"What we fear comes to pass more speedily than what we hope."
I am pleased to be able to offer you a charter membership in SEUF (Society for the Elimination of Unfounded Fear). Weekly dues are a dose of optimism. Meetings are held daily immediately after getting out of bed, all meetings are held via mental telepathy and attendance is mandatory. Each member identifies a fear to overcome that day and they then go out and have a worry-free good day.
In case you need a few worries to ignore, here are some of my favorites:
- “Someone may cheat me so I am going to fear everyone in case it is them.” I would rather have someone cheat me every once in awhile than to treat everyone as a cheater.
- “I have quit traveling, I don’t want to die at the hands of some terrorist.” It is as if we think a terrorist would pick us as the one in a billion persons that something will happen to today. It makes more sense to lock up the car and never drive since the odds are so much greater that something will happen then. If we stop traveling the terrorists will have beat us.
- “I decided to quit going to meetings and parties, I am afraid I might not fit in and someone might not like me.” In my experience most people are not interested in judging us. I have found that by just being myself some people I meet will become my friend and others will just drift away and that is a great selection process. I wouldn’t even want everyone to like me because if they did it would mean I would never be able to just be me and I sure would hate to have missed a friend only because I was not there to meet them.
- “I have something important to say, but I am afraid to say it, what if it is dumb? Anyway I am a poor writer and a lousy speaker.” So what? I have found it is what you say that counts, not how you say it. If everyone kept what they had to say to themselves we would never make any progress. And if I say something dumb I am glad to find out it’s dumb so I can let it go and move on, but most of time it isn’t dumb and learning what others think makes it even better.
If you want to take advantage of this free membership in SEUF just be at tomorrows meeting, the rest of us will be glad you did and I know I will like you even more than I do now.
"The only thing we have to fear is fear it’self – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
FDR – First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933
MORTGAGE BANKING DICTIONARY
Borrower: Otherwise intelligent consumer who believes lender should kiss him on both cheeks and give him the money – without all this credit report nonsense.
Closer: This person’s only job is to salvage forty or fifty emergencies at the last moment of every end of month. This person is rarely sane.
Closing Date : Put into purchase contracts to give the closer fits of hysterical laughter.
Credit Report: Basis for advanced creative writing by Processor and buyer since white-out doesn’t work any more.
Escrow Officer : A humorless individual who is only truly happy when they can blame the late closing on the lender.
Fannie Mae: Government agency run by ex-stripper.
Freddie Mac: Type of hamburger consumed in cars by loan officers.
Ginny Mae : Type of alcoholic beverage consumed in large quantities by mortgage employees.
Good Faith Estimate: Standard document which a loan officer presents to the buyer to confuse them further.
Loan Application: Document which mysteriously causes amnesia to the borrower concerning income, credit, bills, and ex-spouses.
Loan Officer : Highly qualified financial analyst who typically developed these skills while selling used cars or encyclopedias.
Processor: Overworked, underpaid person who collects the garbage received from the loan officer and transforms it into a real loan. These individuals are known to consume massive amounts of candy, popcorn, and cookies.
Rate: This figure is always higher than the buyer’s uncle thinks it should be.
Realtor : Highly trained professional who nevertheless has trouble figuring out how to subtract the down payment from the sales price to get the loan amount, but has no trouble figuring exact commission without a calculator.
Underwriter: Conscientious employee otherwise known as "God". Their most difficult task is responding to loan agent’s explanations of poor credit and income history while maintaining a straight face.
We need further information: We lost your file.
Your loan is in committee: The underwriter/Processors are having a three margarita lunch and we can’t find them.
"A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to."
An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded flight was cancelled due to a mechanical problem. The airline left a single customer service agent with the monumental task of rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way past everyone else in line to the front of the counter. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said "I HAVE TO BE ON THIS FLIGHT AND IT HAS TO BE FIRST CLASS!!"
The agent replied, "I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to help you but I’ve got to help these folks first, then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the other passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone and made the following announcement "May I have your attention please" she began, her voice echoing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 17."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F#&*! YOU..!!!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry at the airline.
"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother.
"It wasn’t easy," admitted the young lady, "but 3 girls helped me catch him."
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme?’" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.
"I don’t think so," replied the man, "but it’s as close as I want to get."
Perhaps the most important thing we can undertake toward the reduction of fear is to make it easier for people to accept themselves, to like themselves.
Bonaro W. Overstreet
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.