by at least a half hour!"

~~~

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"

~~~

So many gods, so many creeds,

So many paths that wind and wind,

While just the art of being kind

Is all the sad world needs.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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